Holding newborn too much?

[PeachBellini123]

Bit confused by this: had a visit from the health visitor yesterday. I find her perfectly nice but not terribly helpful.

DS was a bit grouchy after being weighed so I gave him a cuddle to settle him. He was soon fast asleep so sat with him in my arms.

Healh visitor said I should be putting him in his cot whenever he was tired as otherwise he'd get use to my heartbeat and smell and never sleep on his own .

I was a bit surprised at this. DS is pretty good at going in his cot at night but does need to be help until he's asleep then e
he can be put down. Surely this is okay? He's only 4 weeks! I wouldn't expect him to self settle yet.

Nonsense I was told the same with 5yo ds - I barely put him down ((couldn't stop sniffing his head)) for weeks and weeks. He slept through at 8 weeks in his cot and sleeps straight through every night now in his bed. Do what you thinks best.

I seem to remember saying to the HV that my DD was was hard to settle or keep happy and she said 'are you holding her enough?'. Then she said there's research that shows newborns need to be held a minimum of 9 hours a day or they can be fussy etc. Could be bollocks but DD was my second and with DS age 3 to keep happy I didn't have the time for her that she needed nor could I get on with a sling. Your HV sounds like a throwback to the 'leave them screaming at the bottom of the garden' 1950s school of child rearing. I would smile to make her shut up whilst thinking the words 'fuck off'.

Very worse case scenario is, like me, you end up co sleeping and not putting them down until they're toddlers! Tbh it was lovely but knackering. She's now 20, lives away, very bright and my arms and posture recovered

I have never heard anyone express regret that they cuddled their baby too much. It goes so fast. They won't want it once they are running around so make the most of it.

I personally wouldn't hold my baby all the time, but I let him cuddle into me and sleep for a bit enough times. Sometimes I just wanted a cuddle.
He always slept in his crib fine through

Ignore her! Everyone told me I was spoiling my baby cos I cuddled him when he slept, asked my HV about it, she said you can't spoil a baby and to cuddle cuddle cuddle as it's fantastic for their development! My LO is 12 weeks old and sleeps in a next2me crib, I have to have my arm round him to get him to sleep :)

Enjoy the cuddles while you can! DS is 14 weeks and hates being cuddled, it makes me sad.

This actually makes me quite cross. There is evidence to suggest that those babies who have been cuddled and carried in those early weeks and until they're capable of self settling are more secure and confident as a result. They don't develop habits in the first 3 months and a parent's job is to teach them they can be trusted to respond and provide comfort and security. And certainly at 4 weeks they're only just out of the womb! Google 4th trimester. It really annoys me that health visitors are giving such outdated advice.

You do what is right for you! You can't cuddle a newborn too much!! Go with your gut!! (Give your baby a cuddle from me!!)

Ignore! I have a 30 weeker (5 months old now) and I cuddle her or let her sleep on me all the time. She still sleeps in her crib at night and in the day when I put her down. They grow up so fast, enjoy the cuddles while you can.

HV do have training, but I think there is a huge amount of stuff that they don't get training in (possibly because there isn't an answer). Some of them then make up stuff to fill those gaps. Probably based on experience and folk science. You appear to have had a HV who does that.

I've said this several different times on here, under different user names. My dad worked for the NHS for many years in HR, mostly dealing with complaints and tribunals. He's under the firm opinion that health visitors exist for the sole purpose of upsetting new mothers. Cuddle away, you don't get these early days back, enjoy your squishy baby while you can.

Hold him as much as you like. 24/7 would not be 'wrong' but if he will sleep in his cot it allows you some rest, so go for it. He might change his mind about that later. Eventually, they grow up. There's no rush.

Oh she needs sacking, babies are meant to be held cuddled and loved. I carried both of mine either in my arms or a stretchy wrap. Little girl is three and sleeps wonderful and little boy 18 month, still lets me pick him up but is getting very independent. Enjoy your baby and take no notice of her. Best wishes

Your HV needs retraining or retiring! Cuddling your newborn (babies of any age really!) builds your relationship and bond with your baby, it helps them feel secure and to trust you. You cannot spoil a baby with love, infact love grows brains so love up that baby! Cuddle, cuddle cuddle!

Trust your instincts, they are right, cuddling your baby is the best thing you can do for them and you. As pp said, just nod and ignore your hv.

You can't over cuddle a baby. I've barely put mine down in 5 months and then when I do I just want to give them more cuddles. Did the same with dc1 - although all the cuddling might explain why after 8 months they didn't want cuddles...Those baby cuddles were worth it though

OP make sure you oy hold her when absolutely necessary like feeding otherwise she might get spoilt and feel all loved and enjoy lots of snuggly time and heez who wants a baby who likes cuddles and kisses?
Ignore your HV and enjoy your baby! They need arms ore than they need baskets

I think my DD was in my arms for the first 6 weeks! Then she was obviously put down more for tummy time and going out in the peak, but I coslept as I found it much, much easier. She's 4 now and sleeps perfectly in her own bed.

That was DD4 by the way. By that point I'd learned not to give a stuff what anyone else thought or said so I did what was easiest and made me happy. I had a HV tell me with DD1 that I loved her too much and to separate quickly from her - it just led to a miserable baby and a miserable me.

Peak? I never took her to any peaks. Pram! Damn autocorrect...

My son cried if put down during the day until he was six weeks old so I carried him around all day every day. It was just what he needed because he then slept well at night - and when he was six weeks he accepted being put down awake and turned into the happiest, most contented baby I could have wished for - so it definitely didn't spoil him! Trust your instinct - if your DS needs to be held hold him and enjoy it because that phase doesn't last long.

My 4 week old DS gets cuddled to sleep, cuddled after feeds and cuddled after changes. Sometimes he gets cuddled just because he is cute and I want to.

Keep up the cuddles, they won't be little for long!

you absolutely can not hold a new born too much! that anyone would advise this.

Sometimes he gets cuddled just because he is cute and I want to I use this excuse and mine is 20 months

What a ridiculous comment from your HV, cannot believe this tripe is still spouted. Babies want and need to be held, you cannot spoil a young baby and the secure attachment created by early cuddles is essential to create happy & confident kids. www.google.co.uk/amp/s/sarahockwell-smith.com/2012/11/04/the-fourth-trimester-aka-why-your-newborn-baby-is-only-happy-in-your-arms/amp/?client=safari
www.boba.com/the-second-nine-months