10 year old girls refusing to get changed in front of my 7 year old boy?

[Christyt]

I'm struggling with a request via our swimming teacher from parents of 9-10 year old girls (I don't know how many) who apparently feel uncomfortable changing in front of my 7 year old boy.

I (a female, mum) have been asked not to take him into the boys changing room as there are older boys to respect their privacy. So I switched to the girls, but now apparently I'm not allowed in there.

I was offered a toilet to change him in. Which has no shower. I'm not prepared to let him go to the boys alone because the class finishes late and he would take forever to change on his own, plus not keen for child protection issues quite honestly.

Doubtless I"ll get shouted down but I really think the girls, although they might be starting to feel self conscious, can have it explained to them that a 7 year old is not interested in their bodies? If they are really worried, they could go into the loo themselves and do the naked bit there?

There - I've put it out there...

It is totally normal for 7yo boys to change in male changing rooms.

The mothers of girls are not 'scandalised' FFS.

Boys change in the ladies changing room until 8 normally. If a younger boy creates a problem doing this then there needs to be done other provision other than than a typical wet smelly swimming pool toilet. Could this be an appropriately cleared male chaperone, eg one of the leisure centre staff?

I didn't say men as most men are not dangerous. But we have a problem with a very very small minority of men (and women) - post Saville and now with football we are more aware of it than ever before surely. Why is it then so hard to believe that a men's communal changing area, when children are having swimming lessons, is not a potential risk?

midcentury some did a very good impression of it then.

Surely a male chaperone wouod increase the risk to the boys?

What Savile and the football scandals teach us is that paedophiles seek out positions of trust.

Not that male dressing rooms full of boys dressing after swimmong lessons are unsafe.

midcentury some did a very good impression of it then

No they haven't. They are just saying that the girls changing room is for girls, which is not even slightly scandalous. It's not the mothers of girls saying mens changing rooms are unsavoury and bringing Saville into it.

It's not the mothers of girls saying mens changing rooms are unsavoury and bringing Saville into it.

No they're not - they're immediately leaping on OPs misguided idea that the needs of the boy trump that of the girls.

They have not been sympathetic that the OP is expected to send her son into a public male changing room unaccompanied.

We assume that if the girls are uncomfortable with the boys presence they aren't getting changed in cubicles but rather an open changing area. It then follows that the 7 yo is also in an open changing area.

The cut off at our pool is 5. It was reduced because of the behaviour of young boys pointing and giggling at the bodies of other women and girls.

This. At our pool, it is 6. There are family changing rooms that double as disabled rooms, but no one uses them. Last week a father had the audacity to put his head around the door and call for his daughter! I was horrified! Was also at a women's toilet in Windermere when a father took his daughter right inside.

Apparently women's bodies are public property.

Still not getting it.

An open changing room full of boys from his swimming class messing around and pretending to be chickens.

Not an S&M dungeon full of waiting predators.

My younger children go into the men's changing room when they are with their father.

It's just a room with boys getting changed and a few Dads.

Like the Women's only with a lower boob quotient.

Higher bollock numbers to compensate.

Thanks so much for all the suggestions and replies.

Unfortunately there are no cubicles - it's a school pool.

I am uncomfortable with sending him alone into a changing room at 7 - even 8 to be honest.

The issue with showering him at home is the class finishes at 7.30pm (not my choice) and after he's changed and home it's 8pm and very late for him on a school night.

I think I'll avoid getting deeper into the debate because it is likely to get ugly, but thanks for the range of views. I appreciate it.

This poor kid really is at the bottom of the pecking order isn't he. While I agree that the girls should be entitled to privacy, it's not fair for this boy to have to go home in his wet trunks, albeit sitting on a bin bag or whatever other treats were suggested. There needs to be a solution that's fair for him too.

There is.

He can use the regular changing room like all the other boys his age.

Or use the toilet and get showered at home.

They have not been sympathetic that the OP is expected to send her son into a public male changing room unaccompanied.

Why should they be? It's normal behaviour for boys that age and doesn't warrant any special sympathy. It's not unheard of for the mothers of girls to also be the mothers of boys. Neither of my boys would be happy in a girls changing room at 7. My ds2 is 7 so I am not looking back on this from years distance and misremembering.

I really don't know what your point is about the boys changing room being an open area like the girls. Ditto your denial that the boys changing rooms have been called unsavoury and Saville has been brought into it (by you iirc).

OP, do you have any thoughts on what the girls who are uncomfortable about your son being there should do?

Do you still think they should leave the female changing room and use the toilet? The same one that you don't want your son using?

FourToTheFloor of course my sons safety comes first over a strangers? Doh!

LOL at the idea that a school needs to provide separate facilities for a non-disabled 7 year old whose mother won't let him change by himself.

There are perfectly adequate facilities there.

Use them. Don't use them.

But don't refuse to use them and then whinge that your refusal inconveniences you.

"No, no, I want to refuse to use the facilities but for it to only inconvenience other peoplem"

I am now wondering if my 7yo is much worse than other people's.

Things my 7yo might do if I'm not there to supervise him.

1. Forget to take his shoes off and leave them in the shoe-leaving place
2. Forget to flush the toilet
3. Drop an item of clothing whilst getting changed and lose it, or get it wet (the floor is usually swimming in water by the time we get there)
4. Not leave enough space for the person next to him on the bench, so he's in their way
5. Hog the shower, failing to notice it's someone else's turn
6. Put his wet towel down on someone else's dry stuff
7. Get in other people's way while putting his shoes back on.
8. Leave his stuff on the bench (not his fault, he can't reach the pegs)

I am amazed by all these super-considerate 6 and 7 year olds who would be absolutely fine on their own and not cause any trouble to anyone else, ever. I suppose it might partly be that our changing rooms are very crowded at lesson times and mostly communal so you have to think of other people more than you might if you could just waltz into an empty cubicle.
Of course, given that my main concern is that he doesn't cause trouble for anyone else, if anyone had a problem with him being in the girls' I would send him to the men's like a shot, because the privacy issue would outweigh the other things. But actually, I wonder if some of the mums who are so pleased that their independent 6 and 7yos are fine on their own are not aware of some of the stuff their kids are doing. Unsupervised kids can be a bit of a pain ime - all the things listed above are things that other people's kids do regularly. (The ones who leave their stuff in the few cubicles that there are, so no-one else can use them, are particularly annoying. I've trained mine not to do that but it's harder to train an excited Y2 out of forgetting things.)

Well 7 year olds might do those things. And the men and boys in the changing rooms will have to manage. None of these things are a problem. They are all about children growing their independence.

My 7 year old has been going into the men's on his own for 6 months or so. I'm a single parent so he's actually never been in there with a male carer. It's fine.

Just tell them he identifies as female.

7/8 is usually the cut off for changing at most pools. They also tend to start swimming at school around this age and usually manage to change, even if they are slow at changing.

and of course the girls should be able to change in the girls' changing room, not the toilet. 10 year olds are often developing. Whether or not op's ds is interested in their bodies isn't the point.

There is a difference between a young seven year old and a seven year old who is nearly eight. Are there any nice older boys at the swimming lesson who could keep an eye on your seven year old in the changing room. A nice nine year old boy might rise to the challenge.

Its about routine. Telling the child that they must put their onesie in the nice dry bag with their towel. with their pants. They will need a seperate bag for their wet costume, googles and swim hat. Skipping the shower will not hurt him.

My question was about whether the changing was open to the public..

When my DS was close to 8 I started sending him into public changing room on his own.. I told him to go into a cubicle...

The way to get boys to change quickly is you are timing him...I have snet Lifegaurd into changing room to move DS along when he has been on a go slow.

I assume he will be swimming with school soon and they will be expected to do it all alone.

so fucking annoying when places dont have family changing, or individual cubicals. I wouldnt be happy about sending my 7 year old into mens changing rooms alone, yet can understand that the 10 year old girls want privacy since as a culture we are hung up on nudity. None of these children should be put in that position

Under 8's should change in the same sex cubicle as their parent.
The girls parents are being ridiculous.