My screaming baby is ruining everything :(

[endofmytetherstether]

Please help.
DS (5.5 months) has been a very difficult baby from birth. He only has two moods - smiley and content (which is lovely) and completely inconsolable and screaming. Unfortunately he is almost always the latter apart from some smiley hours in the morning.
He screams his head off and cries almost constantly. He is so fucking grumpy. It's got to the point where I don't attend baby classes or NCT gatherings because he blows his top so completely. I've had people in coffee shops and restaurants tell him to shhh! It's mortifying and means I am frightened to go on public transport - I live in central Manchester and don't drive so rely on trams and trains to get around but I dread it because he gets so furious so quickly.
I have no chance to get to him before he blows his lid - he will be asleep in the sling or the pram and will wake up and be full on furious almost immediately. When he gets so angry he won't feed properly.
My DP and I are constantly on edge and arguing because DS screams even more with him than he does with me, so our evenings and weekends are just spent passing a screaming baby back and forth. I end up in tears almost every night because it's so exhausting and wears me down. It's destroying our relationship. We love our son but he has brought no pleasure to our lives as all he does is cry.
I thought he would get better as he got older but it isn't really improving at all.

I don't want to drip feed - I have tried he following:

• cranial osteopathy - did nothing
• he has been medicated for silent reflux for months but doesn't seem to have made any difference - he is on omeprazole (sp?) but really the GP did it on spec to see if that was causing it. He doesn't seem to be in pain, he's just grumpy.
• he is EBF. I cut or gluten and egg and dairy for six weeks. Made no difference at all.
• I am very strict about his naps and he is a goodish napper so I don't think he's overtired
• I tried baby massage but he hates it
• he is an OK sleeper, wakes several times a night but that's to be expected with babies
• he has toys and I try to spend lots of time talking to him but he just cries and gets angry
• we leave the house every day for fresh air and a walk
• he likes the sling to sleep but once he's awake he hates it

I just feel so defeated. He has broken my spirit. I want so badly to be a good mum and to enjoy my time with him. But he is miserable and so are we. Please help.

Mine was the same, just screamed and cried all the time (unless granma was around 😡). It really wore me and dh down... I felt robbed of my maternity leave because I couldn't do the lovely things I'd planned.

She had reflux as well as a general grumpy disposition so there was a lot of puking as well as screaming. I couldn't leave the house and felt so alone.

Then I started weaning at 17/18 weeks and she was so much better almost instantly, I couldn't believe it! Her head control was good and could sit in a bumbo/high chair so after a chat with our gp I gave it a go... by 6 months we could give her a piece of something and she'd be happy to sit and eat for ages, the screaming reduced dramatically (there was some because she was a baby) and we could go out again- go to playgroups, for a walk or a coffee!

She's 3 now and a real diva, but a fabulous eater! Early weaning isn't for everyone and is a real divider, but as PPs have said could be worth a go for your little guy.

My eldest was the same, he was much more content when I weaned him, he had a ravenous appetite, just milk wasn't cutting it for him. He is now a strapping 30 year old with no food allergies or intolerances.

I've just screamed shut the fuck up at mine four times at the top of my voice whilst driving so I'm having a great day. I almost smashed my car into an oncoming truck. I'm considering returning to work next week instead of January. Good luck to the poor sods in nursery.

You have my complete sympathy. My son cried so so intensely in his first year. Got very tired of doctors and people saying that’s what babies do. He was also EBF. I found that I also had to cut out dairy in my diet to make a difference as my son could not tolerate it. It’s something to do with milk proteins? Perhaps yours also reacting badly to the meds he’s on? I was prescribed gavisxon and other things but stopped them as doctors seemed so unsure anyway and I found they made it worse - added new problem. You’re doing a great job - what I found was that if he was crying there was always a problem - pain - he wasn’t just grumpy. Hope gets better for you soon!! Xx

Ooh one other thing - baby signing - best thing I ever did. Took a while but from 8 months I took him and at 9 months he was communicating with signs that he was thirsty and hungry. Completely amazing. Crying is all he can do right now but he is trying to communicate. Good luck!

My younger brother screamed non-stop...until he could crawl. It turned out that hes just a fairly active person and he needed to MOVE and was furious he couldn't. Once he was crawling, bam - happy baby.

@endofmytetherstether
I know exactly what your going through an it’s horrible , my baby’s is 13 weeks and has been the exact same everyone keeps telling me it’s colic where as I don’t even know as doctors just judge them on there and then but my baby also has two moods ...happy then absolutely hysterical! She will scream for an hour at at time and only stop when she’s exhausted herself ... she’s is so clingey and I’m not sure why as since birth I’ve never over handled her .. and me and my partner are arguing none stop and it’s breaking my heart ... he feels as if she doesn’t even love him ect and it’s horrible ... I don’t go out because whenever the pram stops in motion she will cry or wake up sane as the car ..whenever we hit a red light my anxiety goes through the roof as we can hear her prepping up to cry ... I have blocked out all my friends in fear they will run a mile and I just feel so alone in all of this of course when she’s happy and smiling I couldn’t be happier but the second she switches I feel myself falling into a space and I can’t get out ...my partner doesn’t understand and tbh I don’t know if he cares I look after our baby all day and she’s screams at me all day and he has the audacity to get annoyed at her after 2 minutes of crying ! Sorry I’ve turnt this into something about me but your not alone you really arnt so please try to stay strong

I had one of these. Nearly broke up my marriage. My childminder was close to giving me notice he was that awful. Something clicked at 18 months and he turned into the most gorgeous, cute and happy toddler. I just think he was pissed off at being a baby.

As for people saying persue a paediatrician referral, all doctors do is call it colic and tell you to get on with it. Some babies are screamers unfortunately.

Bowgum I agree with everything you have said.

I just got a call back from the doctor, he has prescribed the special milk to try. I’m heartbroken, I don’t want to stop breastfeeding. I feel like it’s my fault she’s ill because my milk is crap. I’m sat here crying about it, didn’t think it would come to this.

OP I have been there!! The reflux, the meds, the feeling you are losing your sanity literally! The end of your relationship as you knew it. Endless advice from family like you are useless. Actually I ended up with PND.

My DD is 4 now and is still high maintenance. But the joy we get from her is worth it all. You are in the worst of it. Totally.

My DD had issues on solids as well as she got constipated and she never seemed happy. Anywhere we went she was the only one screaming. I felt so depressed.

Anyway - looking back - she possibly has ASD and I think a lot of not all of the world was scary to her. She is extremely intelligent now at 4 but took a long time to be able to communicate with us. What was scary and what she didn't like. Things just slowly improved the more she developed and the more she got used to the world.

Being able to walk, able to talk, able to ask and answer questions, able to listen and understand the plans for the day

It was literally a matter of time. Hang in there OP. I really struggled mentally and if she is being tricky now I tell myself over and over it's just a phase. It really is. Nothing lasts.

Some people just hate being babies. They do grow out of it.

@Summerbabygirl if you want to feed then PLEASE keep expressing (even though it is exhausting). With my screamer we tried the hydrolysed formula too and not only did it not make a jot of difference after 2 weeks, we lost the ability to soothe him with bfing.
Luckily I'd kept expressing, and the consultant said that while a total change takes longer, they'd expect to see some change within a fortnight, so I was able to return to breastfeeding (after a few days of non stop feeding to re-establish supply). I would have been so sad otherwise.
If it does work then don't feel bad, you are doing the best for your baby - and if not, then at least you can still bf.
Ultimately for us it was like the others, some people just don't like being babies ..

Thanks Stuck. Yes I will 100% keep expressing. Don’t want to risk losing my milk supply if it doesn’t work. He said give it two weeks which I will, it’s goint to be hard though. God knows how I will get her to sleep.

OP get one of the bouncers the baby reclines in and start some baby rice or baby porridge or a mashed up risk with a little of his milk or water. It will get better, hang in there! Really really feel for you right now.

Also, if you try bottle feeding, put a little baby rice in there to bulk up the milk...let us all know how you get on, sending (useless) positive thoughts your way xx

Havent read the whole thread but, like girlfriendlikesflowers , DD1 was quite like this and just hated being a baby. Inthink it showed her extraordinary inteligenxe (smug for survival). She cried the whole way theough every baby group. Being a furst time mother was very vulnerable to people telling me i was doing things wrong, making her that wsy because i would soothe her rather than letting her cry. Theynwould let their babies cry to sleep. Mine wouldnt give up but would cry herself blue and breathless, so i had to stop and soothe.
In hindsight, having tried all other options, she was just a super high-needs baby, the book by Dr Sears helped. DD2 is here (with a 6 year age gap, as is often the case after high needs 👶🏻 babies 😆), and is completely fifferent, even though i treat her the same.

Posted too soon . . .
The time around 8 months was hard, as teething took ages and was very painful. So hang on in there, keep yourself healthy and sane and it will eventually get easier. Some babies are just like that and the hard thing is that noone in RL believes you, making thinhs harder. Your baby has different needs to the average baby and is just communicating that. If youve tried everything just give in and tend to him. It will get better.
DD1 is now 6 and perfectly normal, if just highly sensitive and empathic, not a bad thing :)

I had one of those and weaning helped hugely, as did every development out of infancy. In hindsight I conclude he was a rubbish baby and was much happier not being one!

Wrt the waking up grumpy, I can only suggest a dummy, white noise and distraction. And wine for you after bedtime.

Do get out, the crying will be so much worse to you than anyone else

My ds was screamer for 7 long back breaking months.

It almost killed my marriage it was that bad.

Doctors kept fobbing me off too until he went on hunger strike and we got referred to hospital.

He had CMPA. Within 12 hours he cheered up. Within 24 he was completely changed. He slept!! Something he didn’t normally do. He would only sleep 2 hours at a time, and then be awake screaming for a good hour.

He was also given omeprozole for reflux. Gaviscon did sod all

I did try weaning when he was around 5 months to try anything but he refused that too.

He finally weaned at 7 months once he was put on dairy free milk.

He also refused dummies

I had a grumpy DD1. She's 17 now and fabulous but sometimes still can be quite touchy. Try reading the book "The highly sensitive child", this was my dd to a T. I think often she was grumpy because she was overstimulated, too much noise, too many people, too bright, too bit etc. She found things like toddler groups very hard. Quiet play at home was more her thing even though I found it boring. Calming things down and doing quiet sensory things helped. I used to find having a bath with her very soothing for both of us. And she loved Baby Mozart dvds! Hang in there it does get easier! But I think some people/babies just are more sensitive than others.

@Summerbabygirl

Your milk is not crap and you do not have to stop breastfeeding.

If your baby has suspected CMPA and you want to continue breastfeeding, the best thing to do is trial a strict dairy-free diet. If CMPA is the issue you may see an improvement very quickly, but it will take 6 weeks for all the CMP to leave baby’s system completely (3 weeks to leave yours and 3 weeks to leave baby’s). If there has been no improvement after 6 weeks you can reintroduce dairy. If things have improved you can “challenge” it to confirm the diagnosis (basically eat a portion of yoghurt or other dairy product high up the milk ladder). If symptoms return the diagnosis is confirmed.

There is lots of excellent information and advice on this website/blog: dilanandme.com/dairyfree/
If you’re on Facebook there’s a FB group too which is a great source of personal advice and support.

@Summerbabygirl

(Sorry, I hit post before I’d finished!)

Our paediatrician suggested what your doctor has, that is stopping breastfeeding and giving hypoallergenic formula only for 2 weeks. I was very unsure as I wanted to trust the doctor’s advice but my instinct was telling me not to. In the end I discussed it with a lactation consultant and also joined the FB group I mentioned - everyone advised against it so I didn’t do it.

We’ve had a really tough time with bad sleep, silent reflux and CMPA (admittedly mild CMPA but still tough to deal with) and breastfeeding has been the one positive through it all, it always calms DS (and me!) and I’m glad I didn’t give it up like that. It would have been so upsetting for us both.

(Of course some mothers do decide to stop breastfeeding and that’s fine! It just didn’t feel right for me.)

I agree you need to wean him. Also make sure naps are regular and same time/length each day.

My kids are around age 20 now...I had them all very close together...they are all over 6 foot now, big strapping lads,of normal weight .....op by your sons age my babies were on 3 meals a day ,solid proper meals.not a huge amount of different foods ,but definitely sat in a highchair being spoon fed food whenever we had a meal.being handed a taste of what we were eating,and still plenty of milk...they were happy babies ,they slept throughout the night from around 4 months which is when I introduced food....I know that is not how it's done now.because advice is to not introduce food untill 6 months due to a possibility of allergies...I can remember seeing the gp with my youngest at 4 months and gp was saying get baby on some food...I've quite a few friends with grumpy babies as well..all waiting for the magic 6 months to introduce food...good luck op xxx

Makes me think how I expect in another 20 years advice will of changed again,back to food at 4 months

It should def be between 4-6 months not 6 full stop