I'm going to try to be a more positive and less shouty parent. Anyone else?

[Misty9]

I have a problem with controlling my anger. There. I've said it. I blow up too easily and shout too much. I stop short of physical violence. But only just :( I never knew how angry I could feel in response to my children's behaviour.

I am committing to change. Heck, I help other people do this for a living! So I do know better. But practising what I preach is not easy. So I need to try harder.

I'm starting with laura Markham's book and might enrol on her online course. And I need to spend less time on here.... I also need to find better coping strategies when I am stressed other than crying and eating chocolate

Anyone else struggle with anger? What do you do to address it?

Evening all. A fairly good day today - though I was at work for most of it so slightly cheating! Dd has been talking in sentences since she turned one but has recently regressed it seems and is coming out with more baby talk - so I totally get the communication frustration thing!

Someone asked about anger triggers answer I think mine are:
Being ignored and having to repeat myself
Pain (even if accidently inflicted!)
Mess, eg toys everywhere
Naughty behaviour (used to be ds biting but now it's him misbehaving with friends)

I get really destructive rages come over me and have been known to kick the kids toys... I do usually try not to do this in front of them does that make it less bad?

It's definitely worse when I'm tired...

Oh, and being in a rush ALWAYS makes it worse!

How has everyone's day been?

Glad to hear your day has been better.
Our day was good, although as with you, I was working today (from home) but older two back to school today and 2 year old DS took an unexpected 2 hour nap so had some time to catch up on my admin in peace.
Tomorrow I am going to crack all the mess, I have just let it go over the holidays but it has been grating on me, hence all my snappiness.

I always feel much better when the house is tidy and given everything a good clean, oh and must get at the massive pile of washing in the laundry basket

I read some information from the Dr Laura Markham website about children who are from 'shouty homes' tend to fall into peer pressure a lot easier. I know it is only a statistic but it really bothered me.
It makes me feel that if I am forever shouting the children won't come to me with their problems as they get older, they will turn to their friends and possibly get bad advice

As someone with many parenting fails in her record, I have turned to a lot of parenting books, websites etc.

And you know what? Sometimes they don't help. If you are already feeling tired and guilty about something you've just done, they will make you feel worse and anxious and even more guilty... So only read up when you are feeling calmer/happier!

Guilt can be quite destructive.

I agree glowfrog. I already feel awful if I shout at DS. Reading Laura Markhams book is very sobering and can add to the guilt. I feel crap enough as it is without having it drilled in the damage I am doing.
I think you just have to take it one day at a time. This morning did not start well we needed to be at a playgroup for 9 30 so I did not have the time to be patient and wait out DS's refusals to get dressed, always feel more anxious when we're trying to get somewhere. However we had a good time while we were there and back home now with no pressures so I'm just going to play with him and enjoy my boy.

Sammysquiz have you had a speech therapist referal? We are waiting for our appt to come through so hoping that will help us.

We're also waiting for a speech therapy appt - we were referred back in November, but were warned it may take some time to get an appt. DS has only just turned 2 and his speech is slowly improving, so I'm trying not to worry about it too much. I know you shouldn't compare, but my DD was speaking in full sentences by the time she was 18 months, so his lack of speech was a bit of a surprise. He's also only just started walking too, but that's helped with reducing his frustration a bit - at least now he can get around under his own steam!

Have you tried baby signing at all? My DD was a "slow speaker" as well, though it never seemed to bother her - but I taught her a bit of baby signs (Makaton etc) and she got on well with it. A friend whose DD had serious speech problems initially due to birth trauma also did a lot of signing (incidentally her DD is now fine).

Sammy I wouldn't necessarily worry about your DS. My DD1 was quite small, didn't say much for a long time, was a very placid baby and great napper. DD2 is twice the size at same age, crawls and climbs EVERYWHERE and is so much more advanced physically and her napping is frustrating to say the least. They look really different as well.

Children really are a crap shoot!

We hadn't thought of baby signing, but he's recently started nursery & they taught him loads which has helped.

It's amazing how different they can be isn't it glowfrog! Our first was an amazing sleeper even as a baby and we smugly assumed this was down to our amazing parenting . Then non-sleeping DS arrived.....

We tried baby signing but he did not really take to it. I too am not worried he's saying more words every day and he too has always been a very physical active child.

The HV referred him as she thinks it will help with his frustrations and tantrums. He knows words but he often refuses to use them when he gets in a temper.
Luckily he's a good sleeper.

He just seems to be testing all the limits at the moment and I'm struggling to remain calm.

Biggest surprise with DD1 was the terrible 3s. She was fine as a 2 year-old and I thought we were lucky but then she turned 3 and it's been bloody hard word since. Arrival of new baby hasn't helped, shockingly enough.

I'll join in too please! Like glow, DD1 was a good 2yo and has been much more difficult since she hit 3. Which unfortunately coincided with her little sister arriving!

I tend to find she's rarely really naughty but lots of irritating little things wind me up until I lose it over something trivial! After she's gone to bed I always feel so guilty about shouting at her more than I'd like. I just feel a bit pulled in all directions between her an DD2, and that I'm not doing my best for either of them!

Serenity yes, that's exactly it. And DD2 with her crappy napping isn't helping as that means the time I thought I'd get with DD1 alone often isn't there.

Evening all. Ah yes, the terrible threes; ds was such a lovely biddable two year old and we smugly looked at our friend's toddlers behaving badly and congratulated ourselves...Until he turned 3! it also coincided with baby sibling but the good news is 4 has been better! The first year of having two was bloody relentless, but it is slowly getting better.

I say that but both kids are ill at the moment and dh has just taken ds.to hospital with breathing problems... ds is a nightmare when he's ill and we're contemplating cancelling our holiday next week :(

I've had a migraine today but mostly managed to not shout as it would hurt my own head

Your poor DS Misty hope he can take something better fast. DD2 also difficult when ill- will not let me put her down without screaming. I thought I'd go mad when it happened 2 weeks ago.

The terrible threes ??!!
Shit the bed. I thought it was "terrible twos" dc3 turns three soon and is already a little bugger. Thought I only had a few more weeks to go!
My DD asked me this morning if I was "sad-mad" (film Home has a lot to answer for). Yep I am sad and mad as we are running late for kindy again and neither you nor your brother are cooperating.
Wishing you all a positive day today

And hope your son is okay misty and you get to go on holiday xx

I think if you've had a terrible twos then you're less likely to have a threenager- it's when your two year old has lulled you into a false sense of security that they then turn into devil's child!

Ds is better today but the completely irrational and unreasonable mood and behaviour have started... I've still got migraine and now sore throat so won't be shouting today regardless! Thank God for cbeebies...

Sending positive vibes to all :)

Good luck, Misty and hope your migraine gets better - it's awful having to cope with that AND devil kids at same time.

Aw good luck Misty. I hope you feel better soon and that you get to go on hols. Took DS to a play group this morning, had a few instances of him taking toys of little ones that then result in a meltdown when I remove him but we got through it.

The good news is they are running a talking twos group with speech and language consultants that starts Monday so trying to get him on that

Hope you feel better soon, Misty. Migraines are miserable.

DD1 has done terrible twos, tormenting threes and is now in the fucking fours. Four is the worst for us so far. She's only a few months into it, though, so maybe it will settle down soon.

Having a difficult day today and trying very hard to hold onto my temper. Neither child is listening to a thing I say. DD2 helped herself to a whole lot of grapes so her nappies will be fun later (lucky DH). DD1 has been giving me ultimatums all day.

Suspect the television is going to do a lot of work for me this afternoon.

Can I join in too? I have DD age 20mo, and am nearly 24 weeks pregnant with DS. I get shouty with DD particularly if she is kicking / hitting and much to my shame have been known to lash out back. I am the least angry person I know so this lack of being able to control my temper is really new for me. I'd love to be able to take things in my stride a bit more.
And I spend too much time on my phone.
She's a good kid, sleeps pretty well and I don't think has hit the full on tantrum stage yet. Just testing boundaries I guess.

I think a lot of it is not having any me time. I'm a sahm but even when Dh is here at the weekend / evening, I very rarely do anything myself. And this pushes me to breaking point.

I'll join!! My nearly 5yo ds is driving me to distraction at the moment - answering back and arguing black is white. I too could have written your original post OP. Starting tonight I'm turning over a new leaf. Ds already much prefers his daddy and I come third on the scoreboard after grandma , so I need to sort myself out!