"We shouldn't tell new parents what life is like after the birth, it'll only scare them"...

[fillyjonk]

said a high-ranking NCT co-volunteer to me today

I think this is crappy on so many levels

If we can prepare women for the birth, an intense and highly subjective experience, then SURELY we can prepare them for life with a newborn. Breastfeeding classes (and I mean a proper in depth course, NOT a half hour slotted into the NCT classes, tricks for soothing a screaming baby, a proper discussion of depression/isolation etc etc after birth...NONE of these are really covered properly in NCT classes, let alone NHS classes.

Oh I dunno, what do you all think?

Is Home Start not helpful in situations like that?

also, i have made contact with the sure start midwife, who i will be seeing next month, with a poster and some leaflets to give to mums she thinks would benefit...

well that sounds positive lm.

i am trying to decide if i should look into this for when db is born, touch wood etc.

yes HomeStart would cover it also. They ARE a charity and there is, as always, a shortage of money and volunteers. And the amount of help I think they can offer is a bit limited, and IME people with little money don't tend to want people volunteering to help them, IYKWIM. They'd rather have someone paying for the service, like the NHS. But I could be wrong there.

such a minefield..

My SIL is a Home Start Co-ordinator, and you are right they are a charoty and they are always strapped for cash.

They do rely on volenteers, but in some cases I think that can be an advantage, since sone mothers would find 'official' intervention and help distateful (shade of 'the social' being involved IYSWIM).

Home Start is seen more as mums helping mums, I think.

SIL has lots of women now volenteeing who were initially helped by HS, which I think is a very possitive thing.

They also rund lots of things for the volenteers as well, pampering evenings, help with CV and interview twchniques if they want to get back into paid work etc

oh it sounds good

am going to look into it, i think, if i can find the time.

i think i'd feel more comfortable there than the nct

filly-- i am going to train as a childbirth educator with Childbirth International

MrsMalumabas is a trainer for them

you are not then tied to a big organisation and can work independently from the start. and it is distance learning, and you can go at your own pace

I think parenting courses would be far more use than trying to cover this in NCT classes- because you can talk about your reality, and apply it to life as you find it. My first parenting courses were ASD specific and invaluable. I did a general one later after ds3 was born (a friend was running one and went along to support her), and thought that was good as well.

I really really disagree that "life is hell for the first 3 months" should be taught in an antenatal class, because I don't think its necessarily true at all, and I think rather like NFK that if you're looking at it to be hell then you can almost make it that way. If I'd been told it was going to be dreadful maybe I would have interpreted sleepless nights etc differently than I did.

I was thinking about this earlier and really the most helful thing our NCT teacher did (and she was a very good one) was make sure that the group coffee mornings were up and running. We met twice a week I think.

i don't really think you should "teach" anything. i don't think the nct courses are especialy helpful anyway.

i think pruni and mb's ideas, about having a group of experienced mothers to talk to, is the way to go.

Perhaps depends on the teacher because our was- in an emotional way- very good preparation for birth and beyond. I think (from hearing other stories) our teacher was exceptionally good though. The only dodgy bit was the person who had been sectioned (but she was a stand in; and we did express our concerns to the teacher afterwards).

Love the idea of pre-birth parenting classes - experienced mothers sitting around being honest.
My SIL had a baby recently and before birth I tried to be very honest with her about my experience. She thinks I'm a fecking loser

I've never got the "no time for a shower / eating / going to the loo" bit. I just figured that if baby was fed, clean and safe 10 mins while i had a shower wasn't gonna kill him! I used to put him in bouncy chair on bathroom floor, singing silly songs like a maniac at the top of my voice if he started screaming! I just cannot go without a shower!

Must admit mine were relatively easy, breast fed well etc. Was lucky. But i do have the olds living nearby so we have a lot of support. Don't underestimate the difference that can make!

What i did have to sacrifice was a tidy house! I think something has to give somewhere.

Our NCT classes were pretty good -- they were split into "women only" and "couples" sessions and quite a lot of the couples session was focused on life after birth (including some discussion on what was normal and what might be PND). We had some "how would you feel / what would you do if..." situations to discuss and I definitely felt once DS was here that stuff from that session had been among the most useful. I did also have a very honest friend who admitted that when her DS1 was born she and her DH thought "what have we done?" and for most of his first three months would gladly have wound back the clock and never had children. Being prepared for the worst made the reality far easier to deal with.