I'm going to try to be a more positive and less shouty parent. Anyone else?

[Misty9]

I have a problem with controlling my anger. There. I've said it. I blow up too easily and shout too much. I stop short of physical violence. But only just :( I never knew how angry I could feel in response to my children's behaviour.

I am committing to change. Heck, I help other people do this for a living! So I do know better. But practising what I preach is not easy. So I need to try harder.

I'm starting with laura Markham's book and might enrol on her online course. And I need to spend less time on here.... I also need to find better coping strategies when I am stressed other than crying and eating chocolate

Anyone else struggle with anger? What do you do to address it?

Lorna - I agree about the lack of me time, was only saying to DH last night that I never do anything for myself it's all about DS or the house or other mundane things. I used to have a brain really!!!

May I join you? I'm feeling shouty and like the children won't cooperate at all when I need them to.
Could we get some ideas together of what we are meant to do instead of shouting when they are being awful? I don't actually know what to do when the four yr old is running off refusing to get dressed and I have the others to get to school.
Or when the eldest is shrieking at bedtime and won't stop and is keeping everyone else awake. Etc.

I was about to post a similar thing RoganJosh. Deliberate noise at bedtime is something DD1 has just started doing and it's very hard to handle Thankfully DD2 doesn't always wake up.

Oh and when they refuse to sit at the table.

Can I just recommend following Constance Hall on Facebook or see her blogs on her site? She is a tonic and really puts things into perspective re kids/motherhood/stresses etc. xx

A lot of the advice I've read is about setting clear limits. Staying calm when they are broken and following through with appropriate behaviour. So if DS refuses to sit at the table he gets a warning in a firm voice then put in his cot. Do you use the naughty step or similar time out spot?

I love Constance Hall!!! Heartily seconded.

I've found Janet Lansbury really good - look up her blog or get her book "No Bad Kid: Discipline Without Shame."

It's been one of the few books I've read that hasn't left me feeling like a crap parent.

RoganJosh you may find these useful:

Food
www.janetlansbury.com/2016/01/eating-isnt-ours-to-control-how-one-parent-replaced-fear-with-trust/

General Behaviour
www.janetlansbury.com/2015/10/putting-an-end-to-power-struggles-with-our-kids/

www.janetlansbury.com/2015/09/the-secret-to-getting-out-the-door-with-a-resistant-child/

lorna I have been known to retaliate when I'm hurt physically too... it is mostly rough handling, but that's bad enough.

As for alternatives to shouting, I think for me it's mostly about taking a step back and remembering it's not an emergency and would be better dealt with after 5 seconds of calming down. A good strategy is to make it fun and turn their resistance into a game. But I don't often have the patience or willingness to do that! I also bear grudges, so if my kids wind me up then I effectively sulk... oh my mother would love to know that!

Today not great but migraine has finally buggered off thankfully. so I've been raising my voice more
Ds is throwing himself on the floor and bursting into tears at the slightest thing. And it's doing my nutt in. So being confined to a small space altogether will help!

Misty you're not the only one, trust me!!

Thank you glowfrog I'll have a look.

We do have a naughty step but try and just use it for them hurting each other, which has been a big issue with the youngest.

Can I join too? I have two Dd aged 8 and 10. I sometimes don't realise how lucky I am they're generally really well behaved but the constant bickering drives me up the wall. Making me very shouty and completely fed up.
I then end up having awful mummy guilt at night, promising myself I won't shout the next day. That's until the next day comes and it all starts again.
I really want to get out of this vicious cycle.

It's so hard not to take the kicking personally. Just had to get DS ready got nursery, changing his nappy and he kicked me right on the boob which hurt. I shouted and then burst into tears (pregnancy hormones combined with shit nights sleep). Feel crap now. Just don't seem to be getting anywhere with him. No matter what I do he kicks like crazy at nappy change time.

The only thing that sometimes I've found works with DD for nappy time kicking (and other things) is absolutely no reaction at all. No shouting, talking or even restraining. So I just stand out the way and let her kick (easier said than done obviously). Often she'll get bored and go back to thumb sucking. She's also young enough to still be distracted by 'show mum your nose' or animal noises etc. Not foolproof obviously but worth a shot.
In terms of other behaviour, I read once that if they're not hurting themselves or others, you should try not to react. Pick your battles I guess.

Thanks Lorna. I tried that for about 2 weeks, he still kicked. Also sometimes there is just no time he will stop kicking if I move away but as soon as I move back he starts off again, the other morning i did this for 45 mins until i just had to pin him down and get it done. Tried silly songs etc but nothing seems to work. It's exhausting.

Morning all
Spectacular fail again this morning with dc3 DC3 PUT YOUR FEET ON THE BLOODY PEDALS!!!! PEDALS NOW!!!!
Late again for kindy to the extent took hairbrush and toothpaste with us had jeggings on inside out and got from all and sundry. Pushing dc3 on his stick tricycle thing at full speed in the pouring rain did not help bring out the calm Yoda.
Last night teenager dc1 got out from her pit, screaming at me why didn't I say her dad errand boy was away as she needed an OHP pen and acetate for homework due this morning. I screamed back. a bit like the landlady and her teen daughter in Spaced.
I did find said pen and transparency, nothing if not resourceful, and did do her homework for her as well as go through her Iines for a play she's in (plays a truculent sociopathic teen who drives her sister to suicide ) but I am not her own personal Minion goddammit! All three were telling me in an alanis morisette whine IT'S NOT FAIR..... Life ain't fair, cupcakes, suck it up!
And breathe.

Have a pleasant day people. ((Hugs))

It's exhausting for sure, and sometimes as you say there just isn't time to be faffing. Wish I knew what the solution was, aside from anything else, DD is difficult to restrain, deceptively strong child that she is! Here's to a better day going forward

Yes cups of all round. I may spend the morning working on some kind of stirrups / restraining device for toddlers

Aw Kimmy I know I shouldn't be laughing but you sound bloody hilarious first thing to put a smile on my face today.

Unmumsnetty hugs for us all!

Ah Gilly I am more ridiculous than hilarious but I see your hug and raise you a sloppy kiss from my youngest xx He will then, having kissed you, tell you you are Slimey, mummy. Everyone's a critic.

Oooooh bit of a breakthrough.

I'm acting as if I am looking after someone else's kids.
I would never shout of curfufle any one else's kid so I keep thinking "someone else's kid" in my frazzled head.

It has helped.

Also, I'm thinking that I will shout in a minute, delay it if you will...even though it's nearly bursting out of my fishwife gob.

Oooooh so fecking hard.

Kimmy I will take any sloppy kiss I can get. DS normally runs off shouting NO

Jimijack you could be onto something there. Keep up the good work.

At least it's Friday I intend to send DH to get takeaway tonight under guise of cravings and to make him get up with DS in the morning evil

Ooh take away - will be joining you in that one (not literally obviously!)

Ds became a nightmare to change nappies from the age of 1 and we changed to disposables so I could leave them on longer! I usually resorted to pinning him down and ensuring the screaming, but harder to do with a bump. Could you try pull ups? For wees at least?

I've shouted a few times today :( ds is being impossible with his jekyll and Hyde behaviour- but I did keep my cool when he pooed himself, so progress. Doesn't help that it's pissing down here and I'm getting cabin fever.

Good tip to pretend they're someone else's kids... right, I better go and wrestle the iPad off ds and get dd up.

Enduring not ensuring!

Can I join you? I've just shouted at dd8 and packed her off to her room for being stroppy and belligerent after I asked her to choose a new book and read a chapter with me in the sofa.

This week we've had similar disproportionate ragers about going to bed (every night), doing homework and going for a walk. Everything is "not fair" and gives rise to self indigent woohoo hooing and stamping/slamming doors etc.

I need some strategies for coping calmly with it all as I cannot stand the bad attitude I'm constantly faced with!

And breathe!

I'm also trying to be calmer and less shouty. I get the rage because everything is a battle. Eating, getting dressed, brushing teeth, going out. All several times a day.

My strategy to change is pretending there's a camera watching or a teacher