' Chronic overparenting'......is it something MNers recognize ?

[mozhe]

...and by that I mean the persistent/long term/almost obsessive preoccupation with providing ' perfection' for their DCs....

Do you think this is something you are prone to ?

Is it more likely to occur in parents of first/only children ?

More likely in previously high achieving SAHMS ?

And what do you understand by the term ' benign neglect ' ?

Quattrocento - I love cooking too, I find it immensely creative and relaxing. And good food is a really important part of our life as a family - I hate the "food as fuel" philosophy, so barbarian and it leads to overeating IMO - it's much easier to be satisfied and not overeat when your food delights all the senses

It's just illustrative of not having enough to do of the proper things and ways people should spend their life. It's making something out of nothing. Cooking is reading really.

Surely anything can be reading (apart from watching telly...). Most activities are putting reading into practice. Cooking is a creative skill; I make loads of effort for my dd and the family in general because good food is nourishing in every way.

I also love to cook. I don't find it mindless at all. It gives me a chance to be creative and nurture my family. We all enjoy diffrent things. I doubt that a love of cooking is indicitave of a poor intellect

Why would a woman with a brain want to play golf?

Why would a woman with a brain want to go dancing?

Why would a woman with a brain want to think about or design clothes?

Why would a woman with a brain want to go swimming?

Why would a woman with a brain want to bother to play the piano?

Why would a woman with a brain want to read fiction?

Why would a woman with a brain want to do anything that doesn't directly lead to making money?

Priceless. Really priceless.

Tell Delia Smith, Antony Worrall Thompson, Jamie Oliver, Antonio Carlucci, etc. etc., that cooking is just reading.

Just like piano playing is just hitting keys, eh?

Loon.

very well put

Many cooks are as thick as a plank and do it because they passed on exams at school . I can understand someone doing it occasionally but to make domesticity your prime activity just baffles me.

I am baffled at people who want to work in an office all day and who only get to see their kids on the weekends. We are all diffrent just because we make diffrent choices doesn't mean we are stupid.

"""It's just illustrative of not having enough to do of the proper things and ways people should spend their life."""

Who decides what's proper? and how people should spend their life?

Let's be honest. Is spending time posting on MN proper, or how we should spend our life? really?

and being good at law is just being good at reading and speaking isnt it xenia? (i speak as one who knows).

Domesticity is not for many women....the tasks are often boring, endless and repetitive. A few genuinely like it, and they are probably the ones who are less cerebral.....most,( like me..), tryto get away with minimum effort, and hire in as much help as possible.

oh you sound sooooooo clever and sooooooo open minded

Jeeez

not to mention sheeeeesh

Not to mention 'what the fuck?'

Oh ignore her, she's trolling as usual.

me too. just off to give kitchen floor a last mopping before bed...... got to get my kicks where i can.....

There are many that would agree....and Squirreletc, just because folk DON'T agree with you doesn't mean they are ' trolls '...whatever that actually means...

Ah, but Mozhe .. 'tis the way of life.

I have an unwelcome image of you as a floating brain in a demijohn.

Am I correct?

mozhe, how would you feel if I said that working woman are "sell outs" because their wealth and independance is dependant on the poverty of other women in the third world and even closer to home (hired help). That the luxuries they can afford are made by peasant women who would LOVE to be able to cook 3 meals a day for their family, if the food were available.
Not to mention the fact that womens work has been so undervalued that it only has value if men do it these days (childcare, nursing, cooking). Then these men are heroes. Many women like myself believe that womens traditional nurturing qualities and skills should be invested with the prestige that they deserve, not belittled by (mainly Anglo) societies.
And thats all before you consider the pure pleasure that many women feel that they are lucky enough to be able to stay at home with their little ones, while a lot of the worlds women have no choice. Except that these women are in the shitty low-paid factory, service or agricultural industries of course. Dont get me wrong I think its great that women can work in professions of real power, but I donT understand that, if you are so secure in your choice, why you feel the need to belittle the choices of others. You donT see SAHMs mentioning on almost every thread why they stay at home, because they have their own reasons and are confindent in their choice. When I hear you go on about your decision to work, the phrase "She doth protest too much" springs to mind.

Reading is another very civilised activity. Gardening also - cerebral and creative.

and on goes the mommy wars. Divastop I almost spilled my coffee laughing. I have 5 too and I spent all daying say " just leave mommy alone until she drinks her coffee". It's all so silly really. Sure sahm's talk drivel at the playground, nappies, teachers, allergies, bullies etc and sure it's boring at times. But we also have more important conversations and you miss when you are not there everyday the support provided to each other. We talked our friend through a bitter custody battle so she didn't fall apart through little chats at the playground after school and supportive hugs, another mom takes a depressed single mom out for drinks to get a break, we take each others kids so single mom can have a date, a job interview, shop,time to herself, whatever. It's just like work really. I have stood in the corridors at work and listened to drivel about which are the best judges, which lawyer is having an affair with who, what manager is a jerk, and ad nauseum discussions of boring court decisions long decided against our side picke d over and over and over. It's just people.

We all talk drivel at times.

Some more than others.

Sakura - I think you write a lot of sensible things.

But I have to take issue with the idea that working women in developing countries are somehow "selling-out" because they are dependent on women from poorer countries to do their domestic tasks for them.

I am a SAHM and I have a cleaning lady/ironer from Sri Lanka. I could do all the cleaning and ironing myself, but would have less time to spend with my family if I did, and I don't have any trouble subcontracting those particular tasks. I treat my cleaner very well - she is paid top rates and I allow her time to do an excellent job - and I am glad to be able to provide employment for someone. Were I to work (and I shall do again quite soon, though not full time) I do not intend to exploit anyone to do so - I will buy in the services I require from decent sources and pay & conditions will be good. I couldn't morally countenance any other circumstances.

There are many aspects of domesticity I enjoy - the many non-routine ones. They are not subcontractable to anyone without a drop in my standard of living. I do really wonder sometimes what the lifestyles of those people who claim all domesticity to be dull are really like.