' Chronic overparenting'......is it something MNers recognize ?

[mozhe]

...and by that I mean the persistent/long term/almost obsessive preoccupation with providing ' perfection' for their DCs....

Do you think this is something you are prone to ?

Is it more likely to occur in parents of first/only children ?

More likely in previously high achieving SAHMS ?

And what do you understand by the term ' benign neglect ' ?

McDreamy - good for you .

Definitely the amount of "personal space" people need varies from person to person... my sister and I both need absolutely masses and, contrary to the opinion of some posters, I think it's because we are both extremely "cerebral" types and need lots of thinking time without interference from others...

Bugger I must be completely thick then to be SAHM.. better skip my graduation ceremony next month then.. forget that I got 80% in one of my exams, forget that I have a professional qualification or that I have worked for most of my adult life and recently dp and I decided that would be a benefit for me to be SAHM for ds and also as expecting.

Arrgghh.

I am a SAHM because a)I consider it important and b)it would not be possible for me to earn enough around here to make it worthwhile going to work. I want to be there for my children, but I am not going to sink into the sewer of song tapes in the car and soft play places.

It won't benefit you to stay at home. It's better if you use your degree and work. You'll be bored at home.

Why is everyone trying to justify how intelligent they are to the likes of mozhe and xenia?

I'm thick and proud, me!

I have a doctorate, I work 3 days a week with main job plus two or 3 days a month as a Non-Executive Director for a NHS Trust. There are a lot of boring and repetitive aspects to both these jobs.

I do all the domestic work myself with the help of DH. I actually enjoy ironing because it is thinking time and my imagination goes into overdrive sometimes. I spent two hours gardening last week and it was a great work out plus the satisfaction I received from doing it was immense.

I love cooking. I am a chemist and cooking is like chemistry. Mix a bunch of ingredients to create something new. The succes of your dish will depend on a number of factors -
ratio of ingredients used
temperature used for cooking
how much solvent (ie water used)
surface area of ingredients (ie finely or coursely chopped) etc

What is unintelligent is blithely dismissing activities as worthless because you have no interest or understanding of them.

This thread is degenerating fast....

Absolutely, Speedmama. I have had many people say to me how they couldn't possibly stay at home like me as it makes one so uninteresting. Yet I'm wondering if their job is so fascinating all the time, and do they have time to read the paper properly, or listen to the radio.

Only boring people are bored.

I think we should just all accept that there are lots of different personality types with different needs . Some find work interesting and structuring, some find it boring and limiting.

Work if you need/want the money - but it doesn't make you a better/more interesting/morally superior person per se.

xenia - none of your business IMO. I am perfectly happy with the choices we have made in our home. I dont need your approval and I dont want it either.

very true expat!

So, so true Expat.

Just because you work does not mean you are interesting and being at home does not automatically equate to dull.

here we go again, woohoo

SOMETIMES i get bored at home with DD

I have a little job at the local vets, one day a week, its a nice little job, great people, great workmates, interesting challenges - SOMETIMES, i get bored.

Before i had DD i was a research scientist doing my PhD and i worked at the vets part time too - guess what - you'll never believe this but - SOMETIMES - i got bored, i got so mind blowingly,hair rippingoutingly BORED!!!!

So, the more awake among you will have got my point that , every job has its dull points.0021,0 oops having hel
p031595 -with my typing.

Some people must have really very boring jobs if they spend all day lurking on mumsnets so they can pounce on threads and turn them into SAHM bashing, cos really, secretly, they are so fecking bored with thier job they wish they could go to the park/beach/garden with their children.

rofl lucy

But luckily on MN here are people from both sides who are eager to enter into a lively debate. At playschool this morning the conversation was about what sort of lunchbox people were purchasing for their kids for when they started school. AAAAAGGGHHH!!! And in the fascinating world of work, I'm sure there are people who at this very moment are debating the merits of M&S vs Pret a Manger sarnies.

fircone, not so not so - one of the things i really miss about my PhD is the tea bar - we used to discuss really important topics, varying between eastenders and big brother!! You are exactly right though, the annonymity (excuse my spelling) of MN does make for more interesting conversation. I mean, i can't imagine saying half the things i do on here to someones face.

An element of inanity is fine. An hour or two a day playing peek a boo is fine. A few hours gardening at the weekend is good too and even the occasional scrubbing of a toilet for the good of my soul, but for that to be one's life - I just can't imagine it, that life of service and care without aims other than to bring up the children, retire, die. How can that be a life of purpose and pleasure? For me it's a backdrop to a life.

Anyway each to their own.

hadn't you better get back to your extremely interesting and rewarding and stimulating and well paid and etc. job? am suprised you find yourself so able to tear yourself away from it quite so often and for quite so long..... to hang out here.....

Well, it has been said that you never hear someone on their death bed wishing they had spent more time at work.........

Awen I have a degree and I have never felt bored, I don't have time to be bored

Paula why was that directed at me?

speedymamma totally agree with your last two posts.

speedymama - too true.

Xenia had suggested that you use your degree in the workplace because you would be bored, I was just letting you know that you can have a degree and be a fulfilled SAHM