My screaming baby is ruining everything :(

[endofmytetherstether]

Please help.
DS (5.5 months) has been a very difficult baby from birth. He only has two moods - smiley and content (which is lovely) and completely inconsolable and screaming. Unfortunately he is almost always the latter apart from some smiley hours in the morning.
He screams his head off and cries almost constantly. He is so fucking grumpy. It's got to the point where I don't attend baby classes or NCT gatherings because he blows his top so completely. I've had people in coffee shops and restaurants tell him to shhh! It's mortifying and means I am frightened to go on public transport - I live in central Manchester and don't drive so rely on trams and trains to get around but I dread it because he gets so furious so quickly.
I have no chance to get to him before he blows his lid - he will be asleep in the sling or the pram and will wake up and be full on furious almost immediately. When he gets so angry he won't feed properly.
My DP and I are constantly on edge and arguing because DS screams even more with him than he does with me, so our evenings and weekends are just spent passing a screaming baby back and forth. I end up in tears almost every night because it's so exhausting and wears me down. It's destroying our relationship. We love our son but he has brought no pleasure to our lives as all he does is cry.
I thought he would get better as he got older but it isn't really improving at all.

I don't want to drip feed - I have tried he following:

• cranial osteopathy - did nothing
• he has been medicated for silent reflux for months but doesn't seem to have made any difference - he is on omeprazole (sp?) but really the GP did it on spec to see if that was causing it. He doesn't seem to be in pain, he's just grumpy.
• he is EBF. I cut or gluten and egg and dairy for six weeks. Made no difference at all.
• I am very strict about his naps and he is a goodish napper so I don't think he's overtired
• I tried baby massage but he hates it
• he is an OK sleeper, wakes several times a night but that's to be expected with babies
• he has toys and I try to spend lots of time talking to him but he just cries and gets angry
• we leave the house every day for fresh air and a walk
• he likes the sling to sleep but once he's awake he hates it

I just feel so defeated. He has broken my spirit. I want so badly to be a good mum and to enjoy my time with him. But he is miserable and so are we. Please help.

Sorry Op no advice from me but just wanted to say hang on in there!! I have a 3yr old and a 6 month old and really sympathise, being a parent is hard and what you are going through sounds really tough. But keep saying ‘this phase will pass’! Things do change so quick with babies and he could be a different baby in a few weeks for all you know. Keep being hopeful!

I’m weaning my 6 month old at the moment. If I were you I think I’d try weaning onto solids as he’s almost weaning age anyway and you’ve got nothing to lose. At least you’ll know if the crying is anything to do with hunger!

Good luck x

The OP asked about bonding - i was super exhausted with my high needs baby but she wouldnt cry if i was feeding her/holding her afterwards/in the baby carrier (manduca)/sleeping beside her/breastfeeding whilst standing up and rocking her . I basically didnt do anything else but look after her for 14months, till she toddled. I bonded so well i couldnt bear her having any pain and we talked and chatted all day. Should have taken better care of myself with nutrition etc but otherwise truly blissed out apart from the extreme needs.
As i previously mentioned DD2 is completely different and thus a very easy baby so far

I had two tricky ones, the first we think it was reflux, the second I'm not sure. She did get diagnosed with chronic ear infections a bit later, so may be she always had ear pain.
I had her in a sling a lot which destroyed my back.
You can/could buy a high chair that reclines slightly and supports.
I hoped food would be the answer for my youngest, but she refused it till 10 months. She wouldn't roll either so hv got worried. I was convinced she was just opinionated and stubborn! Now age 2 I think I was right! She is normal, happy, bright and still stubborn. It does get easier.
Apparently my sister screamed until she was 3, sorry that probably doesn't help much.
Good luck and may be crawling will help

For those who had babies like this, were you still able to bond with them? I am really struggling with the thought that while I do everything possible to care for DS I don't love him the way I thought I would/should... sometimes I just want to scream back at him

Yes, - I struggled for the first few years. I'm not going to lie - it's been hard. I still remember very, very clearly when he was 5 months old, I was sat with him on the floor having walked around and around and around town with him for the past three hours non-stop, just wanting to sit down. Just sit, for just a few minutes, but he was screaming and screaming and SCREAMING and I just put him down and sobbed and sobbed, saying over and over in a broken kind of way "I don't know what you want!! I don't know!!" . Gradually, as he started to learn to talk (a late talker), and understand the world, and respond to the discipline and input, he started to grow a bit happier and less frustrated

Just put the little guy to bed - my dear little boy is now 5 and although he still has a lot of frustration sometimes, his epic meltdowns, screaming etc have almost stopped. He is now a very loving, very inquisitive, very emotive and empathic little boy who just wants to be loved and hugged and reassured. He has so many questions about the world, and needs so much input, but I just love the bones of him now and although I regret not being able to bond with him like you read about we are now close as can be. Sometimes, I think (when there's nothing else obviously going on healthwise etc) there are just kids who are just very, VERY high needs. It does get better - so, so much better. Just takes a little longer perhaps than everyone tells you it should take.

Thanks for the new posts everyone, can't believe how this thread has taken off. I already feel more positive just knowing there are other people in the world who have gone through this - all our NCT friends just look at us in pity as DS bellows through every meetup and it makes me feel so very very shit. SO just hearing that there are other babies out there like this is a massive boost... although I wish we weren't all going through it!

I tried him with some sweet potato mash and some aptamil porridge today. He seemed sort of interested in the porridge at first but ended up gagging and crying he wouldn't touch the mash.

Ah mine gagged at first at all the different flavours it’s so strange for them at first. As long as it’s super smooth I persisted later in the day etc and now he loves all sorts of flavours. Good luck x

My friend had the exact issue with her second child; they even measured the screaming on a decibel machine- it was LOUD. You’re bound to be stressed and even a bit depressed at the mo.
The good news is that it will stop, possibly fairly soon.
Most babies gag a bit at first so I would definitely persevere with solids.

Oh, I forgot to mention my screamer has permanently damaged the hearing in my left ear (the shoulder I held her on).

I wish I invested in earplugs.

KitchenDancefloor we had ear defenders, and used to buy earplugs in bulk from Screwfix in boxes of 200. They were especially useful in the car to stop you driving into lorries from all the distraction. My daughter's screaming was deafening.

My baby much, much preferred being on my back in the sling, so that may be worth a try if you haven't yet. She hated the car and the pushchair, and went off front carries in the sling around three months, so it was a real relief at four months to find she liked being on my back. We moved house partly because she screamed so much in the car! I hope weaning is going well, OP.

Oh, OP, it can be hell, can't it? Mine was colicky as a baby and I wore a trench in the pavement near my flat walking him round and round the block in circles in a sling, because it was better than sitting in the flat with him screaming.

I do think you should maybe reconsider your assessment that it's not pain, it's anger. Your comment about him "waking up angry and screaming" made me think of DS - and it was definitely pain. I'd feel him in the sling. One moment he'd be happily snoozing away, then (still in his sleep), he'd go rigid and arch his back as if he was trying to stretch his stomach, then next moment he'd wake up screaming. (He did it in the supermarket once and I remember a woman being really horrid to me about it, and accusing me of having him in the sling all wrong and causing him pain... of course, esprit d'escalier, it was only later I thought of the "and where precisely did you get your paediatric medicine qualification" response.)

So I would say (a) he probably is in pain rather than angry and (b) it is better for you, and your relationship with him, to think of his screaming as down to pain rather than anger. But I know it's hard - sometimes they just feel like they're demon spawn! (And they're capable of leaving even the most level-headed of parents feeling like they've been possessed by demons in turn!)

Incidentally, DS couldn't be weaned early - it made his colic worse. He definitely wasn't ready for solids before 6 months. Late to sit and to crawl as well (I think the pain stopped him using his stomach muscles and strengthening them... but fear not, it's temporary - he's now a very sporty little child).

I’m not sure if this post is still active being such a long time ago, but looking for answers and support as my LG is exactly the same… I just wondered @endofmytetherstether did it ever get better (I sincerely hope so!) and if so when? Did anything help? :-)

@endofmytetherstether I know it’s been years! But I wonder what direction this ended up!? I currently have a 3.5 month old who sounds similar. It would be great to hear that things got better!

I know this is a zombie post but it so reminded me of ds, who was either asleep or awake and screeching for the first year of his life unless I was holding and interacting with him constantly. Once he started talking, which thank god was pretty early, it all got better.

It was beyond exhausting and I literally couldn't hear myself think.

I think he was just frustrated he couldn't make himself understood. He's now a demanding but lovely independent teenager who can't wait to be an adult

I posted on this thread near the beginning under a different username, in solidarity because my eldest was one of those babies. She's 4 now and whilst I can't lie, she is still 'spirited' and definitely not an 'easy' or 'chilled' child, it is definitely much better than it was! I feel I have enjoyed her more and more the bigger she gets to be honest. DC2 is a baby and absolutely lightyears 'easier' than DC1 was so that's been a nice shock to the system too, and even he wasn't/isn't one of those super chilled babies either but still so much easier in comparison to my first.

We had a really stressful time with our daughter. She had reflux but never was able to cope at school and nursery. She has been diagnosed with high functioning autism at 14 and it now makes sense. She was hypersensitive to noise and her crying started a cycle of noise which the hv said was colic. We found a White noise box cut through the crying and helped. I really feel for you, it was very traumatic. Xxx

Oh and btw she is now the most caring sensitive empathetic people. She is really wonderful as

I posted back in 2018 too. My daughter's are now both the easiest and sweetest children and were also easy as toddlers. I think I paid my price early on:)

Yes it gets better, sometimes so slowly you don't even notice. Then before you know it they feel all grown up.

My reflux baby did continue to get reflux and has a whole load of allergies but not dairy. My youngest was very sickly until she had a minor operation age 3ish.

Hi @endofmytetherstether
this is a very old thread I know and your little one is must be 5/6 by now
But was wondering how your little one got on as they aged? I’m struggling with my 3.5 month old little boy who screams bloody murder every now and then. Isn’t a massive drinker of milk either, can just about manage an ounce or two. Don’t know what to do to help him improve:-(. His screams are so bad honestly, no one can calm him down. I’ve been giving him gaviscon twice a day but don’t know if they help! Any advice would be greatly appreciated:-(