I agree with every word of this article about the ideal of parenting

[margoandjerry]

In the times today

except that I wouldn't bother to explain why I was screaming.

purplepumpkin taht would drive me mad too.

No interest in the book I recommended then?

btw enid - refuting is also in the eye of the beholder (pedant alert)

Suggestions then enid?

why do you feel thats going too far? i mean i did say sometimes. Like i say its not a method i use always, i use them all, the naughty step the reasoning m ethod, all of them, but like someone said before me, i and them are human, and i'm not going to water my children down emotionally, and the point i was trying to make was when i do loose my temper which isnt always it does stop the insane fighting and my children understand i too have a point in my own emotions that can be pushed no further. Other methods are not always as succesful, thats all i was saying

eemie sorry am totally confused now

if he is answering back all the time purple then perhaps you need to have a proper sit down chat with him about his attitude (though I realise that all sounds v well and in practice, it's a different matter).

Does he get pocket money? Could you start linking his behaviour to rewards? Has he got to that age where he feels he's being treated like a younger child (iyswim)?

I also think some children (and my ds is like this too) are VERY expert at drawing you in to arguments because they know it gets a rise out of you.

does he do it for attentino? do you sit down and give him one to one ever?

fis, yes, I think we might have to go back to linking pocket money to behaviour - when we did it before, he responded very well. I guess things decline slowly and you suddenly come to and realise that you're now in a situation that has got totally out of hand.

enid, yes he's allowed to stay up later than dd and I sit with him most evenings at that time. He's such a lovely lad but answering back is almost like a reflex action with him, I think. But I have to get to grips with how I'm parenting him, that's for sure. This morning, he told me that he was going to leave home at 18 and never visit me again

aw thats mean

you need to have a Big Talk - what does your dh think?

dh is away (dh is always bloody away, which also doesn't help, although ds is just as bad when he's here). They clash dreadfully too as dh is a bit like that as well.

Yes, you're right, a big chat is in order.

Good luck with your son...i still have all these years ahead of me, in only two years i have tried n umerous ways of dealing with behavious people always say it gets easier, im of the mind each stage gets easier but bring other challenges with it...namely challenging willfull chacecteristics (cant spell) let us know how it goes, its always good to know

The perfect, never-shout mums on here are certainly in the minority. Of course your kids wind you up sometimes to the point that you'd happily sell them to the nearest bidder. Of course you yell at them. They are much harder to deal with than any work-related stress, I reckon. I can certainly understand how the mum in the article felt. To be honest it sounds as though she was on the verge of a breakdown. But well done, perfect 21st century mums, let's make parents who are that close to the edge feel even worse, shall we?

yea i'm with you on that one, thats what i was trying to say

natty, you have 2 yr old twins. The fact that you are still obviously sane is an achievement.

Thanks fis. Its true its a challenge always, but thats the case for all mums, its a mental stretch isnt it. Somedays i go to bed feeling like the worst mum in the world, there is such pressure to be this calm together soul who has a remakable talent for reasoning with your child, i admire those mums i wish i was one but i'm not and i have to live with that

God some of you are bitter.

I am getting a bit sick of telling everyone how unperfect I am. I am not perfect. I don't generally shout at my kids though. I couldn't give a sparrows fart how you bring up your kids or how you get through your day.

If you need blanket, unquestioning agreement that you are doing the right thing then I feel sorry for you. All shouters have enough support on this thread to last them a blinking lifetime! One or two disagreeing shouldn't have this much of an effect on you. I never understand it. Are you like this in RL?

I think you sound like you are doing really well tbh. Don't forget, in a year's time, they'll get a free place at nursery and you'll get the morning to yourself (I would get their names down now if you haven't done already).

Once that starts happening, you'll find the break will do you wonders and you'll even be able to have a cup of tea and finish it before it gets cold.

quite opinionated arent you enid, no one is asking for reasurrance just a shareing of thoughts and feelings with other mums...i was under the impression thats what the site was for.

FIS they already go to nursery two days a week because im doing a full time degree at the moment i guess the pressure of my summer exams hasnt help, its great to have those two days to my self just to get my brain to think about something else other than baby talk and potty training

oh don't have a go at enid. She's very kind and compassionate and has 3 gorgeous girls and just happens not to shout. That's all.

Well I actually don't like being accused of making other women feel bad. Believe it or not.

well enid you are the one who threw a below the belt comment that some of us are bitter. Ive never been on this site before and the comment i wrote earlier was the first ever, i came here just to chat to mums, not to find an altercation with someone.

I wasnt actually talking about you nattyp

wordsmiths post upset me a bit.

but do feel free to join in if you wish. Personally I am always wary of posters that say they have never used the site before, it always seems to be just before they wade into me

ok enid. thats cool. I guess one thing i have learnt is to keep in mind on this site is we are all mums arent we with our own opinions and ways of doing things, and mums can be sensitive always questioning ourselves if we are doing the right thing. Lets start again enid