will parents expect to stay at a 4y old's party in my house?

[RedWineSmile]

We don't have that big a house, and the invitations have pretty much all been accepted (I had factored in a fair few no's but that has not materialised)... It now looks like 10 4y olds plus my own 2. I could actually vomit thinking about it.

I really hope that parents just expect to drop their kids off and go away for 2h. That's what I thought was done, but the last party we were at in someone's home, quite a few parents stayed. And they had been catered for... I don't know if I will actually have room for potentially 10+ adults too. And I don't think I could get my head around catering for them as well. I'll be too busy leading on Head-Shoulders-Knees and Toes to be opening bottles of San Miguel and passing round cheese straws.

Thoughts?!

My husband thinks I'm mental that I'm so worried about it, but it is the first party we have had for our DS1 that has not just been a big family buffet at home with cousins to play the party games.

I have gone from being someone fairly hospitable who enjoys having folk round the house to nervous wreck. arghghghg!!!!

Yes

Here, the rules seems to be age 4-5 (so Reception) parents stay for parties unless they are at somebody's house in which case you don't stay usually due to lack of space. From age 5 (Y1), it is very much drop and run. I cannot imagine staying at a 7 or 8 year old's party. Certainly, in my older DC's case (age 8), parties evolve and are now things like cinema trips/trampoline parties. I can't imagine an adult insisting they tag along to those type of trips. And what about sleepover parties (started in Y2 for us)? Will parents expect a ready-bed for them too in the lounge?!

I've got my DS 3rd birthday coming up and expecting parents to stay. I would still expect it at 4 too I think.

I have 9 'friends' of DS coming plus a few siblings I expect. Some kids might bring both parents. I am also panicking about fitting everyone in. I didn't really think about it when doing invites a few weeks ago in the sunshine. Now its freezing cold just chucking everyone out in the garden doesn't seem quite as acceptable. But will still get out all the garden toys and play tent etc and hope for an unseasonably warm day! I'll also move any unnecessary stuff inside the house, like vacume cleaner, big toys, extra chairs etc out the way, into the garage/bedrooms and move furniture to edge of the room.

As for catering I'm keeping it simple. All ready to go nibbles from Tesco. Mini sausages, sausage rolls, crisps, dips etc in bowls. For kids it's cheese or jam sandwiches, babybel, pom bears (and a few token vegetable batons) and then pink wafer biscuits, party rings, jammy dodgersand iced gems! Then cake all round!
I have also ordered a box of bottled beer, a couple bottles of cheap wine, some coke, lemonade and orange juice. Itll be jugs of quash for kids. I won't be waiting on everyone but intend setting up a help yourself area in kitchen with plastic cups. Tea just gets complicated and I don't think we'd have enough mugs!

Don't panic. Keep it simple. Declutter the house as much as possible. And drink wine :-)

Every party I've been to all the parents stayed, have only been to BD parties up to 4yo so far. I must say it never occurred to me not to, as DD would definitely not be fine with me leaving. Not everyone uses nursery before school -- we only started when she was 3.5 because the funding kicked in, but it only partially covers the time, so we just do a few days as it's as much as we can afford with just one income. So I definitely wouldn't assume a 3-4 yo is fine being apart from their parents.

Although YES! to the party games thing - a good half the parties I've been to have created, one-by-one or in big swathes, crying children as they get 'out' in musical chairs, don't get the present in pass-the-parcel, and so on. Definitely need the parents there then! I assume at some age these games become fun, but it becomes quite uncomfortable to watch little faces crumple at regular intervals in these games.

Reception and Y1, all the parents stayed. Y2 they all dropped off and ran!

The parties I've done for DD and at the parties I have taken her to, there has always been catering for adults as well as children - usually wine and supermarket nibbles. Given they were in London and no-one had a big enough house/flat to have lots of children round they were generally of the church hall or soft-play variety.

Now it seems to be more a case of only having 5 or 6 close friends rather than the whole class .

Did go to one amazing one that an African child in DD's class had in Y1 - over 100 guests, all the adults dressed as Disney characters and they served a huge meal with about 9 different dishes. It was fantastic but I was very glad that I'd done DD's party the month before or I'd have been panicking.

Wow things have changed. My kids all went to parties at four without me except one DS because he was partially deaf and struggled to understand. I used to stay and offer to help. I certainly didn't expect anyone to make anything for ME!
I hope for your sake they don't stay.

Perhaps this is a cultural difference but at 4 most of a child's friends are surely also the children of the parent's friends. And for any parents that you don't know, like new school friends, the party is an opportunity to make friends with the parents? Pretty much all parties I've been to for DS are a party for everyone and most of the adults know the host well if not each other. I look forward to parties as a social event for me as I get to sit and chat with friends and I plan DS' parties as a fun time for me as I get to have so many of my friends and family in my home.

I cater the same food for everyone. It's very basic stuff; piles of sandwiches, chicken drumsticks and goujons, wedges, a couple of salads, veg and dips, big fruit salad, a bowl of cream, muffins, a couple of cakes and obv the birthday cake. Tea, coffee, juice and sparkling water. And everyone tucks in as they feel like it.

Where there are members of the public not involved with the party like a sports hall or soft play I stay, at someone's house I would drop and run.mmy kids all started having play dates without me from reception so are quite able to cope without me (hope I don't get reported to the police)

Good grief! My son was fine being left at 4. 7 or 8? Ridiculous!

Ditsy they certainly have but I guess it all cycles. I don't think we had birthday parties before we started school when I was little, and I didn't go to "playschool" until I was 4 (normal then) so I can't imagine I'd have been dropped off at parties before starting school.

Blimey times have changed. My boys are 17 & 15 now, but when they were 4 hardly anyone would have stayed at parties. I don't remember it ever being an issue, people would just leave a contact number so if there were any problems we could give them a call.

I do feel recently the trend seems to be to wrap children up in cotton wool a bit too much.

Strange how it varies. Where I used to live, they were very much dropped off at 4th birthdays. Now we've moved, all the parents stay at 5th birthdays.

To be honest, I quite like it now, we're new in town, and apart from two who know each other from years ago, we're all just getting to know one another. It's nice to sit and chat over a cuppa while the kids run riot enjoy themselves

Yes, as a PP said, I wonder whether parents stay as they feel it's not fair on the host rather than anything to do with their children wanting/needing them there. A lot of comments so far of "no, too young", but this is really only the case for the parent saying it and doesnt necessarily apply to all children. My two are tweens and teens now and they were left from reception. Often there was an invitation to stay for coffee or drinks but equally you were welcome to leave if your child was happy. I would text around and say "you are welcome to drop?" and see what replies you get. Good luck and hope your dc enjoys their party.

I'm going to a 6-year-old's (Y1) class party on Sunday and all the parents will be staying. Food for the adults will be platters of sandwiches and tea or soft drinks. The adults will stand/sit and chat amongst themselves. Seems to be normal round here.

The NSPCC actually issues guidance on ratios for out of school events, and they say minimum of 1 to 3 for 3 year olds and 1 to 6 minimum for 4-8 year olds. Plus at least two people per event.

If you are on your own, as I often was doing parties, I was dependent on another parent taking pity on me and helping out- if one person is cutting the cake, then there's no-one to get the other children out of the loo when they are messing about, which has happened to me!

I wouldn't leave children aged 4 on their own in say a soft play place, one or even two parents can't supervise 10 kids running around the place. If it was in a home, and there were a lot of adults, I'd ask the mum or dad if they wanted help/someone to stay.

I think having a cup of tea and a chat was a nice way to socialise with the parents and a good chance to catch up, especially if you worked so didn't do drop offs. I think it's a shame that it's seen as a negative, though I get it's annoying to have to provide.

I used to do one cake for child, and a nice chocolate cake for adults, that used to work well.

I think things have changed as when I talk to dm she is surprised I stay with DD at parties as do many other parents (althOugh much less so now. She is year 1 fwiw) where as practically from nursery with my sister (who is now mid 20s) and I (much older than said sister!) we left at parties.

I agree with previous posters. Leave some disposable glasses (for ease) and bottles of drink and some crisps or biscuits or some such for parents in the kitchen and let them know it's there when they come and leave them to it whilst you lead the party. No one will expect you to be passing the fererro rocher around.

At parties I've been to with DD the offerings have ranged from nothing at all to you'll be lucky to get a glass of water to full spreads you can fill up on.

At least you know they may stay and it won't be a nasty surprise!

The rules here are that in nursery it's really not the done thing to leave them, but by reception 95% of kids get left. That's an awful lot of parents for the police to investigate for child neglect! Honestly, what a load of nonsense that idea is.

I'm totally amazed at the idea that in yr 2 most parents would still be staying - it's incredible how different local parenting cultures are!

Not wanting to panic you even more, but have you considered any siblings (younger or older ) who may also be dragged along? Or, if it is at the weekend, both parents?? I know it sounds crazy but round here some people seem to treat a 4 yr olds party as a family day out and arrive with both parents and siblings in tow!

So a quick text might be a good idea!

We had exactly this this weekend just gone for DD 5th birthday. I expected the parents to stay tbh (and they did anyway).

We had 13 children and their Parents and a magician, it was great fun. The children loved it :)

We just give the Parents tea, coffee and pastries.

We just had a 4yo party here and no parents stayed. Tbf I had suggested it via etc when they rsvp'd. The friends were all DD's from nursery so they knew each other but I had only met one mum once the week before.

I think it depends if they are PFBs or not as well as how well they know you and of course how confident the kids are/how many attending. We only had 4. Age of birthday = number of invitees at our house for now!

Do you know some of the mother's well? You could explain the situation to a close friend or two and ask that they just drop off (if you are friends I presume they may feel comfortable with you providing adequate care).

There may also be Mum's who stay because they think it's expected or the right thing to do, but who would leave if they had the option! Mention it in a casual conversation - 'don't worry about having to stay if you'd rather go and get on with something', as if you're doing them a favour.

Hold the party at a time when adults would not be expecting to eat (not over lunch or tea-time), that way they are likely to be having food at home later anyway, and less likely to expect party food. (This may not be an option if you have already sent out invitiations with the time on).

At parties I've been to, the hosts did not provide separate food for the adults, but just said they could help themselves to what was left on the kids' buffet. Make sure you make extra of all the options provided - extra sausages, fairy cakes, sandwiches, etc. Where possible just buy generous portions for the buffet rather than make them yourself.

Elect someone, or two people, to do the coffee and tea-making for adults - husband, a relative or close friend. Definitely don't do this yourself.

4 would be borderline for me, but my kids aren't that clingy. Usually I was dropping off by age 5, but if it's a home party I'd be more likely to drop and run. Most parents I know would rather drop off, but at a softplay they would most likely stay.

Most people starting leaving the kids (dump and run as it's known in our house) at reception age. Ds1 was one of the youngest so only 4 for most of the year. I was more than happy to leave him. I did leave on occasion in preschool but only at house parties not soft play ones. Now we are in yr1 and everyone dumps!

All of my DD's friend's parents are friends so we generally organise it so parents stay and it's a good excuse to get together. However, at her 3rd birthday party one little girl's mother decided to leave (she was 4). Despite the fact this little girl knew all the other children, she spent most of the party following me around and asking me to sit inside with her as she didn't like the bouncy castle and noise outside. I felt really sorry for her as I was busy organising the party food etc plus wanted to see my DD enjoy her party.