Parents of Criers Support Thread - Respite from the Screaming!

[MeadowHay]

Hi! I've noticed there are frequently threads on here from new parents of babies who cry A LOT and who are feeling stressed/frustrated/depressed/lonely etc. So I thought I'd make this thread and maybe we can chat and help support one another? Before I had my baby, I knew babies cried, but I didn't know they could cry quite this much, for no apparent reason a lot of the time. And I don't think other people who haven't had a crier, understand what it is like to have a crier!

To introduce myself, my name is MeadowHay, I'm in my mid-twenties, I have one baby girl who is 4 months old. She is a delight...when she's not crying. But she is crying most of the time really. She is a pretty good night-time sleeper which is a Godsend as I need all the energy to cope with her constant day-time crying and she only has like 30 minute naps in the day.

I have just scoffed some wraps down my throat for lunch and can hear her waking up from her 30 minute nap so I better get over there asap before she starts to...you guessed it...cry!

Sorry people still have it shit. The baby is FINALLY able to withstand the car seat for about 10-15 minutes which is so incredibly amazing I can't even begin to describe it. I took her and the toddler to soft play ALONE last week. That's the first time I've left the house with both of them by myself in the almost 9 months since having her. It was like a new lease of life. I'm also due back to work in a couple of weeks so feeling a bit more human lately.

She's still so fussy and squirmy but the screaming is now coming to an end I think. I've had a bit of luck eating a slice of pizza too so may fully try the milk ladder myself first before attempting it on her. I still haven't seen a dietitian or had any kind of support or input on her potential allergies/constipation problems so I figure I'll just work through it all myself.

I wrote a long post yesterday but then got distracted with DD and didn't post it . But mainly want to say yay to WTF re: car seat progress and soft play, that's fab !

DD being awful so far today. Cried most of the time she's been awake, since 7am this morning, and has had one 20 minute nap and one 40 minute nap so far, and just got her off to sleep again in bouncy chair about 5 mins ago. Dunno if it's teething, or just overtiredness, or both? Tried Calpol which made no difference and then gave Nurofen about an hour ago which perhaps helped as she was calmer afterwards but you just never know if it's a coincidence or not, do you? Poor DH is really struggling as he exams soon and an essay to write etc and just can't get anything done. He let me stay in bed until 8.30am this morning too and then even after I had a nice long shower and went out for an hour to the beautician and stuff. So he's borne the brunt of the screaming so far. I don't feel too guilty as I get it all in the weekdays don't I but I'm not surprised he is feeling stressed.

We had a nice weekend and yesterday was fine but I’ve had a bad day today.

I went to meet some friends a 15 mins drive down the road, she was fine for a few hours as she had a nap before she went out. But she started getting a bit agitated so I figured it was time to leave. She started screaming a lot but fell asleep in the car. Problem is when we got home she woke up again and then got really overtired. I was sobbing with her it was so stressful.

I’ve noticed she is different to other babies. She doesn’t stop moving, she won’t sit still (she won’t really sit on her own as she won’t stay in one place). She’s just constantly high energy. She doesn’t relax. Other babies don’t seem to get upset like she does. So either I’m doing something wrong or DD is just very high needs- but does that mean she could be ‘on the spectrum?’ I see a lot of posts on Mumsnet about children with autism and I do wonder if she is perhaps different. Is this a sign of it? Or is she just very sensitive? I’m rambling because I’m tired but I’m genuinely worried.

I know it should be a good thing that she’s so active (trying to crawl almost at 6/7 months), but I can’t help compare her with my friends babies and feel upset that she isn’t content. Or I can seem to time naps/ feeds correctly to keep her happy. I feel like I’ve failed her. I know I’m way too hard on myself but if there’s anything in my life that I need to succeed at it’s this. I don’t have a good relationship with my Mum and I don’t want it to be the same with DD.

Feeling very upset. I’m sure it will pass, tomorrow is a new day. I just need some sleep, she woke up at 5.30 today.

*cant time naps

Hi Peony, I know it's easier said than done but I'd try not to worry and accept your DD for who she is, and not compare her to other babies. Babies are all different and you only see snapshots of other peoples. I actually took DD to a new playgroup today and was talking to a mum of a baby the same age who said about DD "she's very content" as she was sitting nicely on my knee with her dummy in, watching the older children play. I wanted to die with laughter. But obviously she doesn't see all the screaming behind closed doors! FWIW, it's really not possible to 'diagnose' a baby this young with autism, and I say that as an adult who actually IS on the spectrum (Asperger's Syndrome) and is hyperaware of the fact that it does often run in families so there's a fair possibility DD might be. But regards the not moving - I didn't crawl at all! Or bum shuffle, or anything, I just eventually started walking around 1ish. So I don't think being active is a sign really. Actually if anything I would say the opposite because being able to crawl at such a young age is really good motor skills, and it's not always the case but certainly more the case that more people on the spectrum struggle with their motor skills, especially fine motor skills (which I do). Also you have seen yourself other posters come on this thread to say their babies were like ours and none of them mentioned additional SEN diagnosed later. I was a very difficult baby, and so was DH's cousin, and we are both on the spectrum, but then so is a family friend's son, and DH's cousin on the other side of the family, and they were both really easy babies!

@PerfectPeony I used to wonder this about my first daughter, and now the baby is the same. Both crawled at 6 months and climbed stairs at 8 months. My eldest was walking at 10 months and I assume the baby will be the same.

Now that's she's just over 2, I can see that my eldest picks concepts up quite easily and is quite bright (not in a MN my child is a genius way ) just in a curious sort of way. She's always been very active and could catch and throw well early on. She can also now chip a football on to my sofa quite easily from the other side of the room which is entertaining! I think some children are just a lot more physical (ie. fucking hard work) than others. It's not necessarily a sign of issues.

I just keep telling myself that high needs babies are obviously repressed geniuses and I will be retiring off them aged 40

Thanks Meadow and WTF. It’s not that I compare what she can do to other babies. I’ll be proud of her anyway, it’s just the aspect of other babies more happy/ content and never crying. I know they’re like this most of the time too. I think I probably need to just do my own thing for a while, stay home and focus on getting her down for naps when she’s tired. She can have fun in a baby group for an hour, but going out for a few hours is just too much for her right now. I just wondered about the signs of autism, if it’s something I need to look out for so that I can help her. I love her for who she is, even if she is a bit of a nightmare sometimes.

She has been really unsettled this morning, even though she slept fine. So I’ve been trying to get her to nap since 11.30 and she’s just gone down. Even though she slept till 7.30ish and napped at 8.30. I think because she’s so active she also gets very tired.

I really struggle to fit in lunch on days like this because if she’s tired she’ll just cry once in the high chair! So I’m guessing she’ll be starving when she wakes up. I’m introducing formula now too, so DH can settle her in the evenings.

WTF wow that’s amazing, she’s not actually properly crawling yet to be fair but she’s close and rolls around constantly to get where she needs to go. I joke with DH that I’m going to get her into gymnastics asap, or ballet or maybe she’ll be a swimmer! If she always has this much energy we are going to have to invest in lots of afterschool clubs!

Hope everyone is having a nice day! I haven’t been out for a walk because I can’t be bothered to wrap up warm and put the rain cover on the pram. Which probably doesn’t help the nap situation!

@PerfectPeony yes I totally sympathise. O went to a CMPA seminar type thing with a dietician yesterday and 3 people took their babies. I was totally baffled at the idea of being able to take a baby to a 2 hour seminar without needing to leave 5 minutes in because of the screaming! I'm similarly jealous of parents who can go for a nice coffee with their babies happily sitting in prams.

Sorry, I didn't mean for my post to come across preachy or like you aren't accepting your DD! As I said, I'm autistic, and this does impact my communication so sorry if it came across wrong/abrupt/anything, I didn't mean like anything like that, I know you love her and are a fab mum!

As far as I'm aware, there is no diagnostic criteria or medically accepted signs of autism in babies, there are no proper screening tools for it until at least toddlerhood, I think. I was particularly commenting on the thing about her movement because actually it is a recognised symptom of being on the spectrum to have poor motor skills, myself and most of the autistic people I know tended to be late developers when it came to things like crawling, walking etc, definitely not early, so that definitely isn't a sign, if anything good motor skills is more likely to be suggestive of them being NT given how poor motor skills is associated with being on the spectrum (although not everyone on the spectrum has poor motor skills, I do have one autistic friend who is an exception to that rule and has really good motor skills, but that's rare).

WTF Yes, the childrens centres here do weaning and BLW info sessions that are 2 hours long with babies being welcome...WTF? I obviously haven't been to any. They also do 'meet and eat' sessions, but you have to have attended the BLW workshop to be able to come to those sessions, and there's no way I can attend the info workshop with DD, so I can't go to any, which is a shame as I think she'd like that, she enjoys sitting in her high chair and eating (for around 20 mins max but don't all babies have short attention spans anyway, really?). And yes to the coffee shop envy, however DD is getting better at this if she's entertained. There is a play cafe nearby so I went on Monday and met up with two other parents I know who have toddlers and I was only there about an hour and had to hold DD on my lap but the table was exactly the right height so she could play with the toys on the table whilst I drank my coffee and chatted, she then got tired and whingy so I left then but it was a nice hour. She's not always that good but the better times are increasing the older she gets, thankfully. She's not been too bad today. Not amazing but she never will be one of those babies that never cries and will lay on a playmat with toys or in a bouncy chair all day lol . But not bad for her!

Meadow you weren’t preachy at all don’t worry! I really value your input on this as it was just something I was thinking about. . Your posts are always really lovely to read and I think you are a great communicator too.

So true about going out for coffee! My problem is I stay too long whereas I should do what you did and leave after an hour before things escalate. It’s taken 6 months but I am slowly learning. Why don’t babies come with a handbook?!

Yes I get about 10 minutes in the highchair during breakfast to get clothes and a bag sorted for the day, then it's full steam ahead for both girls. They're interacting a lot more with each other now and I'm hoping that as they both get a bit older they can play a lot more together and give me some peace!

To be fair, we are at 8 months now and definitely a world away from where we were in September/October when I first started posting about her. I really hope the rest of you find similar solace as yours get older! Crawling and standing have definitely helped DD in the past few weeks.

I just found this thread and I think it must be divine intervention!

I have 2u2 with a 13 month gap. When it's good it is AMAZING.... buuuuuutt... they have both just been ill together so I'm not loving life right now!

Also my ds (20mths) was teething when my dd (7mths) was born so that was fun! There have been lots of dodgy moments with a lot of "I've ruined my life" thinking.

Yesterday dd screamed for an hour in the car when we were driving home 🙄. I stopped, she was fine! Didn't want milk was smiling great! Ds starts crying!!!!

I comfort him, start the car and dd starts again! Most stressful hour of the day! I got home and burst in to tears!

@WTFdidwedo CBeebies is my digital babysitter! Dd is going through a stage of not letting me leave her sight and ds is a climber so CBeebies is the biggest weapon in my arsenal and I've decided to stop feeling guilty about it!! Some days it's on for 10 hours in the background but we read, sing, play cars and puzzles. We also go for walks, play dates and swimming so I'm thinking it will balance out in the end?

Sounds like my house! It's mostly Duggee and Peppa alternatively though, for most of the day!

@WTFdidwedo Abney and Teal, In the night garden and Duggee are the current favourites with a bi of whinging bunny bing thrown in for good measure 😱

Yes she is getting better the older she gets, but my tolerance for her crying just seems to get worse which doesn't make much sense...it's like I panic if she's been crying for more than 5 or 10 minutes an envision hours of screaming even though the latter probably only happens a few couple times a week now. Just took me around 45 mins to get her to sleep with lots of crying and doing my back in rocking her. I really need her to learn how to sleep without copious, vigorous rocking as it's getting unsustainable now because she's over 7kg and I've got permanent back, neck, and arm pain now. But she can't go to sleep without motion and I do use the pushchair a lot but it doesn't recline completely flat and I also don't want that to be the only way she can sleep either, iyswim. Sigh.

Emma Welcome! My DD is 7 months as well, and also loves Abney and Teal, and Bing, and In the Night Garden is her absolute favourite. We used to use it to get her to sleep, bouncing her in the bouncy chair whilst she watched it, but the problem is she's now so into it that she sits happily and watches a whole episode and chats away to the screen, which is cute, but means that method of getting her to sleep has virtually disappeared now so on that front it's even tougher.

You lot with 2 under 2 are HEROINES. I have no clue how you do it. People keep asking me about whether we're going to have another anytime soon but I think the decision has been made for us as I'm waiting for my gynae appt still as atm sex is impossible because it's my episiotomy scar internally is severely painful to the touch so conception is not possible atm anyway. But think we are both leaning towards a 5/6 yr gap in case DC2 ends up as awful a baby as DD.

God she is doing my head in this morning! Cried on and off for 45 minutes til she went asleep, then she slept for 20 minutes so by the time I had her down in her cotbed that was 15 minutes for me to sit down and eat some yoghurt and go on MN and then she was screaming again. Killed some time giving her some yoghurt for breakfast and playing in her high chair and changed her nappy as she did a poo, she cried a bit whilst I was doing her nappy then I put her in her Jumperoo and she is screaming hysterically like she's being tortured. I have no idea what is wrong with her?! Mornings like this are so soul destroying and I have no idea what I am supposed to do with her when she is just screaming and I have no clue what's wrong?! I can only think she is still tired but I don't understand why she seems permanently tired. She can sleep for 20 minutes and she will be exhausted still but she wakes up on a morning and wants to go straight back to sleep except I can't get her back to sleep without a huge battle for ages as she's so difficult to get to sleep, but even on the rare occasion she has a long nap, like yesterday she slept 10.30 am - 12.30pm which was a miracle, she woke up and about 20 minutes later she was crying and rubbing her eyes again anyway! Why is she permanently tired?

@MeadowHay I'm definitely not a heroine- I'm just older. Had ds at 37 and wanted 2 so had to get on with it...

Neither of mine will nap today so I'm just rocking myself in a corner!

I think ideally a 5 year gap is perfect and sensible for career/mh/financial reasons however when ds cuddles and kisses dd if she cry's it is super cute - I cling to these moments! Sending you 💐

Thanks so much for this thread. My six month son screams pretty much all day. Only has half hour naps. I am counting down the days to going back to work in just over a month but then dread the two days of the week I will be home. My partner doesn't get it. I looks after him on a Saturday afternoon and I go out but that's all he does. He doesn't do housework. He uses the fact my son clings to me as an excuse to not do bedtime. I just googled adoption as I'm at my wits end.

It's so nice not to feel alone!

Ds lunch consists of:
A pkt if carrot sticks
Pain eu chocolate
Barney cake
Coconut rolls

Because I JUST got dd to sleep (on me and transfer to sofa) and I have to fight ds to get good food into him. I promise he doesn't have this every day but today I just haven't got it in me!

Adoption is a common daydream for me to but then I realise I'm sadistic and would actually miss the noisy buggers!

Holds Hi, love, welcome . I think a lot of us on this thread have had thoughts about adoption. I went through a phase a few months ago for a few weeks where I kept crying and telling DH that I wanted to give her up for adoption and we discussed it so much that it got to the point where he was saying that my parents would bring her up though and wouldn't let her go into care/to anyone else and then I'd still have to see her anyway...like that much details. But it passed. I do often still wish she wasn't here and message him at work saying things like I wish she wasn't here and I feel like dumping her outside somewhere and going off. I mean, I never would but yeah, I know how you feel, I think, on that score. However DH is great and really hands-on, for the most part. I don't think he takes on anywhere near enough of the organisation/mental load/forward planning but he does do things if asked and he apologises a lot as I'm constantly going on at him about that stuff. Have you spoke to your DP about how you feel and how he really needs to do more to support you and baby? He can't just opt-out of stuff that's just not on, it's his child and his home too! My DH does bed time almost every night and has done so ever since she was born, really.

Emma Don't worry about the lunch, got to pick your battles anyway I guess. Also - I love Barney cakes . DH's always teases me about it, but they're proper nice! I'm looking forward to being able to buy stuff like that and people will think it's just for DD, when actually, it's still for me...

Today has been long and tough and tiring. She was fine for the hour and a half at the baby group, but awful all the rest of the day and all her naps were max 20 minutes. Zzzzzz

Hi Holds and Emma

No judgements on the lunch! You are doing a great job with two. I always pictured myself with more than one child but I don’t think I could do this again which breaks my heart a bit as I adore my siblings.

I too am thinking that going back to work will be nice but at the same time I’m worried about having to get up, get her dressed and myself ready, have breakfast and get her to nursery etc. when she’s still not sleeping through. I really struggle with broken sleep and I’m dreading having to focus at work. DD is 6 months too like your baby and we are basically in a vicious circle of naps and overtiredness. I’m still feeding to sleep when at home as we haven’t been out in the pram much because I hate the cold.

I tried for ages to put her down without feeding to sleep but it never works! She makes those gurgling noises but can never seem to drop off without BF. I did have some success rubbing her back last night when she woke up after I put her down (I had already fed her and couldn’t bring myself to latch her on again). I’m going to start putting Olly the Owl on as I’ve read yet another article about sleep association and how to gradually wean off BF.

So we’ll see....

Happy Friday everyone.

Hi everyone, how is everyone?

DD was back at the GP today. She has said to double the ranitidine dose so she's on the highest dose for 2 weeks, and then if she's still no better she will refer her to a paed. Fair enough I guess. Had a tough day as she only had 2 30-minute naps in the day before DH came home around half 4 and both of those were when we were out in the pushchair, so I've had not a single minute of peace in the whole day from her where I could just sit down and have a cup of tea or do some housework or anything. So tired. She is currently waking at least hourly all night as well and sometimes taking a good 15 minutes to settle again at least a few times a night. No idea what's wrong with her but I'm shattered!

Hi meadow!

I hope you get on well with the new rantinidine dose. There is another medication they can give for reflux though? (not the gaviscon one) Do they not want to try that? Shame about nap time. We are the same. Although she’ll be put down now once asleep which is great. Been feeding to sleep. I got a terrible sickness bug and haven’t left the house for nearly a week! It’s been quite isolating.

DD is still hard work as usual but has starting crawling which is so cool. She’s not 7 months yet and is very active and engaged. It makes me really proud actually- I feel like I deserve it haha! She’s been laughing a lot more too. I’ve found a song she likes so when I’m changing her nappy or clothes (which causes a tantrum) I sing to her and she’s been a lot better. So small things! But it’s all going well considering.

Hi all. I haven’t been on much lately. But I have been reading. Meadow, my DS is doing the same thing for the last two weeks - no long naps, and instead 3-4 short ones. I really miss that hour in the afternoon when he used to stay asleep after the lunchtime walk. It feels so relentless without it. He wakes every sleep cycle at night as well now, every 90 minutes or so. Usually is quick enough to go back to sleep but I’ve had a few bad nights lately where he’s screamed his head off a couple of times. Awful at 3am! Hope it’s just a phase.

Peony, well done your DD. So advanced at 7 months!

Things are more or less the same here. Still no progress on the cot sleeping. He’s had a bad cough since Christmas pretty much, so every time he goes to sleep he’s woken by a fit of coughing. If he’s in the buggy I can usually get him off again, but if he’s in the cot he just has a screaming fit as usual. I’m starting to get stressed about nursery, where he will have to sleep in a cot. I’m back to work in April and I’m dreading the settling in period. I really need to get some kind of routine in place before then.

He is 5.5 months now, and doing quite well with sitting. He still hates tummy time though - he can get up on his elbows, but he won’t. He just keeps trying to crawl by lifting his bum up in the air to get on his knees, but he’s just face-planting. No rolling over yet, because he won’t put his arms under him. He’s so impatient. I’m also impatient. He’ll definitely be happier when he’s on the move.

Hi everyone. I'm Seline mid twenties with DS1 age 3who has additional needs and 26 week twins who are 3 months. Both boys sleep fine but DD just cries constantly when not being held