Stopping at one child so they can go to private school? Wwyd?

[fairybeagle]

If you had the choice would you choose to put your child through a private education or give them a sibling.
I wonder which is more beneficial..?

Interested to hear peoples opinions.

There are private schools and public schools. My daughter goes to a well known selective independent in the North. The children are nice but you wouldn't think they were posh or detect extra confidence in many of them.

Also, one person’s confident, mature and worldly is another person’s arrogant and entitled.

It also depends what you mean by privilege. My dh’s mum was a teacher and his dad, an admin worker. Quite a few of his friends parents were running their own successful businesses from fairly standard beginnings.

Neither - perfectly content with our decision to have an only child & to send him to the local comp .

I’ve said this before but there is no guarantee in life that siblings will get on as they get older or that they will all help each other with looking after elderly parents. They might ..... but they might not. So many families fall out when it come to looking after elderly parents (& unseemly squabbling over the will ).

Private School. As much as people like yo say “state education can be just as good” it isn’t.

We are in this situation now. But not planned. We tried to move house away from local crap primary where my friend teaches and hardly any of the dc speak English so it’s near impossible to teach or for the dc to learn much. Dc leave with an education far below the national averages.

When we failed to move in time for school applications with the usual 3 mile down the road everyones applying for the same school which is outstanding so no chance at all of a place, we put dd in private school. We feel trapped. We’re now paying fees and it’s far surpassed our expectations we don’t really want to pull her out. So we’ve chosen to stick with one dc until maybe she leaves primary or we get financially better off.

Private school has definite advantages over state school

Not in my experience, ridiculous generalisation and yes we do have experience of both state and private.

A private education doesn't mean a quality one! I work with 2 ladies who were privately educated with links to Aristocracy and their grammar and maths skills are laughable. Our public school apprentice writes and calculates basic sums better than these two 20+ year olds.

Private school offer loads of stuff state school can’t because they have lots of money. People are always saying things like “private schools offer archery and Ancient Greek and wrap round care and lectures from famous people-state schools don’t” as if state schools are choosing not to and private schools are offering these things for free!

@Ragwort I've also had just one child by choice and she won't be going to private school. We're in a grammar area and I live in hope!

We thought about this when our DD was little, and decided to go for sibling and state school.

DD & DS do not particularly get along together, the state school was underfunded and frankly crap (and massively failing my children), and we've ended up with 2 in private which is a huge financial burden.

I dunno what to say really! I can't imagine a world without both my children, but I wish I'd have paid for private from the outset. Perhaps I would have gone for a bigger age gap so that I had less years of paying out 2 sets of fees at once.

I don't understand all the reverse snobbery over 'oh even if I could afford it I wouldn't on principle'. It reminds me of religious parents depriving their children of certain things because it is against their 'principles'.

It isn't necessarily reverse snobbery. It's not even principles that stop us from sending dd to a private school. We just don't think it's worth it and would rather save that money for her for a future house deposit or whatever.

I went to a state school myself but encountered many peers at Cambridge who went to elite independent schools. I do not believe that they received a better education than I did, nor are they any happier or successful in their lives now. My previous job also brought me into contact with a lot of independent schools, and apart from the nicer facilities/packaging, I did not observe any particular educational advantages. Nevertheless, we dutifully looked at the private options when it came to dd's education, and we would certainly have gone private if we had considered it worth the investment, but actually, we preferred the state options instead.

There is very little that the independent sector can offer that a savvy parent can't get through a decent state school and careful supplementing.

Sibling definitely. Not just for the bond through childhood but at adulthood and the memories they share of parents and home life - this means much more as you age!

Education is important though...I totally understand, some aren't great and it's worth moving for. Maybe have a look at schools in other areas? Secondary is more important to consider imo. Though if bright enough they can get by and you can afford tutors and take them on holidays with the money you save.

“Looking at private school/state school intake for oxbridge is pretty telling.”

Yes. It tells us that people buy their way in.

Look at that ‘Super Tutor’ thread on AMA.

“Yes. It tells us that people buy their way in”

Not necessarily. But knowing how the system works and knowing that Oxbridge is somewhere that you might go to and fit in to is a huge advantage. You can get this advantage from school, or parents-you are unlikely to get it from anywhere else.

@BertrandRussell - yes, private schools do offer lots of extras that state schools don't. This is exactly why I am considering them and am well aware that it costs (a lot) extra.

In an ideal world all schools would be equal and private schools wouldn't exist. But in reality that is never going to happen, so why judge people for wanting the best for their children.

I do understand what you mean re 'all' private schools and I don't mean it as a blanket statement. Obviously there are lots of subpar private's and lots of excellent state schools.
Near us the state schools are not great and the independent schools are all outstanding

I think it comes down to whether you think that academic success, money etc is more important than anything else really.

so why judge people for wanting the best for their children.

You could argue it’s not best for your children to perpetuate a system of severe inequality and declining social mobility because that makes society worse for everyone including your own children and it’s all choices by parents like you that create that society. Equally you could say it is not best for your children to encourage them into a hyper competitive upper middle class lifestyle when they can have perfectly pleasant and fulfilling life without moving in those circles and dealing with those pressures...

"Yes. It tells us that people buy their way in”

"Not necessarily. But knowing how the system works and knowing that Oxbridge is somewhere that you might go to and fit in to is a huge advantage. You can get this advantage from school, or parents-you are unlikely to get it from anywhere else."

Economic Capital, Cultural Capital.....

“so why judge people for wanting the best for their children.“

I don’t judge people for wanting their best for their children. I judge people who are happy to perpetuate injustice, and a system which I entrenched inequality.

Siblings definitely.
I'm an only child who was given everything my my university professor mother. Including a ridiculous amount of pressure.
Although education is very important my children being happy, kind and well rounded children who can interact with any kind of person are equally if not more important to me.
Being an only child was shit for me. We have four children and could afford to privately educate but chose not to I feel that private school creates a very false environment and in all honesty a lot (obviously not all) of the kids that come out of the preps in my area are rather arrogant and entitled.

I honestly want lots of kids because otherwise I know I’m going to helicopter parent the crap out of them.

Private School. As much as people like yo say “state education can be just as good” it isn’t.

Maybe for people of mediocre intellect. For people like me who breezed right through my state school with straight As it wouldn’t have been.

@shecamefromgreece thanks for the input, it's so helpful to hear from only children and most do seem to have more than one child themselves.
If it's not too personal a question, is the reason that you can afford private education if you'd wanted stem from your own private education?

@Schmoobarb yes, that's exactly why some people send their children to private school. Children of 'mediocre intellect' as you so nicely put it can get overlooked in state schools with large class sizes and discipline problems and benefit greatly from the opportunities offered by a private education.