Parents of Criers Support Thread - Respite from the Screaming!

[MeadowHay]

Hi! I've noticed there are frequently threads on here from new parents of babies who cry A LOT and who are feeling stressed/frustrated/depressed/lonely etc. So I thought I'd make this thread and maybe we can chat and help support one another? Before I had my baby, I knew babies cried, but I didn't know they could cry quite this much, for no apparent reason a lot of the time. And I don't think other people who haven't had a crier, understand what it is like to have a crier!

To introduce myself, my name is MeadowHay, I'm in my mid-twenties, I have one baby girl who is 4 months old. She is a delight...when she's not crying. But she is crying most of the time really. She is a pretty good night-time sleeper which is a Godsend as I need all the energy to cope with her constant day-time crying and she only has like 30 minute naps in the day.

I have just scoffed some wraps down my throat for lunch and can hear her waking up from her 30 minute nap so I better get over there asap before she starts to...you guessed it...cry!

WTF, we’ve been trying everything else first before eliminating dairy. He doesn’t have any other symptoms apart from wind and screaming. And the screaming isn’t associated with feeding as far as I can see. Anyway, wind remedies, colic remedies, osteopathy, and ranitidine have made no difference. Losec next, and then dairy elimination. I find that daunting.

The screaming is beyond anything I’ve ever heard. He’s so distressed. It hurts my heart but also makes me really frustrated and resentful of him.

I completely understand. I've screamed horrible things at both of my children in the past 6 months and I feel absolutely awful. I pretty much only ate biscuits and cake before going dairy free and even I managed it. Once I got past the first two weeks I found I barely noticed anymore.

I put oat milk in my tea and I've given up cereal because it all tastes horrible without real milk. I eat bourbons and rich tea biscuits, and a few dairy free cakes from Lidl. For main meals I primarily eat meat and vegetables or pasta and veg. I can just about manage vegan cheese on pizza, but never ever on anything else or by itself! And I use Vitalite on toast. It actually hasn't bothered me anywhere near as much as I thought.

That’s encouraging, thanks WTF. I pretty much only eat cereal bars, chocolate and bananas now, but I love bourbons!

I don’t even like breastfeeding all that much, but i feel like I would be in a worse place mentally if I gave it up. Oy.

Hi, how is everyone? I had family visiting and then friends. The two friends are our first house guests since DD was born, I used to love having house guests, felt more anxious about it this time as unable to keep my house as clean and tidy as I used to before she was born but hopefully they could see that I can't really help that as she is so needy!! It was nice though and I went out on my first proper trip out with her with my two friends, without DM or DH to help me - I feel embarrassed saying that as she's 4 months old, but we went around the touristy areas to a museum and art gallery and had lunch in a café and she even did a big explosive poo and I had to change all her clothes etc. I have pre-existing GAD so it is hard for me to get out and about and I've found everything with DD so daunting, and only done proper days out like that with DH or DM around to help, so I am glad I have finally got the hang of it now!! And she was fine too, not all screamy. We seem to have a few horrendous screamy days followed by a few better days and repeat.

Also re: reflux and stuff, obv it is a very real thing but I do think there is a tendency for stuff like that to be assigned to babies that cry a lot because we can't find anything else medically wrong with them. People keep saying to me about DD having medical issues but she's been checked by 3 different GPs and the tongue tie nurse and nothing can be found, and she has no symptoms of any condition other than the crying. So I don't see the point in medicating her when she shows no other symptoms, I don't think intense crying alone is an indication to medicate a baby other than possibly providing analgesia, which we do sometimes if nothing else helps.

Badb we had the exact same thing and it has now stopped completely now she is 4 months- I did give up dairy and soy so it could be the fact she grew out of it or it could be an intollerance. It will get better I promise! She is like an angel now and we actually appreciate having what we would say is now an ‘easy’ baby. It stopped quite suddenly and the past few week she has been the gurgly, smiley baby at groups- i just can’t believe how much she has changed.

Well done meadow for taking her out, it is stressful with a normal baby let alone a screamer.

The problem we are having now is seperation anxiety. I think she has been through so much with colic (or dairy intolerance, whatever on earth was wrong with her!) that she gets terrified if handed to anyone else but me or DH, but I suppose that is fairly normal for a 4 month old. We do all the baby groups so she gets socialised and is happy as long as we are the ones holding her.

Hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend. It is so cold today!

Perfect DD also has some separation anxiety, I really wasn't prepared for her to show any for a few more months according to the Wonder Weeks, but the last 2/3 weeks she's clearly showing it! Luckily as she seems DM most days she is absolutely fine with her too so I feel better knowing that if there was an emergency and we had to leave her with someone, she would be fine with DM. It is sad though because we've had quite a lot of visiting friends and family over the last couple of weeks and everybody wants a cuddle but she's not so keen!!

How is everyone? I am ok and DD hasn't been too screamy, although she had a good couple of hours of crying yesterday evening but it wasn't full-on screeching. However I am knackered as we just could not get her to bed last night! She was taking aaaages to fall asleep and then waking every time we put her in her crib. Around midnight I couldn't take it anymore and went to bed and DH stayed up with her, I have no idea what time til, poor soul but I do blame him a bit because I like to get her up for change and feed around 9pm and he ignored me and delayed it until like after 10pm, if we had got her up earlier at least it wouldn't have been so late that we went to bed!

May I join please? I have a three week old who only stops screaming to feed. It’s driving me mad and it makes me so unhappy - I’ve cried about three times already today. He gets himself really worked up and I can’t do anything to calm him down. The nighttimes are the worst: I got about an hour’s sleep last night because all he would do is cry or feed. I feel awful and so guilty writing this, but I’m really struggling to bond with him because the screaming is so bad.

Hi somerset, congratulations on the birth of your baby . It's really hard the first few weeks for all new parents but especially if you have a crier! DD's saving grace is that she's never been toooo bad on a night thankfully, although the first 7 weeks or so she still fed in the night gradually less often over time and I was breastfeeding then and that was soooo tiring. I really feel for you. Do you think your baby could be suffering from wind/colic perhaps, is there any pattern to the crying? You can use Infacol from birth I think? Might be worth a try if you're not already. Does baby have a dummy? That might help your sanity if nothing else, I deffo wouldn't have managed without a dummy!

I'm really struggling again. The baby is over 6 months now and my last hope was that weaning/sitting/crawling would help but there's still no improvement. If anything I think we've gone backwards. I'm going to wean her off breastfeeding because I've currently spent about 20 hours away from her altogether since she was born and, quite honestly, I dislike her quite a lot at the moment and I'm not sure what to do anymore. Everyone tells me that they've never seen a baby cry so much, which is of little assistance to me. Just wondering when having two children is ever going to be enjoyable because right now I can't imagine what joy I will ever get from it.

Sorry for the quietness lately, me obviously not my screaming baby!

WTFDIdWedo really feel for you, having one angry child is bad enough but having to cope with another as well is so awful. Just keep the faith that maybe with one milestone in particular your little one will finally calm down.

Last week my DS went into ranitidine, I think it has calmed him slightly but really he is still very unhappy. Managed a trip to a coffee shop yesterday but it mainly involved me feeding him constantly until he got angry and then I had to go. I'm dreading today as my partner left at 530 and won't be back till 10 tonight so I have to deal with him all day, no idea what I'm going to do! Normally he will look after him until 830 and then I clock watch until 6 which he is back and can take over. So depressing to think of all the time that is left today. Since the clocks went back he also wakes on the dot at 530 and doesn't settle back down which is even more crap... argh! Found out yesterday that he loves to watch the gymnastics on tv, who would have thought haha

Hi all.

I forgot to say I am Summerbabygirl I just changed my Mumsnet name

I’m struggling. Really struggling. I love her so much, and to be honest the crying at the moment is only from overtiredness. Which is solved by going for a walk in her pram. I’m just so exhausted, mentally and physically.

In a way I wish we had waited a few more years (we are 27). I know I’m probably just having a bad day/ hour and later on I’ll be in a better mood and read this thinking I’m being silly. I need some time to myself but don’t want to leave her at the same time. Husband is off Friday and suggesting I do a spa day. Which is tempting but I know I will worry.

We had injections the other day which was horrendous. She seems to be calming down now thankfully.

WTF, no advice but I feel for you. I can’t even tell you it will get better because I have no idea! Sending positive thoughts.

Sally, hope you get some success with ranitidine.

What is everyone doing for Halloween? I did some carving while she napped and bought a silly pumpkin outfit for DD which has cheered me up a bit.

Also agree the clock change has messed up our nap/ bedtimes! Think it will take another week to get things back on track.

I’m spamming this thread now! 😂

Welcome Somerset and congratulations on your lovely baby. At week 3 we were in hell. Constant cluster feeding, with only two moods- asleep or screaming. I hope you have some help and support if you need to take a break. We ended up mixed feeding for a few weeks as well as expressing so I could get to bed for a few hours. Make sure you talk to your health visitor or GP if you are crying a lot, your baby is tiny and it can all be really overwhelming.

Hi all. Hope you are hanging in there. I am, just about. Still screaming. No change really. I was going to spend this week really working on getting him into the cot for naps but have had no success yet. I’m so exhausted by it all. He’s currently in the sling after waking up from his nap in the pram after 25 minutes and screaming the whole way home. The sling only works if I’m constantly walking, and if I try to stop or even bend slightly or move my arm to pick up a drink he starts squirming and waking. I fucking hate the sling.

WTF, I totally hear you on the two kids thing. I don’t think I’ve had a single good day yet. And I don’t even have my daughter during the day as she goes to nursery from 10-4. But she’s really difficult at the moment too - terrible twos, and just had her life turned upside down with a new baby. I’ve shouted and lost my patience with her soo much since he was born, and it’s all because of the stress of him screaming. I feel so guilty, like I’ve ruined her life. And angry at myself for doing it a second time when I found it tough enough the first time. I guess I thought I’d get an easier, more chilled baby like everyone said. My heart goes out to you - it’s fucking awful at the moment.

And now he’s awake again, after 35 minutes. Of course.

perfectpeony, you probably should go out and leave her with your husband. I went out for three hours yesterday. Of course he was good, drank 4oz of expressed milk and slept in the buggy for two hours. Traitor.

Does anyone else just utterly regret having children? I honestly can't think of one day in almost 2 years that I've had a really good time and thought it was worth it. Both of mine have been so so awful since birth, and then that's multiplied by a huge amount whenever they're ill, which is every other week basically.

When people say they love parenthood, does anyone know what it is that they enjoy? My eldest says and does funny things now and again but I still don't think it anywhere near makes up for how awful she and her sister are about 97% of the day or night. My youngest brings me no joy. Which I know is an awful thing to say but I don't even think it's PND, she is just hideous all day.

The people who enjoy parenthood must have easy babies and lots of help at home, or are looking back with rose-tinted glasses. I’m guilty of the latter myself, when my toddler is tantrumming, or when my son is screaming his head off, I think: she was so much easier as a baby. But she wasn’t, I’ve just forgotten. Or repressed it!

As to whether I regret having them: I don’t know. On the bad days - yes, in the moment, I do. I often think that I preferred my life before, and honestly, I know that the last time I was really happy was before I had them, three years ago. That makes me sad. BUT: I think that this is a result of having difficult babies, and just not really being an early-years kid of person. I feel strongly that things will get better as they get older. These are the worst years, and there are lots of bad days. But good days are coming. I think maybe when the baby is 3. I have this image of myself taking the two of them to the zoo when they are 7 and 4, and they are enjoying it and not screaming and running away. I feel like I might like that kind of parenting. That feels a very long way off right now though.

I don’t know whether this is pnd, WTF. It’s situational. But it might be worth talking to the GP, just to get something that might help you get through the hard times. I mean that for myself too.

Sorry to hear about people struggling . Yesterday was a rollercoaster for me. She was quite bad in the morning but I had somehow plucked up the courage to take her to the special cinema screening that you can take under-1s to, and had agreed to meet up with 2 women that are in this local parent WhatsApp group I got added to from someone I spoke to on Mush. We managed for me to get ready and stuff, she watched me shower without tooo much fuss but decided to do big screaming meltdowns around the time I needed to get us out because she was overtired by that point. I left her to cry for like 5 minutes whilst I locked myself away and cried too and was about to admit defeat but then something in me just clicked and I thought "no, we are going out!!" and I left her for another 5 mins to finish last minute stuff and then out we went. And she was as good as gold the whole time in the cinema !!

Crying again this morning but got her off to sleep now, which is good because I need to make bottles up, get ready etc...

If anyone else is feeling lonely, join Mush, you might meet some nice local parents. One of the mums who came to the cinema with us, her DS was like 10 months or something and cried most of the time we were there, poor thing, I felt so sorry for her but I couldn't really help because if I put DD down she would have cried and nobody in the cinema wants to hear her meltdowns D:

I get what people mean about PND - I don't think I have 'PND' per se because I only feel low when she cries lots, and surely that is normal? The GP really pushed me to try and get me on antidepressants, and I've been on them in the past and they did really help, but that was different because I was severely depressed and counselling alone hadn't helped and I didn't know why I was depressed if that made sense, whereas now when I'm struggling it's a direct reaction to my situation and I know that if she stops crying so much, which I hope will be sooner rather than later, I will feel much better and then coming off anti-Ds is a ballache so it doesn't feel right for me to go on them for something that I know will not be a long-term thing. However I'd still recommend speaking to GP and Health Visitor about struggles though, I did eventually although tbh neither were of any use ! I have switched GP surgeries now though so hopefully the new doctor(s) will be better. They are doctors that DH just did his last uni placement with and he said they are good, plus they know DH so that should help...

I agree people who enjoy being parents have easy babies/children!!

How is everybody doing? I had a very bad day yesterday with himself, culminating in me deciding that from Monday I’m going to have to try to institute some kind of routine/schedule on the day and/or get him to sleep in the cot. I bought a sleep programme which recommends nap lengths/awake times and I’m going to try to stick to it. His screaming is always worst when he’s overtired - usually in the evenings, or when he wakes after 30 minutes sleep and won’t go back. Evenings are a problem, because it’s so busy in the house with my toddler. And because he won’t go in the cot, I can’t just put him upstairs to bed, as his screams will keep her awake. So he’s down with us and I think he’s just too stimulated. Not sure which to tackle first - sleep schedule or sleeping in the cot?

I’ve an appointment with the GP next week. Like you though, Meadow, I don’t know if it is truly PND. I know that if he just settled down a bit and I could put him in the cot for a few sleeps, I would feel better. On miracle days when he stays asleep in the buggy for a couple of hours, I feel totally fine.

Things aren't too bad here, relatively speaking, although DH and I had a fraught conversation earlier when he asked if he could go out with his uni buddies after his exam next week. I said yes, because obviously I want him to see his friends and relax etc but then immediately felt upset and resentful when I think about how I haven't been able to socialise with another adult without DD since before she was born, I don't even get to eat my breakfast or lunch in peace most days, I haven't had a single night of uninterrupted sleep since probably the middle of my pregnancy (I slept a few nights now and again at my parents when DD was little and still feeding in the night to give DH a break, and spent 6 nights away with her visiting family about a month ago)....etc, and I'd have no help from him at all until the evening of the second day. He is a good dad and I'm sure if I asked him to watch her for me to go out he would, but he has never offered, or suggested he has her for two nights on the weekend for me to sleep in the other room and get rest or something etc. Also I feel sad because my old friends here, bar one or two, don't seem interested in me at all anymore, so I don't even have anyone to socialise with!!

Which book is it bab? Not sure which one would be easier to try first tbh...DD is the same with her crying being worst when she's overtired, and follows exactly the pattern you describe - worse in the evenings, and worse after 30 minute naps when she wakes up clearly still tired but can't go back off to sleep! Are there any things that help your baby sleep at all that you can work with to try and improve their sleep? Also have you tried a sling/carrier for them to sleep in on you (sorry if you have, can't remember everyone's initial posts!). It must be so hard with your toddler too .

Badb and Meadow we are having the same problems with overtiredness.

I find if we get her down for a nap around 9am (if she wakes at 7) and then again at 12ish then it is mostly okay. It does depend on what we are doing each day though. She will power nap in the pram and sometimes on us but I find it impossible to put her down in her room. She just wouldn’t sleep that way in the day. We also can’t drive around going place to place as like you say she gets over stimulated and won’t stay asleep.

Nights are getting worse too. Lost count of wake ups last night, ended up co sleeping but she won’t go into a deep sleep!

Going to get weight checked next week as she is barely feeding. I’m considering doing the dream feed thing but I’m terrified to wake her up! Her nappy won’t last through the night anymore which is causing more wake ups- I’ve been reading Gina Ford so might do the dream feed/ 10pm nappy change.

Meadow I would go ahead and ask him, it sounds like you could do with a break. Even if you don’t go out with friends you could just have some me time instead. How was swimming? DD is doing really well we even did a photo shoot. Made me feel very proud of how far she has come!

DH is home for a couple of days so whilst I am doing the night feeds still (she won’t settle with him at night) he’ll take over from 6am so I can have a lie in which has been nice.

Meadow, tell your husband that you need some time. My husband is exactly the same, will never think to offer, but will happily take any break given to him and will make absolutely sure he gets his time, even if that means roping in his mother. On my first, I did what you did - lots weekends at my mums, a whole week so he could go skiing etc. It does breed resentment, I really hated him at times for being so thoughtless about what I might need. We had lots of rows. If I could have my time again, I would swallow my pride and just tell him when I needed him to step up. Even if it’s just a few hours to shop or have lunch by yourself, do it.

peony, we tried the dream feed at 11 with my first, and it ended up just waking her up and it took ages to get her back down. It seems to work wonders for friends of ours though, so ymmv. Worth a try!

I bought a programme from a local sleep consultant recommended to me last time. We’ll see. There’s no crying it out or anything, but honestly, he’s crying it out in my arms anyway at the moment, so yeah.

I’m feeling like a total failure at the moment. One bad sleeper is bad luck, but two bad sleepers seems like bad parenting. I know that’s not true really but I’m feeling very down on myself. I’m a perfectionist in general, but also very quick to give up and blame myself if I don’t get things right away. I know this is old patterns repeating, but that doesn’t stop me doing it. Sigh.

So fed up of this shit now. Have genuinely googled late adoption of children. I can't deal with the baby anymore. Has anyone ever had any luck taking a baby to the doctor because they've screamed a lot? My mum keeps saying I should take her because she's "not right" but I can't be arsed to sit for 1.5 hours in a shit waiting room to be told babies fucking cry. My baby doesn't fucking cry, she laments the end of fucking civilisation.

Take her, WTF. It’s worth a try. Take a video/audio clip of the crying with you so they can see the intensity of it. She’s six months, right? That’s a long time to be crying.

Yeah, coming up 7 months now and has been on solids for about 2-3 weeks, which I thought could make an improvement but she's still struggling massively. It's like she doesn't know how to eat; I'm convincing myself that she must have something wrong with her mouth. She seems to really struggle with using her tongue, she gags on porridge/purées but is slightly better with finger foods.

She can't suck a dummy at all, just pushes it around and out of her mouth, she can only just manage a bottle but only about once a week. I try giving her water in a cup and she just grabs it off me and dribbles it all down herself. I don't know what to do when I go back to work in the new year because my husband won't be able to feed her solids or liquids at this rate.

She is due back at the doctor's to discuss weaning and allergies anyway but I'm hoping I can get an emergency appointment tomorrow. Just need to find someone to have the toddler then though...!

I've literally never heard of such an unhappy baby for so long. I've wasted almost 7 months convincing myself she'd better when she sat up or rolled or crawled or ate solids or reached 6 months etc. but none of those things have helped. I'll be anticipating the university years at this rate.

Definitely worth getting her checked out, WTF. Has she had issues breastfeeding, or has she been ok with that? My fella has a lazy suck reflex, apparently - anyway, the tongue tie doctor gave me some suck training exercises to do, and he’s improved enough to keep a soother in occasionally. I hope you get some answers. I know the feeling of wishing their babyhood away, and it’s not nice.