Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

[manuka]

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

Also with my MIL who I only met the week before the wedding.
I said I'd show her my dress and I wanted her opinion too as we were having a conservative religious ceremony for his side and I wanted to be sure the dress woudl be ok:
"oh, it looks small, what size is it?"
"size 10"
"you don't LOOK like a size 10"
"erm, well, I tried it on and it fitted really well, do you want me to try it on for you? YOu could tell me if it's long enough too?"
"No"
She didn't even have the grace to make any positive remark about it

She also commented to DH, while I was in the room, about the size of my bum (in her own language but I could understand a bit)

DH, thankfully, did say she wasn't being very nice but between that being my first trimester of pregnancy, our wedding, first time meeting her AND moving house - it was a difficult time!

My ex MIL I never got on with. She never seemed happy that My son was healthy!

Orange juice will give him asthma

Orange juice will hurt his privates when he pees

Why doesn't he have a lazy eye like my daughter?! (Her only daughter had a slight hardly noticeable lazy eye)

By tickling his feet I will kill him! He's 2

Shouldn't give him proper food yet as he might choke and die!! She wants a 2 yr old to live on baby food??!

The best one has to be " are you sure he's yours" said to her son in ear shot of me! I told her that I wasn't sure my self but her son will raise him as his own anyway! That shut her up.. my son is the double of his dad!

Glad I don't have to see her any more!

Mine is a fil one. Upon learning that I had kept my name he was and asked "Are you allowed to leave the country?"

Sigh.

My MIL is giving me more and more trouble. When I started going out with DH, I was like a daughter to her, but things have soured since we got married. She completely ignored me during my 1st pregnancy as she was so thrilled about having a grandchild and becoming a grandma.
I had a difficult labour and banned my PIL from the maternity ward. When they were allowed to call 4 days after the birth, they did not even wait for me to get out of the shower: they saw the baby and left! That was nearly 3 years ago and I still haven't got over it - silly me.
Now, after the birth of DS2, they repeated the 'we're not going to pay into the savings account you set up, we're going to get some NS&I bonds of our own' thing. We dared complain.
The quote: 'this is between us and our grandchildren'.

Thank God we are planning to move abroad.

My MIL is lovely, but...

When we told her I was pg, she was very excited and " your mum must be thrilled", i said " yes, all the grandparents are" ( we told my family in person and then waited a week until we went to to England to tell dh's family in person) her comment, "yes, but it's different when it's your daughter!"

I am still not sure what she meant by that, but luckily has been amazing to dd.

A woman that has to work is just bad at budgeting. There's no need for mothers in the workplace.
Why have children if you hand them over to strangers to bring them up (in reference to using a childminder)

She hates cooking and only eats because she has to. Convenience foods all the way.
She gave me the cardboard sleeve of a ready meal one day so I could find it in the shop and try it. It was, in her words, gourmet :o

Can't believe some of these comments!!! Who do they think they are. This thread is totally addictive. My MIL is amazing, but my mum is the tricky one. She's very firm in her ways, and I find her quite difficult to disagree with. When DD was under 4 months and I guess having a growth spurt, solely bf at this point and unsure why she appeared to be hungry again. She started 'mashing' up some carrot left on her plate after dinner (with the fork she ate with) and saying to my bil 'can u get me a teaspoon pls'
Me... Mum pls don't that's too chunky
Mum... no it's not it's mashed
DD with chunk hanging off her lip was luckily not interested!

But today I've just had a similar experience. Ready brek with cows milk and a chunk of apple put in her hand!!
Had to txt her when I got home Cos hubby was fuming (didn't even tell him bout cows milk and apple!!) and all I got back was ok sorry. Hmmm well see :(

And only found out this eve that oats is gluten :( she's 5 months x xx

"Well you didn't even give birth did you, I don't know what you're complaining about"...ten days after I had a proper crash EMCS.

"I've got some nice fabric to make you a suit, I've been waiting ages for you to loose the baby weight but you're still really fat", when DD was 10 weeks old.

But my MiL cracks me up, it's all very tongue in cheek. We can both give as good as we get and enjoy a bit of banter without any malice - and I can see exactly where DH gets his sharp tongue from!

Yay, a thread to rant about MIL on, where do I start?....

On my 2nd Christmas with dh, then dp, I took her some pressies as you do. She stood in her kitchen, fists clenched shouting 'No! I give the presents!! You don't give the presents! I GIVE THE PRESENTS!!!! {Not your 'oh you shouldn't have' kind of reaction} Then she gave me them back with various excuses the next time I saw her.

On us telling her we were getting married 'NO!!! NOT LIKE THIS!!!!' Then every time she saw dp afterwards 'Look what happened to Joe'. Joe is the cousin whose wife divorced him and took him for half the house.

So we went ahead and got married without her and she pretended she didn't know. For 3 years. 'I didn't think you had gone ahead with it.....'

To be fair, she spoils our daughter rotten, so I don't really care much anymore. Oh, but then she did try to get my daughter to call her 'Mama' when she started talking.

Ah, I could go on day......

Great thread Manuka

on seeing me in a bikini when 4 months pg with DC2: "are you sure you're not having twins?"

Manuka - my Gran (my mum's MIL) said to her the same thing about my sister. My sister would not take an afternoon nap point blank, so Gran said "oh just leave her she'll cry herself to sleep. She screamed for 3 hours until my Gran said "hmmm I think maybe you should get her up...."

Some you win some you lose. Mostly you win!

My personal favourite. 'Make sure you give her jars of baby food because they have more nutrients than anything you could make at home.'

Hmmm.

My MIL told me not to breastfeed after eating grapes as my DS wouldn't be able to digest the pips. Had to think for a minute.

BIL asked me (two days after giving birth) "Will you be getting a nanny?", and when I replied "No", said, "Oh, (looking around at mess), only it looks like you need some help around here!"...Grrr.

Not MIL but SIL who is normally lovely. Was spending Xmas with IL's after losing my mum earlier that year. Dad passed away many years before. When MIl said something daft she said, at least your mum can't embarass you or words to that effect.

My MIL came to visit when our baby was 6 weeks old. She brought a coat for her and tried to put it on her then looked disapproving and said "she's very small isn't she?" Well yes, she's 6 weeks old, a coat aged 1 1/2-2years won't fit her.

"When mine were babies I never allowed them to cry" in response to my colicky baby.

"You have to give her a bottle of tea, she's crying because she needs the nutrients from it." She's 6 WEEKS old and nobody needs tea.

Looking through a parenting magazine: "This is how you should hold a baby (cradle position which my baby hated) not the way that you do it." I'm not swinging her round by her ankles!

Now, off to finish reading the rest of this post.

on the birth of my dd several years ago, after an emergency c section and in complete agony... the first thing she said to me in hospital was"

" thank you for giving me a grandchild"...

this wasn't followed by anything about my major operation or how I was feeling..

when I didn't call for a couple of weeks, and then thought I'd better say hello.. my response to hi how are you was..

"well we're not dead yet, but you don't call so you don't know"

And the classic, one, the introduction to the family like after 2 weeks of marriage my Mil said to me:

"I think I have a lump.." ... "but I haven't told my husband or children yet, I will only tell you because you're calm about it, and you'll help me won't you..."

I freaked out.. and told my husband to take his mum to the dr!

ok... venting done..

thanks for listening!

coudn't resist this one.. after my 2nd C section, Mil visited that very evening, first thing she said was...

"when's the third one! we like having grand children..."

AHHHHHH I've just had a bl*y c section, a bit of tlc or a cup of tea would be lovely thanks!

When my ds was two weeks old, and was asking for a feed about an hour after the last one. She said "he can't possibly be hungry again yet, when mine were little I fed them every 4 hrs and would push them in the pram if they were crying before then".

I bit my tongue and didn't say that is why she only managed to breastfeed both her two for 10 days before her milk dried up!

While I was struggling to fit (at the time) 4 day old DD's carseat, 'can't I just hold her in the passenger seat?'.
Uh, no. No, a gazillion times NO!
Also I was being 'ridiculous' for not giving her chocolate at 9 weeks old

Ex-MIL when I bumped into her on my way into a waxing place: 'aving yer minge done are ya?

She was with a friend of hers. Cheers for that.

"your house is lovely, just big enough for what you need"

"what do you mean you have cotton sheets, I assumed you would have polycotton"

"yes, that's nice enough for you"

Double edged compliments, anyone...?

In Gap shopping for some new work clothes after maternity leave.

"come on mammoth", this is just for young slim women".

I'm a size 14 and 31.

Me: Yeah I am seeing Womens Aid now, they come fortnightly, I have a book named "Living with the Dominator"

Her: Yes you really should read the book it will help you a lot I think!

Hahahahahahahaha

ormaybenot

(On seeing me when I was around 7 months pregnant) "Oh! You look less than 7 months."
Me: (Surprised) "Thanks! I'm flattered."
Her: "Actually, now that you've turned sideways I can see that you are very big."

Later that day, when I got back from walking the dog in the rain, she opened the door to let the dog in and then closed it in my face.