Parents of Criers Support Thread - Respite from the Screaming!

[MeadowHay]

Hi! I've noticed there are frequently threads on here from new parents of babies who cry A LOT and who are feeling stressed/frustrated/depressed/lonely etc. So I thought I'd make this thread and maybe we can chat and help support one another? Before I had my baby, I knew babies cried, but I didn't know they could cry quite this much, for no apparent reason a lot of the time. And I don't think other people who haven't had a crier, understand what it is like to have a crier!

To introduce myself, my name is MeadowHay, I'm in my mid-twenties, I have one baby girl who is 4 months old. She is a delight...when she's not crying. But she is crying most of the time really. She is a pretty good night-time sleeper which is a Godsend as I need all the energy to cope with her constant day-time crying and she only has like 30 minute naps in the day.

I have just scoffed some wraps down my throat for lunch and can hear her waking up from her 30 minute nap so I better get over there asap before she starts to...you guessed it...cry!

Currently 35 mins and still not asleep, although crying for 15 mins has now ceased, but my leg feels like it's going to drop off from rocking the cradle and I can't stop or the crying will defo recommence. She had her eyes closed 5 minutes ago and now they're wide open again, wtf?? (I know, I sound like I need help...)

Hi Marteena!

I know this sounds so bad but I was a bit envious when I read the 1.5 hours too! But it’s awful when you’re in the middle of it. When DD was 7 weeks she cried for probably 5 hours+ . Is your partner around to take the baby when it happens?

We tried cranial osteopathy but no luck unfortunately.

Meadow I’ve basically been trying to get DD to nap since she woke up (10pm, 2am, 4am, 6am) I sometimes don’t understand how she can function on so little sleep! This morning I was desperate so I went for a drive to the McDonald’s drive through for breakfast - I don’t even like McDonald’s! But she was napping in the back so I couldn’t risk moving her. I pulled into the car park, was about to take a bite of my egg McMuffin. Then she woke up! So I had to drive home and eat it cold. I could have cried.

My Mum likes to remind me that DD’s cousin will ‘just sleep anywhere’ - yeah thanks, that’s helpful!

I feel your pain meadow.

Oh bless you, I would have eaten it and let her cry for 2 mins tbh. DD cries all the time anyway so I figure the odd 5 minutes here or there if I'm very hungry or whatever will make no difference, I hope that doesn't sound bad.

Haha I did consider that. But I wouldn’t have savoured my egg McMuffin 😂

Hello all. Welcome Marteena. Hopefully your little one will grow out of the crying soon. Though mine has defeated all promised tailing off times :(

Meadow, sorry to see you are suffering again. It’s so bloody hard. Be kind to yourself. Hopefully she’ll get better again soon once she shakes the illness.

Fuschia, we have the same baby, seriously, except mine is 17 weeks. Will not sleep in a cot no way no how. I get so tired of the “just put him down” thing. How are you supposed to do that if they wake instantly and just scream constantly? People just don’t understand.

Mine is bad again the last while. I think he’s teething. Spent the whole night on the sofa with him on Sunday night - he just kept waking crying, and couldn’t be consoled. He would eventually go off rocking in my arms, but while screaming hysterically. I had to bring him downstairs each time, because He was waking the toddler. I eventually gave up trying to get back to bed at 2am. I got one hour in bed, then maybe 3 more twenty minute sleeps, then nothing once I came downstairs as I’m nervous to sleep with him on the sofa. He was better last night, at least.

I’m feeling pretty miserable again. I’ve given up on the cot for the moment as it was making me too frustrated, and he’s ok for the most part in the buggy, but it just doesn’t seem sustainable in the long term. Plus impossible on rainy days (like today), or days I have my daughter as well. I’m really dreading Christmas. My husband works in retail so will be working every day apart from Christmas Day and the day after. My daughter’s nursery is closed from Christmas Eve until the day after New Year’s Day, so I’ll have the two by myself for days and days. I’m already feeling huge anxiety about getting him off for naps. We can’t really go anywhere because my daughter won’t stand on the buggy board, and he won’t go into the car seat which is the only way I can make my buggy a double at the moment. The sling is ok, but only for short stints and he wakes if I stop moving for a microsecond or bend down or basically try to use my arms at all. Ugh.

The medication is still in my cupboard. Each day I think I’ll start it, and then I don’t.

I have no Christmas shopping done. Nothing. I feel like I can’t go anywhere with him. The car is out because I don’t think I could cope with shopping centre traffic with him screaming hysterically in the back (every journey). He won’t feed out and about for some reason, so I feel reluctant to take him into town on the bus and train since he’ll be a screaming mess within a few hours. I probably should just do it, but I feel so anxious about it.

Badb online shopping is your friend! I have done absolutely everything on amazon prime next day free delivery. Or if you google voucher codes there is usually some short of discount to cover the cost of delivery.

That all sounds incredibly hard, it’s so awful when the baby traps you in the house. No advice as I basically stayed inside and suffered when DD was like that. I just hope it gets better soon for you.

@badb haha they really do sound the same!! I have given up on the cot this week too whilst he's ill so he's sleeping on my lap during the day (he's actually napping quite well which I'm assuming is due to his cold) and next to me in bed at night. I was working on getting him in the sleepypod in my bed so I could eventually attempt to slide it into the next to me crib but no joy so far. I know it's awful but I spent weeks sleeping on the sofa with my son and I did actually sleep. I propped myself up with a firm V pillow and had my arms resting on this whilst he slept on my chest. I sleep very lightly so woke at any movement / noise. I hope things improve for you soon!
Oh and yes to online shopping! I've done this but have had everything sent to my parents house in case I couldn't get to the door (trapped by baby sleeping on me), I feel ridiculous saying that but have been so desperate to get him to sleep I literally will not move if he's nodded off on me! I wish I could transfer him but he jolts awake immediately. Still, things are massively better since his reflux meds kicked in and i must admit we don't get half as much screaming as we used to. Sometimes we have entire days without any which feels like a miracle. I'm hoping once his cold clears up he'll be ok again. We have his 12 week jabs next week which I hope don't set him back

He doesn't like the pram much or slings until I bought a baby bjorn sling and now he goes in that and settles well (its the only one that worked for us) so I do get out with him more now. It doesn't work in the house though or if I dare stand/sit still for a moment.

Do you have any friends or family who can pop over to at least give you some company whilst your husband is at work? Xx

My eldest is 2 and has never once napped in the cot... She sleeps in there for approximately two hours at night before coming in with us, and in the day she has napped on the sofa since outgrowing napping on me at about 14 months. The baby only ever sleeps on me or my husband, I've never even attempted to put her down. I just accepted the shit sleeping thing from the off!

Well we had a good day but he is being a nightmare to get to sleep this evening as he seems over tired despite good naps today. Took him to bed at 8:20 as he was fussing and this turned into full on screams where he wouldn't feed from me (shaking his head at the breast and crying), eventually gave him a bottle and he conked out halfway through (bliss!) but was wide awake 30 minutes later all smiles and coos. The smiles and coos are now screams and he will not settle :( He's so tired, why can't they just sleep?!

I know, it'so tough and frustrating. This morning has gone similar to yesterday morning although I've somehow avoided crying, thankfully. She fell asleep on me with a bit of initial fussing and I managed to put her in her rocking cradle after 5 mins or so so that was around five past 8. I got a shower and got myself ready, at 8.40 I could hear her whinging and fussing from upstairs, came down and she was wide awake and smiling but I knew she would still be tired and just cry and fuss if I got her up...so I spent fourty minutes rocking her in the cradle til she was asleep. Then I took clothes off two radiators, put the kettle on - and she was already awake but clearly still tired. So I rocked her for another 5 minutes. Asleep. Went and got myself a yoghurt, made myself a brew, sat down on the sofa - fussing and awake again. Rocked for another 5 minutes and here I am, hoping I will at least get to drink my tea before she wakes up again . Tbh I don't care if she doesn't sleep, if she would be pleasant and sit and watch TV or lay and play with toys. But she doesn't, she is just grumpy and cries all the time if she doesn't sleep, like your babies!!

Off to the GP in about an hour too and I have to take her with me, really anxious about it and that's making it even worse, especially as she's unlikely to sleep as she's having a fair amount this morning and she doesn't normally sleep around that time .

@meadowhay good luck at the gp today. It's the hours of time spent trying to get them to sleep for them to wake up after 30 mins that drives me mad :(

He's so tired today but has only managed a 30 min nap so far so is grumpy and crying lots. It just feels like it's going back to how it was when his reflux was really bad so I'm gutted. He's refusing to feed from me or a bottle, just screams at either. I honestly felt like walking out the house and not coming back earlier. I've got him in the sling now and am bouncing on my birth ball and he does seem to be nodding off. If only he would stay asleep though if i stopped or moved him but he won't :( today is going to be a long day.

WTF, what do you do in the evenings? Our situation is similar, except that (thank GOD), my toddler sleeps in her own bed and mostly ok (finally, after 2.5 years of hell). But the baby is the same - I can’t put him down anywhere. He sleeps on me or in the buggy. I find that really tough, not having even an hour to myself. We have to do this ridiculous routine at night so I can brush my teeth - my husband warms up a cushion under his jumper, then I try to pass DS over onto the warm cushion and pray he stays asleep. Then I leg it up to brush my teeth and get ready for bed, wash up etc. It’s a bloody nightmare. I have to eat my dinner with one hand, and if my husband is not here for any reason, I have to face the screams again when I put him down for five minutes to get ready for bed.

He’s been so awful this week. The evenings are just dreadful. So much screaming from overtiredness. I lost it a bit last night and was bawling myself, and told my husband that I wished we hadn’t had a second child. He was really angry with me, and we had a huge row. I feel so hopeless. It feels like nothing is ever going to change.

Hope the GP went ok, Meadow.

How are you doing, Fuschia? I bought a v pillow based on your recommendation! At least I might be comfortable at night.

badb My husband does the toddler's bedtime and I do the baby's as she's fed to sleep. He takes the toddler to her room anytime from 6pm til 9pm depending on how tired she is. I take the baby to my room and feed her lying down until she sleeps. She wakes up at least three times, sometimes 6 or 7, in this time.

Some nights I get an hour to myself (never more) some nights I just have to concede defeat and go to bed with her. The toddler normally wakes between 11 and 1am and comes in with us. We only have a double bed so we have to top and tail...

When my husband's on nights or works til 8 then it's even more shit because I have to try to do both, so I normally give my eldest my phone to watch TV on next to me in bed while I feed the baby. #parentoftheyear

For the first 6 months this arrangement absolutely broke me. Now I'm so used to having absolutely zero time to myself that I can't even summon the energy to care. Some days my husband works 7.30am until 8pm and I haven't spoken to an adult or done anything without holding a child all day.

TMI alert. We haven't had sex in about a year because of the horrendous sleeping arrangement. At this point I honestly wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he'd slept with someone else. I couldn't exactly blame him. Even if we had time/space to ourselves I don't think I could summon the energy to do anything other than spread out and sleep!

WTF, that is hard. My husband does bedtime with my toddler every night too. I really miss that, actually. I feel like she’s growing away from me more every day. My husband has only missed bedtime a couple of times, and those times my mum has been up to help out. I feel so pathetic not being able to handle them, and having to have someone up every time. I feel so trapped too - it feels like I’m never going to be able to leave the house in the evening again. If I could get DS to even lie down in the bed by himself I might have a chance of escaping for even 30 minutes, but he has to be on top of me.

Sex - well, it’s impossible, isn’t it? We’ve had a couple of sofa sessions when my toddler is out with grandparents and by some miracle the baby has stayed asleep in the buggy after a walk. It’s just another source of stress and pressure though - I’d be happy to give it a skip entirely, but I feel like I have to (not put under pressure by husband, I have to add - it’s more my own pressure).

I know what you mean about becoming apathetic. I’m starting to feel like that too. I just can’t be bothered trying to change things because I can’t cope with the screaming that will happen. My husband is already talking about putting DS into his own room at 6 months, and sleep training. We had a bit of a row about it last night, and he said I was being too negative and putting up roadblocks. He’s right, but he’s not the one who’ll have to do most of the legwork here.

@badb I'm ok, he's a bit unsettled this afternoon but I can tell it's because he's over tired. He's had 1 x 45 min nap today and that's all, he's yawning his head off and is so grumpy but wont let himself fall asleep. I was just in a cafe with him in the sling and he had a screaming fit so I ended up leaving in tears as I felt like everyone was staring. I hope the V pillow helps, I'm in no way saying it's safe to sleep that way but it was literally the only way i got any sleep for the first 8ish weeks and I felt more secure using that as it propped my arms in place whilst holding him.

I can't even imagine dealing with this when you have other children. Hats off to you all who have that to contend with too.

I've got a doctors appointment next week as I feel like i need to talk to someone honestly about my mood instead of saying "I'm fine" all the time.. it's hard to admit that though.

Fuschia, the GP is a good idea. I’m very much the same, always say “I’m fine” to everyone. It will help just to say how you feel out loud. See what happens from there.

It is miserable weather here today, so no buggy sleeps possible. My husband took my toddler to soft play this morning and I stayed in bed with DS, as last night wasn’t great. Annoyingly, he seems to be losing the only good sleep thing he had going, which is going straight back to sleep once he latches on at nighttime. So even though he was waking every two hours or so, it was bearable. Now he’s forcing himself fully awake (rubbing eyes and face, unlatching frequently), and that ends up in an hour or so awake time and a screaming fit to go back to sleep. Painful. Weirdly, this morning he slept on till 10.30, feeding on and off. At one point, I was able to put him BESIDE me in the bed, and sneak off to the shower. Of course, just as I put the first spoon of porridge in my mouth, a delivery driver practically banged the door down, so he woke up. But still, beside me is a miracle.

Fuchsia good luck with the GP. When I last attended with the baby she asked how I was doing and I had to look away a bit when I said I was fine because I really didn't want to go into it all and have a breakdown at my daughter's appointment!

Badb that's great news, maybe it's the winds of change... miraculously my toddler stayed in her own bed from 6.30 until 2.30am last night and the baby had TWO hour-long spells without me so my husband and I actually watched a film together last night!! The toddler is sick with a temperature today though so sadly I think it was just illness!!

Greetings everyone.

So glad to have found this thread.

I too have a crier/screamer - DD2 who is 12 months.

I've come to terms with the fact that she isn't the world's happiest baby. I find judgement and looks from others hard.

Finding things really tough at the moment. He's 6 months now and when he was 6-12weeks he cries all day every day, now it's just a constant whinging noise that progresses if ignored. It's the worst he's been in a long time. Nothing nothing nothing seems to be making him happy. Tempted to take him to the gp but know there is nothing physically apparently wrong. Only symptom is the extreme irritability.

turquoise88 welcome, glad to see someone else with an "older" baby too so it's not just me enduring judgy looks!

Haz1516 sorry to hear it's still rubbish, they must just hate being babies so much. How is his development with sitting/reaching/crawling/moving etc? It became more bearable when I could place my daughter down on the floor without thinking she would fall over.

Seeing this thread is so timely, as a friend on a local mums group chat posted a lament about missing the cuddly newborn days and how hard it is having a toddler. I didn’t respond as I knew I’d just say, not me, I never had quiet coffees out with a snoozing baby cuddled into me.

I had/still sometimes have a constant crier. With a cry that could pickle onions!

She’s 16 months now and mostly a poppet, but the first six months were awful. It would take 40 mins of screaming in her pram/sling before naps, she hated being held, had an awful latch, was an utter misery guts. I hated her so much and thought I’d had ruined all our lives. My husband had to take special leave to look after both of us. I once screamed at her and left her on her own (safely!) in the living room and sobbed in the kitchen as I couldn’t stand the noise any longer and she couldn’t tell me what the fuck was wrong.

Six months old, and she changed. Not overnight, but as soon as she learnt to sit up, she gained the independence she’d been craving all that time. Then improved again once she learnt to get around.

Sure, she still has an awful loud cry, and her toddler tantrums are a sight to behold. But oh things do get better. I survived, my husband survived, my daughter survived. And she’s so bloody clever, something all crying babies seem to have in common, if my anecdotal gathering of data is anything to go by!

I’m taking solace from those of who say things get marginally easier when they can sit on their own. So, two more months or misery? I got through four, surely I can do two more. As it happens, I’ve noticed he is marginally happier sitting in a bumbo seat on the table if we are sitting there too. Maybe that’s a good sign?

Oh god, I’m dreading Christmas at the in laws so much. My SIL and BIL and their perfect, self-settling baby will be there, going down for naps in minutes, sleeping for hours without a peep. Of course, I remember last Christmas when he was only a few months old and they were teaching him how to do that. It was CIO, basically. I feel there may be a few barbed comments from both sides this year. I just hope that the weather is good so that I can bring him out in the pram.

Still no let up in the screaming. He won’t even stay on the play mat for five minutes now. It’s leap 4, but I’m not sure I believe in those. I’m starting to worry a bit about my marriage, tbh. We are at each other’s throats lately. It’s fucking awful. I feel so resentful and angry with my husband. I know we need to work a bit on intimacy, but I don’t have the energy.

Still miserable. Was at a baby group on Tuesday and the girls I usually have a chat with even seemed to exchange looks about him at certain points, one of them has a total angel baby who falls asleep the moment they're tired and spends the whole time giggling and smiling. I feel so jealous and resentful. MIL also made comment about it being because I don't feed him enough and don't keep him up long enough to get tired (despite his furious eye rubbing and crying while at hers, she kept trying to stimulate him further and expect him to just fall asleep when tired).

He sits up fine now. Seems to have made little difference.

Hi all.

Having a really bad few days. Myself and DD both have colds. I feel so sick and drained.

I don’t want to be kicked/ scratched/ puked on/ screamed at/ kept awake all night anymore. She’s almost 6 months now, I thought we’d turned a corner but it is getting worse.

I sometimes feel awkward when I’m holding her now, like I’m not doing anything right? I know how ridiculous that sounds. I know I’m just having a bad day, but still. DH away on business. So no rest until tomorrow evening.

I can truly say I feel like having a baby can be absolutel hell some days and I’ll never do it again.

Hi, I found this thread and wanted to add my bit as a mum of a former crier who is now 2. I wish this thread had been about back then.

DS1 was a crier. I avoided baby groups, shops, cafes, family gatherings because once he started crying I couldn't get him to stop. This was the worst and loneliest time of my life. I felt resentment and jealousy towards mums of "normal" babies, and I felt that a lot of people thought I was making up how bad he was or that it was in some way my fault. Sometimes I felt like things were improving then it would all go backwards. There were times I felt like I was being tortured, and I found it hard to love this baby that took so much from me and gave so little in return.

It did get easier though. When he could sit up it was a teeny bit easier, then crawling a bit easier, and then walking lots easier. But before each of these steps happened it got a bit worse (a development regression I suppose). I noticed a big change when he went down to one long nap a day (at about 11months) as he was no longer over tired. Now he is 2 and a half and much easier than a lot of the babies I considered to be easy. He sleeps well at night, he can be reasoned with. I have days where he has tantrums constantly but I would take that over the crying baby stage any day. And I've noticed the mums of the easier babies really struggle with tantrums because they've always had it easy! I can honestly say I wouldn't change him and he makes me so so happy- that isn't something I could say until he was just over one.

I have a DS2 now who is 2 months old. He is not a crier. I have been so lucky. And while he is not an easy baby (hates sleep, wants to be held all the time) the whole experience feels so much easier because I know how hard it can really be. I am not sure how I would have coped if ds2 had of been a crier- i am in complete awe of those of you on this thread who are managing it.

I wanted to say it will get easier bit by bit. This stage might be hard but then the next stage will probably be easier. Just do whatever you can to get through the here and now, get whatever support you can. And know that this is just a stage. You're all doing amazingly. Xx