Parents of Criers Support Thread - Respite from the Screaming!

[MeadowHay]

Hi! I've noticed there are frequently threads on here from new parents of babies who cry A LOT and who are feeling stressed/frustrated/depressed/lonely etc. So I thought I'd make this thread and maybe we can chat and help support one another? Before I had my baby, I knew babies cried, but I didn't know they could cry quite this much, for no apparent reason a lot of the time. And I don't think other people who haven't had a crier, understand what it is like to have a crier!

To introduce myself, my name is MeadowHay, I'm in my mid-twenties, I have one baby girl who is 4 months old. She is a delight...when she's not crying. But she is crying most of the time really. She is a pretty good night-time sleeper which is a Godsend as I need all the energy to cope with her constant day-time crying and she only has like 30 minute naps in the day.

I have just scoffed some wraps down my throat for lunch and can hear her waking up from her 30 minute nap so I better get over there asap before she starts to...you guessed it...cry!

Eleven Is it actually helping? Cos it sounds like it's not. In which case there's no point in giving it to her, surely? Maybe you need a different medication, like infant Gaviscon, or omeprazole, or perhaps it's not silent reflux that is causing the crying. Why is it that you think she has silent reflux? Gagging, not laying flat etc? Because unfortunately some babies just cry a lot and they don't have a medically discernible reason why, like my DD . But if there are other symptoms then go back to your GP and ask them to prescribe something else to try? The 30 minute naps are also really normal unfortunately, but so grim, DD is similar although the last week or so she has started having the odd 1-2 hour nap which is bliss, but even then I have to put her dummy back in once or twice in the middle when she briefly wakes. It's to do with babies not being able to link sleep cycles, it will pass but I know it is exhausting!! If you go on the 'sleep' forum you will see so many threads from people with babies that don't nap for longer than that. Does she sleep in the car or pram? DD sleeps well in the car or pram so maybe you could give that a go to get her to sleep, just go for a drive or a long walk? Will do you good to get out too, I know it's tough with a crier.

@Elevenyearsandcounting welcome!

My husband had the weekend off so I've managed some actual time to myself, and the baby's screeching seems to be more bearable now. She can now crawl and it seems to be keeping her a bit more entertained. We've entered a new realm of pain in constipation issues now though!

TMI alert, she has bigger poos than her 2 year old sister and screams like I've never heard before, it's absolutely horrendous and I just lie next to her sobbing because I can see how difficult it is and can't do anything. I try to only give her fruit and veg and offer water and breastfeed as much as possible but she just can't seem to get enough fluid! Prior to weaning she would only go every 7 days or so and it would be a negligible amount so I sort of assumed she has had issues since birth. Hopefully the doctor can help, we had to see a paediatric gastroenterolgist for her sister though so I assume we'll be doing the same again!

Wtf glad it is getting more bearable.

Poor baby, that sounds painful and it must feel crap not being able to do anything! I would push for referral asap.

Fun day. Went out to baby group- all fine. But she’s been so overtired all afternoon.
Colic crying is gone thank god but now she’s just whinging all the time.

She was sick in my hair and all over me. So now my hair is falling out/ been pulled out/ puked on. Not feeling very glam. Getting cuddles now though.

Thanks for the welcome @WTFdidwedo 😊
@MeadowHay she was diagnosed with silent reflux by the doctor and they said as her weight increases the meds have to also. We have the crib raised at a tilt, always hold her upright after feeding until she burps and sometimes it helps, sometimes not. I think the meds do help as she cries more if she doesn't have it and fusses more at the boob.
Yesterday and today though from about half four she has been crying for no apparent reason and her sleep last night was awful. She fell asleep after feeding for 45 mins then was awake an hour later, then every 2 after that and wanted to be latched the whole time. If I tried to take her off when she wasn't feeding she started sucking again or if I was successful she started crying, so I just put her back on. She was crying at seven this morning because she was tired as she woke up at six and wouldn't go back to sleep.

Ps @WTFdidwedo Sending hugs as that sounds awful poor poppet!

Can join in too?

My baby is almost 7 weeks old and from about week 3 he changed from a lovely calm baby to one that screams every evening (sometimes throughout the day too but without fail every evening). He bunches his legs up and thrashes aound and nothing we do will console or comfort him. When he’s gets in this state he claws at me and bashes head against me when I hold him or when I try to breastfeed him. Breastfeeding used to comfort him but I can’t even use this when he gets in this state.

Doctor thins he has ask has silent reflux he’s been on ranitidine and Gaviscon for the past 2 weeks but there has been no change :( I don’t dare go out with him in case he starts screaming. I had so many plans for being on maternity leave with him and I haven’t been even able to do any of them. I feel like I’ve been robbed of this time to bond with him. I’m not coping well at all.

Apologies for typos in my pervious post.

I also meant to say that i think the main cause of this is that he is overtired. He will not nap throughout the day bar perhaps one nap in the morning and one in the afternoon if I’m lucky. For example, today he napped in the sling for 40 minutes this morning and he napped on me for 2 hours this afternoon, other than that he’s been awake since 7am. He is constantly wide eyed and alert and will not calm down to go to sleep and then he ends up in this state on an evening. I try to swaddle him and rock him in his crib as soon as I se see tired cues but he will not switch off (sometimes I try for nearly 2 hours and he looks like he’s about to fall asleep and then suddenly his eyes are wide open and the whole thing has been a wasted effort). I’m using a swaddle, dummy and white noise but nothing is helping. Last week these things helped but not any more. Everyone is always commenting on how’s alert he is and how he’s constantly looking around but now this seems to be part of the problem :( he is permanently wired!! On the few occasions he does fall asleep the slightest movement or sound wakes him. I’m at my wits end with this and its finally taken its toll on my lovely, patient husband. We are both miserable. We have spent a fortune on sleep aids, special mattresses and today resorted to a cranial osteopath, no joy with anything so far. We’ve tried bouncy chairs, baby massage, baths and sometimes these things may calm him but it’s literally for a few minutes before he starts again.

Welcome Fuschia. I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling too. Your baby sounds a lot like mine. Constantly overtired. The fighting at the breast is the absolute worst, especially out and about. I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel robbed. I too had hoped for a lovely, peaceful mat leave, out walking with the pram etc, and instead I’m trapped in the house. It’s awful, and has absolutely affected bonding.

7 weeks is a hard time. Mine is 13 weeks now, and while he still screams a lot and it’s still really fucking hard, he is starting to be more interested in things like toys, his play mat etc now, even for a few minutes, which makes it a bit easier to see some kind of light at the end of the tunnel.

People tell me all the time how alert mine is. Same with my first. They are both shocking sleepers. I’ve read that it’s a sigh of high intelligence but tbh I think I’d rather an average child who liked to sleep a bit more! I think some babies just really hate being babies, to be honest.

FuchsiaG that sounds pretty awful but I can totally sympathise. It sounds like my little one at that age. Some days were just constant crying. She would fight me so hard when I tried to get her to sleep even though I knew she was overtired. It

Fuchsia welcome!

I understand how awful it is because I went through this with DD.

Have you tried completely cutting out dairy? And not substituting with soy?

At week 7 I was the same. I would drag myself to NCT meet ups then leave early in tears. She hated the pram, would fall asleep in the sling but tbh I hated walking around with her strapped to me. I’m 4 months in now though, and she is an absolute dream compared to what she was! So please know it will get better (people were telling me that on here and it used to annoy me but it is true!). She changed after I cut out dairy- although she might have just outgrown colic so who knows- I’m too scared to eat dairy now to test it out. The screaming was horrendous.

Keep trying different things as I found DD suddenly stared changing so she liked the pram one day and we could actually go out for a walk. I use it for naps now!

Also don’t forget 7 weeks is so tiny! You have plenty of time to start doing groups on mat leave. It’s only now I’m actually starting to enjoy groups now my baby is more interactive and can enjoy it. Before I was just on edge all the time expecting her to start crying inconsolable while the other Mums looked on.

Thank you for the kind responss, it really does help.

@perfectpeony I did cut out dairy and soy for 3 weeks but didn’t see any difference so the paediatrician told me to eat it again as he said it was highly unlikely to be the problem. I started eating it again 3 days ago and am now wishing I’d persevered :/

I just want him to be happy and comfortable, neither of which he semesters to be but drs keep saying he’s thriving and healthy as he’s putting on weight.

Eleven, Ok, if it is helping her then I guess you just have to battle with her . I just ask because it seems to me that a lot of babies are diagnosed with silent reflux when they cry a lot, even in the absence of any other symptoms. I think a lot of parents with babies that cry a lot want to find a medical reason for the crying, which as a parent of a crier myself, I do really understand, and I think some HCPs suggest reflux medication for this reason as a last-ditch attempt. The HV said to me "it could be silent reflux" when I told her about DD's awful, incessant crying. But she has no other symptoms of it at all . I really don't think that lots of crying = silent reflux just because no other medical explanation can be found, especially if reflux medication isn't helping - Fuschia I guess the same goes for you too. If baby has other symptoms of silent reflux then if current medication is not helping I would go back to GP and request omeprazole ( a great drug - I've been on it on and off since my late teens as I actually have GORD myself and believe I was undiagnosed as a baby as I was a horrendous baby and had all the trade-mark symptoms!).

Also Fuschia I didn't leave the house on my own with DD until she was 8 weeks old. And that was only to the local supermarket to get her some baby clothes. She was screaming the place down as I put her in the pram to leave, she fell asleep on route, as soon as I stopped the pram for 5 minutes or so to look at clothes she woke up, I rushed to the tills and she was already crying when I was paying, screamed half the walk back and then fell asleep, and woke up as soon as I got in, and resumed screaming so I stuck her on the boob. I remember it well. So be kind to yourself, it can be soo rough but now at nearly 5 months, we still have some awful times but there is a general upwards trend. I would say from 3 months things started to get slightly better as she started showing interest in other things, and from 4 months it has generally felt more manageable and sometimes even gasp enjoyable.

Does anyone else's baby wake from sleep crying? She doesn't do it all the time but still quite frequently and some days she will do it loads in naps/sleep and other days not at all. Like she is asleep and she just suddenly opens her mouth and starts to cry, her eyes are still closed, she wriggles a bit, I put the dummy in and she realises its there and sucks it so calms down and goes back to sleep. I'm not even sure if she is awake or if she is asleep when she does it. I'm too scared to leave her to find out in case she wakes up properly then I wouldn't be able to get her back asleep without a battle. DM thinks it is pain (stomach? teething?) when she does this but I'm worried in case it's nightmares.

@elevenyearsandcounting how often are you giving ranitidine? I was told 3 x a day but notice you give it at night too.

@meadowhay I must admit I have been wondering myself if he even has silent reflux as the ranitidine doesn't seem to be doing anything. It was the health visitor who initially suggested it as she saw how uncomfortable he always looks (bunchibg his legs up and thrashing around whilst screaming). The doctors just agreed when we told them what she had suggested. We have an appointment at the paediatric unit tomorrow.

I've had to admit defeat and give him some formula today as he will not stay on the breast :( he's really fighting when I try and he is not opening his mouth wide so isn't latching properly. He's putting weight on really well but the health visitor saw him today and she thinks he's hungry. I just don't know what to think anymore :(

@FuchsiaG We were referred to the hospital by the doctor and they told us to give it to her every 8 hours approx so we have to do it over night - although don't always as she fights us. They said do this so it helps her tummy overnight when she is feeding.

And yes @MeadowHay my little one often cries when she wakes up. My HV said it's because she hadn't had enough sleep. I struggle to get her back off though 😞

Fuschia, mine possibly has silent reflux, and is on Omeprazole now, as ranitidine didn’t do anything. He fights and fights at the breast too, it’s really hard to feed him. I have a very forceful let down and I think he’s developed a bit of an aversion. Fussing at the breast doesn’t necessarily mean hunger, just maybe a bit of a negative association. Sometimes if I change position or breast he’ll latch on ok.

I also gave formula today for the first time. Just now, in fact. After refusing to latch on and screaming and screaming, he drank 4oz. It was hard work to get him to start taking it, but he gulped it down when he did. He’s now asleep on me. I thought I’d feel more upset, but I don’t. I think I’m so drained from all the crying and everything that I’m a bit numb to it. I don’t want to switch to formula fully, but if he settles better, I’ll do an evening bottle.

@badb ours really do sound similar! The past few days it’s as though he’s got lazy at the breast and he will not open his mouth fully so he ends up gently sucking the end of my nipple for a minute or so and then slipping off. He does still end up with milk around his mouth and he’s gone from 6lb 13 to 10lb 6 so he must be getting something. I’ve been trying to express but can barely find time to do this as he’s constantly in my arms.

We’ve had hardly any screaming so far tonight (touch wood) since giving him formula (also asleep on me!). Maybe hunger has been the problem :/ I’ll be sad if I have to stop breastfeeding completely as when he does it properly I enjoy it and I do use it to get him to sleep.

Honestly, Fuschia, it’s probably not hunger. If he’s gaining weight that well, it’s something else. Reflux, colic, sensory, whatever. The bottle stops the screaming because they don’t have to do any work for the milk when they are already overtired, and so they conk out. Plus, they will always take more volume from a bottle so they are just stuffed to the gills.

My fella’s weight gain slowed the last month, after being above average for the first two months. Only a pound in four weeks, which is the lowest ‘acceptable’ gain. I knew that he had dropped off a bit - he has no interest in feeding during the day now, and since he stopped feeding to sleep, he’s definitely getting much less milk. Partly why I didn’t mind giving the formula I think, even though he technically doesn’t ‘need’ to be topped up. I have expressed milk in the freezer but I went with formula in the probably naive hope that it might help his sleep. Not that it did for my daughter, who had a formula bottle every night and was the most dreadful sleeper imaginable.

Cot sleeps were a no go today, he just woke every single time I transferred him. I really need to get him in there. I would love to have some of my evening back, eveb just for a few hours. My body is wrecked from the uncomfortable co-sleeping positions.

Feeling so drained this morning.

Last night my husband went to the gym so basically was on my own with her all day and night. Except for an hour where he played with her when she was happy anyway.

He did ask if he could go but I didn’t want to say no.

Yesterday was awful. Constantly crying because she’s tired so I had to go out with the pram several times but after a while I just don’t want to do it. She’s generally a happy baby if she does get to sleep but I’m still feeling pretty low.

Don’t know if I will go to my swimming group tomorrow. I feel like I just want to stay in atm.

Hope everyone had an okay night x

And yes bad me too! Co sleeping is so uncomfortable and my back is absolutely killing me. Feel like my body is shutting down!

@badb I know what you mean about cot sleeps. He will only fall asleep on me and as soon as I transfer him he wakes and the process starts again so I'm afraid I do let him to sleep on me just so we're getting some sleep. Occasionally during the day I can get him in his Moses basket for a short while but this is usually after a lot of trying and he doesn't last long in there at all.

He was great last night, slept from 20:45 -7:50, waking up 3 times to feed. On his last feed (4am) he wouldn't take the breast but was obvious hungry as he was rooting so I gave him a bottle and he drank 60mls. Took a while after this to settle him back to sleep (on me, obviously) as it was more disruptive preparing a bottle than shoving a boob in his mouth. If we get more days and nights like yesterday I'll be thrilled! I even braved takong him to baby massage and he only cried towards the end. All the other babies cried too which made me feel more normal :)

Both of mine have awful coughs so we're alternating waking up crying last night and I am now a zombie

Eleven Do you mean cry when she wakes, or wakes herself up crying? Because I'm talking about crying in her sleep which would end up in her being awake if I don't stick dummy in fast enough, rather than her waking up, opening her eyes, and then crying, iyswim? Like her eyes stay closed and everything poor thing. So I don't think I'm talking about crying due to still being tired because it's the cry that actually wakes her .

Yes I agree with bad Fuschia That it's not hunger if they're gaining well. Plus if it's the first formula you've given and they were already overtired etc it could just be a coincidence that they crashed after it. Definitely worth continuing with some bottles if you want to, but I don't think it's cos of hunger. I had 'helpful' family telling me DD screamed all the time cos she was hungry when I was breastfeeding even though when she was born she was around the 30th centile for weight and by week 4 had shot up to about the 60th! As soon as I started to give more formula than breastmilk (I gradually weaned onto formula between week 6 and week 12), her huge weight gain stopped and she went right back down to around the 30th centile again. She's only just upped it to around the 50th over the last few weeks (she's nearly 5 months). She didn't lose any of her birth weight, only gained as soon as she was born, so it clearly wasn't hunger! And moving to formula made no difference to her crying.

Peony I was like you. I didn't want to say no - not that DH does virtually anything after work, he basically asked for the first time if he could go out with his friends last week and I said yes cos I didn't want to say no, but then I got upset and resentful when I thought about how I would basically be on my own with her for almost two days, struggling, so he could socialise - when do I get to socialise?? So in the end I just said it. I said no, and I explained why. I said that I understood why he wanted to, and I wanted to as well! But at the end of the day, I struggle and suffer to be with her for so long without his help, and I don't think it's fair that he should prioritise his own enjoyment over helping me with DD. Because my loss and struggle in that situation is bigger than his gain and I never leave him to look after her all weekend so I can bugger off and do my own thing! And now I don't feel apologetic about it. If I need help, he needs to help me, we both made this baby, and he gets to eat his lunch and stuff in peace every day etc and have a rest away from her whereas we get none of that at all, so there is no reason we should feel bad for saying 'no, it's your turn now!'.

Fuschia Glad yesterday went well

WTF Sorry to hear about your poorly little ones, I hope you're ok It must be so tough.

DD has been pretty bad yesterday and so far today, however still not hours and hours of full-on screaming like she used to do, so it is getting better. Went to the cinema with DM, the special screening that you can take your under-1s to, she had been good the previous two weeks but she cried on and off through the film apart from a 30 min nap, so it was quite stressful. DM was like, "she was the noisiest baby in the cinema, wasn't she?" ...yes thank you, I've never noticed before ! But she wasn't trying to be rude or anything, she is a big help to me.

Oh god, the nosies coming out of her bum now . I had a suspicion she was constipated the last couple of days hence all the crying. This is the second poo this morning and when she's regular she usually only does one a day...

I'm sorry you both had bad nights :( xxxc