will parents expect to stay at a 4y old's party in my house?

[RedWineSmile]

We don't have that big a house, and the invitations have pretty much all been accepted (I had factored in a fair few no's but that has not materialised)... It now looks like 10 4y olds plus my own 2. I could actually vomit thinking about it.

I really hope that parents just expect to drop their kids off and go away for 2h. That's what I thought was done, but the last party we were at in someone's home, quite a few parents stayed. And they had been catered for... I don't know if I will actually have room for potentially 10+ adults too. And I don't think I could get my head around catering for them as well. I'll be too busy leading on Head-Shoulders-Knees and Toes to be opening bottles of San Miguel and passing round cheese straws.

Thoughts?!

My husband thinks I'm mental that I'm so worried about it, but it is the first party we have had for our DS1 that has not just been a big family buffet at home with cousins to play the party games.

I have gone from being someone fairly hospitable who enjoys having folk round the house to nervous wreck. arghghghg!!!!

This kind of thread always makes me despair. When did parents start staying at all the birthday parties? I remember as a child the thing I loved most about going to parties was that my mum wasn't there! In the Shirley Hughes book 'Alfie lends a hand' he is dropped off my his mum at his 'friend-from-nursery's house, so presumably age 3 or 4.
My two dds (age 5 and 3) were recently invited to a 6yo's party at an ice-cream parlour. My dh and I were bust at a work event but the parents of the birthday child said it was ok to just drop off and pick up at the end. Fine by me! All the other 6yos had their parents stay with them. Far too many adults there imo. Why the reluctance to just leave them to it? I really don't understand!

CheapAndCheerful, perhaps I am of the vintage where you got dropped off at the party and that was it. The notion of parents staying is a bit new to me, hence this thread! Also, my older boy was always very happy to go off and play, without me having to stay right beside him. I seem to be out of step with current thinking however!!

I stayed with DD at that age because she used to get too engrossed in playing and forget to go to the loo. I always had to remind her before it was too late, but often had to make her change her knickers because she had had a small accident.

Most of the parents stayed at my DS's 5th birthday. I put chairs around the outside of our biggest room, which is luckily for us a reasonable size, but it was still a total squash. The parents sat while the kids did games etc. It was fine, apart from the feeling I had an audience when I was trying to marshal the musical statues!

Can you bring in garden chairs and pack them in somewhere? No one expects it to be like a dinner party, they'll be happy with a makeshift arrangement.

With drinks and food, I enlisted an aunt to be in charge of offering teas and coffees so me and DP could concentrate on the kids. I just made it clear that parents were welcome to eat party food. That's the way it's been done at every kids party I've been to, I've never seen anyone do separate food for adults. Actually, very few of them ate much - our party finished at 1pm, so time for adults to go and eat afterwards.

To the poster who asked about games, my main tip at this age is to attempt no more than a couple of actual games, and to make sure they are ones with no losers. Pointing at a 4 year old and saying 'you're out, sit down!' is likely to result in inconsolable tears. You can adapt some games like musical statutes to get rid of that element - anyone who moves gets to go under a big sheet and make animal noises, that kind of thing.

I know when I have stayed at parties I sometimes feel like a bit of a spare part, and would love the opportunity to help. If you are hosting the party I would expect you to look after the children, not the adults. But I would be more than happy to be on tea and coffee duty, and make other parents a drink. Just show them where everything is and leave them to it.

I stayed at most 4 yo parties except for the party where I knew mum and worked with the GPs, and mum was a primary teacher who firmly told me and other parents to bog off to the local cafe for two hours. So we did and it was fine. Reception parties more likely to stay as part of it was getting to know other parents and kids, but they were usually in a hall.
Get your partner or first parent who arrived to make the others tea, and ignore them.

Karma, it's funny the things that get people worked up, isn't it?!

Within myself I know I have a pretty high threshold for getting worked up..

I suppose I am just keen to have a nice party for the kids, and thanks to people's replies, now know to prepare an area in my house for parents to congregate in.

I plan on enjoying it- and thanks for the tips everyone.

If you do want parents to bugger off, it might be worth a quick text around just to let them know beforehand that you're happy for them to drop and run if they want to. There might be parents like me longing for a text like that and in its absence feeling begrudgingly obligated to hang around.

I'd stay, but I wouldn't expect to be catered for.

DS1 is 5 and he still tends to leave going for a wee too late if he's busy playing or suchlike. If I'm keeping an eye on him at parties I can usually recognise the signs and march him off to the toilet before a puddle appears.

i've never had a parent stay! even at soft play unless we're friends they just drop them off. this is all from four onwards.

my son is 5 in two weeks and i spoke to a few mums again and all of then were happy about being child free for a few hours

They won't be expecting anything. At all the parties I've been too parents tend to muck in and help, passing juice round, helping the kids with food and helping tidy up if the kids are making loads of mess. The reason the majority will stay is either their kids will be upset if they go or they feel like their kids may misbehave and wouldn't want the party host to have to deal with them being little monkeys!

Sorry for multiple posts mums net seems to be playing up for me at the mo and telling me my posts have failed-when clearly they haven't!!!

We stayed at age 4, from age 5 it was drop off but you need to specify that in the invitation "drop off at 2, pick up at 4"
You will need the parents there to deal with toilets, runny noses, bumps and scrapes etc unless you want to stop the party whilst you help wipe someone's bum/deal with a nosebleed/crying child.
Yes to refreshments for parents. Coffee, tea, soft drinks, nibbles even if just Pringles and biscuits. Wine is welcome.
So where for them to put coats.

It depends on the parents, but when DD was that age I only stayed if I saw that other parents were doing the same! Otherwise I was fine with dropping and going by the time she was in reception (nursery if I knew the parents well enough.)

Ours all still staying at year 2. The odd one might be left if the parents know each other particularly well.

Parents usually nicely catered for if its lunch time. Just teas/coffees/cake otherwise.

There's always a lot of siblings tagging along too. A party in our school circle has a tendency to turn in to a bit of a families social event.

Not at all helpful to OP!

I have never had a sibling tag along apart from little babies. Do ypu have room for buggies?

My dd is 4, I'd expect to stay and I think at this age in my experience most do stay.

In terms of catering as long as you offer tea and coffee I think it's up to you. I've experienced all different levels of catering for the adults at kid's parties. From a full buffet table of food for the adults, to a coffee, cake and cookies for the adults to only coffee and tea. All is fine - just do what you can manage and afford.

I would stay with a four year old

TBH we haven't had any parties at houses for our eldest two who are now 7&8

They have been left at soft play etc from about age 6.