MIL fed 12wk old....

[sleepymama15]

My MIL has watched DC2 overnight a couple of times as he’s a terrible sleeper. She watched him last night and said he’d slept great which is unheard of. She then said she had given him custard before bed. She said she knew we wouldn’t be happy about it but did it anyway. AIBU by being thoroughly pissed off?!

kittens - I'm 33 so not this generation as such. My mum fed me egg and I stopped breathing. I was around 6 months old so nothing to do with germs etc

Luckily I grew out of it but it was a scary time for her, she gave me a piece of chicken which was coated but someone had used egg and I stopped breathing again

The advice is there for a reason, regardless of whether anyone thinks it's ok, it's up to the PARENTS to decide when the child is weaned, not the MIL or some random person. Child isn't weaned = don't give it food. Fairly simple

A "kind helpful grandparent" is not one who takes unilateral parenting decisions without asking the parents, which go against all known current guidance, knowing full well that the parents wouldn't have agreed to it.

There is such a thing as maternal learned wisdom that existed for centuries before modern day western guidelines.
Including things like "just put the baby on the back seat without a car seat", "give them raw cow's milk", "put honey on their tongue when a newborn" depending on where/when your child was born.
Things that existed for centuries can be, er, dangerously wrong.

• "In 2002 advice to me was wean at 12 weeks."

Honestly, it wasn't!

It's been 17 weeks/4 months at the earliest since at least 1995.*

@BertrandRussell

Honestly it was!!!!!

My ds was born on 5 April 2002. I attach a pic of advice from his red book dated 9 July 2002 "advice re introducing suitable family food meat chicken any vegetable etc"

April to July is 3 months no???

... Or rather 12 weeks near as damn it.

There is no official advice in my red book. The only way I know that the guidelines are 6 months (and were 6 months in 2009 when DS was that age) is and was because I read them online.

Before the internet I would have gone on what the professionals advised me. Actually they advised me to wean at 4-5 months, so if I hadn't constantly been on MN I probably would have taken that as official advice. Which is what "official advice" basically was before there were easy websites to check off, anyway.

@MotorwayMingebag that's bad advice from your HV (presumably), who wasn't giving advice based on the NHS guidance at the time.

I'm pretty sure the official advice is something along the lines of - wait until your baby is showing the 3 signs of readiness; can sit well in a high chair without slumping to either side, shows an interest in your food and can pick something up and put it in their mouth. The NHS says it's unusual for all 3 signs to be shown much before 6 months and weaning must not occur before 17 weeks. My son was showing all 3 signs at 23 weeks so that's when i weaned him. I believe babies must start to be weaned at 6 months due to the iron levels they were born with falling at that age. So technically the advice is between 17-26 weeks as long as they are showing all 3 signs of readiness.

Yep NHS HV in London GP practice.

I agree with @sandandsea.

I would be very concerned that your in laws find it appropriate to go against your wishes behind your back.

If they had concerns that the baby needed fed more (Which is crazy I know) they should have asked you about it, not been sly and going ahead without consulting you.
It really suggests they don't see where the boundaries lie and you need to have that conversation very early on.

Thanks, Black. The worry for me is that she knew you wouldn't be happy but ignored that! What else will she over-rule you on in your absence?

Custard🙄

drspouse.

You are being deliberately ignorant now aren't you. I don't think I mentioned dangerous practices did I?

In the typical western nuclear family setup a lot of maternal female knowledge HAS been lost. In my personal social circle most of my friends dont have the access to the maternal knowledge that perhaps their non Caucasian friends do.

Denying that and focusing solely on silly dangerous practices is where your ignorance is apparent.

Well it's totally relevant if weaning so early and on such unsuitable food is also dangerous, isn't it?

I wouldn't be too happy in your shoes, OP. If MIL thought baby was hungry why didn't she give him a bottle, why custard?!
The fact she admitted to knowing it would upset you is just plain mean & weird.
It's up to the parents to decide when to wean, not the grandparents/babysitter etc!

Please highlight exactly where I said that

I'd never have left my 12 week old baby with anyone.

Here, have a Mum medal 🥇

Motorwaymingebag I had Dd1 in 2000 advice was definitely 12 weeks then. I know because I read the Dept of Health (NI) infant feeding guidelines. By the time I had Ds1 in 2002 it had changed to 16 weeks.

It definitely hadn't changed in NI as early as 1995. and we work pretty much on UK guidelines.

The MIL was in the wrong irrespective of infant feeding guidelines.

<a class="break-all" href="http://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/20120503221049/www.dh.gov.uk/en/Publicationsandstatistics/Publications/PublicationsPolicyAndGuidance/DH_4097197" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">http://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/20120503221049/www.dh.gov.uk/en/Publicationsandstatistics/Publications/PublicationsPolicyAndGuidance/DH_4097197

This suggests it changed at some time after 2003 although it was recommended by WHO around 2000

MynewnameisKy
From my red book 1997
"The majority of babies should not be given foods before the age of 4 months" then goes on to say "a mixed diet should be offered by 6 months."
with regard to breastfeeding it says it should meet a babies needs for "4 - 6 months"

Babies of that age were always given baby rice or custard type food before bed because it helped to stave off the night time hunger and they slept better. I think you should try and understand where she is coming from - she could see the child was hungry and she was brought up in a different way. I know she should respect your wishes and in that respect she was wrong but I think you are however over-reacting.

Bruffin I wonder why that differed from the DOH infant feeding guidelines of the time?

OP did you MIL state why she chose to give your baby custard rather than the formula or expressed milk you’d left her?

letmepee
Quite!

my ds had IBS and has sod all to do with weaning