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Original poster

10 year old girls refusing to get changed in front of my 7 year old boy?

152 replies

Christyt · 01/12/2016 19:12

I'm struggling with a request via our swimming teacher from parents of 9-10 year old girls (I don't know how many) who apparently feel uncomfortable changing in front of my 7 year old boy.

I (a female, mum) have been asked not to take him into the boys changing room as there are older boys to respect their privacy. So I switched to the girls, but now apparently I'm not allowed in there.

I was offered a toilet to change him in. Which has no shower. I'm not prepared to let him go to the boys alone because the class finishes late and he would take forever to change on his own, plus not keen for child protection issues quite honestly.

Doubtless I"ll get shouted down but I really think the girls, although they might be starting to feel self conscious, can have it explained to them that a 7 year old is not interested in their bodies? If they are really worried, they could go into the loo themselves and do the naked bit there?

There - I've put it out there...

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pklme · 01/12/2016 19:58

I think this is really tricky. I had the same problem with an eight year old who needed a lot of supervision. He aged out of the women's, couldn't be allowed in the men's. We were offered the poolside disabled, but he would have been seen using it by all the other children, so not great either. In the end, I warned staff of the problem and let him go in the boys. There were occasional problems but nothing we couldn't handle. I do think seven, and even eight for lots of kids, is too young to be unsupervised.

Between predatory adults and bullying peers, plus their own capacity for foolishness... Quite risky, imo.

originalmavis · 01/12/2016 20:01

I wouldn't think a girl of 10 would want a boy around any more that a 10 year old boy would want a girl seeing his bare backside.

When I take DS he wears his trunks under his trousers on the way there - now he is old enough to change in the men's, but before when he was about that age I'd change him in the loos. Bath at home.

If he were left to his own devices he would be hours getting changed, no worries about safeguarding! Even now he can take over 20 mins in the shower.

EllaHen · 01/12/2016 20:02

This isn't about your son. It is about these girls and their feelings. Their feelings are valid. And much, much more important than your annoyance at your son taking too long to change.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

10 year olds 7 year olds Families General parenting

Vinorosso74 · 01/12/2016 20:07

I think 8 is normally the cut off age for going in opposite sex changing rooms so in theory it's fine but 10yo girls are body conscious so it isn't fair on them.
Single sex changing annoys me. I prefer all one changing area with tcubicles makes it so much easier for parents taking kids swimming.

TenaciousOne · 01/12/2016 20:09

Family cubicle is required. Sorry I wouldn't be happy leaving my 8 or 9 year old getting changed by himself in the men's. Nor would I be happy with it if they were alone in the ladies. Bullying can happen in either.

glenthebattleostrich · 01/12/2016 20:13

Your suggestion is to tell girls that their feelings and body autonomy don't matter when made uncomfortable by male presence in a female space? Seriously, you think that's ok?

The easiest way is to stick your son in a fleece onsie and deal with him at home. It's what I do with dd after swimming and means we are out of the pool 5 minutes after the lesson ends.

Boobyroof · 01/12/2016 20:20

By 10 I was on my period, in a bra and had pubic hair. There is no way I would have wanted to get changed in front of a 7 year old boy. This has brought back a memory.....When I was 10 my mum sent in a note explaining that I needed to get changed privately for PE as we all got changed together in the classroom. I was so mortified, the teacher moaned and reluctantly sent me into the toilets to change.

DoinItFine · 01/12/2016 20:22

Ffs

I can't believe you want to make pubescent girls uncomfortable just to make your life a bit more convenient for you.

Your choices are for your son to use the toilet to get changed or the men's chsnging room.

You pick.

You don't get to impose your son on girls who don't want him in their space just because he is too babyish to dress himself like most 7 year olds.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 01/12/2016 20:22

Mine is 7 and he would not be ready to go in the men's alone. It would be stuff like reminding him to flush the toilet, making sure he takes his shoes off at the right place, as well as not forgetting half his stuff so I would have to go in there to look for it or bother someone else to do it - ie stuff that is mostly to do with being considerate to other users, rather than the mechanics of changing, which he is fine with. Yes they change at school at that age but with a lot of teacher input around the edges! Lucky he looks a bit younger than he is, specially as our pool doesn't have toilets outside the changing rooms and I walk to the pool, don't drive...

RitaCrudgington · 01/12/2016 20:23

To be fair glen, if the boy was 5 or maybe even 6, I think we'd be unanimous in telling the girls that their feelings were unreasonable and they should indeed suck it up or change in the loos. They don't get an absolute say - it's conditional on their objections being reasonable.

In this case the OP is alone in thinking the girls are unreasonable probably because she just doesn't realise that her baby is growing up - psychologically understandable but mistaken.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 01/12/2016 20:24

Mind you, if people did complain (unlikely as he is one of many similarly aged boys in the same space) it would be the perfect excuse to make dh take him instead of me...

MrsGsnow18 · 01/12/2016 20:24

I think you've been given the solution by them telling you to use the toilets.
In schools they don't let children of certain ages get changed in the same room. Of course it would make 10 year old girls uncomfortable and I don't think they should have to move out of the female changing room to the toilets just to accommodate one seven year old.
I understand your concerns about the male changing rooms, so until you feel he is ready for that just use the toilets.

celtiethree · 01/12/2016 20:26

I noticed that you said boys changing room. Is this swimming lessons in a school pool or a public pool? Tbh I think YABU the girls shouldn't have to put up with your DS in their changing space. I have 3 DS and they changed for swimming lessons by themselves younger than 7. At 7 they would never have agreed to go into the girls changing room.

RebelRogue · 01/12/2016 20:27

Year 2 class,so 6,very few 7yo's. One boy keeps asking one of the girls to be his gf and keep secret,then being mean about it. Another being rather handsy and kissy ,and it makes the girls uncomfortable. Another grabbing his crotch and making faces,another making grinding moves behind the girls. And they also look,and giggle,and make a billion jokes about x and y being in love and what not. I can definitely see why their female classmates,once aged 10 would feel uncomfortable changing in fromt of a boy,even if he is younger than them.

BabyGanoush · 01/12/2016 20:28

.... reverse?

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 01/12/2016 20:29

Bloody hell, Rebelrogue. That is awful, not age appropriate behaviour at all. I would have serious questions if I saw a 6 yo behaving like that.

Amandahugandkisses · 01/12/2016 20:31

I think your attitude towards the girls is awful OP.
They are at puberty and don't want to change in front of your son. They are in the correct female space they have every right to use in comfort.
Your son needs to change in the toilets not them!

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 01/12/2016 20:34

I would be interested to know if op's son looks older or younger than his age. Given how big the gap is between 6 and 8, it could make a big difference to how he is perceived by girls who don't know him.

Smartleatherbag · 01/12/2016 20:37

You've been given a solution! It'd be unfair to the girls to have him in with them. It is also a bit tricky for a little boy to manage alone. So the loo is fine.

MollyHuaCha · 01/12/2016 20:38

Hmm... I'm seeing both sides of the situation here. I'm guessing the OP doesn't want her 7yr old son in the make changing room alone in case there are pervy blokes in there. I don't think it has much to do with the ability to dress himself. The pool should provide family changing rooms. But the pools I use a couple of times a week only has male and female open plan changing rooms. No easy answer here.

SpeckledyBanana · 01/12/2016 20:40

My 8 year old goes into the men's, alone. I hover outside nervously. He seems to do OK.

TheCakes · 01/12/2016 20:46

I used to hover with mine too. If they took too long I'd ask a dad with kids to tell them I was waiting.
YABU OP.

glenthebattleostrich · 01/12/2016 20:53

I disagree Rita, we've spent years telling girls to shut up and put their feelings aside and I refuse to do it to my dd, no matter what her or the boys age. I feel girls in a female space have the absolute right to express their discomfort of males in their space no matter what their age.

As an aside, I've changed in communal changing rooms in front of 5 year old boys who've sniggered at ladies boobies and ladies with no clothes. Not in a sexual way obviously but it would still make my 11 year old niece uncomfortable.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 01/12/2016 20:57

You've been given a toilet to change in. Use that. Shower him at home.

Not complicated

mynamesnotsam · 01/12/2016 21:05

I feel the OP is getting a hard time here. I wouldn't have felt comfortable letting my son change alone in the male changing rooms at 7. Also most toilets at swimming pools and leisure centres are so disgusting I definitely wouldn't want to change there.

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