Holding newborn too much?

[PeachBellini123]

Bit confused by this: had a visit from the health visitor yesterday. I find her perfectly nice but not terribly helpful.

DS was a bit grouchy after being weighed so I gave him a cuddle to settle him. He was soon fast asleep so sat with him in my arms.

Healh visitor said I should be putting him in his cot whenever he was tired as otherwise he'd get use to my heartbeat and smell and never sleep on his own .

I was a bit surprised at this. DS is pretty good at going in his cot at night but does need to be help until he's asleep then e
he can be put down. Surely this is okay? He's only 4 weeks! I wouldn't expect him to self settle yet.

Like all other baby mammals, our babies like to be snuggled up to their mothers.

I got that comment too...told her "that's what babies are there for"!!

Violet thank god you had your mum to talk sense. It's so difficult being a mum and having a professional telling you you're doing it wrong

Well told DH what the HV said. He looked surprised and said one of the best things about his day is cuddling DS. At least he agrees she was talking nonsense as well!

My mums a HV and she says how many babies aren't cuddled enough and they have a biological need to be held/carried. Ignore your HV op that's utter crap, enjoy your baby you really can't cuddle too much

I regret not cuddling my first more now she's nearly 3 and won't let me pin her down for long enough for a cuddle!

My DD1 is nearly 5. Every night, before she goes to sleep I sit on her bed and hold her on my lap for a cuddle and a last chat about her day. At the end of that she always says "now I'll listen to your heart Mummy", puts her head on my chest and listens to my heart for a few seconds. Often then she'll ask me to listen to hers.

What's better than that? Seriously, in a mad world, what's better than that.

Cuddle that wee boy as much as you want OP, it's what we were made to do.

(but you can also put him down if he's driving you mad as you've had him attached to you for eleventy million hours and it doesn't make you a bad person. even if he roars)

Do what your instincts tell you and ignore the HV

Ignore.

Cuddle,snugde,sniff,nuzzle,kiss,stroke and the odd very gentle nibble. . And repeat.

He probably won't need your heartbeat to sleep when he's 16.

Send her round here. My nearly 8 YEAR old wanted me to snuggle with him until he went to sleep last night. So I got my ipad, got into bed, did the Tesco shop while he put his still little boy arms on my belly.

nb He can go to sleep quite well on his own and he's quite independent, secure bla bla.

IMO, it's when you DON'T give them what they need as tiny children you are more likely to get older child who have trouble settling to sleep.

My HV told me you cannot spoil a baby they need to be held so to hold my two all I wanted so I did they are 3 and 5 now and sleep all night in their own beds hold your little one all you want they wont be small for ever.

Do not listen to her! She is talking rubbish! Interestingly my HV said exactly the opposite. She said to all the Mums I know to cuddle your baby as your baby will become more confident and happy.I cuddled and kissed my DD all the time (still do) and she is so confident and happy lovely little girl. Just enjoy all the cuddles you can get! Congratulations on your baby!

I truly believe the NHS should be assessing then redesigning our national Health Visiting policy.

It simply isn't okay for HV's to give out such dire information to parents. I really think that half the reason so many parents have so many issues, is down to inconsistent 'advice' .....often being detrimental to mothers mental health and often goes against the NICE guidelines.
Any other health professionals whold not be allowed to give incorrect and out of date information based on hearsay or what they did with their own babies! It's really not helpful and could be dangerous.

That said, there are obviously very well trained and informed Hvs who do help parents in a professional manner but that isn't the case everywhere.

My DC is almost 5 months and can self settle in his cot at night but generally falls asleep napping on me during the day unless he falls asleep playing. I want to make the mosh of my mat leave by cuddling and playing with him as much as possible for the benefit of both of us!

In theory yes HV is right, the baby will get used to sleeping in your arms and will struggle to go to sleep on his own. However, your baby will only be a baby for such a short time and I can promise that when he is a teenager he won't need rocking to sleep :D
Do whatever works for you and enjoy your lovely little baby, you won't get a second chance x

Welcome to the world of HV's where you will regularly get conflicting/outdated/useless advice (from my experience at least). As PP have said, ignore and trust your own instincts.

I know that babies aren't toys, but ye gods-I pushed them out-the least I expected in return was to be able to cuddle my newborn when I wanted!

Anyway, when you aren't cuddling there's a danger you might do some housework!

Wow such bad advice. Human contact is important for babies bonding and development. Of course they'll get used to being comforted when they need comfort - they're meant to be used to that!

DS is 20 weeks and don't think he's been put down in the daytime for more than the length of time it takes for me to have a shower 😳

He's a happy, cuddly, sociable and very secure baby. Who loves cuddling. And there will come a day when cuddling mum is Embarassing.

Ignore your HV and get the cuddles in now!

Probably against the grain but I would make a couple of points:

• Your HV is telling you something she thinks is true; ask her for her evidence base before dismissing it out of hand.
• Your newborn will undoubtedly prefer to be held all the time - mine does. It doesn't harm them at all and they don't 'need' time away from you.
• I would go insane if I could never put her down - I need time away from her.
• I pick my baby up all the time BUT I am slowly starting to force myself to put her in her crib when she is tired or when I need to get something done. I can't hold her 24 hours a day.

So be kind to yourself.

Carry on as you are. Some HV's are brilliant but some do trot out some weird 'advice', a friend of mine was told by her HV not to wind her baby! Baffling.

Health Visitors are dangerous. Please don't ever take something they say seriously unless you know it to be true yourself.

I put mine down awake.
The are a ton of of threads in here from people who have to hold their kids all evening or they won't go to sleep, lying next to them, holding their hands blah blah. You can still hold and cuddle your baby plenty but all babies need to learn the skills of going to sleep, head over to the sleep thread for the cautionary tales of all the parents who didn't bother.