Would you be happy with your dcs living with an adult who had a severe eating disorder?

[CherryPicking]

I'm not happy about it personally, mainly because I was lied to by omission by my ex. He didn't inform me his new partner was affected in this way before he gained regular weekly overnight stays. Dcs are coming home talking about how both he and new partner "think they're fat but they're not" how they're "on a diet that's supposed to have ended but it's still going on". (New partner is stick thin). Youngest has been sticking his fingers down his throat til he's sick. What should I do? I can't break court order by not letting them stay with them. Do I have grounds to go back to court and try to change it? AIBU?

FFS, I can't be bothered. Why don't you just take a gun and shoot the woman if you feel so strongly? It would spare us all the drama?

It's good you've hid the thread Ereni. You sound extremely angry. Hth.

cherry without wanting to put the boot in, I also feel slightly intimidated by your posting style. You were confrontational in response to my posts, in which I was sharing my experience of the legal position, which is what you asked about.
You have accepted without question those who have shared experience of living with a parent with an ED (which is similar, but not the same as your DCs situation) but have ignored or challenged those of us with experience of similar legal situations.

Your focus on the court order indicates that changing it is the only way your can perceive to protect your DCs. I, and others, have explained that there are other ways to keep your DCs safe. But you have ignored us. It is not surprising that some people have concluded that the court order is your primary focus.

We can all read into a post what ever we want.

I read yours as quite hostile and almost as if they had a ridiculing tone NNchange

It's what happens when you only have the benefit of the typed word

danger there are several physical issues that could result in a safeguarding enquiry.

Disabled parents are one of the groups most likely to have an investigation and when they do it tends to be more invasive less trusting and far more comprehensive than none disabled parents.and that's physically disabled as well as hidden disabilities

Cherry picking. This is exactly what you are doing with advice on this thread, so its an apt user name for you. You won't get a fight from me, whether you are actually really this het up and angry, or something a little less so....

We can all read into a post what ever we want.

Exactly. The OP has read some posts directed at her in a particular way, and different people have read her posts in differing ways, too.

No one is right or wrong, it seems bonkers arguing about it, particularly when there are two DCs who may be at risk.

OP have you spoken to SocServ or your GP yet?

judgeypants is as judgeypants does, spongebob

time as I've said, I'm seeking legal advice in the first instance. You may not agree with my choice, but that's my decision based on what my gut tells me is the right thing to do. They're not with her right now, and won't be for a few weeks.

OP, it sounds sensible to seek legal advice in the first instance. It is not necessarily that you will act on it but it is good to know where you stand legally should you need their back up.

I suspect this is more of the legal residency/contact issue, than a safeguarding issue that Social Services or the GP would get too excited about. However, it is good to have a record that you contacted them (even if they weren't much help) that you thought it serious enough. Ultimately, you would be seeking to amend the court order, if you cannot talk sense to your ex. You would however, I imagine, have to exhaust the diplomatic option first, before going into court.

I am gobsmacked that some poster told you not to waste GPs' time. GPs are not the Grand Poobah. You can go to them and they will refer and advise you accordingly.

I understand your concerns for your children's welfare and appreciate you are coming from a good place.

All we know about this woman is that she has an ED, there is no evidence for "lack of insight" or lack of capacity.

Mental illness isn't automatically dangerous, and I resent the attitude that the mentally ill are monsters who must be kept away from children.

The fact that this woman is a resented partner's ex is obviously playing a key part here and fuelling the animosity.

You can be assertive without being aggressive OP. You've been consistently the latter, yet you continue to deny it. You seem to be the one lacking in insight, not this woman.

Perhaps MN isn't really the place for you if you're feeling very fragile.

Actually I think mn really is a good place to go if you're feeling very fragile. I thought was the point of mn. There is some wonderful support available here - and good advice too if you're willing to engage with posters and take it in.

Btw, that was me who suggested someone who might be able to mediate if you and your ex are unable to have a constructive conversation together.

Anyone can see that you are fiercely protective of your DC and quite right that you are too.
And it sounds as though you think your ex is NOT protecting them which is understandably upsetting you.

A third party might be able to communicate your comcerns fears in a way that he will listen to.

*concerns and fears

Also the question is whether your dcs really do need protecting from your ex's partner.