My screaming baby is ruining everything :(

[endofmytetherstether]

Please help.
DS (5.5 months) has been a very difficult baby from birth. He only has two moods - smiley and content (which is lovely) and completely inconsolable and screaming. Unfortunately he is almost always the latter apart from some smiley hours in the morning.
He screams his head off and cries almost constantly. He is so fucking grumpy. It's got to the point where I don't attend baby classes or NCT gatherings because he blows his top so completely. I've had people in coffee shops and restaurants tell him to shhh! It's mortifying and means I am frightened to go on public transport - I live in central Manchester and don't drive so rely on trams and trains to get around but I dread it because he gets so furious so quickly.
I have no chance to get to him before he blows his lid - he will be asleep in the sling or the pram and will wake up and be full on furious almost immediately. When he gets so angry he won't feed properly.
My DP and I are constantly on edge and arguing because DS screams even more with him than he does with me, so our evenings and weekends are just spent passing a screaming baby back and forth. I end up in tears almost every night because it's so exhausting and wears me down. It's destroying our relationship. We love our son but he has brought no pleasure to our lives as all he does is cry.
I thought he would get better as he got older but it isn't really improving at all.

I don't want to drip feed - I have tried he following:

• cranial osteopathy - did nothing
• he has been medicated for silent reflux for months but doesn't seem to have made any difference - he is on omeprazole (sp?) but really the GP did it on spec to see if that was causing it. He doesn't seem to be in pain, he's just grumpy.
• he is EBF. I cut or gluten and egg and dairy for six weeks. Made no difference at all.
• I am very strict about his naps and he is a goodish napper so I don't think he's overtired
• I tried baby massage but he hates it
• he is an OK sleeper, wakes several times a night but that's to be expected with babies
• he has toys and I try to spend lots of time talking to him but he just cries and gets angry
• we leave the house every day for fresh air and a walk
• he likes the sling to sleep but once he's awake he hates it

I just feel so defeated. He has broken my spirit. I want so badly to be a good mum and to enjoy my time with him. But he is miserable and so are we. Please help.

The baby is 5 1/2 months! It's not 'early' weaning. I think blw is in any case doomed with this baby. It will just frustrate him. A bouncy chair and some spoon feeding may help. Saying otherwise is just scaremongering.

@fluffyragdoll with all due respect weaning at 5.5 months is hardly early. OP has also stated that she was on an exclusionary diet for 6 weeks with no improvement.

5.5 months perfect and NOT too early to wean. By the way, the latest thinking on allergens is that they should be introduced earlier, before 6 months. This was the advice I received from specialist with egg-allergic dc2. Try weaning OP.

I've had three of these types of babies. Dear god I don't know how I've done it, but dc3 is now 7 months and already a lot happier from weaning and being able to sit up. Still grumpy often and high maintenance, but I am convinced it is mostly frustration.

Other 2 were lovely from about a year on and have remained (mostly!) lovely since, so I'm keeping fingers crossed DC3 will be the same.

I agree with the pp who said after this experience of early motherhood, you will be able to handle nearly anything while others will start finding it hard. Hang in there, I promise you, your DS will bring you joy.

My firstcwas a screamer and it turned out to be Tongue Tie. Have a read of the symptoms and see what you think

I've had 2 screamers. For one it was caused by lactose intolerance, the other it was a combination of lactose intolerance and silent reflux. Once we got it sorted for them, they were like different children.

Silent reflux can take time to work out. It was a combination of Zoton and Gaviscon that eventually worked. Losec and Zantac made no difference at all.

I had a screamer. She was hungry. I was bf and changed to mixed feeding and a dummy. It got a little better but when she was weaned she calmed down. Good luck OP

Oh bless you, OP, you sound like you’re a fab mum and doing a really good job. You’ve described DS2 to a T. I think he had silent reflux but never diagnosed. During the very worst times DH punched a hole in a door in frustration and another time he said to me all sad “he’s hard to love, isn’t he?” . Even worse I agreed with him. There was a stage where we got nothing back from him whatsoever and I felt it was ruining my time with lovely patient DS1 who was only 2 and a half himself.

One of the nursery staff at DS1’s nursery saw me struggling with him one day and said “hang on in there, my little boy was the same, never happy. He’s now 5 and the best kid ever.”

Well, I hung on to that thought. And she turned out to be right. He is now 12 and utterly brilliant and I feel sad when I see photos of him from that stage now because he looked just so tense and on edge. Even his smiles seemed to be more of a grimace.

He does have a peanut allergy and eczema and did suffer with teething so I wonder if it was that when he was younger. Plus once he could walk and talk properly he was so much happier. As others have said, I really think he just hated being a baby. He is very bright so I think was frustrated a lot.

DS1 is very bright too but just a different personality, more laid back and keeps his feelings under wraps so he was a lot easier as a baby.

DS2 wears his heart on his sleeve still and seems to feel emotions deeply. (Good and bad!) He is very easy to read in that way. But it means that when he is in a good mood (nearly all the time these days) he is the sunniest creature ever and so funny. Brilliant at impressions and makes me laugh so much

So while I’m not offering much in the way of practical help (but I agree that weaning helped my son) I am sending you much empathy and as long as you don’t have any concerns about his development, I swear to you it will get so much better. You just need to hang on and get through this stage.

I feel so guilty thinking about that awful time now. I remember thinking “thank god I am looking after him, as his mother who loves him despite all this screaming.”. Because I don’t think anyone would have had the patience to deal with him.

Sorry haven't read the whole thread, just to say sounds like my younger sibling and by friend's baby, both turned out to be allergic to the clothes detergent, their clothes were agony on their skin (but no real rash so took ages to work out). How is he pooping?

My DS was like this too. He was a very tired child, but would never sleep. He became over stimulated very quickly and easily so was always the one at groups who was crying. He walked and talked early too, but if I’m very honest, he’s almost 4 and is still hard work. Lovely, but hard work.

He is very articulate, but still tires quickly and gets over stimulated easily.

By contrast my DD is a delight, very sunny and happy. Always has been.

I do think a lot of it can be personality. Things get better, definitely!

Sending you a big hug OP. My DS2 was just as you described so I know how tough it is, I also had another child under 2. I wouldn’t go back to those days for a million pounds.

But it does get easier, just hang on in there’s accept any help that’s offered. You aren’t doing anything wrong, I tried the lot too inc seeing as cranial osteopath, nothing worked until he just grew out of that stage around 7.5 months. He was still hard work until around 4 but at least we got some sleep!

My DS is 15 now and absolutely adorable. But I can clearly remember those difficult days. You will get through it, my first DS was a dream baby no problems with him at all, so every baby is different. But after the experience of DS2 there was never going to be a baby no 3. No way could I put myself through that again.

I hope things improve for you very soon.

Wow - so much helpful advice. I can't thank you all enough for taking the time to post. For those who have shared stories about their own challenging little ones you have no idea how much it helps to know I'm not alone in this!! DS was a much wanted baby (tried for two years before we conceived) and it is killing me how little I like him some days. I often just break down and sob when I get indoors after he's had a meltdown in public. I wish sometimes I'd never had him and I hate myself for that it gives me hope to hear others improved as toddlers etc but seems so far off!

There are too many posts to respond individually as would definitely miss some but a couple of common threads:
dummy yes he has this. Sometimes helps to soothe him for a bit but more often than not ends up spat out as he cries. If he is tired it helps - any other reason he will not take it!!
paediatrician - yes I will push for a referral. We're lucky to have an understanding GP (who has seen DS melt down in the flesh!!) who has been really good. However I just feel as though it's not a physical problem, I almost wish it was so I could find a solution!
development - all seems normal I think, he is hitting his milestones etc...
weaning - thanks for all the advice on this. I will start sorting it out.

Thanks again everyone. Xxxxxxxx

Oh some people asked about his nappies too - pretty normal I think. Poos 2x a day, doesn't seem to be bothered by doing so.

Sorry just remembered two other questions! tongue tie he had a minor one snipped privately at 5 weeks and has been checked since and all sorted. The meltdowns don't seem to be linked to feeding either.
teething no sign of this.

I keep reading the thread it has made me feel so much less alone. You are all wonderful xxxxxxx

End There is another thread in this section by Summer with a slightly younger baby that is very similar. I have started my own ones before as DD is similar and aged 4 months. Maybe we should have a thread somewhere for those of us with screamy babies where we can all keep posting on it for moral support and to help us get through it?! I find it really stressful but also really isolating, none of my friends have kids and all at work in the week, the only person local around on weekdays is my mum who I see most days and is a huuuge help otherwise my already poor mental health would be even worse, but like you I feel like I can't take her out most places because I worry about the crying. I would say it is slightly better now than when she was smaller and also I'm slightly better and coping with it mentally and just powering through and taking her out on walks anyway as she sleeps en route. You've probably tried everything already but some things that sometimes help DD - it's not consistent though, often things that work sometimes don't help at other times but still:

• Dummy
• Bouncy chair watching TV - usually CBeebies of some sort. She likes Bing, In the Night Garden, Macha and the Bear, Teletubbies...
• Going for a drive, but I don't drive so this is rare
• Out in the pram
• Holding her and bouncing on the exercise ball
• Walking about with her sitting upright or over my shoulder
• Laying or sitting her in front of me and singing nursery rhymes with actions, or singing and dancing in front of her
• She is usually ok in her Water Babies swimming classes, or sitting in her Schnuggle bath
• Hair dryer
• Hoover
• Walks in the Baby Bjorn
• Bottles lol

A friend from my NCT group had a similar baby, he just wasn't happy for about a year.

It might not feel like it but it will end. He turned into a lovely toddler who easily went on long haul flights from 1 year old when I still wouldn't do that now they're 10!

Sorry to hear this OP... we had the same, except without the smiley periods. Every waking minute of the day/night was filled with screaming and it made me quite poorly in the end. We had a lot of problems with weaning as she refused any solids at all until she was well past a year. We saw GPs, dieticians, paediatricians, HVs etc etc, had cranial osteopathy from two different osteopaths, reflux meds, prescription formula etc etc - you name it.

It got a lot better when she started talking (she went from nothing straight to very clear full sentences at around 15 months). At around 2.5 she turned into the loveliest toddler and now at nearly 4 is the most fantastic kid ever - really quite laid back and great company, and makes friends very easily. Has her moments of course, but they all do! But she's incredibly smart (this is the opinion of everyone including preschool staff, doctors and our former childminder, not just us, we're not pushy parent types!) and we wonder if the whole screaming business was just frustration at not being able to talk/communicate.

I really hope things get better for you soon. I know exactly how shit it is.

Not sure whether current guidelines say they need to sit up unassisted in order to start food? Mine are older teens/young adults now so things have probably changed but i introduces food at 6 months and mine could not sit unassisted. I had a high chair that had a recline option (slightly not right back obviously) but so kids could not flop forward. As they were able to sit upright unassisted you then locked the chair into the upright position. One of mine, due to physical disabilities, still had a recline PLUS a blow up insert in the high chair as they were so small for age and would have slipped out the bottom even when strapped in, and packing at the sides (as suggested by hospital OT) at 18 months.

Again, not sure if current guidelines but I thought for allergy purposes the current recommended fad was to introduce food early, around 4 months? If so, a lot of babies could not sit unassisted and say surely?

I would think you may see quite a difference if you do introduce food.

You aren't alone, as you have found in this thread.

I think, like yourself, some people can feel defeated by this hence why you don't see others in public with their screaming babies but it happens to lots of people.

My DS was stressful from birth. I EBF right from the start and 4 months in I was utterly exhausted and defeated by it all. He was not content at all and it was incredibly stressful for everyone.

I tried to supplement formula and also weaned slightly at 5 months and it was the answer to one very unhappy baby. I gave up breastfeeding eventually and he was finally content. Not saying this is the same for your baby at all but I want you to know there will be a way forward eventually !

Babies can be hard work and also the thoughts and expectations of having a baby sometimes do not match up with the reality - it can be so frustrating.

You sound like a really great mum though, exploring and trying to find a solution

I hope you find some comfort in that you are not alone and that it will get better. Good luck

Yes to screamy babies support thread meadow!

I have also been to waterbabies and the last few sessions we had managed to get through without her crying. None of the other babies cry EVER. I don’t know if we will keep going next term though because it’s stressful getting her changed etc. the teachers are lovely though.

Summerbabygirl we also gave up on swimming lessons. The acoustics in a swimming pool are just not ideal for constant screaming. I couldn't cope with it at all.

Yep Evil. Every time I go I stare in disbelief at the ‘normal’ babies who lie there peacefully while their Mums change them, they get dunked underwater without a care in the world.

Dairy free is usually 3 weeks to be clear but we saw an improvement in a few days
If he is FF you will need a prescription as it’s not available OTC neonate or similar- it is pososble to buy it but usually needs ordering and is expensive
They hate prescribing it so brace yourself for a fight and ask for 3 weeks worth- the Tina are small you’ll need 3
I BF for longer as we were earlier in than you and mine didn’t even tolerate the formula (it smrlls rank it’s not like normal formula)
I’m a whizz at dairy free life now! (And soya were allergic to that too and it’s the common sub so that might be your next thing)
He eats super well and it’s a giant child so no concerns there!!

@WingingWonder did you read the OP at all...?

Can he move around at all? My DD was very frustrated and grumpy until she could move about, she never stays still now. I would persue a peadiatric referral to rule out anything medical though.

My dd was similar, I think she just hated being a baby! She also has sensory processing issues which makes sense now looking back as everything overwhelmed her.

She is older now (12yo) but I remember how hard it was, you're not alone op