I'm going to try to be a more positive and less shouty parent. Anyone else?

[Misty9]

I have a problem with controlling my anger. There. I've said it. I blow up too easily and shout too much. I stop short of physical violence. But only just :( I never knew how angry I could feel in response to my children's behaviour.

I am committing to change. Heck, I help other people do this for a living! So I do know better. But practising what I preach is not easy. So I need to try harder.

I'm starting with laura Markham's book and might enrol on her online course. And I need to spend less time on here.... I also need to find better coping strategies when I am stressed other than crying and eating chocolate

Anyone else struggle with anger? What do you do to address it?

Ooh Misty what variety are you having? I might give pull ups a go. The wees ones are not too bad it's the poos I really struggle with as he hates the wipes (any e would think they were coated in acid). The bump is not huge yet but obv a concern. Wish he was ready for potty training!

Below website has lots of ideas for keeping calm as well as advice. Might try the pretending there is a camera trick

theorangerhino.com/

Rainy afternoons are the worst I might get DS baking brownies so I can scoff them.

I can't decide between my usual of tikka masala, or to be adventurous and have something new but probably the same or maybe lots of sides... you? :)

I've gone off curry a bit so I'm thinking crispy duck and pancakes from the Chinese gnom gnom.
Wish I could have wine though .

Evening all, very jealous of all the take always, we went out for dinner yesterday so no take away tonight
I monumentally failed today, picked up the eldest two from school, explained to them that I had to pick up my prescription from the doctors, quickly pop to Tesco while pharmosist was sorting the perscription, they all kicked off, taking everything off the shelves in Tesco, pulling stuff all over the place, I ended up screaming at my 4 year old about not putting her seatbelt on
It doesn't help that my siatica is really bad (has been for months) and the GP's answer to just hand me a load of diazepam, no referral to to physio

Oh no Sweetie they sure know when to kick off don't they, luckily mine is still small enough to trap in the trolley. Can you go see a different gp and get a second opinion?
Have a tomorrow is another day

I think I will, I have had, what seems like, constant pain for months, but apparently, according to my GP, I have to be in 'cronic pain' for three consecutive months
I will be calling them next week as although they have given me diazepam, they have also given me strict instructions that I can't take this for more than 5 days so not really sure what I am supposed to do. I will probably just end up saving and paying privately to see a chiropractor.

Please can I join? I have a 5 month old a 5 year old. I just feel I'm always angry at the moment and have no patience.

I always think that the next day I'm going to be better but then it's the same again. . I really want to be a good mum but I'm knackered and find the relentlessness of motherhood a struggle at the moment. I think being on maternity leave isn't helping.

I will try the tips that have been mentioned.

Previously I was feeling bad about a week before AF, so I thought taking the pill might help - but now I've been feeling awful for about 4 weeks!

Hello Tatty, have you been back to the docs maybe you need a different pill? Post pregnancy hormones on top of being bloody knackered can be a killer.

I think relentlessness is a good word to describe it. Do you get any time off? We all need a break sometimes.

I'm planning to go back to GP and say that the pills are not working. Luckily DH and I are going away to a spa for a couple of days in May and PIL are looking after the weekend. Can't wait!

Ooh I am jealous. It's DHs birthday soon so I'm planning on taking him away for the night, doubt I would get him into a Spa though.

Can I join in? I'm a horribly shouty mother, and I feel guilty every single day.

I've got a 4 yr old and an 8 yr old, and they both have their own areas of expertise in driving me crazy.

My DP is also very shouty and angry so I'd like to find ways to help him control his anger - he says that he wouldn't have to get angry if the kids just did as they were told, but he just goes from 0-60 so quickly, that things just escalate, and it just ends up being counter productive.

Yesterday was a bad day as we tried to get the kids to tidy their rooms - but it just turned into an all day ordeal, instead of a 30 minute task.

My 4 yr old was so upset with the shouting though - and I can't get the image of him out of my head. He looked so tiny and sad. When he was asleep in bed, I just sat by his bedside holding his hand and crying my eyes out.

Good to know I'm not alone.

Oh sweetheart it is hard and the guilt is awful. If you look up the thread there are links to books and sites that you might find helpful. Is you DP willing to try too? Maybe you could all go to family counselling together since your kids are a bit older?

Wanting to change is the first step.

find that sounds really tough :(
Sadly I am more like the dh in that scenario and when I really lose it I definitely scare the kids. Not proud.

A mixed few days here. Had dd's birthday party yesterday and went very well, and her actual bday day out went well today. But ended up shouting at ds a few times due to his behaviour and soiling several times a day. I'm starting to worry that I've actually made this toilet situation worse by telling him off for soiling in the early days :(

I do feel a bit less shouty since I've really focused on this. And not looking at my phone definitely helps (am on the loo now!). Holiday this week so that will be the ultimate test - 2am start!!!

Oh, and we didn't get first choice school for ds so am feeling quite irritable...

maybe he loves nappy off time and the freedom to kick his legs, maybe let him do that on the floor?

I've just had a quick look at the orange rhino website and it looks like it might have some useful tips. And I think my DP might give it a go - although he hates the idea of parenting books and parenting websites - I think he thinks his parents were ok without any advice and he turned out ok! I'll report back if any of it works.

My kids have been lovely today - which is obviously good but I can't help but feel guilty about the shouting yesterday.

Sorry about the school Misty9

Ahh so sorry about the school Misty
always worth appealing, you never know, if not sometimes the school you get turns out to be not as bad as you think

Oh and yes, I spend most of my evenings feeling incredibly guilty about shouting and screaming
I am trying and trying to keep myself calm, I do try and sit and talk with the kids at the end of the day if I have been perticulalry shouty, and apologise and explain how tired I am etc X

although he hates the idea of parenting books and parenting websites - I think he thinks his parents were ok without any advice and he turned out ok!

Apart from having anger management issues... you may want to point out if he's resistive. ;-) I say this as someone whose DH can be very resistive about other things so I've heard that "I'm fine as I am" line a lot.

Sometimes resetting your expectations helps a lot. Expecting kids to just do as they're told - especially the young ones - is not realistic. I would also add: not entirely desirable, either. You want kids to be able to resist peer pressure and also - up to a point - question authority. I'm sure none of us want to bring up sheep!

But it's hard. My 4 year-old DD has days where everything is met with a NO! Sometimes you do need them to just do as they're told, like when you're walking alongside a busy road or they're mucking around at traffic lights etc. I try to pick my battles. The hardest time of day for me is often bedtime as DD1 will start acting up, we are both tired, and I'm desperate to be child-free so I can do whatever I need to do and then go to bed pronto.

This post is my mantra everyday...and everyday I fail.

My four yo ds has become increasingly cheeky and defiant, and as much as I try to keep calm and reason with him, invariably I end up blowing up and he says he hates me :-(

Hoping all your shared experiences will help me cope this time!

We've had a better few days, but that's because DH had a long weekend. It's always better when he's at home too.

Hoping that the sunny weather will help too.

rory you are in good/bad company here, have no fear.

Personally I wouldn't try to reason with a kid that age (my own 4 yr old is also driving me to distraction on regular basis). They are too irrational. What has worked for me in the past is to avoid getting into never ending negotiations. Make sure to offer a choice that can be acceptable to both of you, and then a consequence if nothing happens. Eg "when you have decided X or Y, we/you can go to the park/watch cBeebies/live to see another day. And then try to leave him to it until he decides.

I have mentioned Janet Lansbury before. She has very good suggestions for many situations.

Is there anything else going on in your life that's causing frustration etc? With me it is a combo of exhaustion (have a baby, too) and frustration at the drudginess of it all, never getting anything done etc etc.

Finding a way to do something just for you may go a long way to help you ride out the hostage negotiations...

Im glad to read this thread as I sometimes completely flip and shout - and the sad thing is it is never when my 4 year old has been naughty. Its just when my patience is worn down by the mummymummymummymummy mymmy AAAARGH

I'm seeing a counsellor and going to try a kind of CBT. Hopefully this will help me react differently to when I'm feeling frustrated by the kids!

glowfrog thanks for your advice.

I think your right, reasoning with a four old is nigh on impossible.

We've had a much better day today after a shaky morning. I've been calmer and I notice that he is less irritable which I hope is a consequence of me being less shouty.

DS went back to nursery this week after 2 weeks holiday. I think the holidays have compounded things as well with DS becoming bored.

It sounds like you have your hands full and are copying much better than me!