Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

[manuka]

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

"just because we're going to be grandparents doesn't mean we're OLD!" when we announced I was pg with DD.

On letting her know I would be having a NT scan on the NHS and wasn't it great that you can now have this test in our area without having to go private "Are you having that done because you're so OLD?"

Soon after moving in with now DH, we invited the whole of his family over for a bbq including some from overseas who happened to be in the UK at the time. MIL stood holding court and telling anyone who would listen about the fab holiday she & FIL had had with DH & his late wife. She went on & on while I refilled everyone's glasses, feeling like the hired help. I quietly retreated to the kitchen to start washing up.

She's lovely really & a fantastic GM, just doesn't think before speaking!

After my two year old and 5 month old didn't go to sleep at the same time 'You must have done something very wicked. There's no rest for the wicked'

During a heated argument (my first with her after I exploded) 'I'm not trying to take away your children, I could but I won't'.

So many more I could repeat and she would deny ever saying!

I think my favourite from MIL (To DH) is "But why can't you come your dad is going to be 70?" when invited to his birthday party. She didn't get it that I didn't fancy a 500 mile round trip in a weekend when the party was 2 days before my due date!

She followed it up with "see I knew you could have come" when DS3 was 10 days late!

I'm not interfering but .....

I don't mean to be nosy but.....

I don't want to offend you but.....

I do love my mil really

er some of these mils sound like headcases!! my EX mother in law said this to me when i was 8 weeks pregnant (just saw first scan) "dont get too excited, its really common to miscarry at this stage!" thanks for that fattie.

oh and after the birth of my baby i lost 2 litres of blood and went to a high dependancy unit and was really ill very anemic etc told the ex that i didnt want visitors (not even my own parents till i felt better) but found out the mil had been at the hospital since 1pm (when i was given a sweep) and was still there at 8pm she asked to come in and i said no sorry tomorrow as i've told everyone else that and im tired and had only just got my baby latched on to the breast but she just barged straight onto the hdu with my ex telling her to leave i was speechless the midwife looked horrified to she was just topping up my drip!! thank god i dont see her no more and current mil lives 70 miles away haha

MIL when OH explained to her that she could n't drive woth DD in the front as the airbag is dangerous she would have to sit in the back

"Oh but thats where my handbag sits"

Ex MIL on getting caught looking through my underwear drawer "don't be silly everything belongs to my son so i'm allowed" and he said nothing (you can see why that marriage failed!)

I never knew my mil as she passed away when my dh was young, but these have got me pmsl. I have a bil ones, who is a pathetic wimp! Married to dh's sister and he is tight as f! Dh was out of work, sil's birthday and bil insists in us all going to a really cool restaurant, he will pay. I tell Dh to tell him it's pretty pricey and is he sure as Dh not working. He calls him (twice to make sure) and he says "yes yes no problem".We go, and as soon as he opens the menu his eyes pop out of head, he gets flustered and in the end me an Dh pay for ourselves, he pays for the two of them and at the end turns to her and says "we can sort it out later" so she will be paying him back!!! Fing can't stand him and told Dh I VOW NEVER to go out with them again. There are many more.......

From my mil/ SiL. I had pnd and anxiety so was a bit PFB, still, this one made me roar.
'god, you was such a twat with that baby, you never put him down'.

And my SiL called me a c**t. We havent spoken for 2 years.

Amazing thread. My family is fab but I've had a few back handers...

FIL (after hearing that I was pg straight after m/c the month before)- 'It's a shame you didn't learn your lesson last month '

MIL-'You're pg! But I thought that you wanted a career'

My dad is a well meaning old fart but occasionally he comes up with corkers such as

'You're pg not ill' (after being discharged from hospital with HG and absolutely exhausted.)

For some reason he keeps on telling me to look after DH... He's an adult and I have SPD and back pain, I'm sure he can take having a bit more housework and cooking to do until baby comes!

Fortunately my mum doesn't talk to me, I'm sure she would have met or exceeded some of the horror stories in this thread!

ha! she technically didn't SAY anything but she did give me a "low fat recipies to get the figure you always wanted" cookbook for me for christmas last year. her idea of a "subtle hint"

Me (answering the door in tears): Oh, hello MIL, I'm sorry, sob, I've just got off the phone to my mother. My parents are divorcing. She's met someone else. I just don't know what to think!

MIL: Oh no, my poor DS. Now you have divorced parents, it's more likely you'll get divorced too.

That was literally the first thing that she said.

I think she lacks a fully functioning brain-to-mouth delay button, or something.

OMG, some of these are hysterical! I actually get on quite well with my MIL, but only due to my saintly nature . I remember her once saying, 'You're not at all the sort of person I hoped my son would end up with'...hard to take that as a compliment! I said rather weakly, 'well we don't fall out much'. (She wanted him to have someone organised and complains that I'm as laid back and disorganised as he is, lol). Last time we went up there I hadn't closed the door behind me before she had siezed me by the love handles and said in horror, 'Hen! Look at the size of you! What have you been doing?' to which I replied acidly, 'Stuffing my face, obviously!'.

Thank you so much everyone! I am of with first baby and having loads of issues with in laws and this thread has made me laugh so much I don't think I'm that badly off!!!

My mil felt the need to tell me at 5 months pregnant you will never lose all that weight, bearing in mind i was lighter than before i was pregnant! Now DS is here she came to my house saw my DS asleep in cot (at 6pm which is the tyme he always goes to sleep) said hes always asleep and proceeded to wake him up which she then tried to deny! Does my bloody swede in interfering cow ! Wow i feel lots better now x

1)The day after I got back from hospital after having DS2, "don't forget that you've got three boys to look after now", meaing my DH as well.
2) When I was pregnant with DS2, you're not going to feed this baby all the time as well are you, I breastfed both of them on demand.
3) Also told me that if I had gone back to work, I would have gone way down in her estimations, alas I now work for myself part time and youngest DS is at nursery part time.
4) Has said several times, I'm glad you've got to bring them up not me, they've both got minds of their own, you're going to have some battles,, They are so determined, they take after you.
Also doesn't understand why I can't just leave the housework and play with the kids and do it all in the evening after they are in bed, yeah right. Opposite to me thinks there's always tomorrow, when to me there isn't even enough time today to get everything done.
Love her really, just harder as I don't have my own Mum.

When we announced we were expecting ds2 (ds1 had already been a 'miracle baby' as we were told we would never get pg naturally, we were chuffed to be able to have a second at all):

'Oh dear, Liara, couldn't you have tried for a girl?' Said in front of both her son and mine .

Yes, MIL, we know you only love your dd but the rest of us love our sons.

When I'd just had our second child that week, MIL said to my best mate:

''Gosh she's really got her work cut out to shed all those pounds hasn't she?''

After an Emcs. "Oh I'm so glad that they gave you a section." Mmm yes always great to have major surgery!
After having DS1, losing both my parents over one summer and being the bloody sole earner at home. "have you thought about losing some weight yet?"
After each child. "well he's obviously a xxxxxx(Dhs name)!" actually no they both pretty much look like neither of us.

In the hospital the day I had dd1 'Well you haven't got your figure back', followed by 'you're holding her wrong'.

Subsequently so so frequent including 'dd has a runny nose, oh mummy never bothers to wipe it. At least we care'. Many many 'We're the only ones who care for you' directed at dds.

When I went back to work 'You can't put a price on staying at home with your children.'

MIL is a master of the dig via the grandchild. She is a bitter old cow.

Another one regularly trotted out is how me and dh's marriage won't last because my parents were divorced so I don't value marriage.

Yep it was my fault that my parents got divorced!

my favourite... after telling me I was 'a problem' because she didn't know what to feed me (I'm a veggie but have been eating with them occasionally for 2.5 years!) then went on to say she didn't know how being vegetarian was healthy because..

when she changed her dog's food from meat to fish and rice, she had to give the dog loads of supplements!!!

I have no MIL but SIL used to more than make up for that
me and dp had a row he went to her house for some space she told dp to come home and throw me out and keep dd. still feel a little bitter about that one but then in the next argument she would butt in and defend me she used to be a bit like that but haven't had any problems from her for over 3 years since she fell out with me and dp and we both let rip about how we feel about her now we all get on ok since we have set the boundaries. we are not actually married but apart from the big day and bit of paper we are the same as any married couple