will parents expect to stay at a 4y old's party in my house?

[RedWineSmile]

We don't have that big a house, and the invitations have pretty much all been accepted (I had factored in a fair few no's but that has not materialised)... It now looks like 10 4y olds plus my own 2. I could actually vomit thinking about it.

I really hope that parents just expect to drop their kids off and go away for 2h. That's what I thought was done, but the last party we were at in someone's home, quite a few parents stayed. And they had been catered for... I don't know if I will actually have room for potentially 10+ adults too. And I don't think I could get my head around catering for them as well. I'll be too busy leading on Head-Shoulders-Knees and Toes to be opening bottles of San Miguel and passing round cheese straws.

Thoughts?!

My husband thinks I'm mental that I'm so worried about it, but it is the first party we have had for our DS1 that has not just been a big family buffet at home with cousins to play the party games.

I have gone from being someone fairly hospitable who enjoys having folk round the house to nervous wreck. arghghghg!!!!

when i have had parties I have catered for the parents but we are taking bread, cheese and ham and tea and coffee or soft drinks, nothing major. x

I'm in a similar boat for my 6yr olds party this weekend - all 10 kids have accepted which I thought was unprecedented!

I'm always worried we won't have enough kids so I state on the cards "parents are welcome to stay or drop off", "siblings welcome", "plenty of food for all" - to remove barriers. I just lay out a bit of a Buffett and do an additional plain adult cake or cupcakes. I wouldn't leave my 4-5 yr old at some strangers house so I set it up how it would work best for us in return

I am so worried we are going to be crammed to the rafters - I don't want to turn people off coming again!!

I took my little boy to his first birthday party (outside of family parties) the other day. I didn't know the birthday boy (turning 4) or the parents, my LO knows the child from daycare, so I stayed for the duration of the party. It was a bit weird, I wasn't offered a coffee or tea (or even a glass of water!) and I wasn't introduced to any of the other parents there (family and family friends). I eventually sidled up to a lady, introduced myself and made polite conversation. I'm sure I was expected to stay, and there's no way my little boy would have stayed without me, but I wasn't made to feel very welcome. I didn't expect a three course meal, a coffee/tea would have been fabulous and some introductions to other adults would have been nice. In your situation I would expect most if not all parents to stay, but all you need to do is offer a tea or coffee and maybe a biscuit.

DD is 4 and I’m relaxed either way if it’s at someone’s house (i.e. if the parents want me to stay, I’ll stay. If they’re happy with drop and go, I’ll do that). I would appreciate some direction though- sometimes it’s not apparent what the hosts want you to do, so you tend to err on the side of caution and stay rather than be forever lambasted as an entitled fucker who dumped her 4 year old and ran. DD went to a party last week where the invitation said “Drop off 4pm, Pick up 6pm” Thank you!!!!
Parties in public places: everyone stays (usually team up with a few other parents so I take 3 kids and then they’ll do the next one) unless it’s a very small party (5/6 kids) as parents can’t be expected to supervise a whole class party at a soft play even if the kids are older.

We have always had pretty big birthday parties and have always done food, wine, beer etc for the adults too. Most parties we go to, parents can't wait for them to be over. Providing food and drink for adults leads to a nicer and more relaxed atmosphere with the adults enjoying themselves too (and no, I don't mean getting drunk).

Baked spuds with bowls of cheese/tuna mayo/beans are pretty straightforward.

I am pretty judgey of parties where parents have to go too and there is not the offer off so much as a glass of squash.

However, drinks and nibbles would be fine too unless properly over a meal time eg 12-2 and then you might want to do a bit more.

Don't worry about space OP - stairs (assuming you have some) make great seats.

Having been a childrens party entertainer for years, parents definitely stay up until school age. Usually they stay the first year of school too (up until 5yrs), after which you still then get a few who stay to watch their children until 7 or 8 (not many).

They would definitely expect to be in the room with their children. Some children may even need help and encouragement with the games. Parents should be responsible for supervising their child, you cannot sufficiently supervise that number and entertain, and do toilet trips!

Times have unfortunately changed, and trusting adults these days is very difficult. School parents never seemed know one another very well either.....some find these parties their own social gathering.

I'd leave a jug of cordial and a jug of water out and tell them help themselves re: drinks. Maybe a plate of biscuits. Adults don't expect to be catered for.

I usually ask the mum what she would like me to do from reception onwards. DS1 (10) has been left from reception. DS2 (8) has SN so I usually stay. DS3 (5) has asthma so I stay with him too.

Forgot to add I don't expect to be catered for and mostly I haven't been, although at one party we were allowed to eat stuff from the buffet after the children had finished.

DS is in reception and most parents are staying for the 5 year old parties. Most of the parties we go to involve lots of people and are at places like soft play...I wouldn't be happy leaving DS with no one to specifically look out for him, even though he'd probably be quite happy.

Not sure what will happen next school year when they're turning 6, guess I'll just see how I feel and what others are doing.

The mums who do drop and run seem to get judged round here!

At 4yr, I'd always stayed but didn't expect anything for adults just kids have fun! A cup of coffee/tea would be a bonus. Good luck!

Mine are now 16 and 20.
I distinctly remember 16 yr old's 4th birthday, about 15 kids and only 2 or 3 parents who helped us feed and entertain the children. They may even have made me a cup of tea.
At 5 onwards I made it very clear that I actively DIDN"T want parents around except for the ones who I knew would help and asked them to stay.

We had our DS' fourth birthday in our house and we only invited 6, and only 4 came - that was deliberate as I was expecting the parents to stay, and they did (I don't think any of them came with 2 parents).
Because it was so few we gave out coffee, and biscuits for everyone (mildly posh ones which of course the DC snaffled), and at one point the children were running around playing pirates while we all had a coffee. It was great.
For the lunch bit of course not everyone fit round the table but the parents stood back.

Oh I should add now we are in Reception, if it was at someone's house I think I'd ask if they expected me to stay (as it would mean bringing DD who is 2), at soft play I'd expect to stay.

From about 6 tbh

I wouldn't leave my daughter with Somone I didn't really know

I never stayed unless expressly asked to once my children had started reception. I did in soft play places but not for a classic, home birthday party! At 4 my DC could both use the loo, ask for a drink and play nicely.

I haven't stayed at a party since my DC started school unless I was specifically asked to help. I hate it when parents (mums) hang around at our parties, so many seem to even at the age of 5-6 year olds, and I have been quite forceful about asking them to go, because their presence makes it more stressful. I would hate it even more if I was having a party at my house and parents wanted to stay. Yep I'm a misery.

My DD had her 4th birthday party last week, all parents stayed. Ten of the kids I know well as they are our friends kids, the other three were nursery friends and I've met the parents once or twice.

I wouldn't leave my 4yr old with someone I don't know that well. I will probably consider it maybe at 5 or 6 yrs if I know the parents

People stayed for reception parties where we are, generally dropped and ran from Yr1.

Saying that, the best party we've ever done was 14 from nursery with accompanying parents and siblings - just did a huge buffet and parents ate whatever was leftover.

We did have beers and wine available but most drank tea/coffee or water. We had the benefit of summer so spilled over into the garden - not sure I'd have fitted everyone in the house!

I would find it strange if a parent left a child of that age at a party by themselves. In my circle all the parents stay with their child at parties and yes you should cater for them.

Nope - my 3.5 year old went to a classmate's 4th birthday recently and literally all parents stayed (some families had mum and dad!!). Sorry...!

Bit young to be leaving them tbh. If your insistent on having this type of party I would rope a couple of the mums you know better into helping serve tea and coffee and just hope a couple don't want to stay. I had a party like this for my daughters 3rd birthday party but not quiet as many as 12. It was a nightmare and our house is a decent size with two living rooms. I had two toddlers. Two others turned up with additional babies in massive car seats. Mums were saying yes to tea, coffee with one sugar, no sugar, I like mine quite weak quite strong etc. Fortunately I knew them all really well and some mucked in and helped me. I was mega stressed. The saving grace was my son had a big train table so all the kids were enthralled with this so we got a bit of a breather from party games.

I would think most would stay. Most did at my kids parties. They will most likely congregate in the kitchen/garden (if party outside) drinking tea/coffee/wine?

I'd stay with my 4 year old. I had similar thoughts to you in the summer when DS turned 4. Fortunately the weather was good enough to be out in the garden. But all parents stayed with the kids (some had mum and dad turn up!).

I wouldn't worry about the parents too much, they won't be expecting much hospitality! Maybe have a few snacks set aside for them and have your DH on tea/coffee making duty?

I'd send a quick text telling them that you have enough helpers for the dc to be left. If I didn't get a text and turned up with my dc and saw chairs laid out for the adults I would presume I was expected to stay.

I'm pretty sure if it's a group of dc who regularly mix st nursery and I knew the parents I'd be happy leaving in that kind of setting. If it was a bigger party at a soft play, leisure centre I'd stay.