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Parenting

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Original poster

Sharing box room with baby help:(

84 replies

Katieemilyxo · 26/04/2016 22:22

I currently share a box room with my 9 month old son its a disaster, I live at home with my parents and two brothers who both share rooms together to, iv asked for a bigger room for us both im shouted abuse at and told if I want better then to move out im only 18 I can't just move out, and it doesnt solve my solution I had to remove his cot as he has to have it up a raditor, which is always off so its not a danger also its near a plug point, I can't change to have the bed up that wall as that side links to the exit and a bed wouldn't fit there he can get himself up he gets his fingers in the radiator I dont know what to do I have no solution and if I ask for one im just shouted abuse at and told its my problem also I have to store both mine and his stuff in there clothes everything! Which I had to buy a lift up bed , for now iv put a travel cot there,to try make it harder for him to get the plug, but doesnt solve the radiator space also I have to throw myself into my bed as I cant actually walk round it is there anyway I can find something more permanent and safer for my son I feel so stuck:( im being told a massive five year wait for anywhere else to go even in my situation sorry to drag on and on any sugguestions would be grateful

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PotteringAlong · 26/04/2016 22:28

At 18 you're an adult; you can just move out.

Go to CAB, work out what benefits you would get, where you can afford to rent. Even a room in a house, if it's a bigger room, would be better.

MyKingdomForBrie · 26/04/2016 22:29

How would they give you a bigger room if everyone is already sharing? Doesn't sound an ideal situation for anyone, I would definitely look to move out and get your own space.

WhizzPopper · 26/04/2016 22:32

Are you on the housing waiting list? At our council you would get a priority for being overcrowded. Does the house have a dining room downstairs you could convert to a bedroom if your parents would let you?

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Original poster

Katieemilyxo · 26/04/2016 22:49

Kingdom my two brothers share a room which is pretty big and my dad did share with my mum till he couldnt sleep in a bed anymore so noe he has to sleep downstairs on a sofa otherwise it hurts his back my mum had a huge room currently to herself but I asked her and im just told the same which I understand its not my house and I respect that just need a solution as I care about my childs safety more than anything , I got my application form yesterday told them the situation they gave me a estimate of five years, and its not that simple to just move out I defiantly couldnt afford that either:/

OP posts:

mrsmeerkat · 26/04/2016 22:52

It sounds very hard op but honestly you cannot expect you parents to leave their room. I think you need to move out .. easier said than done.

Akire · 26/04/2016 23:02

If your parents room is larger do they not have space for you to store few boxes of stuff? Or can you store things elsewhere in the house? Agree you don't have to stay you can claim and move out but this could be shared house or hostel or B and B type place until you get your own place.

uhoh2016 · 27/04/2016 04:32

Do you have any other family members you could move in with like grandparents or auntie/uncle?

readingrainbow · 27/04/2016 04:40

What about a high bed? My son is in the box room and he has a very high bed so the floor space is freed up. You could fit a cot under it, easily.

Penfold007 · 27/04/2016 05:07

Your an adult and a parent, it's not your parents' responsibility to house you and your son. The housing market is tough and it won't be easy. Get the housing forms filled in and take them to the housing office along with a letter from your parents giving you notice to move out. You may end up in a B&B to start with but it would be a start. Check out how much housing benefit etc you might be able to claim and if your not already getting maintenance get a claim started.

milkysmum · 27/04/2016 05:15

Agree with penfold you need your parents to give you a date in writing to move out by and you need to take this to the housing department of the council. You need to get them to assess you as homeless and then get priority housing- and yep it might initially be a b&b but again this will just highlight you as priority for re housing. I know it's scary but it sounds like you really need to move out. Is there a floating tenancy support team that you could self refer to so that you could be allocated a support worker?

Newtobecomingamum · 27/04/2016 13:56

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time OP. I don't necessarily agree with all the posters above. If you were my daughter I would have given you my room and anything else you needed. Although you are 18, you are still a daughter and as a parent I would be doing whatever I could to support you (not just giving you a room). However, I would be making sure that you were looking into benefits you were entitled to, possible part time work or making sure you were pulling your weight around the house, ensuring you have a plan in place and clear vision of the future ie childcare options, work and possibly study etc. If your parents aren't supporting (even if you are 18) then start putting plans in place on how you can get yourself set up for the future. Sometimes you just can't rely on family to help support, so you have to be brave and do everything you can possible to ensure you and your baby can be secure in the future. Best of luck OP x

coffeeisnectar · 27/04/2016 14:01

I agree that you should get a letter from your parents giving you notice to move out and get down to the housing office. As others have said you could end up (probably will end up) in temporary accomodation or a b&b but you'd have more room and your independence. See the CAB for advice on housing benefit, tax credits, child benefit etc.

Additionally you should be claiming maintenance from the dad so get that sorted too.

I can't believe you asked your mum to give up her room though. Incredibly cheeky and entitled!! You are an adult and more importantly, a parent. You need to (in the kindest possible way) grow up and start taking responsibility for yourself and your child. Time to put on your big girl pants, get out there and start being proactive.

Artandco · 27/04/2016 14:09

Yes move. Even a temp B and B room will give you more space.

Go to the council, tell them you will be homeless in x days. Look for work, look for funded childcare ( you can get 70% covered I think if on right benefits etc). Then you can work your way up and out

Newtobecomingamum · 27/04/2016 14:27

I can't understand why everyone thinks it's really bad and cheeky that the OP has asked her mum (seen as dad is sleeping on sofa and the mum has a really big bedroom) why she can't use that room. OP states the room is possibly dangerous with cot being up against radiator and plug sockets etc and no where to store any babies items. As a mother my daughter wouldn't have to ask! I wouldn't let my daughter or my grandchild be stuck in a dangerous small box room if I had a big room to myself. I would let her have my big room until other arrangements could be made. Doesn't mean OP isn't trying her hardest to get things sorted or stand on her own two feet.

Akire · 27/04/2016 14:33

It is off boarding on tough love/boarder line abusive if they are really anti help even to the extent of you putting a few boxes of clothes in your mums room. It's hard to tell their tone from a page.

Not saying she deserves to swop rooms but even as a single adult having all your stuff in box room is hard going never mind baby.

Be prepared to spend few days going around offices and filling in forms the help Is out there but no one will give it to you on a plate.

NerrSnerr · 27/04/2016 14:58

You're a mum now so you need to do what's best for your child. I agree with the others, get a letter from your parents with a formal moving out day and go down to the housing office.

I think it's unfair to make your mum move out of her room, after all it is her house!!

Tatiana11235 · 27/04/2016 15:06

Feel sorry for you OP. I don't think you're being cheeky either, your parents however sound not very loving. Hope it all works out for you and your baby

mrsmeerkat · 27/04/2016 16:34

I don't mean op is being cheeky (If was the mother I would give my room) but in saying that at 18 and having a parental responsibility - it's harsh but you have to stand on your own two feet.

That said - you deserve better op

Caterina99 · 27/04/2016 17:20

Obviously you need to solve the whole problem and move out if your parents can't house you, it sounds like a very difficult situation to be in.

But in the meantime you can get covers to put over plugs so the baby can't get to them, not just plug covers that can be dangerous, but covers that screw over the whole plug socket so you can still have something plugged in but it's safe. If the radiator is switched off then could you cover it with a blanket and tape it down so baby can't pull at it? Maybe your mum would let you store stuff in her room?

Original poster

Katieemilyxo · 27/04/2016 18:49

I dont expect my parents to give up there spaces as I said before its there house and I respect that just wanted a solution for the box room situation as I dont want my son in any danger because of the plug sockers ect I dont understand how I can be looked at as being cheeky , just want a safe space for my baby iv asked for a letter to give to the council from my parents to say im being chucked out but they refuse as my mum doesnt want me to leave, only choice I have is to apply and im being told a very long time.. not trying to he cheeky at all if wanting my baby to have somewhere safe to sleep is considered as being cheeky then I guess I shouldnt of bothered asking:/

OP posts:

Original poster

Katieemilyxo · 27/04/2016 18:52

And thank you for the good advice and nice comments, going to try cover it with a blanket but, he still smacks his head on it constantly:/

OP posts:

Akire · 27/04/2016 19:33

You don't have to have a letter from your parents. You can say you are moving out and have nowhere to stay. If you really can't hack it there any longer. They will have a duty to house you but it could be anywhere and may not be very nice to start with. Depending on where you are studying or working could be difficult.

But if the council think you are housed and it is a 5y wait things are going to be intoreable in the one tiny space.

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 27/04/2016 19:38

Could you move to an area with shorter waiting lists for council housing? There are Mners who live in such areas and could advise if they are near you.

milkysmum · 30/04/2016 04:33

Martha- you can't just move to any area you choose and expect the council to house you. They only house people they have an obligation to house- if you were not all ready living in that area you would need to prove a strong local link

GraysAnalogy · 30/04/2016 05:15

You brought a child into this situation, you presumably had months to sort out a living space, it's unreasonable of you to now to 'ask for a bigger room' when it sounds like all your family members are already struggling with the space they have anyway. That sounds harsh but its reality, you need to start thinking about things like this and consider the future.

Have you got in touch with the council since you had your child? if the space is so small it seems odd they deem it acceptable. You could go to to the housing people and say you're having to couch surf, immoral but might help your situation. Or go into a hostel until you are given somewhere.

dont expect my parents to give up there spaces as I said before its there house and I respect that just wanted a solution
I don't want to be mean but obviously you do, otherwise you wouldn't talk about your families bedrooms saying their size and how your mums is big etc etc

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