Holding newborn too much?

[PeachBellini123]

Bit confused by this: had a visit from the health visitor yesterday. I find her perfectly nice but not terribly helpful.

DS was a bit grouchy after being weighed so I gave him a cuddle to settle him. He was soon fast asleep so sat with him in my arms.

Healh visitor said I should be putting him in his cot whenever he was tired as otherwise he'd get use to my heartbeat and smell and never sleep on his own .

I was a bit surprised at this. DS is pretty good at going in his cot at night but does need to be help until he's asleep then e
he can be put down. Surely this is okay? He's only 4 weeks! I wouldn't expect him to self settle yet.

it's so odd to suggest fewer cuddles because IIRR the cuddles are the ONLY thing between a new mum and madness half the time.

Same here SuperRainbows I cuddled my kids and carried them around in the Wilkenet until they were walking. We also co-slept in a family bed, and even though that's a no-no now apparently, we loved it, especially as I was working 30 kms away. Son's now at uni in another country, and daughter is heading towards the bac, and making plans. They are happy, independent, sociable, bright, fun teens. I can tell you, I miss those cuddles and that closeness, and I don't regret a minute of it. A big hug and a gruff "love you Mum" from a grown lad makes it all worthwhile. You hold that wee one close, OP. Those lovely times fly by.

I put mine down awake.
The are a ton of of threads in here from people who have to hold their kids all evening or they won't go to sleep, lying next to them, holding their hands blah blah. You can still hold and cuddle your baby plenty but all babies need to learn the skills of going to sleep, head over to the sleep thread for the cautionary tales of all the parents who didn't bother.

I knew there were people out there who would think that my dd's terrible sleeping was due to my failings. I would be feeling really shit about this comment, but luckily I know my dd very well and I know this is just how she is, and I know we tried everything. I am a bit pissed off at the idea that I just didn't bother though. I have had 2.5 years of sleep deprivation, trust me I have bothered.

Exactly OpenYourEyesAndSee people who have easy sleepers often like to believe it's down to their brilliant parenting and not just blind luck. If it was as easy as just putting them down awake we would have worked it out by now!

Having a second child can make you realise that you haven't cracked parenting, you've just learnt to parent your first child.

I wish I'd held my daughter much more. She died at just 2 months old. Nowhere near enough hugs and cuddles from her. So ignore the silly woman and hold your DS as much as you want. You can't spoil them with too many hugs.

Silly so sorry for your loss. Will certainly take your advice.

Thanks holesinthesoles! I agree with you about 'we would have figured it out'
Openyoureyesandsee with a 4 week old such as OP's son, there's no such thing as self soothing. I'm sorry you had to go through your DD's terrible sleeping pattern causing you insomnia and no matter what you tried it didn't work. I'm sure you have had your fair share of well meant advice at the time, unasked for as well. I hope your bold paragraph was an accident because it came across a bit like 'I'll just ram it in everyone's throat', which may be unintentional.

Sorry for your loss silly and I hope you had the support you needed xxx

[quote]Having a second child can make you realise that you haven't cracked parenting, you've just learnt to parent your first child.[/quote] Amen.

Wow thank god for mumsnet. Eccentricpickle is absolutely bang on. My OH used to go on about how much I held our first baby but I still did it as much as I could. Now she's four and sleeps like a log every night (has done since she was about 6 months) and is very confident. She does not want cuddles all the time, she does not need to be cuddled or rocked to sleep as I was warned she would be and she is not a mummies girl. I love the replies on this thread, well said Highlove.

Silly lady. (HV, not you. :) )

Having a second child can make you realise that you haven't cracked parenting, you've just learnt to parent your first child. Amen.

And another amen. My word are they different.