Great thread,thankyou!.
i had trouble breastfeeding,only did it for 2-3 days.Didn't woory too much at first,but
long after and still to this day i regret not trying harder/getting more support e.t.c.
Had odd moments in DD's toddlerhood,where i got so sad about it,think i even fancied another baby,just to 'prove' something to myself,that i could do it maybe,or felt i'd missed out on the reported pleasures of feeding and also worried about DD's health being on bottles(which after all that,has been as good as any other babies-no toddlerhood infections,antibiotics,no hospital,healthy physical/mental growth etc-a load of berating myself for...nothing in the end!)anyway,sorry to ramble,my point is that that was a strong reason at the time to try for another,although very selfish and irrational!
later,the reasons were more about DD having company e.t.c as it was getting hard work entertaining her ourselves and we thought she'd make a good big sister.Also that thing mentioned earlier,where we constantly stare at her/watch her,which she loves now,but probably won't do in pre-teens onwards!!-all the spotlight on her alone.
Has that affected me as an only?-not really,loved all the attention,made me feel special and not ignored.Never had any rebellion in me as a teenager(was that personality,or my upbringing,who knows?!).
As an adult,was a bit hard to adapt to thinking that no,the world wasn't watching me or revolving around just me,but that took longer i think,because,i was a solo musician,so all eyes,praise,attention e.t.c. continued to rain on me for a few more years.
Then i worked as a teacher,so my focus was on the pupils and their achievements,then i had DD.My world revolved around her entirely,and still does!
What i'm saying is that onlies adjust to the world as they grow up,and i think so long as you involve them in a lot of team activities,and treat them sometimes like anyone else,not allowing them special privileges and attention 'all' the time,they will be as social and well adjusted as anyone.It's the paranoid,over-controlling,over-protective parenting that has to go.And IMHO,if the parents are willing to research the affects of types of parenting and willing to adjust their own style,to be of benefit to an only and be prepared to help them arrange their social life,then those parents are doing the very very best for their children,just as much as any parents that have two or more.
It's the foundations that count.
I'm part of a group called Beinganonlyparents,a free,friendly group on the net.We all talk positive about raising onlies and share concerns/tips.You just have to register as a member if you want to contribute.Come and join us if you want!
sorry about the long rant-hopefully it may have cheered up some of you anyway?!
please keep posting-have read all messages on this thread.
the happiness about seeing your's children's relationships,seems to be the
popular reason for another...think as well as
simply wanting another yourselves,i would have said this is a very strong and moral
reason to have another-liked how someone had calculated all the relationships present in a family of 4 as opposed to 3!..that does tempt me,i must say.
marina said she had anxious/fuusy nature and thought another would help that(prevent only child from being smothered in anxiety).
Has it helped having another marina? are you more relaxed at all?-i'm sooo curious.A lot like this myself-hen peck poor DD to death sometimes.
majorstress-i'm the same,being an only,very frightened of how i'd deal with
big family,noise,chaos,sibling relationships,would i be jealous even of a good relationship between my 2 and be constantly reminded that i didn't have it myself?!-god that's a selfish thought!.I do oppose people who stereotype onlies as selfish though..no more than anyone else i think!.
must go and get housework done,or people will be saying next-what do you do all day if the house is such a mess.Youv'e only got one child to look after.
thanks for listening.