Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Why do you have more than 1 child?

173 replies

stressteddy · 18/06/2007 14:43

I just wondered
I have one and am contemplating another but as an only child I can't see anything wrong with my ds being an only one
When I mention it to people though a lot of them seem so sad that I might not have more
Is it soooooo much harder/easier with 2?
V. interested so please let me know

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

juuule · 18/06/2007 16:11

No idea - it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Lizzylou · 18/06/2007 16:14

For companionship, Dh and I both grew up with another sibling.

Because DS1 was getting so spoilt and also as I knew if I didn't have another within a certain time I'd never do it (hated pregnancy and had a bad birth with DS1).

TinyGang · 18/06/2007 16:26

I'm an only child and I have three dc. I had a lovely childhood, but my own children seem to be having much more fun than I did and have lots more confidence around other children.

I know two other only children and the parents always seem to be going to huge lengths to bus in other children to play with them, whereas it's more spontaeous and on-hand with siblings.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

casbie · 18/06/2007 16:36

love children. have always wanted a big family.

besides the practise is lots of fun!!

lucykate · 18/06/2007 16:38

we were planning on just the one but when we got to know dd we realised she was a very social child and felt she would really benefit from a younger sibling. now we have ds, i guess we feel like our family jigsaw is now complete.

allgonebellyup · 18/06/2007 16:43

Only planned to have one..but like someone else said, its kind of so much pressure on the one child with 2 parents bearing down on them and expecting so much from them.
Not disrespect, and im sure there are some lovely only children out there, but the 2 women i know who were only children turned out to be absolute selfish 2 -faced bitches..

anyway only really had a 2nd child as met new partner and all the "wouldnt it be lovely to have a child together" feelings came about and then WHAM along came ds and it all fell apart..

lulumama · 18/06/2007 16:45

have a big age gap which was easier in some ways (almost 6 years) and harder in others

didn;t feel one was enough and that our family was not complete..it is so personal..

not found 2 very hard, but have had 2 'good' babies who have slept well, which makes a difference

definitely don;t want more !! feel we are 'done'

weebleswobble · 18/06/2007 16:50

The Kilroy programme made me have another.

I was watching it when ds1 was about 18 months and they featured a group of 'only children' saying how they felt about not having a sibling and for the most part they felt they were missing out and were lonely.

The first part of the programme was the mothers of these children who said they thought their childen were fine being an only child.

When they showed the children's views to the mothers, they had no idea how their children felt - they were from age 8 or so upwards.

So because of Kilroy, I have a lovely ds2!

3andnomore · 18/06/2007 17:03

Hm...didn't find it to hard with 2 of them, but had a larger agegap of 6 1/2 years between them....sometimes ask myself what posessed me to have a 3. one though, lol....but that is more to do with the fact that there is a 21 month agegap.
TBH, I think whichever way you do it could be right or wrong....you just can't win. There are advantages to only have 1 child and of course there are disadvantages.
Also, I bet a lot of Kids with siblings might feel just as strongly unhappy about that situation as those Kids on the Kilroy programme did about being only children.
I think in the end it has to be your decision, no one else can make it, and no one has a right to judge you on it.
A girl I know only has the one child, and her reason not to have anymore are some I don't understand, as she is to scared she couldn't love another child...but then, I beleive that the more people you have to love, the more love you have to give....so, I suppose it's a bit about personal philosophy.
Her son is lovely, a bit spoiled maybe, but as long as it doesn't effect his character, who cares, eh! I think though, if they did decide to have another they would have spoiled their Kids just as much....they just love doing it, but luckily it's not all about materialistic things, but they truely enjoy their Childs company and always do fun things....!

BerlinMum · 18/06/2007 17:28

So much better not to be an only imo. When I see my two together (2 years apart) I can't imagine what it would be like for them without the other! For me it was a desire to replicate my own childhood (I even managed girl boy in that order) so I can understand why you are thinking of stopping at one. I have a brilliant relationship with my brother and I want my two to have a chance to replicate that (no guarantee of course - dh and his brother are chalk and cheese). There's no doubt two is harder work at the start (since having two I always think just having one with me is almost like having no children it's so much easier!) but its great for them to have a constant companion. I also think it's good for them to have someone else having exactly the same upbringing as them - someone to reminisce with (the only person to remember those childhood memories when dh and I are gone!!). Also less pressure on each of them when dh and I become decrepit - someone to share the burden!

NoodleStroodle · 18/06/2007 17:40

I was an only child and always thought that there was something missing from my life and was waildly jealous of friends with siblings.

DS & DD are 18 months apart and at the begining it was hard but we came through (we do wonder now what possessed us to have them so close together) and now...they play together, fight together, share toys and now DS is helping DD with her homework!

Pinkchampagne · 18/06/2007 17:41

Because contraception failed me!

kel4mum · 18/06/2007 17:45

I am only 29 and i have 4 dc.

It's a lot of hard work. I get so jealous of those that have only one or two as they seem to have more free time, but then i look at my dc and realise that they are worth it.
I think my dc would be lost without each other now.

No more for me though, ive just been sterilised.

tegan · 18/06/2007 17:57

I am an only child and always wnated a sibling but when I had dd1 I couldn't imagine having more until 5 years later I had the urge and gor pg with dd2 now 3 years on and we attc for number 3. tbh if I had the room at home I would have more as our home has never felt so homely without dd2

Original poster

stressteddy · 18/06/2007 18:43

Thank you all soooooo much for these responses. It has given me lots of food for thought
I know it's untimately mine and dh's decision but it is very interesting to hear all of your stories - they are fab!
I do love mumsnet!!

Thank you one and all
XX
stressteddy wanders off to think over a glass of vino!!

OP posts:

handlemecarefully · 18/06/2007 18:49

Well just to add my experience stressteddy (if you revisit the thread)

I found 2 much harder in the very short term - they are just 21 months apart and when she was say 2.5 and he was a 9 month old baby, well that was teetering on the brink of a breakdown stuff.

However now, it is mostly a piece of piss (they are currently 3.2 and 4.11). Can't see how it is harder than 1...

MadamePlatypus · 18/06/2007 18:51

Because I watched too much Charlie and Lola when DS was small and thought I could delegate parenting to him.

Original poster

stressteddy · 18/06/2007 18:51

still here - with ma vino!!

OP posts:

Original poster

stressteddy · 18/06/2007 18:51

madameplatypus

OP posts:

Peachy · 18/06/2007 18:53

coz when I am gone I want them have each other

because i always just wanted a big family

I dont know really- its something that was just right for me, each to their own I guess

pigleto · 18/06/2007 18:54

If you have more than one child, you have more than one child. Just think how great one is and then double it. I would really love to have six if money were no object. I love kids.

mezzer · 18/06/2007 19:22

My dd is 17mo and wondering about whether or not to have another. In my heart, I want another but I'm wondering about the finances/logistics. Is two 2x as expensive? I'm wondering about the quality of life issue. With just one, we could probably afford good schools, activities, etc. With a second, probably not. So, quality of life improves via having a companion, etc but then decreases as not enough cash to spread around... But, maybe I'm being overly simplistic...

Blandmum · 18/06/2007 19:23

Because we wanted more than one.

everyone needs to make up their own mind on this one. What is right for one person/couple could be wrong for another.

SomethingIncrediblyWitty · 18/06/2007 19:25

Cos i wound up with twins on my first try! And i loved them so much i had another 1 nine years later.

pooka · 18/06/2007 19:33

We wanted more than one.
I have 2 older brothers and dh is one of 4 boys.
Just seemed natural to have more.
Wanted my dd to have a sibling, someone that she will have known forever, when she is older.
My grandmother and great-uncle had never gone more than a week without speaking until he died aged 93 (she is 91). That closeness and common bond seems very important to me.
Would like a third baby some day. Not yet, but not too far in the future.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread