Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

[manuka]

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

[123janemain]

lady Boleyn that is just bloody horrendous!

My EXMIL is awful only way I can describe her was a mix between Mo Slater and a far less glamorous Peggy Mitchell....., in her seventies and would shout at anyone in M&S that she would knock their F....ing teeth out if they even dared glance in her direction

One if her worst was when my PFB was rushed into hospital with possible meningitis at 5 weeks old, she came to the hospital to visit while my older sister was there and declared that dd couldn't have caught meningitis from anyone in her family whilst glaring at my sister and said my dd must have caught it from my sisters soon...... My sisters son who was then 18 did in fact have meningitis as a 2 month old baby but she truly believed my dd caught it from him 18 years later

[Meerka]

MIL: "it's time you sold your hobby stuff and your books since you're a wife and mother now and that should be your focus".

That was one of the better ones. The third time she took me to task, I told her I'd rather sell the husband and children.

Telling us our living room wasn't nice and we needed to reorganise and redecorate it completely as it wasn't welcoming.

Telling me that I shouldn't have any male friends now I was with her son.

She sounds dreadful but she's not, she's lovely, but has had a difficult life and has fallen back onto her highly traditional upbringing for security. One of the things I love about her though is that when (eventually) you put your foot down, she does accept it and doesn't get huffy.

[TheMidnightHour]

My parents have said some bizarre things (mum quite often can't remember how old I am...) but I think the ones the outlaws (we're not married) say blind-side me more, so stick in the brain!

My favourite is DP's mum's attempts to convince us to have kids ASAP:
"You have to have them before 28 or they come out weird" (she had DP at 36, so I guess she knows) (his face was a picture)
"I didn't sleep for 3 years when I had the girls" (sign me up!)

She has no recollection of this conversation.

[squizita]

My MIL passed away a few years ago.

My mum is great but has a skill for suggesting the obvious as if I hadn't thought of it eg.
Baby won't eat solidd "have you tried feeing her baby food?" No mother I handed her 12 oysters on ice and a shucking knife and she just sat there saying goo.
Baby is sleepless "have you tried wrapping her up warmly in a quiet room?" you mean the scary ride at Alton towers isn't the best place to rest a baby?!

[5YearsTime]

After my LO nearly dying at birth and being in the NICU and having some post-birth complications myself in the 24-48 hour window after birth.

On hearing this would be my only child DM said

"But if you die they'll be all alone"

Really Mother?! Given that yesterday we were both at risk? Really is this the right time? My DH just sat there looking so fucking unimpressed.

Wheres, DMIL was even more spectacularly inappropriate by constantly asking when it would be time for "Nana cuddles"... I haven't held her my fucking self yet and I carried her and gave birth to her. She's currently wired and tubed up to lots of different machines and I'm concerned she has brain damage. Do you reckon you might be able to calm the hell down?

[annatha]

My MIL is amazing, she's been like a mum to me for years and I don't know what I'd do without her. My own mother on the other hand...

On breastfeeding: I never bothered with any of that. Its a bit weird isn't it? Don't you want (dh) sucking on there instead?

After hearing that I had a wonderful, natural birth: in this day and age theres no need to do it without drugs. I just asked them to knock me out with you. I slept through it and can't remember being in hospital at all, I was too spaced out.

When meeting her granddaughter for the first (and last) time, she had to be told to support her head constantly and gave more of a shit about the dog. When leaving she said an elaborate goodbye to the dog then went to leave without saying goodbye to dd or dh. Dh pulled her up on it and she said oh well I've already got my shoes on, I don't want to take them off again. Ffs.

[imwithspud]

Not child related but my mil rang me at 10pm on Friday night after she had realized that my Facebook profile had gone. A few days prior I had decided to take a break and deactivated it for a while. The conversation went something like this..

Me (confused): ..Hello?
An almost hysterical, annoyed sounding MIL: imwith, can you put me and my sister back onto your facebook please?
Me: Er no I can't, because I've deactivated my account
MIL: Oh, what does that mean?
Me: It means I want to take a break from it for a while
MIL: Why?
Me: Because I have
(what I wanted to say was it's non of your fucking business, if I want to close my account I will without having to answer to anyone, especially not at 10pm on a Friday night when I have enough on my plate at the moment as it is)
MIL: Oh okay, it's just I wanted to show my sister a photo you had uploaded recently and we couldn't find you on there.
Me: awkward pause

Bearing in mind my due date for baby number 2 is just days away and I am currently dealing with a family bereavement, I find the fact that she was more concerned, and even somewhat offended that I had dared to remove myself from Facebook than how I am doing pretty low. I wouldn't have minded so much if she had rung at a more reasonable time and had taken the time to see how I'm doing, rather than go in all guns blazing.

There have been loads of corkers over the years that I can't remember specifically right now, although child related ones include encouraging us to wean DC1 from 8 weeks old as that's what she did with her boys (we didn't). I'm sure with a new baby due imminently there will be plenty more to post in the future.

[Only1scoop]

"Should you be drinking wine if your trying to lose weight"

[bambi07]

I enjoy reading and rereading this thread, makes me feel like I should/could let my mil live, just for entertainment purposes!

[apintofwhine]

Repeatedly asking if she could take ds at 1 week old out shopping in the pram for the day so people could ' see her with her baby' and I said no as was bf. She told me she was willing to take him into the shops and not leave him outside in his pram as" she knew how fussy I was" ??

[YouCanButImNot]

'You're looking slim today, have you got your fat pants on?' fuck off mil

[proudmama2772]

TandemFlux

That's like my MIL. Her daughter perfect mum/perfect children. Mine - obviously not as well-behaved, as smart in school. I feel like reminding her they are her son's kids as well.

[mika2]

MIL : "is her milk any good?" To my doula a couple of wks after I'd given birth to DD. WTF!! No it's rubbish, let's ask the next door neighbour if she can breastfeed your granddaughter instead!

[Poppy84b]

You aren't a real woman if you don't want kids

[TandemFlux]

'Theres nothing like your own daughters children' so mine obviously came second!

[bambi07]

" it's no wonder your baby is obese, if you pump her full of breast milk everytime she squeeks"- beautiful DD is 11 weeks old!

"with your terrible genes should you really be having any children?"

[SmirnoffVice]

"What was your name again?"

[Treesandbees]

Recently had our 20 week scan for DC #2. Called MIL with update and told her we were having a girl. Her response was a long pause before saying 'oh how disappointing I wanted another boy'.

Then for my birthday she sent me a newspaper clipping which was titled 'Suffer sleep deprived hell when you welcome your second child'. Our current DS isn't the best sleeper so that hit a nerve and pretty much ruined my birthday.

She's a peach!

[PopTarts]

And I think that killed the thread, such was the effect of the mils venom

[PopTarts]

Oh I've had a few gems from
Mil before I managed to put her in her box !

'If I tell my son to leave you, he would because he's a good boy who listens to his parents' (he didn't)

'You had children to stay at home on benefits' (I don't)

Nasty cow.

[CPtart]

"Gillian recommends you have a look at that Gina Ford book, write this down, have you got a pen? Gina Ford. She uses it, she was struggling like you. Have you written that name down?" I wasn't struggling

"Eat your dinner. Sit down. Eat your dinner. Leave him to cry. Sit down.".and on and on and on...

"Never mind this internet nonsense. You just can't beat a good old Pears dictionary".

"If you're just prepared to wait, you don't need to pay full price for anything". Damned right though!

[Lozy79]

Mil, 'I can't help but find breastfeeding discusting'
Me,

[proudmama2772]

'You don't need a car'

THen SIL said, "No mum she has three kids and she will need a car." As if I wasn't even there.

When I was at her house once my 13 year old started getting lippy with me. I told my daughter that she shouldn't speak to me that way - I wasn't yelling or anything but clearly displeased.

My MIL practically shoved me out of her house saying she didn't need to listen to us fighting with each other.

[Trooperslane]

My MIL is awesome. My poor departed DM not so much.

She tried really hard but came out with some corkers.

Re my wedding. Lovely neighbour down the road's dd got married same day as us.

DM "me and dneighbour were talking about the weddings... I told her it was an AWFUL day" (it rained for about half an hour).

Me: DM, how would you feel if someone said that about your wedding day?

DM don't be so bloody self absorbed.

My. FUCKING.WEDDING DAY!

[littlefrenchonion]

Also, the most recent one would be in hospital after pre-eclampsia, failed induction, traumatic c-section an early baby in the special care unit and DH and I emotional and physical wrecks, I received a delightful text to remind me that "I know you are having a lovely time getting to know DD in hospital but it's not fair of you to keep her from us. She's our granddaughter, we need to see her!" I asked for no visitors, I was in no state to see anyone. Her need to see her grandchild when I'd only held her a few times myself was the least of my worries!

That one will not be forgiven quickly, I'm sure.