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Livid at in laws over poorly baby

164 replies

user1485778793 · 01/07/2017 05:31

I've posted a few times about my in laws and my new baby. Back story: baby has life limiting condition requiring a lot of surgery, he's had one major op at 4 days old, he's now 19 days and they're preparing for next op in a few weeks. He's on a lot of medication, tube fed and has oxygen, so there are a lot of wires and tubes coming out of his incubator. We made it clear that only dh and me would be holding him as we have been shown how to with all the wires etc. We asked all visits to be limited to twice a week which everyone except inlaws respected.

I walked into the ward yesterday and the inlaws were there holding him. Firstly I'm livid they were holding him after they have been told no and secondly they were allowed in without myself or dh. All other visitors have been asked to wait outside the ward until we get there.

I immediately told mil to put him back, the nurse took him off her straight away and she sat there with a face like thunder staring at me. I left the room to ring dh and ask if they'd made arrangements with him, he said no.

The nurse asked if I wanted them to leave. I said yes, they refused and wanted to speak to me. That turned into a bit of a row her blaming everyone else and she said 'wait till someone comes along and takes your child away'

Dh is angry, I'm livid. I just want to ban them totally. It's all about them. She left crying...not because of what I've said she just cries all the time.

OP posts:
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SilveryFlowers · 01/07/2017 06:35

They might be grandparents but they have no rights to your sick and hospitalised baby, and they certainly do not have needs or wants that trump your baby's health and well being.

I do not know how such things work, but can you have then banned from entry to the NICU?

MrsPringles · 01/07/2017 06:39

Op YANBU at all, is also be fuming. I'd also be a bit peeved with the hospital staff for letting them in.

Do sorry your little boy is poorly, wishing you all the best Flowers x

NellieBuff · 01/07/2017 06:41

User1497480444 The grandparents have no rights. The baby is very ill and the grandmother should NOT be picking him/her up without the parent's and medical staff's direct permission.

OP: hugs to you and DH. Ban them from the hospital (hard but needs to be done as they have shown they cannot behave themselves) and only when everyone is safely home should you try to re-establish a visiting routine

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QuinoaKeen · 01/07/2017 06:45

She has put her wants over her grandson's health and wellbeing.

There are no words.

QuinoaKeen · 01/07/2017 06:47

Oh and causing you stress when she should be bending over backwards to help and support you.

Bitch.

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 01/07/2017 06:47

Congratulations on the birth of your son Flowers

I am so sorry that he is poorly.

Just ban them.

You need to be completely selfish here. You need to concentrate on yourself so you can look after your little boy.

They should be there in the background being supportive and abiding by your wishes.

If they can't do that, and they are going to add more stress to your life then just cut them out. This isn't about them.

I have experience of where you are now with a sick baby and selfish relatives making it all about them and I really wish that I had known it was ok to be selfish instead of adding stress to my life to appease them.

I'm so furious for you op Angry

K1092902 · 01/07/2017 06:50

Felt almost a little sorry for them for a moment but what they did was inexcusable. If they turn up again I'd be calling the police to tell them to stay away.

JoandMax · 01/07/2017 06:51

YANBU at all, everything and everyone else's feelings come 2nd to his medical needs. Do they understand the full extent of his condition?

I think speak to nursing staff and put in place no visitors unless you and DH are there. And DH to speak to his parents about how out of line they were.....

I hope you get to enjoy more cuddles with your lovely baby soon and I wish him all the best for his operations x

Kidssendingmenuts · 01/07/2017 06:59

Hard situation or not they were given clear instructions and they haven't followed them. If someone also said to me (especially when your already in the emotional post natal stage) wait till someone takes your child away I'd of ripped them a new arsehole and banned them completely until I was ready never mind one day.
Good luck op and be strong xxxx

WillowWeeping · 01/07/2017 07:01

In that case I'd ask the Med staff to ban her. Just say you don't want anyone there who isn't you/DH.

She's not respecting what is best for your son or for you.

So sorry you're going through this

fullofhope03 · 01/07/2017 07:03

Dear OP - First of all, I'm SO sorry you and your husband are going through this. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling.
As other MN's have said, I would speak to the medical staff and say that NO ONE is to be within a million miles of you baby without you or your husband being present.
Your MIL is understandably distraught, however, what she said was/is unforgivable. BUT, if you and your DH could manage to speak to her and FIL about how you get that they're deeply upset about your baby's condition but that because of this HIS NEEDS COME FIRST, no matter what. And also tell her that what she said to you was beyond cruel. As I said before, you and your DH need to say this all together and FIL needs to be with her too. Sending you all my heartfelt thoughts OP, XXXXX

Fitzsimmons · 01/07/2017 07:06

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Your mother in law is clearly a selfish lady with no respect for you. I'm so angry on your behalf.

Can you ask the ward staff to prevent their access to the ward? Do bear in mind though that this will likely do considerable damage to your relationship with them. Personally after what she did it would be a price I'd be willing to pay, but that is something you need to decide for yourself.

Oswin · 01/07/2017 07:09

That is awful. How selfish! She would risk his health just to assert her self as important.
Then to say what she said she's horrible.
I would ban them.

ElfEars · 01/07/2017 07:10

She doesn't need to hold him at all, she needs to put her DGS' needs before her wants. He is a tiny poorly baby in hospital FGS. Until she can do that I would ban her from the hospital. Thinking of you and your little family Flowers

FrancisCrawford · 01/07/2017 07:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

K1092902 · 01/07/2017 07:13

I'm still genuinley shocked.

I'm assuming she is aware of what the implications of her actions could of been OP??

Don't think I could trust someone like that around my child unsupervised. Ever.

WatchingFromTheWings · 01/07/2017 07:14

This IS her grand child. You do need to let her hold him!

Like hell she does! This is a very poorly baby here, not a teddy bear!

user1485778793 · 01/07/2017 07:18

They have a long history of doing and saying whatever they please.

I'm going to speak to ward manager today. Dh is going to speak to his parents tonight

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 01/07/2017 07:22

Frankly, my big concern would be that the staff let this happen. Don't waste energy on the inlaws -just send a message saying that they are not to visit again until you say. But you need to know why the staff allowed it. Surely alarms should have gone off?

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/07/2017 07:26

I agree with Bertrand. They have to stay away until they can respect boundaries and you are ready to let them be close again to your ds. What your mil was disgusting.

Headofthehive55 · 01/07/2017 07:26

I think id be more upset with the staff for letting them in.
Had they not already had a cuddle with him? Could you not have got him out and placed him in her arms? Im not sure why it's necessary to limit visits to twice a week if you are there such a lot.

rwalker · 01/07/2017 07:27

2 issues here 1st who the fuck would take a baby out of incubator think hospital should of addressed this
2nd issue over letting them see there grandchild. Must be heartbreaking ,having gc so ill but been kept away from him it,s a basic human response you would want to see him ,but obviously back story so can't adivse

Anatidae · 01/07/2017 07:28

You need to talk to the ward manager- it's unacceptable that a poorly baby with inserted lines can be just picked out of the incubator.

Mil needs to be told in no uncertain terms by the medical teams concerned that she could have hurt him. It's import that they do this, as well as you. The stamp of authority etc.

I'm appalled for you op. So sorry you're going through this.

NorthernLurker · 01/07/2017 07:33

Do you think she waited till you weren't there to go in? I'm sure she does want to hold him but it's not about her. I wouldn't ban her but I would make it clear to her and all the family that these boundaries are there for the baby's wellbeing and if they transgress, you will have no choice but to exclude them.

ThatsNotMyMarmot · 01/07/2017 07:41

Her actions would be pretty unforgivable but it's what she said to you that would have me raking my hair out and rending my garments and I am normally a, 'the whole world is full of precious snowflakes', kind of person. Fuck sake what is wrong with people?