10 year old girls refusing to get changed in front of my 7 year old boy?

[Christyt]

I'm struggling with a request via our swimming teacher from parents of 9-10 year old girls (I don't know how many) who apparently feel uncomfortable changing in front of my 7 year old boy.

I (a female, mum) have been asked not to take him into the boys changing room as there are older boys to respect their privacy. So I switched to the girls, but now apparently I'm not allowed in there.

I was offered a toilet to change him in. Which has no shower. I'm not prepared to let him go to the boys alone because the class finishes late and he would take forever to change on his own, plus not keen for child protection issues quite honestly.

Doubtless I"ll get shouted down but I really think the girls, although they might be starting to feel self conscious, can have it explained to them that a 7 year old is not interested in their bodies? If they are really worried, they could go into the loo themselves and do the naked bit there?

There - I've put it out there...

But would you really tell the mother of a five year old (assuming he wasn't leering) that she had to remove him from the female changing rooms because your ten year old DD felt uncomfortable glen? Politically I'm generally onside with your stance that the girls' comfort comes first, but in practice I think there is a threshold of reasonability for whether you can make other people modify their actions - if she feels uncomfortable but doesn't pass that threshold then you acknowledge her feelings and deal with them by her leaving the space rather than the other person.

In the OP's case, a couple of years on, I think we generally agree that the girls are not unreasonable and the OP is being harsh.

I have a dd10 and a ds7. All the girls of 10 that we know have breasts developing, hair, etc etc. They don't want 7yos peering at them!
DS goes in the boys at swimming, dd in the girls. He manages fine.

I agree OP is getting a hard time. I think she does have to suck it up and use the toilet - it is for a limited time, after all - but I am at the posters who think all 7 year olds should be fine on their own.
I have 3 kids and 2 of mine would have been, the other wouldn't.

Rita, I agree.
Surely there has to be a cut off. If a girl was uncomfortable around a 3 year old boy I wouldn't expect him to be the one to be taken elsewhere.

Op people are being harsh. I wouldn't have left my 7yo dd to change on her own - no sen just a normal 7yo but unlike mn world my experience is 7yos need supervision - dd at 8 would be fine. Having said that, I wouldn't expect 10yo boys to be comfortable with my 7 yo dd so when dh used to take dd he'd use the disabled toilet (this was agreed with the gym). You have to compromise.

He should be in the boys changing room. I wouldn't have wanted him there when I was 10.

If this is a swimming class and not public changing - what do the other boys in his group do? Could he go in together with other boys from his group while you wait outside

Aren't there any family changing faciities

My 6yr old gets changed on his own for swimming, in a cubicle In the boys changing, why can't he do that?

He know if he has an issue to put trousers on and come and get me...

There aren't family facilities at a lot of pools. None at ours.

Waggamama it's not necessarily the things the child would identify as an issue that would make it better to supervise them, it's also the things they might be doing that wouldn't be fair on other people. Much of the effort I put into parenting my 7yo when we're out and about is to do with protecting the world from him, not him from the world.

In a cubicle what exactly can he do, get dried, clothes on, in and out. I tell him he's on a timer and if he takes longer that I think is necessary I will come in and get him.

Although our I can see the cubicle area from the opposite side of the pool and it is mostly all lesson children changing anyway.

At 9 and 10 these girls are just a couple of years older, and they may even think that he is the same age as they are. So they don't think of him as a little boy 'who is not interested in their bodies', they just see a boy and feel uncomfortable. So I see their point

I have a 5 year old girl and she won't get changed in front of boys. It's as much about how the girls feel surely than if your son is interested in them.

When I was 10 I was beginning to get breasts and pubic hair. Got my period at 10 or 11. No brothers or male cousins, all girls school, basically knew no boys. I would've died of embarrassment changing in front of a boy at that age.

I know it's awkward for you (DN is 7 and I don't think he'd be able to get changed by himself) but you'll have to work something out as the girls do need their privacy at that age IME.

the cut off at pretty much every pool I've used is 8 for boys in the ladies or girls in the men's.

it's not much of an ask to ask you to start that a few months early if it's making the girls uncomfortable.

What do you think those of us with 8YOs do? If DH brings the DDs to swim and there's no family change rooms, they go in the ladies and he goes in the mens. 7/8 is old enough to get themselves showered and dressed. Presumably WITH half the rest of his class in there!

It's all pretty close to being academic anyway. Challenge a male of any age in a women's changing room and you're in danger of being thrown out yourself for not respecting their gender identity.

I take my 6 (almost 7yo) into the ladies when he has his swimming lessons. There's an open changing bit and cubicles he tends to take a cubicle, I help him take swim Shorts off then he dries and dresses himself. I wouldn't feel comfortable sending him into a male change room alone.

Unless he's not NS, why are you helping a 6YO with his shorts??

They always stick to him when wet it's quicker for me to help him get them off rather than him struggle for a bit. He wears surf board shorts that cling rather than trunks

What's NS ?

maybe he'ld be a bit quicker if you backed off?

What's he going to do when he goes swimming with school? Or gets invited to a swimming birthday party?

or y'know, turns 8 and has to go to the mens anyway..

I sympathise with both parties. I have a 10 year old niece who is developing and will not change in front of other people. I also have a 9 year old son and I do not like him going into the male changing rooms alone because I have a friend who was abused in one as a child. My local pool has cubicles therefore, I take him in with us and use a large cubical. His safety comes first.

The cut off at our pool is 5. It was reduced because of the behaviour of young boys pointing and giggling at the bodies of other women and girls. We are lucky in that there are also cubicles bear the pool deck. Even if there weren't, it's the girls changing room. They shouldn't have to change in a toilet because your son can't dress himself.

I always find these threads fascinating for the number of boys who can't shower/ dress/ wipe their bums by themselves at 5,6, 7 etc. Whilst girls are assumed to be able to do so. Very much a culture of infantilising boys and holding girls to higher standards of behaviour.