Parents of Criers Support Thread - Respite from the Screaming!

[MeadowHay]

Hi! I've noticed there are frequently threads on here from new parents of babies who cry A LOT and who are feeling stressed/frustrated/depressed/lonely etc. So I thought I'd make this thread and maybe we can chat and help support one another? Before I had my baby, I knew babies cried, but I didn't know they could cry quite this much, for no apparent reason a lot of the time. And I don't think other people who haven't had a crier, understand what it is like to have a crier!

To introduce myself, my name is MeadowHay, I'm in my mid-twenties, I have one baby girl who is 4 months old. She is a delight...when she's not crying. But she is crying most of the time really. She is a pretty good night-time sleeper which is a Godsend as I need all the energy to cope with her constant day-time crying and she only has like 30 minute naps in the day.

I have just scoffed some wraps down my throat for lunch and can hear her waking up from her 30 minute nap so I better get over there asap before she starts to...you guessed it...cry!

Thanks so much for writing your post MrsHarper! It means a lot. One day at a time is how I’m getting through it all right now. I hope my daughter will grow into a lovely 2 year old- I’m pretty confident I could deal with the odd tantrum. xx

I second what MrsHarper says about it being easier to handle older children. Unfortunately both mine have been awful but my 2 year old's tantrums now just seem to wash over me because I'm so used to the baby screaming.

Update from me, still no improvement on the car journey front sadly. She's now 8 months and crawling/pulling herself around furniture really well so just hoping she will be an early walker like her sister and that will start to solve her problems.

I always get the 'she must be hungry' line from my mother, who constantly questions what the baby's eaten in a day. She just still doesn't seem massively interested in solid food.

Perfectpeony so glad it's a help

Wtf I honestly don't know how you are managing with a baby and toddler, it hit home with me that I took a major risk in assuming that my second wouldn't be a crier. Every day that you get through is an achievement. Once the baby is a bit older you will be able to start enjoying them both. Once you're enjoying it a bit more you will have the energy to battle things like bad sleeping. Sleep is such a major part of it as there's no respite from the crying/screaming. And I bet your two will be dream teenagers - you deserve that good karma!

Yes, thanks MrsHarper, it does help a lot. Though one and beyond seems so far away now!

Sorry there’s no car seat improvement, WTF. If it’s any consolation, same thing here. I took out the head hugger thing yesterday, and not a peep out of him on the way to and from the doctors. Of course, I thought that was it solved, but no - back to hysterical screaming again today.

Seems like a lot of us are having bad weeks. Sorry to hear it. My best friend called round this morning for a few hours, and DS was awful the whole time. I ended up crying my eyes out to her, and I feel terrible because she has loads going on herself so I was being an awful friend. The we had my daughter’s Christmas concert, and of course I had to take him out so I missed most of it. And then he was a perfect bloody angel with all the parents at the party afterwards. And then screamed all the way home.

Three women (who each have more than one kid) were waxing lyrical about how lovely and special Christmas is with small babies. WTF? And there was another baby there a month younger than mine who just sat serenely on his father’s lap, watching everything and cuddling into him.

Hi all, my seven month old has always had a tendency to cry if not being held, but in the last few days he’s developed a new cry - very loud, harsh sounding, adrenaline inducing shouting / roaring. It’s terrifying that he can produce such an “I need help urgently I’m being eaten by a leopard” sound as a response to, eg, being put down so I can get dressed. Is this normal?

@BlessedMango I have no advice but welcome and although it doesn't sound funny for you, the leopard comment did make me laugh!

Welcome BlessedMango. It’s hard to say really if it’s normal. My DS goes from little whinge to full on hysterical, abandoned-and-left-to-die, Chinese-water-torture levels of crying in about 10 seconds. So that level of screaming is ‘normal’ for him. But it’s a skewed scale for most of the babies on this thread, I think.

Isn’t there a separation anxiety phase at around 9 months? Maybe your baby has entered it early? I feel for you - that kind of crying is so hard to listen to.

I noticed this morning that DS has lots of broken capillaries in his cheeks - from the screaming, I think. Yikes.

I saw this thread and like poster above, just wanted to reassure all you ladies with crying babies that it really doesn't last forever and WILL get easier! I've got 2 dds, they're now 4 and almost 2, And omg, they were the most miserable babies!! Dd1 cried pretty much constantly if not being held for the first 8 months of her life. I didn't think you could get a more "difficult" baby, and it put me off having any more children, as I didn't think I'd be able to cope with another one like it! Then our surprise pregnancy happened and I spent the whole 9 months worrying we'd have another crier. When dd2 was born, within the first 24hrs, we'd established that we had another difficult baby, although we quickly realised (even though I didn't think it could be possible) she was even worse that dd1! Even holding/carrying her didn't settle her, she was pure miserable. Didn't smile, just frowned and she seriously tested my sanity some days, especially as I was caring for a toddler at the same time. But fast forward a year (luckily it did go bloody fast!) She was a delightful little toddler. And now at 4 and almost 2, they are the happiest, kindest, funniest little girls you could meet. Everyone comments on how happy and smiley my eldest is, her teachers are all besotted with her, and dd2 is so funny she has us in stitches everyday. I cannot even believe how much their personalities have changed. So much so that we're talking about completing our family with baby number 3 in the next year or so. This is just a huge "hang in in there" to the mum's who are in the depths of hell, as I know first hand how hard it is. Especially when everyone's else's babies seem so flipping easy going! But it's nothing you're doing wrong, and all that crying won't ruin your baby for life, so long as you're comforting them the best way you know how, even if it seems to make no difference! And don't be hard on yourselves. If you need a break, take one. Ask for help. You can't "enjoy every second" when your baby seems to hate life 24/7, but you can, and will survive it! I genuinely believe my babies hated being babies as they're so independent and didn't like being so helpless as, it's like a switch flicked the second they were mobile. You're all doing amazing, And your babies will be forever thankful for your unconditional love.

Haha, so true about the "enjoy every second" comments OMG. I could punch people some days. I hate most of each day. Like probably 80% of each day. But that's still an improvement, it used to be like 99% when she was younger (she's 6months now).

Haz How old is your baby now that they're sitting? I really thought DD Would learn to sit herself early as she started trying to sit, like doing crunches, very early on but she stopped and doesn't do it much now and she still is far away from sitting unsupported .

Hi Mango, welcome, DD does that too but started doing the 'i'm about to be eaten by a leopard screaming' at a few weeks old and screams every time I put her down/leave the room from being around 4 months old. So it is normal for her, and lots of other babies on this thread. Probs she's just developed separation anxiety unfortunately, I don't think there's anything we can do about that other than ride it out/limit separation!! On the plus side, my DD also developed really bad stranger anxiety at 4 months too, like she would look at friends/family and then start screaming hysterically for ages and you couldn't distract her etc but she seems to have suddenly gotten over that - we went to an Xmas family gathering on Sunday at one of DH's relatives house, and she wasn't some angel dream baby all of a sudden, but was generally ok and he was absolutely fine being passed around relatives, smiling at everyone etc . And was fine with our friend who visited on Xmas eve too. So that's weird, but good! She just can't handle being left completely alone yet.

How was your Xmas day everyone? Ours wasn't amazing, she cried most the time she was awake, but the upside was she had a few good naps, so we got a bit of peace, even if most of the naps were on DH. He is off this week and next for Xmas holidays (he's a PG student), he's taking on most of the settling her when she's crying now he's home so it's taking a lot of the pressure off me, but it's still really stressful just having that backdrop of endless crying even if I'm not the one who has the responsibility of settling her.

Thank you to the mums who are further down the line! We were thinking of taking our chances and TTC another in the spring, but the more we talk about it the more we have realised that we really, especially me, could not cope if DC2 was like DD and having a toddler to look after at the same time, so I think we've decided to rule that out and we will wait a few years, it will mean a big age gap as due to my career ambitions I want to go back into study/training soon so it will mean a gap of 6+yrs, or 5 if I get really lucky, which is bigger than we wanted, but I think it's the least risky option as I really don't think I could cope at all with two if they were both like this and i don't think it's worth the risk of that happening really just for the sake of a small age gap.

God she is being utterly horrendous the last few days. Just crying constantly. Nothing makes her happy for more than a couple of minutes, she won't sleep, she literally wakes up every 20-30 minutes constantly crying again, be it night or day. DH and I are both severely sleep deprived and nothing we do makes any difference whatsoever. I just feel like walking somewhere with her and dropping her off somewhere and leaving her there, I just can't deal with this anymore. After 6 months of incessant screaming she has gotten worse rather than better in the sense that at least she used to sleep ok at night and we had some sure-fire ways to get her to calm down/sleep, but those things don't even work anymore and she doesn't even sleep at night anymore. I had a horrible pregnancy as I had HG, then an assisted delivery that I found so traumatic that I still think about it multiple times every day and still have nightmares about it, then a long recovery, an agonising time breastfeeding in severe pain, and a baby that is still crying all the time even at 6 months old. I just feel like I wasn't made to be a mother and I should never have tried to concieve her in the first place, literally not one single bit of her life from conception went well, not one single bit.

Oh, MeadowHay, you poor thing, I’m so sorry you are having a rough time. Is there anyone who can come and take her for a bit? Just to get a bit of distance.

I know this seems hollow, but she will come out of it again. She’s had some better days and weeks before, and she will again. Even though it doesn’t feel like it, tell yourself that this hour will pass, this day will end.

Hand holds for you.

Hi everyone.

Thanks Tabby for that post. It’s lovely to read

Sorry to hear things have gotten bad at night meadow. I can’t remember if you mentioned it, but how are you getting on with weaning? I’m sure you’ve obviously ruled it out but could she be hungry? Maybe you could see how things go over the next few months and decide on baby number 2, it would be a huge risk though. A DC2 crier would be easier if the eldest was at school. But at the same time- would it be better to get these difficult years out of the way? Such a hard decision. I think about it a lot too... although I don’t think DH would agree to another child anyway. I hope you are able to get some rest this week and your daughters sleep settles down. It may be a growth spurt. Has she learned a new skill? I read somewhere that it can throw things off for a while. Remember difficult babies are smart babies!

My DH is off over Christmas which is amazing but I can’t fully relax as I know I will be in my own next week. We are struggling with naps mostly. DD has got over her cold so is no longer co sleeping which is nice as I find it quite uncomfortable.

We had the in laws over for Christmas and they kicked up a fuss about baby led weaning. Actual eye rolling and looks of disgust (it’s been 30 years since they had a baby and would have done all purees!) They didn’t even give me a chance to explain what it is and why we’re doing it. I have terrible anxiety over my ability as a Mum and I admit I can be over sensitive when it comes to this stuff. As I have had such a hard time with her and struggled so much but always try my best. Even comments like ‘ohh her nails are sharp’, It really gets to me and ruined the day.

I’m actually quite possessive over her too.. I didn’t get much time with her on Christmas Day. I think it’s one of those things... when she’s in a good mood and smiling I want to spend time with her. And because of everything we’ve been through it’s made me very protective. I have to sit on my hands and silence the voice in my head that wants to shout give me my baby back!

Meadow- I was looking in sleep section and saw your thread.

I bought one of those dummy clips today- I’m not sure if they’re safe to use at night but would your DD be able to find the dummy herself to settle? Did you get much of a 4 month sleep regression? As it could be something similar kicking in late? We are lucky if we get a 4 hour block of sleep at the moment. At one point she was awake every hour though so it’s an inprovement, but bed time is taking 2-3 hours as she wakes loads before settling.

Thanks both. It doesn't help that I have sooo many other stuff going on: debts, including a court summons that I think is now resolved, but not 100% sure...and applying for training contracts, and perpetual lack of money so I keep having to borrow off my parents, and then loads of my family have been unwell, + drama with some of DH's family...just so much, it's so stressful, along with a baby that cries all the time. I am so thankful DH is here this week and next though. He is such a help. He took DD to the GP today, we decided we will finally try reflux medication just on the off-chance, I sent him with strict instructions that I don't want Gaviscon as she already struggles to poo a lot but the GP refused to prescribe anything else until we had tried Gaviscon but said if it constipates her then to come back. I gave her what is essentially only a half dose in her last bottle to try because I'm really worried about making her worse by worsening her problems pooing. I don't think it is reflux but I'm losing the will to live so this is a last-ditch attempt.

Peony I feel the opposite tbh I feel happy when other people have her and I then start to worry that it's obvious and that people are thinking "she's been here hours and barely been near her baby, what an awful mum" etc which I know is stupid as I do all the donkey work day-in, day-out, and why should I care what people think anyway? But it does stress me out. Whenever we go places DH usually does most of her care and everyone is obv glowing about it and I worry what they think of me taking a step back, but I think to myself well so he should when he is at work every day normally and it's me who does all the nappies and feeds etc then!

We do have dummy clips but not sure if they're safe for at night and don't think they would really help anyway. She can put her own dummy in now but only if like you basically give her the dummy, and only in the daytime with her eyes wide open. At night she doesn't even open her eyes most of the time, she just suddenly screams and turns her head around searching for it with her mouth. We have a Sleepytot bunny but haven't really been introducing it to her other than it being easier for us to locate dummies now that she's in the cot-bed and they go flying out of her cot. I think I need to buy some breathable cot-bumpers to prevent that, any recommendations? I know they're against SIDS guidelines but figure most of that stuff is really until 6 months and she's older now? On the plus side, last night she was in bed by 9pm which is the earliest ever and meant DH and I had 2 hours together to watch a tv show, which was amazing. We also had our first time alone together without her today, for 1hr, whilst she was with DM - but only so that DH could help me with an online assessment . So hardly romantic .

MeadowHay, I would just go back to the GP in a few days and say it’s not working for you. I hope you get a good result from the medication.

I’m kind of between you and Peony when someone takes DS from me. I’m very happy not to be carrying him, but at the same time I’m conscious of his behaviour and listening out for the crying to start. I know his cues and try to take him back before he really kicks off and it gets really hard to settle him. So it’s never a real break. I know what you mean though about liking time away and worrying about being judged. Sometimes breaks make it worse - they remind me of how carefree and easy my life was pre-screamer, and it makes it harder to go back.

I’m so over Christmas now. I need everyone to go back to school and to nursery and to try to get into some kind of normal routine again. We’ve been visiting family and had family to visit, so I feel like I’ve had no breathing space. All DS’s naps have been in the sling, either in the house or out and about, because my daughter uses the buggy for longer walks. I’m resisting a double buggy, and was hoping she would go on the buggy board, but no chance. I love my buggy, but it’s too hard to push as a double so would have to get rid of it, which I don’t want to do because I think I’ll only really need a double for about 6 months or so. Hmm.

My husband is really pissing me off atm. He’s had three nights out over Christmas, including an all day thing yesterday. My dad came up to help with bedtime, thankfully. Now DH is up in bed having yet another fucking lie-in. I’ve asked him three times already to get in the shower, and he’s still in bed. On his bloody phone, for sure. He takes such advantage on my family staying. Now he’s trying to organise his mum to take the toddler and my dad to take DS out in the buggy in the afternoon so we can have some ‘alone time’, and honestly I really can’t be bothered. It’s been ages so I know I should but I feel too resentful of him. So now I’m reduced to withholding sex out of spite like some kind of bloody cliche :(

Meadow that sounds like a lot of stress- even without the baby. I hope you are able to get things sorted out soon. I have had some success with DD taking her dummy this week- so been able to get a few naps where she has actually been put down! Still taking at least 3/4 times a night though. Why does everyone say babies start sleeping through at 6 months?? Is that really a thing??

Bad I agree. Although I don’t want DH to go back to work I admit I probably do better when I have some kind of routine. When I’m by myself I get through the day with breakfast/ playtime/ nap/ baby group etc. so in a way it’s easier.

That’s a lot of nights out and lie ins- i hope you will get the same?? I’m lucky DH is an early bird so while he goes to bed early (like 9pm!!) it means he’s happy to get up with DD while I sleep in. I think that’s more than fair as I do all night wakings and he gets 8/9+ hours sleep whereas all my sleep is broken. Dreading when I have to go back to getting up at 6 though.

I have a haircut booked for next week. It’s been over 8 months since I had a cut/ colour so really looking forward to it! We are both going on a diet in the new year (cliche I know). I feel like I’ve let myself go a bit and need to feel normal again.

bad WTF, your husband has had 3 nights out and lay-ins, what about you? It doesn't sound like you're getting the same amount of breaks and sleep? If not, I would be putting my foot down and having a firm word (read: be absolutely fuming with him!!!). That is not on at all! I'm not surprised you don't fancy 'alone time' with him if he's behaving like that! Or alternatively just organise stuff for you to do, or can you not do stuff easily if you're BF? Can you express at all in that case or give an odd bottle of formula so you can go out for ages or sleep in and just tell DH that's what's happening? for you

I won’t get the same breaks, no. It’s not because of BF, at all. I do express, and give formula if needed, but the problem is DS not settling in a cot for naps or for bedtime (or anywhere, really), combined with a spirited toddler. Bed time is impossible with just one person - DS just gets cross if he’s not being carried around, and DD needs someone to sit with her while she falls asleep. It’s only 10 minutes or so, but no way would DS be quiet for that. Then DS will only settle on one of us at night, and I co-sleep. So you need two people. My family usually come to help out - they live quite far away, so they stay over, which is a great help. His probably would if I really had to go out, but it doesn’t solve the co-sleeping problem. So I just don’t go out in the evening.

I could go out in the day time, but I know how difficult it is to manage the two of them, so unless I had something crucial to go to, I don’t. Actually, DH has never had the two of them for longer than 30 minutes. I do have a night out in April that I really want to go to, so I really have to crack the evening problem by then.

I am quite furious with him at the moment, though. He’s asleep on the sofa here beside me again. Fucking rage.

But if your family are willing to help, can't you go out sometimes and they can come and help DH with the kids? Or his family? I'm sure if they're willing to help you with them while DH is out they would be willing to help him while you're out? You need a break too .

Hope everyone has a good NYE. We will be doing nowt and I will probably go to bed about 10ish cos I'm shattered and feeling pretty run down even though I slept in til 9.30am this morning whilst DH got up with DD. DD had a night feed last night, she hasn't had one since she was about 12 weeks old . She woke up properly in the night, like eyes wide open, talking to us, like she does first thing in the morning, so I assumed she was hungry. DH thought it was just teething pain, so we gave her 5ml Calpol and a bottle and she drank 4oz which is a fair amount and then drank her entire 9oz breakfast bottle in the morning when she got up for the day around 7am so it didn't impact her morning bottle so I think she was hungry, but then she also woke up when she could have had another dose of Calpol, so difficult to tell. Maybe it was a combination of both. So we are on edge now to see if she will wake for a bottle again. We really resist feeding her on a night as don't want to encourage it but she was wide awake and I didn't want to try and get her back to sleep if she was hungry, poor thing. Giving her a bottle isn't actually a big deal as it only takes a few mins, however the problem is it takes like 45 mins to resettle her to sleep again so we were up for about an hour in total. Having siad that, she only woke once for her dumy between then and her waking in the morning which is much better than usual, but could be coincidence, and if not, we don't know whether it was the milk or the Calpol that helped that . Have to see how she is tonight.

I could, MeadowHay, but nothing has really come up. And I don’t want to use up babysitting goodwill sitting on my own in Costa! Daytimes aren’t really the issue, though. It’s evenings/nighttimes. I wouldn’t feel comfortable going out at night at the moment because of DS only sleeping on me (or DH sometimes). DH can’t co-sleep, anyway. DS absolutely must get into the cot soon. It’s my new year resolution.

Hope your DD sleeps through again, and isn’t unsettled tonight.

Happy New Year, parents of screamers. I will for sure be asleep by 10, though I am having a glass of wine right now.

Happy New Year to you all!

This is a depressing post but I basically just need to moan (and that’s why we created this thread! )

DD won’t fucking sleep and is still waking every 1-2/3 hours at 6 months old. She won’t even feed to sleep anymore. Nothing works. Naps are even worse. She wouldn’t sleep till 9pm last night and kept waking. Then stayed awake at 5am.

I’ve stopped baby led weaning as we thought she wasn’t getting enough food from it so trying purees again incase she is hungry.

I enjoy breastfeeding but I can’t be bothered anymore so going to try bottle before bed (we have prescription milk).

She cries all day and needs constant attention. I love her and she has the cutest smile but my patience is being tested.

She absolutely hates getting dressed/ having her nappy changed and rolls over while you do it so you have to hold her down and she SCREAMS.

DH and I are basically both really depressed and have had a crap week. Baby is holding us hostage, we have no freedom to do anything and feel so alone as everyone we know seems to have an easy baby. I’m so fucking resentful.

And I get to do it all by myself as of tomorrow. Yay!

Aw bad, think about going for a Costa on your own - I find even if I just have an hour or two away from her, I feel soooo much better for it afterwards. I'd love to go to Costa and sit and have some peace on my own! DH would give me the time do that but atm he is taking her out a lot for me to do my solicitor training applications so there's not really time for anything else and he needs some help/a break too bless him. It's really funny though, I find sitting here doing applications in the quiet like a break, when I would have found it a chore/work before she was born. It is so funny how your perspective changes when you have a screamer!!

DD woke up at 3ish again and DH spent ages getting her to sleep on and off and then ended up giving her a bottle around 4 and she dranke 7oz . So clearly she was proper hungry again. She then woke for the day at 6.30 and I thought, there is no way she is going to drink a 9oz bottle after that night feed- and she did . Peony we are doing a mixture of spoon-feeding purees/mashed food, and BLW, and I am so tempted to up the purees for dinner in the hope that it will stop these night waking bottles but I don't think that would actually help as milk is more calorific than fruit/veg purees anyway. I'm so sorry DD is giving you such a hard time, especially with the sleep, we have had it sooo good with DD's night sleep and I feel so embarrassed whinging about her having one night feed again now when I know it is so much harder for loads of people! I was like your DD as a baby, woke that frequently for years and not because of hunger as my parents would often just give me water or whatever. I don't know what to suggest really, could definitely try bottle before bed although that didn't do anything much for DD when we started to do that. I think most of sleep is probably developmental and different personalities, I'm still a crap sleeper now as an adult. If you could afford it, you could look at getting a sleep consultant, I know someone who had a lot of success with that? Also DD is the same with getting dressed, she's always screamed but it's harder now she rolls about, and she was always ok with getting her nappy changed but that's turned into rolling about screaming as well, I have some success distracting her with toys whilst I'm doing it though, have you tried that? Or if someone else is around they can usually distract her by singing/talking/playing with her but obv when DH goes back to work it's mostly just going to be me alone. I really know how you feel, DH has this week off as well then back next week and I'm finding it hard to enjoy the help as now I'm panicking about him going back . Also tomorrow I have a GP appt and have to have an internal and I'm sooo frightened from my birth trauma. And then Thursday morning I have a benefit tribunal which I'm shitting myself about too . Happy new year .

Oh also, we bought DD a door bouncer for Xmas and she likes that and gives us some time when she isn't screaming although someone still needs to be in view, might be worth a try for screamy babies who are big enough?

Thanks Meadow. Bad I also would love to go to costa alone! Book and (if I could drink it) caramel latte. Maybe a brownie too...

Yesterday was actually nice in the end. We decided to leave her (for the first time) with my Mum while we went to the cinema and to lunch. She was an angel the whole time we were gone!

We have moved her back into our room in the travel cot (regular cot won’t fit), and we had a better nights sleep. I actually think the travel cot is more comfortable for her and if was less work for me even though she did wake a few times. I didn’t get round to doing the formula, so I’m just going to feed to sleep for as long as she needs. I don’t have the energy to do controlled crying or ‘putting her down drowsy but awake’. It just doesn’t work! I don’t think she’s ready for her own room yet so taking a step back.

When changing her nappy I gave her the pack of wipes to play with this morning. She’s obsessed with them for some reason! It worked. I’m actually okay with DH being back at work.. needed routine back. Going for a walk with a friend later which should be nice.

I hope the GP goes okay. Try not to worry. TMI but I had a Mirena coil put in a few weeks ago and it was absolutely fine- and I had to have quite a few stitches after birth.

GP was a mixed bag - the GP is lovely and DH knows her a bit through professional context and he came with me, it's right by my parents so dropped DD off with DM and we were only gone 30 minutes and she slept the whole time anyway. The good news is it doesn't look like I have a prolapse of any sort, which I was terrified about. The sort-of-bad news is that what is hurting me is definitely my episiotomy scar, and the plus side is that she said it looks perfect and how it should look, but the severe pain that I had when she touched it internally is not normal for 6 months PP, but she can't see any overgranulation of the scar tissue, so she doesn't actually know why it's still hurting so badly. She has referred me to see a gynae first week of Feb . I'm glad she's taking it seriously, however I'm pretty certain the only options for scar-related problems are silver nitrate or surgical and both of them sound hideously painful and I know at least with the surgical there is the possibility of the exact same thing happening again after it's recut and restitched. Also the pain has reaffirmed my view that there is no way DH and I can attempt to have sex given how painful it was for the GP to put one finger in and apply mild pressure to the area . I am majorly catastrophising now and envisioning never having sex again and not being able to concieve any more children. So feeling very low. And DD has been pretty bad today as well, crying most of the time she is awake. Her tummy looks massive, just really bloated with wind, so I assume that's bothering her. She already has Infacol regularly though and we are trying to massage her tummy a bit but it usually makes her cry more too. We gave her Calpol but it didn't seem to make any difference.

Glad you had a nice date Peony you deserve it. Nobody will babysit DD for us . DM will have her for things she deems important like healthcare appts etc but she is very traditional and basically thinks we should have no life outside of DD so will not babysit her for us to go out. Actually tbh one of our friends has offered but I feel like it would be unfair to inflict that on her as DD doesn't really know her (only seen her twice since birth so won't remember her or anything) and will just scream all the time. She said she doesn't mind but she doesn't have her own kids so I'm not sure she is prepared for how stressful that can be tbh. But I'm sure it's not the same if it's not your child tbf? And not constant every day.