Holding newborn too much?

[PeachBellini123]

Bit confused by this: had a visit from the health visitor yesterday. I find her perfectly nice but not terribly helpful.

DS was a bit grouchy after being weighed so I gave him a cuddle to settle him. He was soon fast asleep so sat with him in my arms.

Healh visitor said I should be putting him in his cot whenever he was tired as otherwise he'd get use to my heartbeat and smell and never sleep on his own .

I was a bit surprised at this. DS is pretty good at going in his cot at night but does need to be help until he's asleep then e
he can be put down. Surely this is okay? He's only 4 weeks! I wouldn't expect him to self settle yet.

I got told this when my son was a week old. I also got told he should have been in a routine by then!?

You are doing fabulously and know your baby better than anyone. You can't spoil a baby with love

As others have said she's talking rubbish - no such thing as too many cuddles at this age, perhaps if you are still rocking them to sleep as a teenager but 4wks absolutely normal.
I tend to go for the smile, nod and ignore technique with my HV. Thankfully this is baby no.2 and I had a fab sensible and lovely HV for no.1 - this one is lovely but batshit crazy but nodding and saying 'yes yes dear' gets her out the house far quicker than not agreeing with her.

Ignore her. Follow your instincts and cuddle your baby as much as you want to. They're not tiny for long so make the absolute most of it :) Xx

Op you do whatever is right for you
New babies need to be held a lot
They need mummy nearby
I'm sure you're doing great
(Ignore health visitor)

mouldy babies don't develop habits until somewhere between 3 and 5 months, when they are alert enough and have developed enough to remember sequencing, patterns and cause and effect. Providing you begin putting them down awake as soon as they show signs of being able to self settle and self comfort (usually around 12 weeks) many of the sleep associations people have trouble with can be avoided. A newborn does not possess this ability, neither do they have a circadian rhythm until we teach them. There's a big difference between a 4 week old and a 4 month old. There are plenty of mothers who cuddled and carried their babies and now have children who sleep brilliantly - and independently.

Trifle, I like your first suggested question to HV for evidence. I bet she won't have any ad if mothers asked this type of thing more often HV would not dish out such crap!

Oh believe me I'll be putting DS down awake when he's old enough. I'm going back to work when he's 6 months so will need the sleeping to improve long before then. But for now I think he's far too little for that.

Trouble with all this baby cuddling is that my 16 year old lump of a lad still tries to have those cuddles now

I'm a HV and new research says you can't spoil a newborn baby. Lots of cuddles and hugs help with bonding and makes your baby feel secure enabling them to build secure attachments in later life! Just enjoy your little one while they are young!

Ellen where is the research that said you could spoil a newborn baby?!

Maybe a short term issue but true habits don't form until 12 weeks as the brain isn't developed enough so as long as you start teaching good habits then you're fine!
Baby snuggles are the best, I made sure I had as many as I could second time around when I wasn't so stressed about long term sleep issues...

A baby lives to be loved enjoying their time with those that love them. They have no clock so don't know if it is 2am or 2pm.

Babies like adults memorise what they last saw when they fall asleep. When they wake if it is different they may startle. They could have something that smells familiar to try & comfort them.

A 4 week old baby is light to hold to settle to sleep & then lay down. A 10 month old less so. This often coincides with return to work when parents are trying to get ready for their next work day.

We all chose our own parent path....

Your health visitor sounds like she came in with the ark. She definitely needs a practice update as all health visitors should be singing from the same hymn sheet. Encouraging mothers to nurture their babies and promoting bonding and attachment is part of her job and has a sound evidence base. He is 4 weeks old, he is supposed to be in your arms.

When there's no research, people interject their own theories and opinions. Ellen is surely just pointing out that the evidence supports the opinion that you cannot spoil your baby.

Wtf? This goes against all NCT/NHS advice. Cuddle your newborn, the time passes too quickly. I started putting mine down for naps at about 6months and I miss those sofa snuggles

Mine complained that my rug was too thick 😳

essexgirly what?! I find it worrying that some make such bizarre comments..

I was told today (by a healthcare professional) that is probably best not to hold baby all the time as they would get used to sleeping on me and then not settle anywhere else. As a first time mum to be (through surrogate pregnancy), I was looking forward to sitting cuddling my baby, or pottering round the house holding her and talking absolute nonsense to her (if only to give my poor cats a rest!).

I think it will be even more important for me and my baby to bond this way, as she has listened to someone else's voice and heartbeat for the last 8 months. I want her to get used to my voice, heartbeat, and awesome singing talent.

I am pleased to read this thread and all the lovely posts about babies that have been cuddled a lot.

When DS was about a year, I said he was decreasing the foods he was eating and when HV asked what morning snack I gave him, and I said half a banana, she looked shocked and said "well, on a Saturday, I only eat three bananas all day when I'm at the stables and that is enough for me so of course he won't eat if you give him half a banana at half ten"!!!
Since that day, I've taken anything they said with a very pinch of salt.

Aw Kitty !! That's lovely. Cuddle your newborn as much as you like when they are here.

Ive cuddled both my babies a LOT. I still hold my 3 month most of the day and she has slept like a dream at night since 6 weeks. In her moses basket.

My son had massive sleep problems including not sleeping through the night until he was 4.5 years old. You need to do what you think you should do - it's your baby and it would be wrong to do otherwise. But I must admit I have read a zillion sleep books and spent quite a lot of money on sleep consultants.
If your baby now only goes to sleep if he is being held than he will not all of a sudden learn how to go to sleep on his own. At the moment he is getting tired easily - wait until he is 6 months old and has the strength to fight sleep. Wait until he is 6 months old and he is heavy to hold!
Another big problem is all humans have sleep cycles - I think from memory babies cycles are every 45mins or 90mins if they are in a deep sleep and having a double cycle. Towards the end of the cycle their brain wakes up a little to double check their environment (safety response), if they went to sleep in your arms and then their brain registers that they are now in a different location, it can cause them to wake up more fully and all of a sudden you have a child waking up throughout the night and needing to be soothed back to sleep.
I learnt a great technique where you put the baby down and leave the room for 1 minute, come back in and touch them in silence (so they know you are there), leave the room again and do this until they fall asleep. You have to really want to do this technique as it can take a long time! The next day increase the time you are out of the room to maybe 1.5mins and so on. That way the baby feels supported ie that you are coming back in to be with them but they also have a chance to learn how to fall asleep by themselves. It was the only technique that worked with my son.
You might find it helpful to get some baby sleep books from the library and decide for yourself what is best for your situation.
There was many many times when I was up with my son throughout the night where I wondered why there was a huge emphasis when pregnant on the birth process and nothing on making sure we knew how to teach our children good sleep habits.

OP, if you want to cuddle your baby then cuddle your baby.

However, I'd like to point out that I was desperate to escape from mine on a regular basis at that age as the relentless demanding nature of it all did my head in. I nodded politely at people saying all the things that are being said on this thread, but internally I wondered at them - it was so different from how I felt. I got used to him eventually but I can honestly say I never felt like this.

So if anyone's reading this and thinking 'Shit, I was grateful to be alone once in a while' then you're not a mutant (or if you are then so am I).

If you're wired that way though, enjoy your baby cuddles!

Just nipping back to add: DD1 (3) is poorly and had a rare nap today. My 4mo slept on my chest while my 3yo slept on my lap. You can't buy moments like that. Cuddling sleeping children is my happy place.

I agree with your HV. Start as you mean to carry on.

She's a twat. Ignore and enjoy cuddling your beautiful baby.