10 year old girls refusing to get changed in front of my 7 year old boy?

[Christyt]

I'm struggling with a request via our swimming teacher from parents of 9-10 year old girls (I don't know how many) who apparently feel uncomfortable changing in front of my 7 year old boy.

I (a female, mum) have been asked not to take him into the boys changing room as there are older boys to respect their privacy. So I switched to the girls, but now apparently I'm not allowed in there.

I was offered a toilet to change him in. Which has no shower. I'm not prepared to let him go to the boys alone because the class finishes late and he would take forever to change on his own, plus not keen for child protection issues quite honestly.

Doubtless I"ll get shouted down but I really think the girls, although they might be starting to feel self conscious, can have it explained to them that a 7 year old is not interested in their bodies? If they are really worried, they could go into the loo themselves and do the naked bit there?

There - I've put it out there...

Where's op

Pter his safety comes first? Not the girls, but your ds, nice attitude.

tinsel when he goes swimming with school he would be with the rest of his class not in alone in a room with grown men who are strangers to him. And I do back off ffs all I do is take the wet shorts off him and wring them out whilst he dries and dresses himself

And at 9 I'd be pretty much demanding your ds got changed elsewhere.

Ffs.

It's always, always about the girls being made to feel uncomfortable by the boys. Are people really so naive stupid that they don't realise the reverse happens? Prepubescent boys have feelings and boundaries too, strangely enough and can be equally uncomfortable in the changing room scenario. I firmly believe that it's only on mn that once boys reach ks2, they instantly become a threat to all those faultless, precious daughters out there. Thankfully, I've never come across this attitude irl, nor have any of the parents of children (of both sexes) that I know.

OP says swimming teacher, therefore it is fair to assume he won't be the only boy in the male changing room.

If OP insists on helping her son, they should use the toilet and respect the girls request

As the mum of a water-baby 8 year old DS, you just have to let him go to the gents changing rooms. I take his googles and hat off him poolside before he gets changed. He's surprised me at how good he'S been at getting changing by himself.

I'm all for kids having options but in reality aren't they all just in close quarters with each other all the time and getting changed in front of each other is just one bit of that? OP, you have to send your boy in the men's. my DH takes our two daughters swimming every week and obviously sends the older one (10) into the female changing area. The younger one goes in the men's. because that is how it is done at the pool.

But at school they change in front of each other constantly. As I recall from my own school days. Just this week DD changed for assault course, football, PE, cross country, with everyone else on those activities of varying ages and sexes, getting changed in varying locations from the back of a minibus to the whole class getting changed in the classroom etc etc . I know these don't involve as much nudity as swimming, but surely most swimming areas have at least a couple of cubicles? Do most primary schools have separate changing rooms? Mine didn't and dd's doesn't! And then they send them all off on residential and stick them in dorms or tents all together. Isn't a certain amount of this stuff unavoidable?

It's always, always about the girls being made to feel uncomfortable by the boys.

well yeah it is.. cause it's the girls who have said that they feel uncomfortable.. so obviously it's about them who else would it be about? Fucking depressing that a post about girls feeling uncomfortable changing around boys becomes about the boys.

And in RL I've never NOT come across this, it's always always max 8 years for single sex change rooms anywhere I've been.

Schools should have separate provision for changing, especially once the children hit 8. It's not fair or appropriate to force 10 year old girls to change in front of boys.

Similar to all those threads about transgender men in women's toilets the OP appears to feel her lone boy's needs trumps those of all the girls who share a changing room, not on. The OP is ok to respect the privacy of the older boys getting changed but the girls should just suck it up?

YABU.

Send him in the boys, give him joggers and a sweatshirt to get dressed into, go commando if necessary, coat and hat outside the changing room. Straight home for shower. I don't see the issue.

And yes I have had a boy who had swimming lessons from 5-10

My swimming pool allows women to take boys below 8 into the female changing room. There are no separate family rooms except within women's so an 8 year old boy would need to use the men's

A onesie is a good investment for swimming. Your little boy could wear his shorts under the onesie. Maybe you should ask if there are showers anyway rose in the sports centre.

Dd often skips having a shower after swimming and washes at home. She hasn't turned green yet.

I find it fucking depressing that on these threads you can't mention the emotional needs and concerns of boys as well as girls tbh. They're all children ffs - girls aren't all precious little angels, any more than boys aren't aren't all potential perverts/rapists.

The girls don't need to be "precious angels" to have their request for privacy while they get changed respected.

They just have to be people worthy of respect.

Which thankfully they are for many, and worryingly they are not for some.

A 7 year old who can't dress themselves after a swimming lesson is a bit ridiculous unless they have some kind of disability.

Teach your son a bit of pride and independence.

Most 7 year olds are well capable of that type of independence.

I can't see how teaching a child of that age to need their Mammy to dress them like a preschooler is good for their emotional wellbeing.

I can understand why the girls have asked this. At 10, I had my period and boobs. I wouldn't want to have gotten changed in front of a boy either.

I think you will have to respect their rights to privacy and to safeguard their bodies, and find alternatives for your son. If the same was asked of me, I would put their feelings above convenience.

Whose needs are you talking about punk? The 7 yo in the girls changing room or the boys in the male changing room whose request for privacy has been respected by the mum.

What a weird post punkrocker. This is about the girls changing room and the girls' feelings. The boy in this situation hasn't expressed any emotion about it as far as we know.

Often these threads are about women and girls because it's the Female changing room being used by boys. I've never seen one the other way round. Ever.

Rest assured I'm very concerned about the emotional wellbeing of my son but it's not relevant to this thread which is why I'm not talking about boys' needs.

And if they're "all children" and boys aren't all potential rapists/pervs, then the really quite big boy can go and get changed with the other boys.

Which would seem far preferable for his emotional wellbeing than having to go into the ladies with his Mummy at that age while all the other boys mess about in the changing room.

My 8 year old is the only girl in her swimming class and she misses loads of craic in the boy's changing room before and after class. Not that she wants to change with them, but I think a boy of that age being dragged to the ladies by his mother would be .

Also she has been dressing herself with my presence in the changing room since before she was 7. I am not needed and I have younger children to supervise, so I hover outside.

I'm genuinely amazed a 7 year old needing theur Mum to change them is a thing. I thought my 4 year old was a lazy so and so.

without my presence in the changing room.

I find it fucking depressing on these threads that any attempt by women and girls to establish and defend some boundaries is always interpreted by someone as 'precious'.

It's the girls changing room, that's why the girls are prioritised. If boys complained that girls were in the boys changing room when they were old enough to be in the girls then it would be the other way around, but that never happens. Girls are expected to fall into line, and not lose their goggles or mess around and not put their shoes in the wrong place at an age where boys are being helped out of their shorts. How the 'emotional needs' of boys are being met by making them go into the wrong sex room when they are plenty capable of a bit of independence is never explained.

The OP was asked by a swimming teacher not to go into the male changing rooms with her son as the privacy of the boys in there was important. She accepted this without question and switched to the female changing rooms. I don't think the OP even considered suggesting that any boys uncomfortable with her presence in there should use the toilet instead. She just automatically respected the privacy of the boys.

And yet.

When the girls in the female changing rooms are uncomfortable about having a boy in there, the OP has said that if the girls are uncomfortable then they should leave their female changing room and use a toilet which the OP has rejected for her son.

Meanwhile the OP's son should be the one to stay in the female dressing room while the girls are the ones to leave.

This incident really demonstrates the ingrained sexism that some people have.

Boys want privacy - fine, I'll leave the male changing room, no question

Girls want privacy - not fine, the girls should be the ones to leave the female changing room

Good grief I'm not surprised OP has scarpered.

I think the issue is that the pool needs to come up with a better solution rather than making anyone either change in a toilet (which are normally horrid in pools round here) or get changed at home. Disabled changing facilities? The changing room for the leisure centre ladies gym (probably less 10 girls there) rather than swimming pool ones?

At 10 I wouldn't have wanted a 7yo boy watching me change either, and I agree that's a valid position for the girls.

However, how many of the scandalised mothers of girls would (aside from reasonable reasons about the girls being uncomfortable in make company and vice versa) allow their 7yo daughter into a male changing room on their own because they don't know that there isn't someone unsavoury there?! Why should a 7yo boy be put in such a vulnerable position?

If it's school changing with a male chaperone in the men's changing that's fine. But not fine to send a 7yo into public male changing room IMO.

The girls are a red herring - if they are uncomfortable then he obviously can't be in there, but there needs to be somewhere other than the toilets for him to change.

So you want separate changing rooms for boys because men are so dangerous?

At what point does your biy become the danger to smaller boys?

Should we even be letting men go into these places alone?

They seem to be very dangerous indeed if 7 year olds can't go into them.