My screaming baby is ruining everything :(

[endofmytetherstether]

Please help.
DS (5.5 months) has been a very difficult baby from birth. He only has two moods - smiley and content (which is lovely) and completely inconsolable and screaming. Unfortunately he is almost always the latter apart from some smiley hours in the morning.
He screams his head off and cries almost constantly. He is so fucking grumpy. It's got to the point where I don't attend baby classes or NCT gatherings because he blows his top so completely. I've had people in coffee shops and restaurants tell him to shhh! It's mortifying and means I am frightened to go on public transport - I live in central Manchester and don't drive so rely on trams and trains to get around but I dread it because he gets so furious so quickly.
I have no chance to get to him before he blows his lid - he will be asleep in the sling or the pram and will wake up and be full on furious almost immediately. When he gets so angry he won't feed properly.
My DP and I are constantly on edge and arguing because DS screams even more with him than he does with me, so our evenings and weekends are just spent passing a screaming baby back and forth. I end up in tears almost every night because it's so exhausting and wears me down. It's destroying our relationship. We love our son but he has brought no pleasure to our lives as all he does is cry.
I thought he would get better as he got older but it isn't really improving at all.

I don't want to drip feed - I have tried he following:

• cranial osteopathy - did nothing
• he has been medicated for silent reflux for months but doesn't seem to have made any difference - he is on omeprazole (sp?) but really the GP did it on spec to see if that was causing it. He doesn't seem to be in pain, he's just grumpy.
• he is EBF. I cut or gluten and egg and dairy for six weeks. Made no difference at all.
• I am very strict about his naps and he is a goodish napper so I don't think he's overtired
• I tried baby massage but he hates it
• he is an OK sleeper, wakes several times a night but that's to be expected with babies
• he has toys and I try to spend lots of time talking to him but he just cries and gets angry
• we leave the house every day for fresh air and a walk
• he likes the sling to sleep but once he's awake he hates it

I just feel so defeated. He has broken my spirit. I want so badly to be a good mum and to enjoy my time with him. But he is miserable and so are we. Please help.

Honestly I do think food is the answer!

Do you have any mum friends about that could give you support?

Never be embarrassed about a crying baby out and about. We all have either been in that situation people will just have to deal.

I’m in the Manchester area if you need to vent or grab a coffee 😊

I had a padded reclining high chair. Can’t remember the make but it was a well known one. I was def a Best buy. I could strap him in and put CBeebies on!

Oh my sounds just like my now delightful ds

Baby massage- only one that screamed constantly
Rhythm time- screamed and cried continually

Pushed in pram- constantly screaming.

Up until about two to be honest. He had cmpa and the screaming was blood curdling. Every either stared at the cacaphony or ssshhed him and frowned (as that really helped) and I was constantly getting angry at judgy wankers staring at my child for reasons I had no control over.

Honestly I sympathise entirely and promise you this too will pass!

Another vote for trying a dummy if you haven't already. My DS screamed and sobbed constantly for 3.5 months. Then he discovered he could put his thumb in his mouth and he was a different child - smiley, happy, easy-going.

He's now 14 and has monthly visits to the orthodontist so it wasn't quite the panacea it originally seemed to be but at least I had a happy baby!!

You need an urgent paediatrician referral. You should have had one months ago. Your baby is clearly suffering and this is beyond your GP’s expertise. Go back to the GP and insist on a referral.

I have to say, my daughter was like this -- partly due to an intolerance to cow's milk proteins, and partly just her character. Cutting out dairy helped our nights. She was still often very unhappy during the day. I would actually say that she still is rather on the grumpy side and that it's her nature. I did find that things improved once she was old enough to communicate verbally and be more independent. On the plus side, that grumpiness at not being able to do things has translated into a wonderfully independent and adventurous little person. I hope it's the same for you.

My ds1 did this. Omeprazole also made no difference, nor did stupidly strict exclusion diets, nor weaning, he hated dummies and the pram. The only thing he liked somewhat was being in a sling, so I just found a supportive one and wore him for most of my maternity leave, but he still screamed. Ultimately it just took time. When I had Ds2 I actually felt a bit resentful at all the things I missed out on doing because ds1 had been too unhappy and then with Ds2 I had a toddler in tow.

HOWEVER things did gradually improve - he stood and walked very very early and talked early too, it was like he just hated being a baby. By 18 months he was a different child and he was my easiest toddler of 3 so far, not perfect but never had terrible twos and could be reasoned with like a much older child.
My other babies have also been a doddle in comparison, even with older children to care for as well, and made it extra clear to me that often it's just how the baby is. You're doing a great job, and agree it's good to find the right carer - I'd suggest either someone like a maternity nurse who loves even screamy babies, or we found a lovely trainee midwife who was super gentle and patient and could babysit him for a few hours.
Good luck and you will be looking back on this sooner than you think

If you think the screaming could be down to a medical issue, I recommend taking a video when your baby is screaming so that you are able to show it to a doctor/paediatrician. Whenever I saw doctors about my daughter, they just said 'oh, crying is normal'. It was only when they actually saw her serious pain and extreme crying that they took it seriously and we figured out it was CMPA.

Have you tried seeking advice or not OP?

I feel for you op. My first baby cried all the fucking time. If she was awake she was crying. She had nothing actually wrong with her, she was just a cryer and she bought me no joy either. Around her first birthday she walked, and a few months later was talking quite nicely. From that point forward she was a total joy, beautifully behaved, happy, kind, rare to tantrum - just a ray of sunshine and still is at 6. My theory was she just hated being a baby - frustrated and bored and Pissed off. It was a trying year but it was worth it for a gorgeous child. Hang on in there , he will improve

DontMakeMeShushYou - dont feel too bad, ds1 never had a dummy l wanted him too and tried 8 different types and he is under the orthodontist. Ds2 had a dummy my ears were so grateful and has perfect teeth

You need to push for a referral to a Paediatrician. Video the screaming at its worst and play it to the GP at full volume. Do you have health insurance? If so, your doctor should be willing to refer you to a private paediatrician, no issues. An NHS referral obviously takes longer. As an alternative, if you can afford it, you can self refer to a private paediatrician (most people don't realise you can self refer). Or to a Paediatric Gastroenterologist.

My bet is that it is still silent reflux. Omeprazole worked wonders for my son but some babies respond better to other medications (Ranitidine, Domperidone etc). It is also highly possible that your GP may have prescribed the wrong dose of Omeprazole. Paediatricians will often dramatically increase dosage as GPs are reluctant to prescribe too much as they are prescribing it "off licence" which means they take personal liability if anything goes wrong.

These are my notes on administering Omeprazole ("Losec MUPS"):

Omeprazole is better prescribed in tablet form rather than the suspension, even though this may seem counter-intuitive for a baby. This is because the suspension loses effectiveness very quickly and I heard that it also contain cows milk proteins, so is best avoided (reflux and cows milk protein intolerance 'cmpi' are very closely linked). With the tablets, the best way to deal with them is to break the tablet it half (it dissolves better when broken) by snapping it on the edge of your kitchen counter (don't cut it with a knife as this breaks up the tiny coated balls on the inside). Then put the broken parts in a Calpol or Nurofen syringe and draw up the liquid. Let it sit for a minute or so, then keep agitating the syringe until the tablet is mostly dissolved. You will need to keep agitating it and drawing up more liquid each time you squirt it in baby's mouth. Re the liquid, you can use just water (it must be cold water), but it works best if the liquid is slightly acidic. I used diluted pear juice (from Ocado) as pure apple juice is too acidic for refluxy babies, so this is a good compromise. Babies also like the taste, which makes the whole process a lot easier!

Also, read the chapter on Reflux in the book "The Sensational Baby Sleep Plan" by Alison Scott Wright (plus the other chapters are great too).

I have extensive notes on reflux if you want to PM me.

Also, you should stay dairy free (if giving formula, you need to give a special non-dairy formula). If you start weaning, avoid acidic foods (this includes apples).

I have lots more info if you want to PM me!

OP, this sounds truly shit, for both you and him.

I see you have considered the main food intolerances, but it is possible he has multiple intolerances, to more than the usual culprits, and that is why cutting out the big four didn't have much of an effect. To give you an idea, my DD has CMPI, but is also intolerant of gluten, soy and a whole host of usually innocuous fruit and veg, including grape, date, spices like cinnamon, and previously stuff like carrot and banana (though she can tolerate these now at just turned 3).

You could request a trial of a hypo-allergenic formula like Neocate or Alfamino, to see if symptoms subside (or buy a couple of tins, though it is £££). The problem is, that he is almost at weaning age, so you might get pushback from the GP, but it would give you a chance to see what he is like when all obvious allergens are removed from his diet. Introducing solids could confuse the picture more, if intolerances are in play (though of course, they might not be....).

It would mean an end to breastfeeding, though, as you would never be able to cut every possible source of intolerance out of your diet. He doesn't seem to be happy with breastfeeding, mind, and like a pp, I know a couple of babies who were constant whingers while ebf, who became much more content and satisfied once formula was added.

Tongue tie is another thing to check, as pp suggests. It can make for inefficient feeding, leaving the baby permanently hungry, and constantly in pain from wind. Worth a check with someone who really knows what they are looking for.

When it comes to weaning, don't necessarily wait until he can sit unaided, as some babies are not doing that until 8 or 9 months (though you have time to trial a hypoallergenic formula first, if you get your skates on). The Ikea Antilop can be bought with a cushion that you place in the seat to make it snug, and hold the baby in a sitting position. It is also handy to take to the park to put in the baby swings, for the same purpose.

Quite honestly, I would be demanding a referral to a paediatrician by now ( I can recommend a good one if you are in London?). This is not normal, something is making him unhappy, and chances are it can be sorted, if only it can be identified.

My friend's baby was like this and it turned out that he was allergic to milk. It caused him terrible pain. So the doctor prescribed a milk alternative (I can't remember what, sorry). It was the only thing that stopped the crying. When the milk was running out and the chemist dispensary had run low on stocks on the odd occasion, she was petrified they would not have enough! Literally so frightened he'd start the crying again.

Mare’s post has reminded me that the book “Colic Solved” has good info and advice on reflux.

April2020mom "Have you tried seeking advice or not OP?"

Have you tried reading the OP's posts?

Also, you need to give the Omeprazole on an empty stomach and then wait about 20 mins before feeding your baby.

Lastly, it can take a while for the effects of Omeprazole to "kick in" - how long have you been giving it to your baby for?

Just read mare's post, and she makes a good point about dosage of PPIs. GPs tend to prescjribe at the lowest possible level for the baby's weight, whereas a consultant will usually go for the middle or top level. This can make all the difference. My DD is on Lansoprazole, which seems to be the favoured PPI at the allergy clinic she attends. It completely eliminates pain from reflux, once they are on the correct dose. For DD this is the highest level for her weight.

Sorry, just saw you said he's had Omeprazole for months. What dose is he taking and what is his weight?

If its not caused by anything else, it could just be that he's an easily bored baby. My oldest was like that and it was the only conclusion I could come to. Once she started talking she was very demanding and I think as a baby those demands came as screams where she couldn't talk!
I heard a theory about high needs baby's being a sign of intelligence, not sure how much truth is in it but it made me feel a bit better and was true for my first (though my second is a very easy baby so now hoping it isn't true haha!)

@Pannalash Off topic but, do you live in Harrogate by any chance?!

I had a 'never content' baby and I swear 5 months was the worst. He sat up at 4 months and was never really a big roller so until he could crawl at 7 months he sat and moaned ALL. DAY. LONG. He made the most annoying moaning sound anytime he wasn't feeding and didn't sleep until he was 17 months. But now he is amazing, I can't get enough of him. A big positive change for me was going back to work at 9 months old. He became so much easier.
My friend had a screamer like yours and at times she had to close the door and walk away for two minutes. Her little boy has now got pretty strong reflux meds and he also had grommets inserted. Have you got any concerns about his hearing at all?

Theres a youtuber who had a silent reflux baby..this mama life. She does a few videos on it and how she coped.

@endofmytetherstether My DD had reflux so bad that the Paed instructed me to wean at 4 months. She sat in her bouncer whist I fed her :)

Please don't wean early unless advised to for medical reasons. The after affects of early weaning do not show until you are in adulthood so while baby may seem fine you will not know for a long time. Do some research into it first, you are 100% correct in stating that if baby cannot yet sit fully unaided then to hold off on weaning. If you are doing BLW then it is essential baby is sitting upright. Please do not give foods to a baby in a reclined position, especially if BLW, as they are more likely to gag and choke.

I would investigate more allergies and push for a referral at the docs. It takes 6 weeks for you to be free of allergens (dairy etc..) once you stop consuming them and so you wouldn't notice a difference in baby until well after that so maybe go back to eliminating things out of your diet. Definitely keep a diary of everything as it might make it easier to pin point the problem

It sounds very difficult so  for you! Keep going mama

You've had some good advice, so no more of that from me.

Just another wave from the other side. My DC cried and screamed for months and months and months. I thought it would never end.

I wanted to throat-punch anyone who suggested 'you should just x(insert obvious but unsuccessful solution here)'

She turned into the most delightful, easy, sleep-loving toddler. It's must have happened gradually but one day I remember thinking 'oh this isn't difficult any more.'

We went on to have another DC. Everyone who had met our first as a baby put money on us just having the one. Number 2 was chilled, ate and slept easily and was a smiler. There's hope!