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Why do you have more than 1 child?

173 replies

stressteddy · 18/06/2007 14:43

I just wondered
I have one and am contemplating another but as an only child I can't see anything wrong with my ds being an only one
When I mention it to people though a lot of them seem so sad that I might not have more
Is it soooooo much harder/easier with 2?
V. interested so please let me know

OP posts:
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Mrbatters · 21/06/2007 14:21

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boo64 · 21/06/2007 14:29

If my IVF treatment fails to produce a sibling I will come back on here and cheer myself up with the fact that I will have a social misfit on my hands even if it isn't by choice. Great thanks for that.

Quattrocento · 21/06/2007 14:32

Hey Boo! Well I am an only child and I don't think I am a social misfit. Of course I could be deluding myself but I don't think so.

The only difference it made to me is that friends become just that little bit more significant. So I gather them up and keep them for good.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

MarsLady · 21/06/2007 14:33
Blu · 21/06/2007 14:44

Balls - the thing is the way pele talk of their experience around things like only children always seems to be heavily laced with prejudice and discrimination that doesn't work the other way arund. On answer to the OP could legitimately be, imo, "because I couldn't bear the non-stop negative comments about only-children'.

In all truth, I think that there probably are some generalisations that are more true of only-children than others - and that this is true for all kinds of families. I do make allowances - like I make sure that i enable DS to make good friendships - I welcome other children into our house, and I do lttle self-audits to make sure I am not over-indulging him because his staus makes it possible. But all parents do this. they make sure that a middle one doesn't get ignored, or that the only boy, or girl, doesn't get to be king/queen of the roost, or isolated. etc etc.

BUT although I hear a lot of parents of two or more children making disparaging cmments about single children and attributing it to being an only, when do I ever feel the need to say 'oh, my friends children irritate me, the conmstant whining and arguing between them, the fact that my friend has to keep interrupting the conversation to sort out disputes, it's because they (loud sigh) have more than one child'. I don't . Kids are kids and we don't need to generalise about any of them. But parents of only children constantly find that every little thing about thier child is attributed, critically, to the fact that they happen to be in a family without siblings.

I know, I know - whatever you do as a parent you get someone making a comment...it would be nice if this one was one that could be laid to rest, amongst the others.

Blu · 21/06/2007 14:46

(Marslady..I will get 5 year-old DS to read Galileo and discuss - he's such a mini-adult!...ok, ok, not blanking you - I'll read it soon...looking forward to it))

3andnomore · 21/06/2007 15:11

maybe the whole single child issue is a egg/chicken scenario....i.e. especially people with fertility issues who may only have the one due to that reason will then make that child their world even more than a parent makes them...it would be only natural to do that...I mean, children are precious anyway, but if you, for whatever reason have one child rather then more then one....,maybe they become even more precious....!
But in general, I honestly don't think one can just claim that all only children are spoiled and families with more children don't spoil them....surely it really depends a lot on the parents personality etc...

Aloha · 21/06/2007 15:13

All children are only children at some point!
(except twins)
My stepdaughter was an only until she was seven and now has five siblings (not all mine, I hasten to add). She is exceptionally sociable, but that has nothing to do with having siblings IMO.

3andnomore · 21/06/2007 15:23

I am trying to work out if my es, who was an only child for 6 1/2 years has changed through having 2 siblings thrown at him within 21 month, but I really don't think he would have been any different then he was, even with having siblings earlier....forinstance my es and ys are so similar in so many ways....and ys obvioulsy has never known a period of being an only child.

Aloha · 21/06/2007 16:05

I meant that all first children are onlies for a bit.

DontCallMeBaby · 21/06/2007 17:04

I'm off on holiday in a couple of weeks with one of my favourite social misfits - she's an only child of course. She's SUCH a misfit that she's got another twenty people to go on holiday with her. I guess we must feel sorry for her or something ...

I could live with DD turning out like her (even down to the marrying a completely barking mad bloke from Wigan, but he's the eldest of four, so what can you expect?).

3andnomore · 21/06/2007 17:58

I know Aloha, it was what meant me ponder about it, iykwim...maybe if ys wasn't so much like him, I might think, maybe being 6 1/2 years of his life an only child has already spoiled him...but well, somehow I think a lot is down to personality, not just the parent, but the child of course, aswell...

maxbear · 21/06/2007 20:38

dd 2.5, ds 3months for me it is hard work but great fun and I definately want at least one more. Dd is so lovely with ds and cuddles/kisses him lots. I have a sister who is 2 1/2 years younger and when my father was terminally ill 8 years ago and my mother absolutely devastated it really helped her and us that there were two of us. My mother does not really like babies or young children and only had my sister because she 'thought she should'. I think you have to remember that you don't just have babies for the cute cuddly moments but for the whole lifetime. Not that I'm saying everyone should have more than one at all, everyone is different and what is right for one person is not for another.

cat64 · 21/06/2007 20:53

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Carrissimo · 21/06/2007 21:28

v interesting thread but i truely beleive that it does not matter whether a child is an only child or not. what matters is how they are parented. i just cannot accept that there are 'categoric' benefits of either being an only child or a siblinged child. every family is different and every child is different. my partner was an only child and so was my mum. they are the best people i know. i have a brother 18 months older yes we get on but it is a 'distant' relationship - always was really, even though we both have children the same age and live 1 mile apart!!! when children grow up their closest 'freind' tends to be their partner - they won't be alone if they are an 'only' when you parents eventually pop off. they will have acquired their own family by then anyway.

kerniebelly · 21/06/2007 21:43

i am an only child and my dh is one of six. i had a very happy childhood and still have a close bond with my parents today. i have one son who is just 12 months old and have just found out i am pregnant again. we were trying for number 2. i didn't want my child to be an only child. i remember Christmas' from my childhood when my parents would have a snooze after dinner and i had nobody to share my new toys and games with. i think we will stop at 2 though...........when i did the test and it was positive i briefly thought "what have we gone and done?" but i'm all excited now. it's up to you but i say go for it!!!!!!!

sparklesandwine · 21/06/2007 22:09

stressteddy i think it is personal choice how many you have - there is nothing sad or lonely about 'only' having one child as the child/children that you have will undoubtably be loved in the same unconditional way whether you have 1 or 11!

If you and your DP/DH are in agreement of what is the right choice for your family then that is what will make you happy, but if one of you has an overwhelming urge for another child and the partner doesn't then this could deemed as a 'sad' situation

I always wanted four children - never cared what sex they would be i just wanted four - I am a very lucky lady as i now have my four LO's sleeping soundly like angels upstairs

DP would like to have another 1 or 2 but I feel we are a complete family - it is not necessarily a problem for us as we have agreed to see how we feel when DS3 is at school and go from there

When you have your first it is such a major culture shock to your life that if you do decide to have another you will already find it easier as you have your daily routine already and you know what your doing already, so any other DC's just kind of fit in with it!

Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you i'm sure - so good luck but remember to keep practising whilst you think about it

MarsLady · 22/06/2007 02:12
Dandalion · 22/06/2007 09:25

I think it's fine however many siblings you have, you can make more out of your friends if you have none or you can take part in more activities , I have a sister but rarely see her as an adult. I am pg with my 5th now, but I didn't have them for eachother (they tend to get stuff from toys r us as gifts) I had them for me and DH because we love them!!!

boo64 · 22/06/2007 13:16

Oh 3andnomore are you trying to say people who had fertility issues spoil their kids more than others? oh please no!! It's so annoying when people say that.

I so don't spoil ds - he was IVF and (obviously unrelated) in intensive care when he was born. I am totally grateful to have him but it doesn't mean I have to spoil him. Please don't come out with that old chestnut. If you just meant he is precious to us of course he is but I'm sure most people's children are precious to them.

Sorry to threadhijack!

SpacePuppy · 22/06/2007 13:18

My reason for sticking to one at the moment is "my contributoin to global warming".

30mumof4 · 22/06/2007 14:30

Dandalion, I to have a sister that i rarely see, but for me i wanted to have a big family so there not alone when there older, and they have someone to share there childhood memories with, even though im not an only child it feels like i am now and i dont want my children to be alone. I have 4 dc and would love to have more!

obbley · 22/06/2007 19:06

i am trying for another child, i have one son 41/2 and he loves babies and younger childre. he tries to look after them and constantly wants to hold and stroke them. i cant wait and it seem neither can he. my partner also is keen.

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