Parents of Criers Support Thread - Respite from the Screaming!

[MeadowHay]

Hi! I've noticed there are frequently threads on here from new parents of babies who cry A LOT and who are feeling stressed/frustrated/depressed/lonely etc. So I thought I'd make this thread and maybe we can chat and help support one another? Before I had my baby, I knew babies cried, but I didn't know they could cry quite this much, for no apparent reason a lot of the time. And I don't think other people who haven't had a crier, understand what it is like to have a crier!

To introduce myself, my name is MeadowHay, I'm in my mid-twenties, I have one baby girl who is 4 months old. She is a delight...when she's not crying. But she is crying most of the time really. She is a pretty good night-time sleeper which is a Godsend as I need all the energy to cope with her constant day-time crying and she only has like 30 minute naps in the day.

I have just scoffed some wraps down my throat for lunch and can hear her waking up from her 30 minute nap so I better get over there asap before she starts to...you guessed it...cry!

Another crier here. Or screamer rather... I don’t think cry does it justice. My little one is 19 weeks old and just starting to get slightly better maybe? I’m too scared to jinx it. It’s been so hard though, from 6 weeks old until about 11 and a half weeks old he cried constantly. Really, constantly. After that it got a bit better, but he still has terrible days and is always fussy. Tried medicine for reflux, cranial osteopath, gave up dairy, all the colic remedies - no difference.

Likes:
Being held upright, either standing or sitting looking outwards.
Can be entertained by soft toys with faces for short time.
Silly noises and faces for short time.
Jumperoo for short time.
Mam dummy.

Dislikes:
The bath
Getting dressed/undressed
Lying down
Being offered boob unless he is the exact right amount of hungry at that time
Being held for long periods of time, needs constant change in activities.

I go to a baby class where babies are all lying down calmly and can’t believe it. But can at least get through things nowadays as long as I keep him sat up lol.

My MIL has also commented before that she’s never known a baby like it or who is as unsmily. I think the only thing is that he’s now at least distractable sometimes from meltdowns.

Haz My experience is similar to yours - I am finding it is easier now that she is bigger because she is actually interested in other stuff so it's easier to distract her, at least momentarily. To those with younger babies, it does get easier as the weeks go on . Also Haz I was the same re: the babies laying down, around the 3 month mark DD was mostly ok as long as I sat her up as she wanted to look around at everyone. Now she is 4 months and we went yesterday, and for the first time she spent probably a good half hour or maybe even longer laying on her back on the mat looking at people and sucking her hands, I was !! It was amazing, I genuinely felt so happy!!

Summer We have our Water Babies class tomorrow, wish us luck lol. I'm knackered today as well.

We didn't make it out for brunch in the end because DD was asleep in her bouncy chair when my friend arrived and I really did not want to wake her to take her out cos she'd probably scream. So we sat and had lunch at mine but still nice to see another adult and talk! And then when she started getting ratty my friend even took a go of bouncing her on the exercise ball for me and we went for a little walk and she fussed a lot in the pram but then eventually fell asleep (although woke up about 5 minutes after I got back :|). The last few hours have been a battle of her falling asleep and waking up after 10 minutes of me putting her down and repeating that cycle 3 times while she cries from overtiredness.

I am trying a new thing though. I noticed that on the odd occasion I left her for a few minutes when she was screaming from being overtired, because I couldn't cope with it or needed to pee or whatever, her crying actually calmed down. I couldn't leave her to cry but the other day she screamed for like an hour and I knew it was just because she was tired but I couldn't get her to calm down to go to sleep or anything, and eventually I gave up and was in tears and I just kept hold of her and cried, and she calmed down after a few minutes and took the dummy and went to sleep! I have done the same thing three times today, so just held her, let her cry - but she only cries for like 1-2 minutes, and then reoffered dummy as she's calming down and then she goes off to sleep eventually . Why did I not do this from birth?!? Maybe worth a try to anyone else who always reacts to the crying by actively trying to make them sleep if they're overtired? I told myself I wouldn't let her cry more than 5 minutes without doing something about it but it's never got to more than 2!

Hope everyone is ok. Water Babies went the best it has done so far this morning. She didn't cry at all during the session, or before it whilst waiting to go in the pool, which is a first! And she screamed the place down during the shower, and for most of me drying and changing her, but there was a brief period whilst I was changing her that she lay there nicely with the dummy in until I put her top on and set her off again. But not as bad as the previous times, so feels like major progress!

Today was a tough day so when my husband got home from work I decided I was having a bath and a glass of wine (my first in 6 months as my daughter refuses bottles and feeds pretty much every hour through the day!) We put both girls to bed and now I feel better than I have in weeks

Hello fellow sufferers. May I join? I’ve a 10 week old screamer. He’s screamed so much since he came home from the hospital that I worry he’s been emotionally damaged. I feel so cheated because he was so chilled the first three days. Then my milk came in and the windiness started and he’s been crying since then, basically. It’s weird, he’s a bit Jekyll and Hyde - can be so, so smily and happy, usually in the morning. But then switches to hysteria, literally in minutes. It’s like he has no even keel.

I have a nearly 3 year old as well, and she’s become very difficult since he came home. Lots of tantrums, lots of whining. I feel guilty because I’m constantly telling her that I can’t play, or pick her up, or whatever because my son only likes being in arms (see list).

Most days I feel really down, really resentful of everything. I know that it’ll pass, but sometimes time feels like glue. I often wish for a time machine, and vacillate between going back in time to before we decided to have kids, or forward to when they are 6 and 3 and hopefully easier to manage.

So, my screamer. Things he likes:

1. Being held in my arms, facing out so he can see the world.
2. His play mat, for five minute intervals.
3. The stretchy wrap sling, for forty minutes maximum.
4. Sleeping on my chest.

Things he hates:

1. The car seat. This is torture. He has to go in it everyday because I have to collect my daughter from Creche. Luckily it’s only a 20 minute trip in total, but it’s awful. DD can be very whingy when collected as she’s tired, so often the two of them are crying in the back. It’s so stressful.
2. The pram. Hurrah! Not only am I town-bound, I’m housebound pretty much. He’ll tolerate it for 30 minutes, then screams.
3. The cot, the Moses basket, the cocoonababy...anything that’s not me. He’s had three naps in the cocoonababy. That’s almost €50 a nap. And it only lasts till 3 months.
4. Being tired. He goes from being happy to bring overtired in 0.5 seconds, and then screams basically till he passes out in my arms. He used to feed to sleep happily enough, but now screams hysterically if I try to latch him on when he’s tired.

Things I have tried:

1. Swaddling.
2. White noise.
3. Cranial osteopathy.
4. Ranitidine.
5. Soother (acts like I’m trying to choke him).

The screams though...so hard. Utter hysteria. Purple in the face, holding his breath...it’s relentless. And he doesn’t calm down, just ramps up till eventually he exhausts himself. Not being able to soothe your own baby is really hard.

Honestly, if he had been number 1, we wouldn’t have had a second. She was hard, but he is something else. Thank god for the face splitting smiles, because honestly I would have lost my mind by now otherwise.

Oh wow. That was long.

Wow, he only just found this thread, I think my DS was/is a crier. He’s 13months now so I’ve mostly worked out what he likes..but he still moans,clings, cries a lot. More than his older brother at the same age!

Likes -
Moving
Walking
Eating
Dummies (only since 10m literally saved my sanity giving in to a dummy)
His big bro
Me
Daddy
Emptying everything
Balls
Stairs
Being sociable (loves loves nursery, playgroups etc)
Music

Hates:
Car seat
Pram
Being held
In the high chair
Trolley in supermarket

There’s a theme here....

He sleeps ok (7-7 maybe with a teething wake up about 1 for a cuddle then back down)

But it’s the constant crying when I can’t hold hold him ie trying to cook dinner, go to the loo, in the car. I know it passes, but jeeze, it’s exhausting!

Hi all!

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend- it doesn’t always feel like the weekend when you have a high needs baby does it.

I feel super guilty posting this but honestly, the past few days have been such a turning point for us. I think completely cutting out dairy and soy has made our daughter a completely different baby. I think she was in so much pain before.

We did get some crying in the car and she still wants to be picked up instead of the pram but I feel like we’re getting a taste of what it’s like to have a ‘normal’ baby. It feels so ridiculously easy!

I’m just praying it stays like this as we have a lot of hurdles to get through like teething, plus I have had my husband with me the past few days so will be back to just me tomorrow. I’m planning to go back to baby groups this week to see how it goes.

Baby is nearly 16 weeks now and she’s so much more alert, grabbing things etc. which I think is helping to calm her. There is a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

Meadow I’m glad water babies went well! I’m still not sure whether to keep it up because of the cost. We have our underwater photo shoot coming up soon so looking forward to seeing how that goes!

Welcome newbies. for all!

Glad some people are having better days - I find I have a good day here and there or even in a few in a row and then it goes back downhill again . We aren't doing the photoshoot unfortunately because the venue is quite far from where we live and we don't drive so it would be a ballache to get there and expensive travel too. I hear you about the cost, we are pretty much broke so it's not a financially sensible decision for us to continue but it's one of the only things we do as a family and she seems to enjoy being in the water (or at least she doesn't scream all the time!) and the two of us enjoy it too so I really want to continue. We have just booked her on to the next term.

Feeling grim today. Absolutely exhausted, keep sleeping around 6hrs a night and not uninterrupted either as she wakes a couple of times briefly. She is actually sleeping like 8-9 hours a night, but I can't sleep! I go to bed and am still awake like 90 minutes later, then wake up when she wakes up and can't go back to sleep, etc. I feel sooo grim because of it but I don't know what to do. I've always had sleeping problems and slept better going to bed later and getting up later but I can't do that as we're obviously sleeping around her . And then the exhaustion is making my tolerance for her decrease. Yesterday evening she screamed for around 2 hours and DH was here but we were both getting really frustrated, kept passing her back and forth between us and gave her a bottle and she just would not stop, cried between sips of her bottle etc, it went on for ages. Eventually DH took her for a short walk and she slept in the pushchair. It was awful. And this morning I am just at the end of my tether and even when she's not non-stop screaming I just can't cope. I think when she starts to cry I get this genuine feeling of impending doom, that she's soon going to scream for 2 hours, so that makes me feel anxious and then I get really tearful and also angry after only a few mins, iyswim? I don't know how to fix that though. Today for the first time I genuinely feel like I would rather go back to work, and I don't even really like my job!

Has anyone phoned the Cry-sis helpline before? Were they helpful? I'm really at the end of my tether today I don't know why because she's no worse than usual, just the same, but I just cannot cope anymore. She cried on and off for around 4 hours i.e. since she woke up and had her breakfast bottle, with only 1 20 min nap. I got her another bottle and she cried between sips of that and I had had enough. I put an episode of a series I watch on Netflix really loud and held her and she screamed throughout the entire episode, only settling down right at the end, so that's around 25 minutes of full on screaming and I held her but just ignored her and tried to watch it, I feel awful but I just did not have the energy to try and calm her down, it doesn't work anyway and makes me even more upset. She tired herself out and went to sleep and I've just put her down in her cradle but no doubt she'll be up in about 20 minutes again crying again. I really feel like I want to put her down and just run away.

Oh meadow I’m sorry :( it’s soul destroying isn’t it. I had a few days like that last week I just had pj’s on all day, cups of tea and somehow tried to deal with it. I’ve called my husband in tears before begging him to come home and help me. Are your family around today?

We have the same issue with naps, she gets so overtired sometimes and fights sleep so just screams all day. I read somewhere babies should sleep 7pm-7am, nap 9-10, 12-2 and 4-5. We could never ever get her to sleep that much but it’s helped me to understand when she gets tired and try to get her down. I think this is a Gina Ford thing?

Never heard of cry-sis but absolutely go for it! Any help you can get. Are you in touch with your HV (sorry can’t remember whether you mentioned it).

I’m glad swimming is going well and you are going to keep doing it! When you have babies like this I think you have to take any opportunity you can to bond when they’re not crying otherwise you start to resent them!

@Meadowhay I know you weren't keen on speaking to your HV but I think now is the time to do so! She may be able to find someone to come and help

@MeadowHay sending hugs! It's so awful isn't it. What was cry-sis like?

I feel like it's just me who can't deal with the daytimes, my DS has been crying all day apart from when I shove a nipple at him and sometimes then :( went for a walk to get out the house and so fed up of him screaming constantly. He won't nap in his basket but on me post feed, he wakes up looks at me and starts crying it's horrible.

Went to the osteopath and he screamed through it. Might ring up docs and see if can get him on ranitidine to see if that helps. Really don't want to give up milk yet as it's the only thing getting me through the day :(

sallysayshi, I often find the days hard as well. If I don’t get out I feel really stressed and depressed. But getting out is hard because he often screams his head off in the pram for the whole time, and I have to stop every few minutes to try to calm him down. Sometimes he’ll sleep, but I never know when he’s going to wake screaming so I’m on edge constantly when out and about. I also get stressed about all the laundry and dishes piling up while he sleeps on me and not in a basket or swing or bouncy chair.

I actually don’t mind the nights too much, because I don’t even bother trying to get him to sleep anywhere else, and so even though he can wake 3-4 times at night, I just latch him on and he goes right back to sleep.

Today wasn’t too bad, mostly because my MIL collected my daughter from Creche so we avoided that flash point (he hates the car seat, and my daughter is always tired and irritable on the way home, so the journeys are hell).

Yes I am the same finding it hard to get out with her because she usually screams the whole time I'm getting everything ready, and I live up a few steep steps so I have to take everything out one piece at a time so it takes ages with her screaming and I feel like the whole neighbourhood is watching and thinking I must be doing something wrong for my baby to cry like that all the time and I'm the same when out I get terrified she will wake up and scream at even stopping to cross the road I used to push the pram forwards and back the whole time waiting because otherwise she would cry, she's got a bit better now and I don't need to do that anymore thank God. I got help from family from late afternoon onwards thank God, everyone was taking turns holding her and my aunt and uncle took her out for an hour and a half on an epic walk lol. I was sitting at DM's crying by the time it got to 7pm and she was still screaming. I gave her Calpol and it made no difference. DH has just given her some Nurofen and she's still screaming after she slept for like an hour.

I can't bring myself to speak to the HV but also I am intending to switch GP surgeries very soon because we moved house when DD was 8 weeks old and my old surgery is quite far away, and there's 3 different GP surgeries within walking distance, but when I switch I will get a new HV. I am going to the GP tomorow though, want to ask for a pelvic floor physio referral and also talk about birth trauma and my mental health in general so that's something. I was actually getting therapy for a few weeks before DD was born and then had some more sessions in the few weeks after she was a few weeks old, but I stopped because I just didn't click with my therapist so it wasn't helping, that was a special service for parents of children under 2 that the perinatal mental health midwife referred me to and it's a small team I think only the one therapist.

Sally I had huge problems breastfeeding - DD couldn't latch straight on so it was always super painful for me and my nipples are permanently scarred from it - so I hated it and had stopped completely by 12 weeks, but the one thing that has been missing from it since is as you say that was a sure-fire way to stop the crying at least whilst she fed, which she never turned down lol, but I lost that since stopping. She does have a dummy but it's not as good!

Hi everyone, can I join the thread? My 4 month old boy has always been a crier but it’s increased so much over the last couple of weeks. He seems tired a lot of the time but fights sleep, and spends a lot of the day screaming. It’s making me feel quite stressed and anxious at the moment. All the other mums I know have such calm, chilled out babies and I’m feeling more and more reluctant to keep going to baby groups. I just want him to be happy and it’s horrible to see him so upset.

Things he likes...

Mum and Dad
People in general, he seems really interested in faces
Milk
Dummy
Music
Being in motion, whether it’s the pram, car seat, us carrying him
His toys, especially ones that make squeaky sounds
Baths
Cuddles
The sling
Singing, funny faces and sounds
Kicking his legs, moving around - he’s hardly ever still

Things he hates...

Swimming class
Baby Massage class
Bounce and Rhyme class (there’s a theme here! He’s really smiley and sociable when he’s in a good mood, he just seems to hate baby groups)
Tummy time
Supermarkets (I think he doesn’t like the bright lights)
Lying down
Being swaddled

A mixed day here. Roared his head off in the pram all the way to the shops this afternoon. I had to turn around and carry him home in my arms, pushing the empty buggy. And still, he screamed. He eventually fell asleep two minutes from home, and I put him back in and he stayed asleep, so I went back and got the shopping.

I’m wondering whether I should make an appointment with the GP to talk about PND. I’m not sure whether I might be going that way, or whether it’s just the stress of the screaming. On the days he’s not so bad, I feel ok, like I can cope. On the bad days though, I feel utterly despondent. I don’t seem to have any strength or patience to draw on - as soon as things go “wrong”, I get really negative really quickly.

@badb
The CBT course I self referred to has been a great help in getting me out of the negative cycle, so if a GP could put you in touch with something like that I think it could help. You can actually try some of the materials we use out online for free, the course is called Living Life to the Full. It talks a lot about stopping and wondering why you feel the way you do and stuff. I was very sceptical going in but I have been slightly calmer in stressful situations recently.

Hi Soph, welcome. The last two days have been pretty awful, she's been screaming soooo much. Everyone thinks she is teething but she's had teething symptoms on and off for a month now, and still no teeth! Some Calpol seemed to help a little yesterday after she'd been crying all morning and screaming for like an hour. Sigh.

I went to the GP and he completely dismissed my concerns about my pelvic floor, told me to stop doing the PFEs as they are hurting me, says stress incontinence happens in between 60-80% of mothers he sees and that they wouldn't do anything about it anyway so there was no point in examining me . Great. Then the only thing he had to say about my birth trauma/depression/generally bad mental health was that he would speak to my HV (who is on long-term sickness absence, so I now have another HV that I met once and who I don't like...), to see how else they can support me. And kept going on and on about putting me back on antidepressants even though I repeatedly said I don't want to go on them again! He made an appt to check on me for two weeks time but I don't think I am going to go, it was pointless...

Soph your baby sounds very similar to mine with the sleep issues. I feel like we might be getting over the colic/ digestive stuff but now I seem to have this whole other issue. Yesterday was a screaming day, my Grandma came down but couldn’t really do much as baby screams with anyone else but me and her dad. Which is exhausting.

Meadow that’s awful! Go to another GP, prefably a female one. I hate how women’s health issues seem to get written off as something you just have to deal with.

We’ve had an awful night, I think the 4 month sleep regression is in full force. Ended up having to co sleep but she was still unsettled hitting me in the face and stuff. Husbands been up since 3am and left for work at 6.

In the last week though she has decided she will now nap in the pram which means I have to go out walking for a couple of miles 3 times a day but it’s working. Just so hard to stay active on so little sleep.

Thanks WTF. I’m not in the UK, but have similar things here I’m sure. In the meantime, I’ll have a look at that online material you mentioned. I’m going to make an appointment with my GP tomorrow.

I agree, Meadow, that you should see another GP, preferably a female one. That sounds very unhelpful. Mind you, I saw a (pregnant) female GP a while ago with my son to talk about reflux, and she basically told me reflux was a fad and was made up, and babies cry and I just needed to get on with it. So yeah.

badb my doctor was like that too, just telling me that babies cry. Except my baby had screamed so much in the waiting room that she'd turned red and been sick. But apparently she's just a normal baby

I’m really reaching the end of my rope. For the last week or so, we’ve had inconsolable screaming for about an hour in the evenings, getting worse each night. From about 7.30 till he passes out with exhaustion. It’s unbelievable screaming, absolutely inconsolable. Stiffening, flailing, won’t feed, won’t be distracted. Nothing helps, I just have to hold him through it. I guess this is colic? I think it’s maybe also just being overtired. He doesn’t sleep much or well in the late afternoons because my daughter runs around like an elephant, and it’s busy with getting her tea, husband coming home etc. And I can’t get him to sleep anywhere except on me, so I have him in the sling at that time, but I think he’s really overstimulated. I’m not sure how much more of that kind of crying I can take. He’s 11 weeks - I guess I can hope for the magical three month fix, but everything else has been a shitshow so I don’t think I’ll be that lucky.

I feel like such a failure. How does everyone else manage with their kids? Two of my friends had second/third babies at the same time as me, and they are doing fine.

@badb have you looked into any allergies at all, I can't remember you saying sorry? Mine only improved when I cut dairy out, although she still hates most things, but the screaming is far less these days!