Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

[manuka]

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

My god, some of these are awful!
My MIL also comes out with some crap, she really can't help herself.. One of her best was in a phone conversation. I had just made a big purchase and I said to MIL "I had wanted to talk to my Mum about it but..."
(MIL interrupts) "Well that would be a bit difficult seeing as how she's dead... Ha ha!"

My Mum had died suddenly, just three weeks before.
It was the casual, light-hearted laugh at the end that got me. She genuinely thought she was making a funny joke. Silly cow. I've never forgotten that

When DS was 9 months: "Has he had two packets of raisins?! No wonder he has chubby wrists!"

And at 2 yo: "Matana - were you a naughty baby?"
Me: "No..." [wondering how a baby can be 'naughty']
MIL: "Oh, i just wondered who he gets it from because Matana's DH wasn't naughty."

That my baby had acid reflux because I am a vegetarian.

thank god i dont have a MIL!

My MIL asked if I had a bottle of something for my 6 month old as he was unsettled (he was full of cold) when I'm ebf!

My MIL told me (after our wedding) that men marry women who look like their mums - I am a petite oriental, she is an obese blond French woman.

My MIL thought we were at war with the French during WWII.

You know, that war she was alive during.

She's not german? (just checking)

my xmil gave my dd a top and trousers and said 'they match'. my dd said 'what does that mean?' and my xmil said 'oh yes your mummy doesn't do matching'.

:-0

I liek to think my ecclectic choices don't clash though.

My mil is lovely, mental but lovely.
My mother is the one who caused problems. We didn't speak for years just the occasional text that she rarely replied to.
On hearing I'd got married "I'm guessing it wasn't xx(my dh) as that would be terrible)
Thanks mother.
She passed away two weeks ago and no one told me for two days apparently she'd known she had terminal cancer for a month but wanted to wait till she felt better to reach out to her kids.
She never saw ds and only ever saw one picture she never asked for another or asked to see him.

My MIL is full of these types of remarks every time she visits!

'Well I'm never allowed to hold the baby for more than 5 minutes' yeah, because when he's hungry and needs changing you don't hand him over...you just let him 'cry it out'!

'Oh, he can have all the sweets and chocolate he likes at our house. He can watch whatever he likes on TV for as long as he likes.' Umm no he can't!

'Wow, I'm really suprised at how healthy he looks!' ...

After listing all of the reasons why I will not be giving my LO dummies: 'well I don't want to seem like I'm teaching you to suck eggs here, but it's much easier if you give them a dummy. Just to shut them up.'

Me: 'I don't want the LO to watch much TV'
MIL: well when he (OH) was a baby, I just used to stick him in front of the TV for hours...never did him any harm'

After explaining why I respond when LO cries: 'Oh sometimes I would just have to put him (OH) in the kitchen and shut the door to get some peace!' He had colic for god's sake!

The thing that winds me up the most is that she treats my OH like an idiot and won't believe that he can do ANYTHING! It drives me mad! He's a fantastic dad and is so hands on with LO. He is amazing, and has a no confidence in himself all because of he constant nitpicking and belittling of him his whole life.

Umm rant over :/

I spent 10 days in hospital, five days prior to DS's birth, with preeclampsia, and five after a horrendous birth that went wrong for me and DS. I was on morphine, and all sorts of medication. Her first question when she came to visit was, " Did you see the final of I'm a celebrity last week...."

She came round for dinner, sat on the sofa whilst I cooked it, laid table and entertained bay. Ate dinner then retreated back to sofa shouting, "I'll have a cuppa when your done there." As I was left to clear the table, wash up, entertain baby, bf baby and make tea!

My mil told me that if I breastfed ds and didn't give him a dummy he would get so fat that he wouldn't learn to walk.

Mil also told me that I couldn't use cloth nappies because ds would have red hair ( he was not yet born when she made this comment, neither me or dp have red hair) and because of his red hair he would have sensitive skin ( sadly ds doesn't have red hair I think it'slovely)

Mil wanted 8 week old ebf ds to co-sleep in her bed with her and fil whilst me and dp slept in a cabin in the garden.

Mil accused me of being a bad mum because I didn't support ds's next when he was 4 months (!!) old. Ds was a very strong baby and was sitting unaided at 4.5 months there was no need to support his neck.

She blamed me when ds was hospitalized at 5 weeks old with rs virus because I once caught the bus with him.

Mil and fil came to visit when ds was 4 days old, I had been sleeping and dp woke me up as ds needed a feed. I came intovtge living room where everyone was I said hi and smiled and then sat quietly feeding ds ( dp, mil and fil were speaking Swedish which I can speak but it takes some concentration on my behalf and I had had about 3 hours sleep in the last week) mil was very offended and accused me of having a bad attitude.

I could go on.

Dp has said he understands if I don't want to see her anymore as she is clearly bonkers but I make the effort to put up with her for ds's sake.

My mother is also bonkers, she says I must praise ds every time he poos as it is the only thing he creates at the moment and we should help him feel proud of his poos.

My mil when my third son was one day old " oh but you've got to have another one and get it right next time. I like girls, they're very special".

my mil comes out with some great ones, my favourite 2 lately are:

having heard I'd asked my mum for some advice about dd starting primary school in September 'Oh I wouldn't listen to your mother's advice, she's got absolutely no experience with children' (I'm one of 8 kids and mum has worked with primary school age children all her adult life)

having come round half way through lunch 'oh i see you haven't washed up yet' (id only stopped eating to open the door!)

Happyfirsttimemummy do we have the same mil? Golden ones from mine...

When we told her i was pregnant (she already has 6 gc) "oh no.. well its early days.. something might still happen" "you're not really maternal are you"

"He doesnt have tounge tie you're holding the bottle wrong"

She also txt my dh saying that she thought i wad deliberately leaving ds in a hot room (21º) anf that our ds was precious and needs proper care.

As if!!

My MIL is thoughtless rather than mean but whenever she comes round she criticises something about the house. Lawn needs cutting - well yes but we have a 3 month old, DH is looking for a new job and we're a bit busy really. She says "right, let's get the lawn mower out then". I tell her I've never mown a lawn in my life and I'm not about to start today when I'm in the middle of BFing my DD! She says "nor have I but it can't be that hard" (she's a size 8 and in her 70s!) She then phoned her gardener to make him come round and do it for us. Which she paid for to be fair (although we didn't know this till we went to pay at the end). Today she criticised the hanging basket she's done for us muttering under her breath that she hopes that'll rescue it (rooted around in our bin for a plastic bottle when there's a watering can outside the back door...) I specifically watered it yesterday so she wouldn't criticise it!!!!! She insists I should top up with formula before bed to get her to sleep through every night instead of most nights (why?? I can cope with 1 night feed in 7 nights!) She bought 3-6 month clothes even though when she asked I said 6-9 as we already have loads. I know I should be grateful but why ask?? I know none of mine are as bad as some on this thread but no one likes to be criticised or ignored and that's what she does a great job of. She's also incredibly racist which does my nut in (DM reader of course!). She patted my tummy the other day and said "it's nearly gone hasn't it?" Which might sound nice but DON'T TOUCH MY TUMMY! I didn't like her doing it when I was pregnant but I sort of picked my battles and left it. She baby sat DD and instead of keeping her in her room to comfort her when she woke up she brought her down stairs with all the lights on and the TV blaring! Bless my DD she was falling asleep with a bottle (of EBM despite MIL's best efforts) in her mouth in front of the TV! And the final one "don't worry about me I'll make myself a cuppa". Yep, just herself while I BFd DD. So glad I don't have anyone else on this thread's MIL but I think they are a special breed of insensitivity!

I love this thread; it has helped put my MIL into perspective. Recent quotes:

"You keep taking him away from me". When DS was 6 weeks old and needed BFing.

"I gave my 2 Calpole all the time. You should give it to him [DS aged 8 months and sitting playing happily on his mat] just in case." Just in case of what???

Holding DS out to me and saying in snooty disgusted tone: "This child is smelly". Well go and change him then and give me a break!!!

On being told we had bought a stair-gate for our top floor flat: "I didn't need a stair-gate, I taught my 2 to go up and down stairs when they were 6 months old". Yeah right!

Out of no-where, patting my arm and saying "don't worry, you'll lose it [the baby weight]".

On me saying DS wouldn't eat his lunch: "He always eats his food when Grandma feeds him". She's only bothered to feed him once and that was yogurt which he always eats.

On my wedding day: 'Why are you worried about a career?! You're married with a baby now!'.

From my mother in law (May God rest her Soul) on meeting me for the first time- 'ooh you have lovely teeth-are they your own'?

It could only get better from then. It did, and I loved her to bits!!!

When we told my MIL that we've been referred to the assisted conception unit and the "when are you making me a grandma" comments had to stop she replied "Ooh, that means we can put a cot in the spare room"...um, no, actually, for the moment it means the exact opposite...

When I lose my rag and raise my voice with the kids or husband mil says " should a lady speak like this? She should have a soft gentle voice" . That really makes me mad so I shout louder up the stairs and methinks she needs to take the plane home and live with like minded idiots.