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Parenting

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Original poster

10 year old girls refusing to get changed in front of my 7 year old boy?

152 replies

Christyt · 01/12/2016 19:12

I'm struggling with a request via our swimming teacher from parents of 9-10 year old girls (I don't know how many) who apparently feel uncomfortable changing in front of my 7 year old boy.

I (a female, mum) have been asked not to take him into the boys changing room as there are older boys to respect their privacy. So I switched to the girls, but now apparently I'm not allowed in there.

I was offered a toilet to change him in. Which has no shower. I'm not prepared to let him go to the boys alone because the class finishes late and he would take forever to change on his own, plus not keen for child protection issues quite honestly.

Doubtless I"ll get shouted down but I really think the girls, although they might be starting to feel self conscious, can have it explained to them that a 7 year old is not interested in their bodies? If they are really worried, they could go into the loo themselves and do the naked bit there?

There - I've put it out there...

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Hercules12 · 01/12/2016 19:16

Why can't he get changed in the boys? Unless sen then no reason not too.

RoganJosh · 01/12/2016 19:17

At public swimming pools it's usually eight that's the cut off. Ours is actually 'over eight'. So I'd expect a seven yr old to be fine in the ladies changing room.

ClarissaDarling · 01/12/2016 19:19

Are there other boys his age in class? What do they do?

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Costacoffeeplease · 01/12/2016 19:19

I don't think it's appropriate for 10 year old girls to change in front of a 7 year old boy and I understand them being unwilling to do so. What do other children do, or is he the only boy? Can you not use the toilet to change him and shower when you get home?

PossumInAPearTree · 01/12/2016 19:22

I sympathise with the girls to be honest. As an adult I'm old enough to not care about 7yos in the changing rooms. Whether or not they're interested I'm not bothered.

Btw, I wouldn't be too quick to say he's not interested.....my brother thought my 7yo nephew wasn't bothered about women until he found "ladies bottoms" in the internet search history.

But 10yo girls are not as confident and will quite possibly have insecurities about their developing bodies.

I don't think girls should have to change in a loo in their changing room.

idontlikealdi · 01/12/2016 19:25

The girls shouldn't have to hangs in the loo in their changing room. At 7 your son will just have to get changed quicker in the boys changing.

RancidOldHag · 01/12/2016 19:26

Yes he needs to be changing in the males changing rooms, as his presence in the female one is causing concern to girls who have nowhere else to change.

If you do not think he is ready for that, then you need to take jogger/sweatshirt or similar, bundle him up and have him shower etc properly at home. Remember plastic bag/towel to sit on in your car or on public transport.

And in parallel teach him how to change effectively. Because once he can do that, he'll be fine to go with his classmates and without a parent.

Allthebestnamesareused · 01/12/2016 19:27

Can you 7 year old not dress himself in the boys while you wait outside? Is there a family cubicle you can go into?

eyebrowsonfleek · 01/12/2016 19:29

My 10 year old boy wouldn't get changed in front of a 7 year old girl and I wouldn't ask him to either.

Your son gets changed after PE so should be capable of changing himself after swimming. If he can't then I think it's up to you to use the loo or to band together with other children the same age and lobby the pool for family (unisex) changing rooms with cubicles like we have at our local pool.

5OBalesofHay · 01/12/2016 19:29

It's clearly a problem for the girls otherwise they wouldn't have raised it. It's the female changing room so they have the rights and you will need to respect that and find a solution

Lokisglowstickofdestiny · 01/12/2016 19:32

At 10 the girls may well be developing, I don't think it unreasonable that they don't want to change in front a boy. He should either use the male changing room or you use a family cubicle or I guess a loo.

HerRoyalFattyness · 01/12/2016 19:32

He needs to be changing in the male changing rooms.
I have a (just) 8 year old. He uses the men's toilets, mens changing rooms etc.
He doesn't use the women's because he isn't a woman. I started letting him just before he turned 7. I wait outside and shout through to him if he's taking a while. If I ever felt he had been too long, or he didn't shout back I'd go in and check on him.

quicklydecides · 01/12/2016 19:32

Christ you are being so up your own arse.
Your son needs to get changed in the male changing rooms alone.
If he cannot manage to do that, he is too young for swimming.
You cannot seriously think that all the young girls should be hiding in cubicles just because you're son takes too long to dress.
Why should they be inconvenienced?
They are girls in the girls changing room.

Yoarchie · 01/12/2016 19:39

Most pools I've been to say children can be in either changing room with their parent until 8/over 8. The adult parent must be in the correct room so I don't think you should have entered a boys/mens changing room at all. You do have the right to be in the ladies with your boy and if the girls' parents do not like this, they should complain to the management, not get the teacher to ask you to get out.

Can you imagine the safeguarding issues if a school put a 7 or 8 year old unsupervised child in the company of unknown adults? I really think it's ridiculous that mum are expected to do just this, sending their 7 year old boy into the men's alone. A teacher would be dismissed for doing it.

What you need to do is to just shove a towelling hoody and toweling shorts on him on the poolside, get to car and sort him out at home (assuming you are driving). When you arrive to the lesson, you should arrive with trunks and these toweling clothes already on so you quickly just lift the toweling off and he gets on the water. No need for any changing room them. Nobody really gives enough of a stuff about mums with boys, this is a struggle repeated over and over in hundreds of pools. I've seen so many of these threads, all tte same problem.

exLtEveDallas · 01/12/2016 19:45

I'm sorry, but as I've just spent the last couple of days listening to a headteacher tell parents that their 7,8 and 10 year old boys have been 'caught' looking up very inappropriate words on the schools internet, I think you are very naive to think that your 7 year old wouldn't be interested in naked bodies.

There is nothing wrong with it, it's normal curiosity, but if the 9 and 10 year old girls have said they are uncomfortable then it's not up to you to tell them they are wrong. Their feelings trump your sons inability to dress himself without faffing.

Nikki2ol6 · 01/12/2016 19:47

I have a 7 year old girl and 6 year old boy and they will not get changed infront of each other and I can understand that so in the mornings for school when we are rushed for time I let my daughter go upstairs as I can trust her to get ready fast where as my son would find something to distract him and I'd find him sitting there 20mins later with just his socks and undies on. But in this case you can't let him go into the girls changing rooms it's making them uncomfortable I expect you will have to send him into the boys and tell him he must be quick at getting dressed i can't imagine there is much in there to distract him

Ineverdidmind · 01/12/2016 19:48

Just tell the other parents he's trans. Then no doubt they'll all be falling over themselves to tell the girls to suck it up in an effort to appear 'right on'.

AllTheShoes · 01/12/2016 19:51

Send him in to the men's. Just like DH has to send our 8yo dd into the women's when he takes her swimming.

If he takes forever, try bribery, omitting the shower, easier clothing etc.

NoCapes · 01/12/2016 19:51

I've never been to a swimming pool without a family changing room and/or private cubicles, is the one you go to just a room where everyone changes in front of each other??

midcenturymodern · 01/12/2016 19:53

I really think the girls, although they might be starting to feel self conscious, can have it explained to them that a 7 year old is not interested in their bodies?

You really can't see how inappropriate that is? It doesn't matter what the level of interest is. The bodies belong to the girls and it's up to them, not you, who sees them.

Also, kids are slow. It's a pita but the person who should be inconvenienced should be the slow coach and the slow coach's parent, not some random girls who are where they are supposed to be.

Natsku · 01/12/2016 19:53

That's a tough one. I can understand the girls being uncomfortable with it but I also think 7 is just before the cut off age for going alone to the men's. At my local pool the disabled changing area has been offered to my OH when he takes DD (5yrs) swimming, is that possible? Otherwise just try and change as quickly as possible and go in the corner or something. Even though he might not be interested in girls yet that doesn't stop the girls from being uncomfortable. But soon he will need to go to the men's so start preparing him for changing quickly without messing about. Maybe take him swimming with a friend so they can change together in the men's.

Guitargirl · 01/12/2016 19:54

At our pool the cut-off is also 8 but my 7-year-old DS goes to get changed himself in the male changing area. He's also pretty tall so a girl who doesn't know him might assume he was older than 7 anyway.

You really can't tell girls in a female changing area to use the toilets to get changed in because your son can't dress himself.

NerrSnerr · 01/12/2016 19:55

Many 10 year old girls are going through puberty. They really wouldn't want a boy from school seeing their developing bodies.

burgundyandgoldleaves · 01/12/2016 19:55

Tricky one. I sympathise but I do think at seven, he should mostly be able to manage dressing himself.

RitaCrudgington · 01/12/2016 19:57

And this is why we need family cubicles or large individual single sex cubicles because there are so many families for which a blanket "males in one room females in the other" won't work. It's ridiculous to say that a child too young to get changed alone is too young to swim: he'll be supervised in the swimming class, just like a three year old learning to swim would be.

In your position OP I'd be inclined to get him changed in the toilets as they've suggested and skip the shower until you get home. At least it's only a temporary problem because he will grow up soon.

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