I'm going to try to be a more positive and less shouty parent. Anyone else?

[Misty9]

I have a problem with controlling my anger. There. I've said it. I blow up too easily and shout too much. I stop short of physical violence. But only just :( I never knew how angry I could feel in response to my children's behaviour.

I am committing to change. Heck, I help other people do this for a living! So I do know better. But practising what I preach is not easy. So I need to try harder.

I'm starting with laura Markham's book and might enrol on her online course. And I need to spend less time on here.... I also need to find better coping strategies when I am stressed other than crying and eating chocolate

Anyone else struggle with anger? What do you do to address it?

Welcome back, Misty!

My week has not been going well as I am super tired... Bedtime as ever is the flashpoint - time of the day when I feel at my most tired and having to deal with both DDs...

Just a quick question - I've seen some mention of listening to podcasts. Also, I'd love to get my partner to listen to some too. Can anyone recommend some for me?

And thanks to everyone on this thread for all the inspiration and support! It really helps to know I'm not alone in this!

Have had a grumpy shouty day today and feeling bad about it . Going to read back for tips for Tomorrow.

Bacon, I listened to some Janet Lansbury stuff, there are links on her website.

DP and I swapped for the day so he had four kids on his own. When the other boys' dad turned up, he was making jokes about handing out some sort of Mary Poppins Cross for people looking after four children...

We've been doing okayish. Thing is, we've been in such a shouty pattern, it's like I've been handing out massive red buttons to push. So when we get to a moment when DS, who is 5, is irritated or bored, he just tries one of the buttons. It's taking superhuman strength not to rage. And also not to 'sulk', iyswim. Like when he's done something really annoying and I've had to deal with it, and technically it's over, but I am still uptight, so likely to snap for petty reasons. I think this is what sinks us really. It's the accumulation of irritants and I end up losing my cool. If only I could move on breezily, I think it would be easier to sustain being chilled.

I know what you mean, Outs, about still being annoyed. I guess it is possibly because you've not had your own feelings acknowledged so no wonder you are frustrated. Are you able to share with your DH what you can't with your DC? So that you do get to vent and have that acknowledged?

Well done for every single time you contain yourself, though.

The only way I could express my frustration yesterday was by kicking the kitchen bin (out of DC eyes).

The bin now has a massive dent in it.

Does anyone have any good strategies for dealing with sibling rivalry-type behaviour? DD1 will never let DD2 just play with a to, she always takes it off her. And then DD2 attacks with rage (hairpulling, etc) and DD1 retaliates and it really does my head in. Spent a lot of yesterday raising my voice because of this.

I'm glad his thread has popped up. Canny join in. I've been a horrible shouty mum lately.

outs I know EXACTLY what you mean about sulking yourself as I definitely do this! I also think it'd be better if I could just move on and be silly/fun to distract and defuse...but I don't want to!

I've been so tired today and quite shouty though managed painting and water play so not too bad a day. Oh and went food shopping with both dc for first time in ages (usually online) and it was fine amazingly.

Sibling rivalry is a difficult one; I'm lucky in that mine generally share really well so far and can usually convince one or the other to negotiate. It helps that dd is way more verbal than ds was at this age. Maybe sticker chart for sharing? We try to talk about turn taking too rather than sharing for the younger ones.

We've got a sticker chart for her to be kind to her sister and sometimes it seems to help (she's got her first reward out of it). But argh, today! I have been so shouty because of how she's treating her sister. We thought we'd made a breakthrough by getting them to play together with a toy - eg sending a car back and forth to each other - but that didn't last long. I really need to get on top of it (and my response).

It doesn't help that DH is home late today after a work event.

Haven't read the thread yet but joining

Grouchy I've got a book called Siblings Without Rivarly and it is supposed to be quite good.

What age are your DCs?

I read an interesting Janet Lansbury blog post about toy taking - but I don't know how that works with older kids, I have to say.

www.janetlansbury.com/2015/04/4-reasons-to-relax-about-sibling-toy-taking/

Thanks, glowfrog, I'll look that up.

My girls are 4 and nearly 2, and DC3 is due in 3 and a bit weeks (which obviously doesn't help my mood).

Re the article: I took that kind of approach when they were younger, but now DD2 screams and cries and hits when things are taken off her so something else needs to be done.

I suspect you have tried pretty much everything but would it be possible for them to play in 2 different rooms?

Sometimes they do - DD2 plays close to me when she can - but they both like to show me what they're up to so as soon as DD1 comes where DD2 is she interferes.

My Mum is going to be here in two weeks, which will help, and I'm really hoping I'll be able to spend a bit more playtime with them once the baby is here. I've got bad SPD and other joint problems so I can't get down on the floor with them. Hopefully once I can again it will help them learn to play together.

just quietly joining in after a shitty day of crap parenting. I need to be less grumpy and shouty.

I'm so glad I've found you all

I am a shoutyear mum. I also lose my rag epically and at times have been rough...I have a 1 yr old and 6 yr old. DS just doesn't sleep, a good night for us would be 3 waking, recently it's been hourly. I work full time, I'm out of the house from 7 until 5 every night and I'm shattered. My temper is so quick, I really do my best to stay calm but my 6 yr old is very independent and is growing up so quickly, she wants to do everything exactly the way she thinks it should be done, and DS is really bloody hard work as he's just tired all the time and won't settle for dh at all.
We're moving house soon too amd work os mental so its all just coming to a head. The drudgery of it all and the feeling like I've wasted my life and could be doing something so much more exciting than spendibg tge start of every day telling a 6 yr old to turn the ffing TV off whilst trying not to get poo all over my work clothes as DS rolls around screeching and stopping me from changing his nappy as we're late again...

I can empathise with so much written here and it makes me feel so much better. I feel so guilty for the anger and rage I feel on a daily basis, mostly with ds when he is screeching at me in the middle of the night and just won't sleep. He's just a baby but he's driving me to the edge with sleep deprivation and even worse, just no time to myself, just to be me

Sleep is definitely the elixir of patience! The lack of me time is a trigger for me as well youcantscareme and was especially a shock to the system when dc2 came along, having just started getting used to having uninterrupted evenings and nights again.

I had an ill dh and the kids to deal with today and there was a respectable level of shouting imo. I think I'm doing more raised volume of voice than all out losing my rag at the moment. So, progress of a kind? The sun is definitely helping my mood though- Anyone else find that?

Wishing us all a non shouty bank holiday :)

Today is not going well :( it'd been constant noise since dd woke me with shouting and ds is constantly signing/humming/making stupid noises. I've lost my rag once and at simmering point now... come back sun!

YouCantScareMe wow, that is a punishing schedule - no wonder you are finding it tough - don't know how you are still standing, tbh!!

Am sure you've thought of everything and you may not be interested in practical advice but just in case...

1. is your DP pulling his weight re: childcare? I know you said baby won't settle for him but could he taken them both out to give you a break?

2. is there anyone at all who could come and help? Again, maybe just take the kids out so you can rest or do whatever?

3. if you can't ask friends or family, could you afford to have someone come in to help get things ready in the morning? Just to ease your burden a bit....

4. is co-sleeping with baby an option? I wouldn't normally recommend it but in the short term it might help you all sleep better.

Anyway - welcome. Try not to be too hard on yourself - you are going through massive sleep deprivation on top of work etc.

Misty the constant noise is so stressful, isn't it? Tried to explain to the 4 year-old the other day how awful it is when she wont stop screaming and screeching. I compared mummy and daddy to hedgehogs and how it makes us go into a ball and all the spikes come out... I HATE her constant shouting. No idea what to do about it or why she does it. But - AAAAAAARGH.

HULK SMASH!!!!!

I've done ok this weekend considering ds was awake every bleeding 40 mins every night and we're trying to pack up the house ready to move in a few weeks. Weve had some strops from dd and I've had to bite my tongue with DH being a prat and being useless with the kids, my problem is passive aggressive muttering...ffs under my breath etc..really need to stop.
I found I had more time to myself gradually as dd reached 5 and then ds came along. We hadn't planned such a big gap but we had trouble ttc and it's was a massive shock. Plus I work full time and it's pretty stressful long days. I don't want to spend what little time I do have with them moaning and swearing.
I think if I could just get some proper sleep it would all be fine!

How is everyone doing? I'm not doing well... :( a very shouty day, with me hiding in the car when ds got so noisy I couldn't hear myself shout think. Noise is definitely a trigger for me, and my two year old ignoring me doesn't help...

I'm not proud of my behaviour and I'm fed up with me, let alone the rest of my family... :(