Would you be happy with your dcs living with an adult who had a severe eating disorder?

[CherryPicking]

I'm not happy about it personally, mainly because I was lied to by omission by my ex. He didn't inform me his new partner was affected in this way before he gained regular weekly overnight stays. Dcs are coming home talking about how both he and new partner "think they're fat but they're not" how they're "on a diet that's supposed to have ended but it's still going on". (New partner is stick thin). Youngest has been sticking his fingers down his throat til he's sick. What should I do? I can't break court order by not letting them stay with them. Do I have grounds to go back to court and try to change it? AIBU?

[Noonesfool]

What do you want from this thread OP?

[CherryPicking]

Cake would be lovely. Maybe a glass of wine.

[CherryPicking]

Why noone what do you want from it? One of these?

[Noonesfool]

Okaaaay.....

[CherryPicking]

Keep backing away there noone. Off you go.

[CherryPicking]

Itsmine go and find your batman outfit, there's a dear. I'm sure you'll find sitting on that roof much more fulfilling than sharing your 'educated' opinions with little old me.

[CherryPicking]

bleedingnora I'm not remotely interested in what you think. Reporting your personal attack.You're clearly someone who believes there are limited resources with which to attend to the mental and physical well being of the next generation rather than an artificial shortage of resources created by swingeing austerity, bailing out the banks, and welfare for the rich. I'll let the GP tell me what is, and what isn't possible thanks v much.

[CherryPicking]

giraffe he's v young. Not articulate. How did you get your DD to stop?

[TimeforaNNChange]

You're focusing on the wrong thing.

In order to influence whether or not your DCs spend time in the company of their DF g/f, a court would have to decide that your Ex is not a 'good enough' parent to decide who he allows contact with the DCs.

Whether his g/f has an eating disorder or not is irrelevant - what is relevant is his overall judgement as a parent. If he is deemed a 'good enough' parent by the court then he can be trusted not to expose his DCs to risk of harm.

[CherryPicking]

time I imagine such a decision would be based on the kind of evidence previously discussed, wouldn't it?

[CherryPicking]

And she's living with him, it's not like she just pops over as a friend.

[PurpleDaisies]

On what grounds do you think a court would deny your ex contact? Even if your ex himself had an eating disorder I can't see what danger he'd pose to the children as long as he's feeding them properly.

Parents aren't perfect and they often set really bad examples for their children. I don't think that means they should be denied access to their children.

[TimeforaNNChange]

such a decision would be based on the kind of evidence previously discussed, wouldn't it?

It certainly wouldn't be based on just the issue of his G/F eating disorder.

If you have concerns generally about his ability to parent then that is what you need to take back to court.
If you focus on just one issue, your case can be undermined by evidence that in all other aspects of parenting, he is good enough.
And that would include evidence that you facilitated the DCs contact with him prior to his g/f moving in.

[Cocoabutton]

If you visit the GP, he or she will

a) have enough experience to guage where your toddler's behaviour may be coming from and suggest ways of counteracting it

b) note in your children's record that you have raised this concern.

Believe me, if social work do an assessment, one of the first things they will do is call and ask for your children's medical records.

That said, on reflection, I do remember DS going through a phase of making himself gag. Goodness knows why, but he is now being assessed for sensory processing issues. Loads of other behaviours though as well, not just that one. That one passed.

[KeepitDown]

Speaking from my own (thankfully long past) experience, eating disorders can be all-consuming and obsessive. For example, at my worst I would hoard documentaries/biographies on eating disorders and watch them over and over again, and read recipes, etc.

Even if she (or he) is not actually vomiting in front of the children, they may well be watching footage about eating disorders that is quite graphic. I certainly did.

It can also end up permeating many conversations if you are with someone (maybe your ex) who either doesn't see it as that abnormal or terrible, or is becoming sick themselves.

It does seem like the children are picking it up from somewhere. I would be very keen to nip it in the bud in whichever way possible.

[CherryPicking]

time I'm not sure about that. Pretty sure people living with drug addicts and people living with those who have schizophrenia or other severe forms of mental illness do have children prevented from living with them if it's in the child's best interest. As other posters with first hand experience have testified today, ED can be as life consuming and dangerous as either of those issues.

[CherryPicking]

keepitdiown you poor thing. Sounds awful for you. I'd hate to think of the dcs having to witness someone they care for (and they do care for her, bless their hearts - and no, I don't mind, before people jump on that statement ) going through that. If this thread's made me realise anything it's that people who've been there think doing the right thing in taking action. And maybe that's the main thing.

[TimeforaNNChange]

Pretty sure people living with drug addicts and people living with those who have schizophrenia or other severe forms of mental illness do have children prevented from living with them if it's in the child's best interest.

I can assure you that most DCs of drug addicts and parents with mental illness never face the possibility of their DCs being removed. Some with significant issues or short term crises are expected to engage with external agencies to ensure the DCs are safe.

If anything, the fact that your DCs live with you make it less likely that contact will be blocked as the court will view you as a safeguard rather than having to allocate the DCs a social worker to check on their welfare.

[CherryPicking]

PurpleDaisies if you have to ask, please read the thread, concentrating on the posts from people who have suffered eating disorders themselves. Or lived with someone else who has. I'm sure they won't mind answering your questions after you've done that.

[KeepitDown]

I hope things get better/easier for you CherryPicking, nothing more stressful than perceiving that something may be a threat to your children.

[CherryPicking]

But time I'm not psychic. Im not a trained social worker - im their mum. And that makes everything i say and do an attemot to take them away from him according to some posters . Once the dcs are with him, their world is closed off to me. Ex makes very sure of that, and that's exactly what the court intended.