will parents expect to stay at a 4y old's party in my house?

[RedWineSmile]

We don't have that big a house, and the invitations have pretty much all been accepted (I had factored in a fair few no's but that has not materialised)... It now looks like 10 4y olds plus my own 2. I could actually vomit thinking about it.

I really hope that parents just expect to drop their kids off and go away for 2h. That's what I thought was done, but the last party we were at in someone's home, quite a few parents stayed. And they had been catered for... I don't know if I will actually have room for potentially 10+ adults too. And I don't think I could get my head around catering for them as well. I'll be too busy leading on Head-Shoulders-Knees and Toes to be opening bottles of San Miguel and passing round cheese straws.

Thoughts?!

My husband thinks I'm mental that I'm so worried about it, but it is the first party we have had for our DS1 that has not just been a big family buffet at home with cousins to play the party games.

I have gone from being someone fairly hospitable who enjoys having folk round the house to nervous wreck. arghghghg!!!!

If it's nice weather organise games outside if that's an option... I made the mistake of 25 4 yr olds at DD's 4th. At ours, in the garden. Still fondly recall the horror of seeing most of them on the climbing frame at one point. Massive operation, I had made doctors outfits for them all out of charity shop shirts. (Yes.) And most of the mums stayed. The ones that didn't were non-PFBs - how many of your invited 4-yr-old guests are PFBs? That's a big factor.
Funnily enough DS2's 4th was last week. 2 little friends and that was all we needed. They played trains and ran about, ate cake and did some dancing. It was no less memorable.

I think if they have started reception year, or y1 in Scotland, they can socialize within this group.

Post school entry I would let them, and leave them.

DD is nearly 5 and wouldn't be happy to be dropped off yet. We went to a 5 year old's birthday party and all the parents stayed. I was surprised. I would stay at the moment because DD is anxious and slow to make friends (just started reception).

With playdates, again, at 4, parents always stay.

It probably depends on how well the kids and parents know each other.

If you want to stay strictly within the rules, you need to speak to your local council about the ratio of children to adults. All adults who stay at the party need at least a basic DBS or must be excluded at the gate. One of two one needs an enhanced DBS depending on the amount of children involved, and a chaperone's licence. All fire and evacuation regulations must be observed and hours spent at the party must be regulated. Trips to the toilet must be accompanied by a regulated adult. Or people can stop being stop being so bloody silly and let their child enjoy the party.

I would go for smaller parties rather than parents staying, I must admit part if the preparation for a 4th birthday party for us (3 kids all now over 4 but youngest only 5.5) is making sure each potential invitee has been to our house at least once 1:1. Then you have an idea what you're dealing with.

Nobody stays to 4 yo "play dates" here though - convention is to come in for a coffee the first time to suss each other out, but leave after half an hour or so and drop and run after that. Some people don't even do that, but we live in a small community and most people have seen each other around since the children were tiny even if they don't really know each other - people tend to already know whether you have out of control dogs / smoke or don't smoke etc.

I had 11 4 you dropped off for DC1's party and paid the older sister (16 or 17) of one them babysitter rate to help - she was a star - and DH kept DC2 out of the way and helped with answering the door, hiding the treasure hunt items in the garden and other tasks not directly related to the kids.

All the kids managed their own toileting, as has every one of the scores of 4 yos who have been through the house in the last 8 or 9 years!

It was hard work but manageable. I've done 2nd and 3rd parties where all the parents stay and do prefer just kids though!

Since DC1s 4th I learnt that a child per year of age is the way forward for home parties though, and have done much smaller parties for DC2 and 3 which have been better because less stressful and enjoyed at least as much by the kids!

I would have wanted to stay for sure but would have been happy squashed in a corner, not needing anything other than sight of my daughter to make sure she was okay. She is now 7 and I still stay but most parents do not anymore, I am in the minority.

I always stay with my daughter. She is about to turn 7 and has only just begun to say next time you can go if you want. She's quite shy though and until now I think if I hadn't stayed she wouldn't either.

I've organised my first party with a drop-off - pick-up only invite for my 6 year old this winter. I wrote on the invitation that parents are not expected to stay but should they wish to they're welcome.

only a couple of parents decided to stay.

as for catering for adults, i did a simple platter of ready made hummus and some carrots and breadsticks and a box of assorted biscuits. I left a thermos with hot water and tea/coffee/sugar/milk on a small table in the corner so parents could help themselves.

I wouldn't worry too much. The parents will entertain themselves by talking to each other and it's great to have them on hand in case their child wants to use the loo.

I have a 4 year old, if I was to have a party then I would expect the parents to stay (which is why I never have one at my house haha!).
My friends son is having a party at the end of October, they would be absolutely fine there but I would only leave if I was told to.

I went to a 4yr olds birthday recently and she had her party outside. All the adults stayed and chatted amongst themselves, there was a buffet which was nice.

Is still wanting to stay (as a parent, rather than a shy / anxious / SN / chronically ill child needing you to stay when you'd have been happy to leave a child who didn't have an individual need) at 5/6/7 an only child thing? If you have 2 or 3 kids and potentially only 1 parent available for whatever reason (shifts or r other commitments including 3 kids with 3 different places to be as well as single parents) wanting to be within sight of a child of 5+ for the duration of a party sounds clingy or anxious or a little bit precious and more importantly hugely impractical and a little stifling for host, other guests and child...

Been to loads of children's parties, and it's definitely the norm round here to stay at parties with 4 year olds.
They tend to start being left around 7 or 8 at a house party.

I think if the children are still at preschool it's probably the norm for parents to stay. It would be quite a lot of work to watch all of them and keep them safe. In addition, at this age a lot of them will still need help with toileting and food. I think it would be easier for you if at least a few parents stayed to help! My son is 6, for 5th birthday parties in reception we all stayed, but for 6th birthdays in year one people said, feel free to drop and go if you are happy to. We all did! So you could do that, just say if you would like to drop your child you are welcome to or if they are not comfortable with this then you are welcome to stay. Just do tea and coffee and stick some biscuits on a plate, job done. Parties are flipping stressful. I don't know why we do it to ourselves!
...seriously parents still staying with their 8 year olds at parties?! I'm shocked at how popular this idea is! My mum left me at 4 years old at parties and so did all the other mums!

If you know another mum why not ask her to make coffee and perhaps a biscuit for any adults.

Have you done it yet? How did it go?

I wouldn't leave DD at a party - I'd stay.

I am British but live in Europe. No parents stay for parties here.

They drop and run.

I find it really odd that people all insist on staying in the UK. I don't remember that from my childhood so times must have changed.

But then again here children in our village walk to school alone from around the age of 5. So a party at a classmates house does not faze anyone!

I would stay