Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Holding newborn too much?

162 replies

PeachBellini123 · 04/02/2017 18:24

Bit confused by this: had a visit from the health visitor yesterday. I find her perfectly nice but not terribly helpful.

DS was a bit grouchy after being weighed so I gave him a cuddle to settle him. He was soon fast asleep so sat with him in my arms.

Healh visitor said I should be putting him in his cot whenever he was tired as otherwise he'd get use to my heartbeat and smell and never sleep on his own .

I was a bit surprised at this. DS is pretty good at going in his cot at night but does need to be help until he's asleep then e
he can be put down. Surely this is okay? He's only 4 weeks! I wouldn't expect him to self settle yet.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
minifingerz · 07/02/2017 00:19

"I agree with your HV. Start as you mean to carry on"

Yes - take no notice of the age or developmental stage of your child when working out how to respond to them.

Hmm
TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 07/02/2017 00:25

I cuddle/bf my DD to sleep and she's 8 months. If I had a pound for every time somebody has told me that I'm making a rod for my own back....I couldn't care less. She's getting bigger by the day and I don't want to miss a single second of cuddling time. Won't be long before she's desperate to get away from me. It works for us so we're sticking with it.

As long as you are happy, keep doing what you're doing. They're newborns for such a short space of time, make the most of it!

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 07/02/2017 00:29

head over to the sleep thread for the cautionary tales of all the parents who didn't bother.

So we cuddle our babies because we are lazy? I do it out of choice, not because I can't be bothered to put her down. What a wierd comment.

The OP is talking about a newborn. Cuddling a newborn baby to sleep will not result in a toddler who doesn't go to bed alone.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families
minifingerz · 07/02/2017 07:15

evidence

Some evidence that babies may sleep longer and alone after sleep training, but questions:

  • whether the 'improvements' are permanent (don't appear to be)
  • the impact this can have on SIDS risk and on breastfeeding
  • points out that there is a lack of evidence when it comes to the impact of using sleep training techniques in relation to developmental psychology.
WowserBowser · 07/02/2017 09:25

I always start how i mean to go on

Lots of cuddles!!

Thank god for the majority of this thread.

Rustler74 · 07/02/2017 09:39

For those who agree with the health visitor, history has taught that children get 'damaged' sleeping patterns by many other things than being held in their parents arms until asleep. Even if a friend of mine who had a little baby boy after her other 2 were practically grown up, complains how disturbed his sleeping pattern is, and she wish she hadn't continued to rock him to sleep every single night until he was 4 years old, I'm still intending to respond to my baby's needs. That's my intuition, and I shall tell the health visitor I'll be happy to bear the consequences if I don't follow advice which is directed otherwise.
That's my choice and it should be any mother's choice.
If I ASK advice then by all means I'll try and follow but still follow my intuition. Well meant but unasked for advice by friends and family would be met with a smile and a nod.
Cuddle if you feel like it, don't if you don't feel like it. Good luck with your lovely snuggly baby xxx

minifingerz · 07/02/2017 10:19

FYI - I cuddle my autistic 11 year old to sleep when I'm at home for his bedtime. It's the nicest part of my day. He doesn't need me to do it, but it's something we both enjoy.

Soon he'll be an adult and that part of our lives will be over. I feel so sad for someone with a newborn who's being told ALREADY to ration affection and comfort for the sake of convenience.

Kbear · 07/02/2017 13:44

You know what I remember the health visitor saying to me ?

"You're making a rod for your own back cuddling her"

At the time I thought "WTF? I just grew her, I want to cuddle her"

but she made me doubt myself for a minute, was I going to be that smothering parent that never put my child down? Was I smothering her with my love?

Fuck off was I.

I was her mum and we cuddled all the time. She was 18 last week. Sunday morning we sat in her bed and drank tea and she told me all about her weekend and we had a cuddle and watched a bit of telly.

Cuddle your baby :)

anonymousbird · 07/02/2017 14:20

Keep cuddling is what I say! Though get some rest yourself when the baby does go in his cot.

My DD is 11 and we are still cuddling (though I can't pick her up any more!) and it still makes my heart sing.

nickdrakeslovechild · 07/02/2017 15:18

I had this with HV and the midwife in the hospital.

We were very lucky to be able to have DD (we didnt think we could have them), so the night she was born I just held her and thought how bloody grateful I was. At about 4am the midwife/nurse came in and tried to take her off me as apparently "it's not right". She got a very clear Fuck off! As did the HV when they mentioned putting her down more. The amount of people who said I was making a rod for my own back. Used to make my blood boil.
DD is now 5 and still the most cuddly cuddle monster in the world. Grin

Northernlight22 · 07/02/2017 15:20

My midwife at the hospital told me this the day after he was born. It was promptly ignored.

DS sleeps perfectly fine now without me holding him (4months) but sometimes I do like to cuddle him to sleep!

Rustler74 · 07/02/2017 16:38

Oh I totally love the cuddly stories! HaloBearFlowers

bluebellsparklypants · 07/02/2017 22:10

Cuddly cuddly and cuddly some more,
I know like everything they have to learn to sleep but they also need to feel secure so just love them, don't take to heart everything they say filter and trust your instincts

madein1995 · 08/02/2017 00:11

Keep cuddling the baby, you cannot spoil them! I don't have any children but I know when I was small my mother cwtched me as often as she could (would have done so all day if she could) and certainly cwtched me off to sleep, and at the age of 21 I haven't required cwtches to sleep for a long time, since the age of around 3 to be exact! You can't spoil a baby with cuddles. Ignore the silly woman.

madein1995 · 08/02/2017 00:15

And I was a brilliant sleeper (well apart from the fact that I would wake up at 5.30 every morning without fail!) and after the age of 2 was quite content to go to sleep without cuddles, and slept through the night. Cuddling your baby to sleep doesn't mean they'll be awful sleepers

anklebitersmum · 08/02/2017 03:49

Cuddling is important. Sleep is important.

I cuddled mine to sleep and kept cuddling for a few months but as they got older I'd cuddle to kip and then bed. All of them were in 'big' beds and doing bedtime without issues and tantrums by 14 months.

They're 7,10,11,17 now and I still have a bedtime cuddle. In fact the only one who doesn't actually get tucked in still is the eldest Grin

I've had good, bad and indifferent HV's over the years. Take their advice as just that, it's not gospel, law or written in stone. You are the Mum.

A relative of mine was advised to feed a certain number of times a day only which led to her DH trying to comfort a screamingly hungry baby for weeks whilst the HV insisted that they just had to 'get through it' (she ended up upstairs crying most nights) and to do anything else was irresponsible parenting Confused I told her I'd never heard such bloody twoddle and to feed her poor DC and put her to bed instead of torturing themselves. So she did.
Result? Happy baby, happy Mum, happy Dad.
She told all her baby club friends (who were also doing the nightly screaming sessions under HV's reign). Apparently there was a mini Mums mutiny and a lot of quiet nights were had in that town from there on in Wink

I was lucky, my first two were fabulous (unlike yours by the sound of it), number 3 was just a bit meh and by the time the bad one turned up I was on biter number 4 and in my late 30's so she got short shift.

MiniMaxi · 08/02/2017 07:48

I know everyone is basically saying the same thing but this idiotic HV has annoyed me, so:

CUDDLE THAT LOVELY BABY AS MUCH AS YOU WANT!!!

SmileBrewCake

lingle · 08/02/2017 08:27

Cuddles are the point of having babies aren't they?

Give your baby a big sniff and tickle from me please

ravenmum · 08/02/2017 09:40

Smile, nod, ignore.

tangleweed · 08/02/2017 12:21

Reminds me of my mum who used to dislike one of my friends because she carried her toddler in a sling & whenever I mentioned that friend mum would say 'silly woman carrying that child around as though it's a baby', 'making a rod for her own back' etc, etc. I've no idea why it pressed her buttons, but just used to say 'It works for her and isn't causing anyone any harm, so why do you need to criticise?" Same comment to your HV - I had some v nice HVs, midwives, GPs, etc, but too often they'd mix up evidence-based practice with questionable opinions based on their own or their friends' experiences of parenting.

Xmasbaby11 · 08/02/2017 12:23

I still cuddle my little one loads and she's 3! It won't last forever and soon she won't want all the cuddles. Make the most of it I say!

LittlePaintBox · 08/02/2017 13:49

Enjoy your baby. Before you know where you are they'll be 30 and moving abroad Sad

theDudesmummy · 08/02/2017 15:09

My baby was barely out of my arms for the first three months (cosleeping and he lived in a sling when we were up). It was great! The only negative effect was on me: I had to go back to work after three months and I physically missed him so much in the daytime initially! Enjoy the time wth your baby, it goes so fast...

theDudesmummy · 08/02/2017 15:11

And it's no-one's busines how much you cuddle your baby!

Swipe left for the next trending thread