10 year old girls refusing to get changed in front of my 7 year old boy?

[Christyt]

I'm struggling with a request via our swimming teacher from parents of 9-10 year old girls (I don't know how many) who apparently feel uncomfortable changing in front of my 7 year old boy.

I (a female, mum) have been asked not to take him into the boys changing room as there are older boys to respect their privacy. So I switched to the girls, but now apparently I'm not allowed in there.

I was offered a toilet to change him in. Which has no shower. I'm not prepared to let him go to the boys alone because the class finishes late and he would take forever to change on his own, plus not keen for child protection issues quite honestly.

Doubtless I"ll get shouted down but I really think the girls, although they might be starting to feel self conscious, can have it explained to them that a 7 year old is not interested in their bodies? If they are really worried, they could go into the loo themselves and do the naked bit there?

There - I've put it out there...

It's a school pool - open for swimming lessons, he should go in the boys changing room. If he drops his clothes in a pool of water, etc etc etc it's all a learning experience. My DSs did this when they were under 8 and learned to be careful. Take an inventory of their belongings when they come out, if something is missing send them back in to retrieve it. Can't understand the angst.

Simple. He's a boy so should go to the male changing rooms.
You're being precious, intrusive to the girls and probably embarrassing him also.

Ok if it's a school pool just being used by the children (not open to the public) then I would just let him get changed himself. My concerns were mainly about a small child being unaccompanied in an open communal public male changing room.

For those of you who reacted negatively to my concern about the risk to a small child from paedophiles, I know someone who was sexually assaulted, at about that age, by a lone workman in a secluded part of a school playground. These people do exist. I think it is poor behaviour to ridicule anyone for wanting to protect their child from this risk. The person I know was too young/didn't understand exactly what happened at the time. A very young child could be subjected to an assault without a parent knowing, and unlike a slightly older child, be unable to articulate what happened to them.

The girls parents are being ridiculous.

It's not their parents, it's the girls. Who are entitled not to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable in their own changing room, really.

Unisex toilets will bring an interesting angle to this debate. We have a unisex toilet and shower at work; the school near here is getting a unisex bathroom on each floor from next year. I imagine changing rooms at the school will remain separate for a bit but it's not impossible to think places like the community centre will soon have a unisex facility. Would you not send young boys into them? Is this ever a problem for dads? I don't think I've ever seen a dad in the women's room with his young daughter, are they all using the mens or is it just presumed we have the safer bathroom?

My children have been in full time daycare since very young and in the holidays went to clubs where they swam eceryday , so from age 5 DS was getting himself dry and dressed after swimming as the adults couldn't help him. They had prizes for first ones out so he soon sped up.
Can you not let your son feel ab it more independent and have a go, with a small reward if he gets out in an agreed time? If he gets late send a member of staff in to look for him, they won't mind,

This is interesting but it does make me worry, at the moment my ds is 6 and he swims at a pool which has full disabled facilities, hoists, sit down showers etc. But in communal changing rooms. Ds is disabled and cannot quite get changed himself due to physical disabilities. I take him swimming as DH cannot drive him there. There are no cubicles, but at the time he swims there are older children 10 ish I think. I have no idea which changing room is most appropriate for us. We seem to switch but neither changing room seems appropriate as I don't want to embarrass older boys, or have older girls feel uncomfortable.

That's unusual, whereon.

I guess for now you bring him into the women's changing room, but yes thst will stop being appropriate in a few years.

At our school, changing is split by sex from y2 (age 6)
Unsupervised children muck around or get distracted and daydream. I get that. However they need to learn not to put dry clothes on wet floor etc and that takes practice. It's quickest for a parent to do it but it's possible for them to learn how to get changed and come out of the changing room with all of their stuff.
When do children become potential paedophiles and rapists? Do the people who think that mens changing rooms are unsafe for 7 year olds think that my 15 and 10 year olds are threats? When do your kids go from innocent to potential rapist?

Either skip the shower or get him to rinse under the poolside shower. It's not essential (and if you think it is, do it at home). Then you can change him in the loos if you don't want him in the men's, but he can't go in with the girls if they don't like it.

It's even a men's changing room.

It's a boy's changing room in a school.

But a 7 year old boy, halfway through primary school, can't go in there.

I think the girls have a right to their privacy, and I can also understand why you don't want your 7 year old by himself in a men's/boy's changing room.

I would use the toilet and shower etc at home.

My 7 year old ds always wants to use the men's toilets etc by himself. Obviously, I let him but it does make me feel a bit anxious.

This is a real issue for mothers of boys. If there was some sort of supervision in the changing rooms for a class then fine. It would be great if public pools only had single sex changing rooms for there to be an attendant.

It only takes a minor additional need or a child who is slightly less mature in some way than some of their peers to need a bit of supervision. Places requiring parental supervision and then not allowing a parent to accompany their child of the opposite sex plainly does not work!

This is often more of an issue for boys because so many mothers are the ones who take them to lessons or clubs.

bran personally I don't think a "hang up on nudity" is the issue. Many have commented that girls at 10 may be having periods. Some will be developing breasts and not want boys in their personal space. For me I was being sexually abused at 10 and would have died rather than share changing rooms with boys.
My dd who is 8 is having swimming lessons at the moment I hate that there are boys older than her sharing the changing rooms but as long as I am there I know she's safe. I can't do much more unfortunately

Anchor the little boy is 7 , no reason for the girls to be uncomfortable. It's their parents who have made it an issue.

AndNowItsSeven - I have a 7-year-old DS and a 9-year-old DD. When DD's friends come over for a sleepover or whatever I make sure that DS gives them privacy to get changed - or they get changed in the bathroom. I can well understand why a 9-year-old girl would not want to get changed in front of a 7-year-old boy. My DD is starting to develop, there is no way she would want to change in front of boys. And it's not me as a parent making an issue out of anything. She just wouldn't want to. And what's wrong with that?

I wouldn't feel comfortable DS getting changed in mens changing room alone, especially as he is young for his age. Is there not cubicles in the ladies changing room? Not really fair he'd have to change in the toilet. I can see why litle girls don't want to get changed infront of a boy, but at 7 unless I knew the mens changing room was empty I wouldn't feel happy with litttle boy in there alone. This is a tricky one.

It's their parents who have made it an issue.

Says who? The girls are 10, their parents won't be in the changing room. They may not even be in the building.

At most primary schools, changing is with your own sex only. I think it's fine for children not to expect children of the opposite sex and a similar age to be in the changing room.

My 7 year old gets himself dressed and we clean him at home.

Bloody hell!

Girls wanting single sex changing does not = girls (or their parents) having a "hang up about nudity"

this thread is depressing

i dont mean the girls are hung up on nudity especially, but we as a culture are, compared to for instance scandinavian countries. I wouldnt expect the girls to be less hung up on nudity than the whole culture theyre living in

Is their not cubicles ?? I would either change venue or change him in toilets . He defo shouldn't be in with the girls

Why can't his dad take him?

It isn't just an issue for the mums of boys, it's an issue for the dads of girls like my husband who used to take my two girls swimming. Men have never been allowed in the female changing room in our swimming pool so there is no possibility of him changing with them, he had to leave them to go in together aged about 4 and 6. They could send in a female lifeguard if they were slow. Family changing is definitely the way to go.

Time for a redesign of the changing at your pool. Unisex with loads of cubicles, problem solved. It's not fair on any of you. I'm the mum of a 7 yr old boy and I wouldn't want him in the men's either. He wouldn't be allowed until 8. But the girls shouldn't feel uncomfortable in a 'safe' place. Just skip the shower, do it at home.