will parents expect to stay at a 4y old's party in my house?

[RedWineSmile]

We don't have that big a house, and the invitations have pretty much all been accepted (I had factored in a fair few no's but that has not materialised)... It now looks like 10 4y olds plus my own 2. I could actually vomit thinking about it.

I really hope that parents just expect to drop their kids off and go away for 2h. That's what I thought was done, but the last party we were at in someone's home, quite a few parents stayed. And they had been catered for... I don't know if I will actually have room for potentially 10+ adults too. And I don't think I could get my head around catering for them as well. I'll be too busy leading on Head-Shoulders-Knees and Toes to be opening bottles of San Miguel and passing round cheese straws.

Thoughts?!

My husband thinks I'm mental that I'm so worried about it, but it is the first party we have had for our DS1 that has not just been a big family buffet at home with cousins to play the party games.

I have gone from being someone fairly hospitable who enjoys having folk round the house to nervous wreck. arghghghg!!!!

Wouldn't have dropped off at four unless I knew you very well. And frankly if I'd known you very well I'd have been expecting to stay (and help.....maybe) and to have the wine cracked open early on in proceedings! In fact for nearly every party I was sat in the corner, with my snazaroo face paints and my bucket of white wine - faces I painted seemed to get less precise as the party wore on but hey ho everyone seemed happy! Coffees fine too, nibbles or biccies if you can manage it but not essential. If they're nice people they'll help out, make their own coffee/uncork their own wine, and if they're not nice - who cares? Presumably you won't be inviting them again. Have fun though!

I'd have stayed at 4 as DS would have wanted me to. By age 5 and started school (Primary 1 we are in Scotland) he was a lot more confident and most parents seemed to dump and run. A few would stay for various reasons but usually helped or just lurked over a coffee while keeping an eye on their LO.
7/8 years old nobody stays!
Hope it goes well Op!!

You'll need to find out what is your local "normal" - it varies hugely it seems.

I'm with you on preferring to host 4 year olds than their parents, can't be properly silly entertaining them nor properly in control (tell them off if they're naughty) with their parents there, feel too self conscious and always have half an eye on parents!

Around here only a very occasional parent would stay at an at home 4 year olds party, if the child is very shy and hasn't been to yours before, but other places are the opposite.

There seems to be a difference between whether the child is a younger sibling or not. The convention here seems to be staying for reception age for first/only children while the parents with older ones dash off.

I stopped staying in yr 1 for the older one and left dd2 at most reception parties!

4 is a tricky age so I expect people will stay. Once they are in school it seems mad to be on hand for runny noses and loo trips. They manage for 6 hrs at school.

Most reception parties DD went to were at soft play centres where she wasn't really able to take herself off to the toilet on her own comfortably. She would have ended up sopping wet each time. And, no, she wouldn't have asked another adult to take her.

Also, living where we do, a soft play centre was at least a half hour drive away and therefore not worth dropping off and running. so all the parents stayed and had a coffee (which we bought ourselves) and a natter.

I can't believe how many parents stay - although I remember the shocked looks when I dropped my 3 year old at a party, I just assumed that was the norm . Surely at that age most are used to being dropped at nursery or playschool? As others have said, totally depends on what is the 'norm' in you area - and yes, it is much easier to host the party without other parents hanging around.

It's nice weather still, can you do some games in the garden?

I can't believe how many parents stay - although I remember the shocked looks when I dropped my 3 year old at a party, I just assumed that was the norm. Surely at that age most are used to being dropped at nursery or playschool?

My 4 year old was used to being dropped at nursery everyday however in a strange house where she didn't know the adults, didn't know where the toilet was etc it was a completely different matter. In my area it's normal to stay at this age but the parties tend to be bigger, held in venues and are more of a social event for the whole family. Op I would recommend asking the other parents what their preference would be and plan accordingly.

ragwort yes at 4 DS was used to going to pre-school nursery but he KNEW that situation, his key worker, where the toilet was, who to ask for help, etc etc. NOT a house he's never been to before and he would not have enjoyed himself without the confidence of knowing I was there to ask for anything he needed.
Did you have a super confident and articulate 3 year old who could toilet alone or just hoped/expected the other parents would parent them for you? Your name would have been mud round my way

One - I guess I was very lucky in that yes my 3 year old was very confident and articulate and could manage the toilet on his own and it have never occurred to me that parents were expected to stay at a 3 year old's party - I think 3 was the age I assumed children would be left because when we hosted our own parties for first and second birthday they were much smaller events and more for families.

DH and I are ex Scout leaders so we were also very happy to organise parties without hoards of parents staying .

But, as I say, it obviously totally depends on your own child's nature and what is the 'norm' in your friendship group - if in doubt, ask.

My DS is a teenager now and he was not impressed this weekend when he went to a sleepover with people we didn't know and I insisted on going in to meet the parents and introduce myself. .

I've just reported a parent who throughout reception dropped their dc at parties to the police (for a mixture of reasons but leaving her dc unsupervised at parties without checking with parent in charge being part of it). Police were shocked a dc of 4 would be left and they are investigating for neglect. This is part of a bigger picture but seriously, what responsible parent leaves a 3yo? Nursery has strict ratios and childcare qualifications!

Police were shocked a dc of 4 would be left What?! Of course your case is a part of a bigger picture but surely they wouldn't be that surprised at a child being left at a birthday party?!

Police were shocked a dc of 4 would be left and they are investigating for neglect.

There would have to be a lot more going on for them to find neglect

At a whole class party, so 30 kids, they said it would be unreasonable to expect one adult host to be responsible and as a parent you can only leave your dc where it is safe to do so. If all was fine then you'd get away with it (in the same way you can leave a dc at home unless unsafe) but if your dc broke their arm climbing up the back of the bouncy castle (for example) then the parent who left could still be seen as responsible as it could be classed as unsafe for a parent to leave a young dc in that scenario.

We have many whole class parties. The distinction is when another parent who is staying accepts responsibility for your dc etc lots of grey areas. In a house party if 5 you could reasonably expect another parent to be able to be fully responsible for their care at say 8 however at 3 that could be argued. However if you knew the parent well you could say they were capable of being responsible so long as they accept responsibility. As parents we have to risk assess each scenario. Leaving a dc at a large hall party with a parent you don't know can be neglect.

m0therofdragons this is a party at home - in somebody's house.

You reported a parent for dropping a 4 year old off at children's birthday parties to which they were invited at friends or school classmates houses? Bloody hell that is insane. Are you sure the police were shocked at the children being dropped off at parties, not at you thinking that was something to report? There may be a bigger picture of neglect in the case of the family you reported, but dropping 4 year olds off at a small child's party which they have been invited to is not report worthy or indeed a bad thing at all as long as all involved are happy with the arrangement!

A birthday party is no more subject to rules about child care qualifications and ratios than parents are when caring for their own children - produce quads and nobody is going to remove them if you look after them solo because you are only allowed to look after 3 under 2 year olds...

Two adults can supervise ten 3 year olds at a birthday party and be well within nursery ratios, or if one parent happens to be a teacher by trade presumably they can do it alone - but the rules for nurseries don't apply to birthday parties anyway!

😂🙄 police do not care about children going to parties without their parents. Must be way way more than that going on🙄

My DD's 3rd birthday party was a small tea party at my house. I knew all the families and nicely but firmly told them to go and grab a coffee and put their feet up as the party was only for their children. I had a ratio of 5 adults (me, DH and grandparents) to 8 children making sure everyone was happy, busy and fed/watered.
It was lovely.

My mum hosted DD's 4th birthday party because I was in hospital. She had 4 friends from nursery. 2 parents stayed and 2 dropped and ran.

5th birthday at home no parents stayed. The only time they do is when the venue is further away and it isn't worth going home and back.

School asked me to report it. Maybe just where I live but out of a year group of 60 dc only one parent didn't stay at reception parties. Hard to explain without outing but my message was more in response to the comment re a 3 yo dc. I'm not apologising that I believe that is wrong.

As I said, parties was just one part of the neglect case. I'm not insane just very sad and worried about a little girl.

OP just get a few beers in and some wine...I absolutely love a chance for a sneaky drink while chatting to other parents.

water now that sounds like the sort of party I'd actually want to stay for!

Wow neglect for dropping a four year old off at a party?! All the parents dropped and ran at DD's 5th birthday party and a fair few of them were still four.

OP I'd mention that it's ok to drop off as some parents might want to drop off but will be unsure if its OK.

You wouldn't leave them at 4? Seriously why? What's going to happen round someone's house?
Some kids are established in school at 4 - I'm assuming their parents aren't hanging around there all day in case something happens?
What are the parents doing at these parties anyway - basically chatting amongst themselves and ignoring their kids cos some other parent is entertaining them!
Seriously, get a grip people....

Everybody seems to stay at parties where I live up until 7/8. Yet my mum never stayed when I was little, ever. That was late 80s/early 90s. I was gutted when I realised birthday parties were something adults had to endure but I've got used to them and actually I wouldn't leave my 4yo yet at a party unless I knew the mum extremely well or a very close friend was staying and said she'd watch my child too for me.

Having said that I am looking forward to the days of dropping off and leaving for 2 hours