Parents of Criers Support Thread - Respite from the Screaming!

[MeadowHay]

Hi! I've noticed there are frequently threads on here from new parents of babies who cry A LOT and who are feeling stressed/frustrated/depressed/lonely etc. So I thought I'd make this thread and maybe we can chat and help support one another? Before I had my baby, I knew babies cried, but I didn't know they could cry quite this much, for no apparent reason a lot of the time. And I don't think other people who haven't had a crier, understand what it is like to have a crier!

To introduce myself, my name is MeadowHay, I'm in my mid-twenties, I have one baby girl who is 4 months old. She is a delight...when she's not crying. But she is crying most of the time really. She is a pretty good night-time sleeper which is a Godsend as I need all the energy to cope with her constant day-time crying and she only has like 30 minute naps in the day.

I have just scoffed some wraps down my throat for lunch and can hear her waking up from her 30 minute nap so I better get over there asap before she starts to...you guessed it...cry!

Hi Decline god that must be so hard!! Do you have a helpful partner or family support? Feel free to rant here with the rest of us!

Quick update from me, DD is now 9 months and starting to take steps, so is now a LOT happier. So hang in there because we're obviously all raising advanced babies I'm still breastfeeding but hoping to wean soon, and she's able to tolerate bits of cooked milk now as well so that's been great.

DH is great but is a deep sleeper so I have to wake him myself for night feeds. My mum is really helpful thank God. I've finally got both twins down for a nap after 4 hours of screaming

My husband has hearing loss so unfortunately is also rubbish at waking at night. It was bad enough with one child so I can't express how amazing you must be to be doing this with two! Do you have any local support groups for prem/twins/fussy babies/all three?! I'm very lucky to live in a great county for NHS and council support and it has really helped me. How is your health visitor?

Hi everyone, welcome Seline. I'm mid-twenties as well but barely coping with the one screamer (7mo DD), you're a hero!!! I feel physically anxious when I see people with twins, it's really embarrassing but I genuinely do. I don't know how you do it, and with a toddler as well!!!

I have just started getting a cold which is the worst timing ever as I have to unexpectedly go to London tomorrow and come back on Thursday afternoon for a work-related thing where I will have to do tons of stressful assessments with mostly younger students. I will be soo anxious and now I will also be snotty. Greaaat. I don't know London at all either so really scared about travelling in it but luckily I am staying with a friend and his partner so at least they will calm me a bit tomorrow night. It will be soo weird being away from DD, I've not had a night away from her since before she was concieved I guess! Looking forward to an uninterrupted night of sleep but in reality I will be stressed and in a strange place and have to get up really early so won't really be some great lay-in.

DD been bad today, very screamy. This new highest dose of ranitidine doesn't seem to be doing anything but need to persevere for another week or so until she can go back to the GP for a paed referral. She is also constipated atm even though I've given her juice and prune puree but still no poo so I'm sure that's contributing to her being particularly difficult.

My DH is quite a deep sleeper too! He has also started snoring quite a lot recently so some nights I'm being waken once an hour by DD crying out for her dummy and then again 30 minutes later but loud snoring and then another 30 minutes later DD crying out for her dummy and repeat...he said I could sleep in the spare bedroom sometimes but I feel bad about that and I prefer to sleep with him as I find it hard to fall asleep on my own, I just start thinking about stressful things.

WTF Wow, so impressive on the walking, well done LO! I don't think DD is advanced at anything though lol she's just quite average with her milestones, which is fine, I just wish she was happier!

Hello everyone. Welcome Seline. Sorry you are here, though! And yes, superwoman, with a toddler and twins.

WTF, amazing DD! I’m hoping DS will be a quick learner on the moving front, but he still won’t roll over and just flails about screaming during tummy time, so...probably not.

Meadow, how was your work thing? Hope it went well, and you had a good little break for yourself.

We’ve had a rough week. So much crying. Seems to be teething badly, so that doesn’t help. He’s only had one nap longer than 30 minutes, so the house is a shit tip. Every 90 minutes at night continues unabated. Wednesday was the worst day we’ve had so far. I can’t even describe how awful it was. Started solids yesterday and, surprise surprise, he HATES it. Just cries when he sees the food. So I guess not ready.

I’m so OVER everything. Better days seem so far away. I’m at a very low ebb right now.

Hi everyone! Welcome seline I remember reading one of yours threads and feeling silly for whining when I only have one baby to take care of! I cannot imagine the stress. I’m glad your Mum is supportive. I have heard of HV’s arranging free childcare to provide some respite - do you think that could be an option in your situation? Even if you have to go to the clinic and break down in tears or something. My Mum had 3 kids under 2 ( almost 30 years ago!) but had a Nanny from the college come to help her out. She said that it saved her!

Sorry you’re all struggling. Great progress with almost learning to crawl/sit at only 5.5 months though bad and taking steps at 9 months! That’s amazing WTF I was saying on another thread how advanced I think my baby is - people think I’m a bit nuts but we have to be proud of them when they cause us so much stress!

meadow We have the same sleep thing here and I’m considering whether it may be time to wean- at least at night. I might post and see if I can get some information on the best way to go about it. I love breastfeeding and I really want to continue as long as possible but I think we have too much of a problem with sleep associations. I need to break it before I go back to work in a few months. I don’t know if it’s another sleep regression or if she’s teething/ ill. She already has two bottom teeth and no sign of anymore. We also both constantly have runny noses which is annoying.

We are all a bit cabin fevery here as we have had snow. DD does better when we get out the house which hasn’t happened for a few days now. Not good for my mental health either!

I hope you all have a nice weekend.

Ugh, sound like everyone is having a hard time [flowers for us all!!

Bad My cold got really bad so I couldn't go! Been laying about feeling sorry for myself the last three days although feeling a lot better now than yesterday and the day before. Trying not to think about it really as it was a huge opportunity for me but there will be others, I guess. I should also have slept in the spare room the last few nights because I've not been helping DH with the dummy runs as I'm so poorly and it just means I've been getting disturbed for no reason but I don't really like sleeping alone and I think he likes the company too even if I'm not helping. DD seems to have caught my cold now as well, which explains last night - in bed by around 8.30pm as usual, dummy run around 9.15pm, up hysterically screaming at 10.15pm and unable to be settled so had to bring her downstairs and give her Nurofen after 15 mins. She settled on me but then would sleep for 5/10 minutes then itch the eczema on her face and wake and cry for 5/10 minutes repeat...at around 11.30pm I was too tired and poorly and went to bed. DH got her down for the night at 1AM. And she woke for the day at 5.30am, rather than her usual 7/7.30. He had to a presentation at uni today as well. He has just gone to bed with DD, poor thing. She is all snotty and a bit coughy today so I guess she was coming down with it last night. Not looking forward to tonight's sleep, eek.

Bad What kind of weaning are you doing? Try not to worry, you might find something that he likes soon, maybe if you're doing puree he might prefer a more baby-led approach, and if you're doing BLW he might prefer spoon-feeding? Might be worth trying a different approach to the solids? DD has a proper sweet tooth unfortunately and will gobble up sweetened porridge or fruit puree but isn't so keen on savoury purees! She likes to self-feed herself pretty much anything but her intake was close to zero on the baby-led front so we are giving her puree + self-feeding with every meal now. She has started to down all of her (4) 9oz bottles and given her age I figure increasing solids is the way to go rather than milk now? And we can't achieve that via a baby-led method. She still has no teeth and can't figure out how to chew/move solid pieces to the back of her mouth to swallow them.

Peony Good luck with whatever you decide to do. It's not as taxing for us with the dummy as BF would be. I do think it is a phase though and will pass and calm down to less often for awhile, she periodically has phases where it's worse then it calms down to a few wakings a night then back to every 30 minutes etc. I just keep telling us both it will pass, but BF loads would be way harder and more tiring than sticking a dummy in! You are a star and doing a great job whatever you decide to do! You could maybe look at nightweaning only if you wanted to continue breastfeeding? DD has no teeth at all yet! We are also stuck at home and my parents' as I've been ill since Tuesday afternoon and now DD is also ill. Like your DD, mine is much better out and about so it's grim atm.

Ah I've found my people

First time mum of a gorgeous 3.5 month baby girl. I posted before about reflux issues as I was (and still am) struggling. DD is currently on omeprazole and neocate for reflux and potential cmpa. She's currently (touch wood) feeding better on neocate but I'm not convinced she actually has an allergy.

Anyway, DD is most definitely a screamer, can go from laughing to screaming in seconds. Sometimes it's wind, a poo, tiredness and other times, more often than not, I have no idea why.

Likes:
Being held facing outwards
Being sung to
Funny faces and voices
Singing toys
Lying in baby gym when she's fed up of being held
TV
Dummy

Dislikes
Feeding (bottle fed) though this is getting better as long as we manage to offer her the bottle when she is hungry and wants to feed.
Going to sleep
Tummy time
Car seat and when the car stops moving

and to you all. It's tough!

Welcome, NewHope, sorry you are here too. Reflux/colic/possible CMPA is a familiar roundabout.

Weaning is on hold for a bit. Meadow, I was doing traditional style - some purée, some finger foods, but he doesn’t seem to like either particularly. Purées pushed out, finger foods thrown off the high chair. Taking a break for a week to see. Meanwhile the catnapping and two hourly wake ups at night continue. Along with quite a lot of screaming.

In other news, DS rolled over. Back to front only, he won’t go the other way. Now he rolls over immediately on being put down on his back, which is great fun, because he hates being on his tummy and therefore starts whinging straight away. Gah! He’s starting to get a bit steadier sitting, which is good.

Has anyone read Sears on High Needs Babies? It’s worth a look. There’s a checklist and I think DS hit every box. There’s no real solutions offered except “this too shall pass”, though.

Hey, how is everyone?? Been so busy recently. DD has been up and down, as usual. She has been pretty bad in the night the last fortnight or so, waking up most nights a good few times and needing us to rock her in the cotbed or walk around with her until she stops crying and goes back to sleep, a couple of times this process has taken 1-2hrs and that's on top of about 3 or 4 shorter times of 10-15 mins. Dunno what is bothering her, hoping it will pass?! On the plus side she seems to have well and truly grown out of her stranger anxiety, she smiles at most people now in her pushchair and we went away for the weekend to stay with friends who have a 3 month old to meet her, and she was very friendly with a group of our friends, happy to sit with and talk to anyone! This is very reassuring as she will be starting nursery in about a month. She still screams if she's left alone in a room, but she won't be alone in a room at nursery lol, and she was happy to be left with my friends in a room without DH or I present and shed only known them a day or so, so that was good!

I took her back to the GP today as the max dose of ranitidine didn't do anything and she has referred me to the general paeds clinic at the children's hospital, so I just need to book her appt online now. I really don't think ther is anything physical going on, and neither does the GP, but we will see what the paed says. It's better to get her checked over at least.

Welcome Hope! Sorry that you're in the same boat, however when I think back to 3.5 month old I was really struggling and now at nearly 8mo me (and DD!) are doing sooo much better. It really does get easier as each month goes by. You're doing a great job. Don't worry about TV. DD has been watching quite a lot of TV ever since she started watching Baby Sensory videos on Youtube at about 8 weeks old! Sometimes it's the only thing that will settle her. I figure it's better for her to watch that than be distressed and cry! We just stayed with friends and their 3 month old is worlds away from what DD was like. I am happy for them and she is gorgeous but the first night we were there I cried a lot when we went to bed, I feel awful saying that but it's just their set-up is exactly how I imagined ours would be - a baby that is for the most part quite content, will sit for 20 mins in a bouncy chair just looking around while they eat their dinner, is breastfed with no problems, falls asleep quite easily with being walked about a bit or feeding to sleep, doesn't hysterically scream basically ever, and they get to go on dates every other week or so as the grandparents have baby! I love them all and am happy for them, but also jealous .

Bad I haven't, I went to Waterstones once months ago and asked them but they didn't have it. Where did you buy it? I don't know whether it's worth it now she's bigger at nearly 8 months, or do you think it's still worth a read? Bless him on the rolling, DD still has never rolled back to front! She has been rolling front to back for many months but never the other way. She has now learnt a new thing which is when she's sitting up, tilting sideways slightly and then flopping over so she can go from sitting position to laying on her tummy. She does this to try and reach things, but she can't reach them as she can't crawl, so then she gives up and instantly rolls over to her back...and then cries because she doesn't want to be laying on her back, and she can't sit up herself yet from a laying down position! So a bit like your DS, pointless manouvres!

Meadow I do think the answer for us is time. I do see a slight improvement as weeks pass but honestly she can scream! From smiles to ear piercing screams, no middle ground. I understand completely about being envious of placid, contented babies. DD is one of six babies in my family/friends circle born within weeks of each other. I sometimes wish it was only DD as these babies don't scream like she does, breastfeeding is going well, reflux managed without meds as they don't want to use them. It is true that comparison is the thief of joy so I'm trying hard to focus on DD and not compare her to other seemingly "easier" babies. She is a sweetheart and although there are low and tough times I wouldn't change her. Well, maybe less screams

I think omeprazole is having some effect so maybe worth asking paediatrician for a prescription. Good luck.

I don't think it is reflux as she doesn't really have any of the symptoms other than crying, and ranitidine and Gaviscon both made no difference at all. GP also doesn't think it's reflux. First paed appointment available is 11th June. She will be almost 1 then. She has been crying most of yesterday and today, I think mostly due to difficulties with wind and constipation. She was straining and screaming loads on and off. She has done a poo both days but with lots of difficulty. I was going mad earlier, I don't think there is anything physically wrong with her but equally I am a bit worried and want her checked, how can I wait til she's 1?! That will be a whole year of struggling with the screaming. But I mean I've made it to 8 months so...I guess the next few months can't possibly be worse as it gets easier over time, I guess. Still really hard tho.

I'm sorry the ranitidine didn't help meadowhay, it's definitely helped my little boy and his screaming is much less now. Does the Dr have any other suggestions?

We have good days (weeks even sometimes) and bad. Although the screaming is much less, he doesn't seem to like anything other than be carried by me. Doesn't like his playmat for more than a couple of minutes, doesn't like his bouncy chair, hates the pram, hates the car and now hates the sling. I feel like he's a miserable baby and that's just how he is. We are getting lots of smiles and some giggles which is lovely but I wish he was more content generally. I find it hard to get out with him as he hates the pram and sling so much now that he cries the whole journey. It's not doing me much good staying in so often. I'm hoping when he can sit up in a buggy that he might like it better.

You're so right about comparison being the thief of joy. I look at my friends' babies and feel so jealous at the difference. My little boy won't even let me sit whilst holding him, I have to be pacing with him all the time, it's exhausting. I can still only get him to sleep by breastfeeding, I don't know how we'll ever move on from this.

Although that sounds like a mega whinge, things are much better overall and I'm enjoying him more.

Hello everyone. How are you all? Meadowhay, you could try upping the fruit component of your DD’s solids meals. Might help with the constipation. I’m sorry that the GP hasn’t been more helpful. Yes, you’ve made it to 8 months, and you survived! And soon she’ll be crawling and then walking and by all accounts screamers become less screamy then.

Fuschia, your DS sounds so like mine! He did get a bit better when sitting up in the buggy, so I moved him into the seat earlier than recommended (I had an insert to make it a bit more reclined - maybe your pushchair might have one too?). He’s still an absolute whinge, but he at least sleeps in it now without roaring the place down.

We are not doing great here. Both kids struck down with flu (actually flu, confirmed in two separate hospital visits), so things were horrendous. Both of them have spent the last week screeching at me to hold them. I feel literally pulled in two. It’s been hideous. Nobody is getting any sleep.

In general, DS is still a clingy, screaming, high needs baby. But the last month or so, DD has started giving him a serious run for his money. She gets these awful tantrums, which are expressed with tears rather than anger. Over everything - not getting her own way, having anything explained to her, being offered help with anything - all of these result in full on major meltdowns. She’s like this in nursery too. We try to get down on her level, love-bomb, do the “how to talk so kids will listen” etc, but nothing works with her. We lose our patience with her more than I am comfortable with. I try to tell myself that she is only a baby herself, but I think that we are all so worn down by life with DS, we just don’t have the reserves. It’s a fucking nightmare, tbh, and I’m really worried she is emotionally scarred by the upheaval in her life over the last six months. I hope not irrevocably. She has changed a lot since he arrived, and it makes me sad.

Hey everyone. No news is good news, I hope. Just having a little vent here. Literally the only good thing about DS’s sleep - that he went back really quickly and without fuss each time, thus making the 2 hourly wake ups somewhat bearable - is now gone. For the last week, at each wake up he’s screamed his head off, so I’ve to bring him downstairs so he won’t wake the toddler (and he still does, sometimes). Then I’m downstairs for at least 30 minutes, and then again 1.5 hours later. All night. I actually want to die. I know it’s the solids because he seems to be suffering with wind, but nothing helps him. I just can’t take any more screaming. It’s awful.

I'm so sorry to hear that bad sleep deprivation is the worst. I recently got a smart watch and it's incredibly depressing to see how little sleep I currently manage, it must be awful for you!

We're three weeks into both girls having sickness, coughs and high temperatures. I've been back and forth to the doctor three times for them both and they're still struggling with illness and sleep. Horrendous timing too as I'm off maternity leave and my husband is on a stint of night shifts.

We're coming up to 11 months in and still not having a great time unfortunately. It is a definite improvement on the early days, don't get me wrong, but food/drink and sleep are still an uphill battle every day, and we are no closer to managing long periods in the car seat or pram sadly!

Ladies I'm so glad I've found this thread. I am beside myself with worry that I must've done something wrong in the early days for my LO to be the crier that he is. He is hard, hard work. He refused to sleep in the early days and even now at 6.5 months, will only sleep if I'm next to him or cry the house down. He hates his pushchair, hates the car seat, hates getting dressed, hates everything other babies like doing. I go out and am embarrassed because mine will be the only baby in a roomful of babies to be fussy and crying. He's my first and I put my hands up- I didn't know what I was doing and made it up as I went a long but I feel so alone. The mummy friends I'd made in the early days don't want to hang out anymore because while their babies sit and entertain themselves in a coffee shop, my baby will want to be entertained by me or cry. Will it ever change???

Pressed send too soon. I want to add: he hates being held by his dad and will search for me when held by him and/or cry if I'm out of view. I'm so stressed right now. I'm not sleeping or eating properly as everything is about the baby. I'm worried I can't go on like this for long and will end up resenting him :/

I'm so sorry to hear that, but welcome. It's nice not to feel completely alone isn't it! Do you have any other support nearby? My mum had been a godsend for me as the baby loves her, I'd have been fucked without her.

Some areas have particularly helpful Flying Start/Home Start/whatever it may be in your area where health visitors and other volunteers can give you a break.

I don't have any mum friends because I'm pretty much a hermit from trying to avoid public places with my awkward children for 2.5 years now. I've got the Mush app which is quite nice for a chat to local parents. I never attend any meet ups though as I'm too paranoid!

No family support sadly. My siblings live hundreds of miles away and I have notoriously toxic in laws from whom I maintain a distance. The area I live in is quite cliquey so unless I knew someone from a part

Sorry pressed sent too soon again!

So unless I knew someone from a particular community, I'd not belong. I've met other mums at groups and I can see in certain cases that we'd get on but their babies 'behave' and sit still, play on their own. Mine is so demanding. He wants me to entertain him, hold him or he'll cry. He cries even when I do all this. The other mums just h

Give me a sympathy smile and move on to other parents :/ will this get better? I'm beyond worrying if there's something wrong with my lo. I just want to be left alone for some peace and quiet for a bit :/

It's really hard isn't it! Mine is 10 months and luckily started walking at 9 months, and that was the first time I was able to do anything without her. But now she's mobile I end up chasing her out of everything so there are new challenges. I also have a 2 year old as there's only a 17 month age gap. I still don't go out with just the two of them alone, only ever with my husband as it's far too much stress. I've nearly crashed so many times.

How is your health visitor? Have you spoken to your GP?

Hi! How is everyone? Shall we resurrect this? Or are people past needing it? We are doing much better now, much less hysterical screaming than there used to be! But still lots of crying and whinging compared to 'normal' babies lol. She is still Very Hard Work. But it is getting easier to deal with with less of the earsplitting 2 hour long hysterical screaming fits etc.

HI jinglet, welcome! I'm sorry you didn't get more responses, I have been ridiculously busy here over the last month or so. I went abroad for a week with DD and my DPs and DB the first week of March and then when we came back, DD started nursery, and I did some KIT days and then went back to work, and DD has also been ill for about the last 3 weeks, particularly poorly for the last 10 days or so. So it's all been mad here! Whereabouts in the country are you @jinglet ? (Don't worry if you don't want to say). Also just a reminder that my DD is 9 months old now, I've lost track of how old everyone's little ones are now! She is still sleeping in our room, she still hardly eats anything solid-food wise other than fruit puree , she still cannot crawl/bum shuffle, pull-up, cruise, or anywhere near to walking at all either. Or waving or anything like that.