DH hitting 13-year-old boy

[worriedmw]

Getting worried for these moments when DH loses his temper. I lose mine sometimes too but wouldn't use force on kids. At a loss where to turn. It happened again last night over dinner when DS refused the food served and demanded cup noodles instead. Frustrating scenario but he has been fussy over food since toddler. I would just give in as he is old enough to make his own choice on what to eat. And it's not that he has cup noodles every day. It's half term after all. Didn't say any of this out loud at the time because that would make dh even more furious. Did send him a text at work this morning.

I am worried that their relationship is going downhill and parenting getting harder. I am more worried that some serious injuries may happen. Puts so much strain in a family. I wonder if DS's behaviour is normal or indeed if DH just over reacted. What can I do in the middle??

Why have you written your title as 'boy' btw not son?

Odd that you've used 'd' h but not ds

If this is true you are complicit in abusing your child. You're standing by letting your child get beaten.

Normal dads don't hit their kids and knock the mother of their children to the floor. You are minimising his abuse.

Normal dads do not behave like this. And normal mothers don't turn a blind eye to their children being abused. FFS woman - get a fucking grip and protect your children. Stop minimising what your bastard husband is doing. Why are you putting your marriage to a revolting, vile, bully over the safety and long-term wellbeing of your children?

Just in case you've still not got it: this is child abuse.

he shows care and love just like a normal dad So does mine. He always said 'I love you', would play with us, cuddle us, buy us treats and take us out.................BUT HE STILL ABUSED US!

I'm off this thread.

You're scared he "may accidentally hurt" your child? He'll do it deliberately. When you abuse someone, it isn't an accident when they get hurt. It's deliberate.

People like your husband, and you, make me sick.

Even if you take away the fact that he hurt both you and your child (and has done before ffs), the way he speaks to them and treats you is abusive as hell. Stop defending him. PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN.

You didn't hurt yourself, your h hurt you by violently closing the door on you and shutting you out. He then deliberatly hurt your son, nothing accidental about it.
He is abusive, you need to seek help to get out and protect your children.

I said now we have a choice: one is to give Dad another chance and we all talk tonight; the other is to call SS and let them intervene and wetalk tell Dad tonight

I can't believe you did that. You basically are putting children, victims of abuse, in the position of having to make a decision like that (and yes it is abuse) Of course they'll say let him stay. Apart from the psychological damage to them, it's a complete cop out.

They are children YOU are the adult. You make the difficult decisions and find any way you can to make that happen.

Worried is asking for guidance in a very difficult situation. I don' t think some of responses are helpful.I have never been hit, nor have I ever hit my children.
Yet one of my friends who is Chinese did hit her children. She didn't move to the U.K and suddenly take on all of our values immediately, yet she was wonderfully kind. Her parenting was a blend of Chinese and English. Hrr children now have children and don't use any physical punishment.So sometimes people need help to change. So, now I await the inevitable mn flaming.

I feel really sorry for your son.

When you think about the man who hit him, do you like him? Would you share your day with him? Would you have sex with him willingly?

If I saw a stranger hit a thirteen year old I would be repulsed. I don't see how you can have any meaningful relationship with him.

Your thread sickens me.

Your response at 19.56 is ridiculous. You say he shows "care and love". - how can he when he hits them!

I used to be a triple p practitioner and I'm pretty sure from memory that it's not a programme recommended for children as old as 13.

Ohhh there is a teen one, it's a separate programme, I forgot as we didn't deliver it sorry.

The man hitting a child, I would be gone at that point.

It makes me feel sick that a parent could witness abuse and not act.

It's easy to yell at Op to pack her bags and how wrong she's been to let abuse go on. It's much harder to see things clearly when you are a victim yourself.

OP, you should at least speak to SS. If you feel uneasy or anxious ask a friend or relative to support you in this.

And keep things in perspective: your children will grow screwed up if you don't remove them from 'D'H. Though they may make some allowances for you, chances are they will resent you for choosing to not protect them, as if their well-being wasn't important to you.

It's not just the physical abuse, it's the emotional abuse too - "go somewhere else to live", "don't come near me or I'll hit you" (note how that nicely makes the hitting the son's fault - it wasn't the husband's fault for hitting, it was the son for going near). The OP is also putting the blame on the son for whether she splits up from her husband or not in making the choice his as to whether they leave or not. Poor kid.

After reading what triple p does I really do think you have down played what has happened. I reAlly do think you have spoken to someone and made out everything else is your sons fault.
I cannot see any logical reason why they would send an abuser on a course that

The Triple P – Positive Parenting Program ® is a parenting and family support system designed to prevent – as well as treat – behavioral and emotional problems in children and teenagers. It aims to prevent problems in the family, school and community before they arise and to create family environments that encourage children to realize their potential.

How did the conversation with you DH go OP?

*r sorry!

This thread is so sad and shocking.

This is an abusive household.

You are in denial about your H's physical (both towards you and your poor son), verbal and emotional abuse. He's been on a anger management course and still does not control his temper.

Your DC are being fucked up - you took the coward's way out by asking son to decide the future of the whole family. Poor boy has no choice does he, except to try and keep the family together.

So fucked up

This makes me very, very sad.

Your DH picks in one boy. The children saw you on the floor. He hit your child not once but at least twice.

If you cannot protect your children in their home, OP, you need to take them and leave.

SS - non intervention is not the benchmark of acceptable parenting, they are busy dealing with the life-threatening critical stuff. They have no capacity to sort out chronic emotional abuse and non-bone-breaking violence.

But your H is violent. And emotionally abusive. And maybe it his effect on you that makes you too afraid to escape at the moment.

Look up The Freedom Programme.

OP, your son may be his son too but that doesn't mean he can do what he likes with him.

What would happen if he hit you for refusing to eat?

Your son is a victim of family (domestic) violence. When he has had enough of being hit for not eating (and in what fucking way does that actually HELP anyway????) he will tell a teacher. Sort this out before that happens.

Equally, if I or another adult had cooked food I wouldn't accept it being refused and then having something else (assuming it wasn't food that I knew he hated). It would be the offered food or nothing. Yes, because that is the point here, isn't it.