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Original poster

Dd only one not invited to the party again

78 replies

Benandhollyonrepeat · 13/10/2015 16:55

I posted last year as my Dd, who is in a class with only 8 girls in it, was the only girl not invited to this girls party. All the other 7 girls went and understandably my dd was upset. I wanted to ask the mum why but after advice from here decided to just let it drop and try and cheer dd up. Anyway fast forward a year and this girl has been to ours for play dates etc and my other dd and her other dd do after school clubs together so at least once a week we are together waiting for them and have got fairly friendly. So it's her party time again and I just can not believe that's is all happening again and she has invited the other 7 and not my dd again. What is wrong with the woman and her kid. Totally understand that she doesn't have to like my dd or have to invite her but really two years running to invite everyone and not dd is just too much. Dd is again upset and I am furious. Why would you do this to one child not once but twice. Her dd bought up the party in front of us y'day and the mother quickly hushed her up and the dd said 'oh yes not in front of x (my dd). So do you think it's ok to ask her (politely) what's going on and why this is happening again. Feel so sorry for my lovely little girl.

OP posts:

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NewLife4Me · 13/10/2015 17:02

Stop the playdates. Why would you do this when this family upset your dd so much.
Have your own Halloween party and invite full class except this child.

FattyNinjaOwl · 13/10/2015 17:05

I second the Halloween party idea.

DPotter · 13/10/2015 17:07

This does seem odd - if there had been no contact outside of school I could sort of understand (although still nasty to do with such a small number of girls in the class). However if there have been play dates and chats at after school clubs I would be tempted to ask. I know all the arguments about rising above it etc, but given today's comments and shushing, the mother and DD clearly know what they are doing is not quite right - why let them off the hook ?

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SirChenjin · 13/10/2015 17:07

I would let it go the first time, but this time I would say something along the lines of "has my DD done something to upset your DD" and then when I got a "no" I would say that she is very upset to be left out again and then just walk away. Ordinarily it's just party politics, but that's just so ignorant and rude that I would challenge it.

TaliZorah · 13/10/2015 17:07

I would definitely ask, if nothing else it'll make that horrible woman feel awkward

LifeIsChaos · 13/10/2015 17:09

If it was me, and I was friendly I would ask. It would bug me too much and would want answers.

RidingSixWhiteHorses · 13/10/2015 17:10

I would ask and also ask the teacher if there is a problem between them in school just in case my child was bullying this kid or something.

Original poster

Benandhollyonrepeat · 13/10/2015 17:36

I'm glad you agree I should ask her. I am just so furious that she thinks this is an acceptable way for her DD to treat mine.I would never let my DD do this to one other child. Should I text her or ask her in the playground when I see her? I really don't like confrontation but I am so cross I feel i need to stand up for my DD this time and say something.

OP posts:

NewLife4Me · 13/10/2015 17:38

Apologies OP, posted too soon then had to get the door

I addition
This is really mean and I too second speaking to the teacher.
Whilst I'm aware she can't do anything about it, she/he will want to know as it could cause problems in class.
Is it a small school or just few girls in her class? If she gets on with boys too I'd be inclined to encourage these friendships too, especially in Primary.
Are the other girls friendly towards dd and invite her to their parties?

Mynameismummy · 13/10/2015 18:08

That's awful. Some people are unbelievable. What is the woman on? For what it's worth, my friend is a primary teacher and says you can do it one of three ways - whole class, all the girls/boys or just a handful....but never so that one child is excluded. I think it might be worth speaking to the school actually - they may have some insight into what is going on. So sorry for your daughter.

RoganJosh · 13/10/2015 18:10

Depending on age, I might be tempted to ask the child, if I could do it it a non confrontational way.

TRexingInAsda · 13/10/2015 18:11

Yes just ask. Doesn't matter how. Text, if she doesn't reply ask face to face. It's a shit thing to do.

StillFrankie · 13/10/2015 18:14

I third the Halloween party idea and stop the play dates.

TheCraicDealer · 13/10/2015 18:17

I wouldn't text her and give her the chance to come up with some bullshit reply. You need to keep the element of surprise so just pounce at the school gate. Seriously, what a cock. It sounds like the girls get on so why the heck is has your DD been the only one left out again. And YY to telling the teacher, just so she can keep an eye on your DD in school. Poor sausage.

MummaGiles · 13/10/2015 18:17

Yes definitely ask. The mum is relying on you wishing to avoid confrontation. That is an awful thing to do not just once but twice.

Thatrabbittrickedme · 13/10/2015 18:18

I would also ask the mother what the issue is. It's pretty nasty to leave your DD out in this way, especially if they are friends and having play dates etc. Really odd behaviour and I'd want to know. Sorry for your DD

Vernonon · 13/10/2015 18:18

A girl in dd's class just handed out her invites to a grou p of 7

Theknacktoflying · 13/10/2015 18:19

Just how important is this girl's approval and friendship to your daughter? Mum has acted badly and is quite prepared to let her daughter proceed with bad manners ...
Really, just move on and don't lower yourself to their level of pettiness.

NoMilkNoSugar · 13/10/2015 18:32

Your poor daughter. I would stop the play dates at your house, especially if they are of any childcare help to the mother. I'm the type who would feel the rage, but I hate confrontation, so doubt I would speak to the mother. How ever I would explain to DD that sometimes adults are just thoughtless verging on spiteful, so she knows it's not her fault.

Vernonon · 13/10/2015 18:47

Sorry! A girl in dd's class just handed out invites to a group of 7 girls including dd. dd was the only one not to get one. She invited all the girls in the class bar dd and one other - think this is the third year running she's done that: I've always made dd invite all the girls, including this one. But I'm pissed off now and she won't be coming. Oddly she's already asked dd to be invited.

Some girls are spiteful and some mums are idiots!

Plumm · 13/10/2015 18:56

That's shameful behaviour from the mother. Even if the girls aren't particularly friendly (though it sounds like they are) she should invite all or just a select few (discretely). The exception being if the two girls REALLY don't like each other.

Under the circumstances you describe above I would ask why.

GloriaHotcakes · 13/10/2015 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuffyTheSpikeLayer · 13/10/2015 19:04

Your poor DD. It's really poor behaviour to invite all the girls except your DD especially if there has been playdates etc and no known issues.
I'd ask the Mum if she's hard faced enough to do this she should be prepared to be called on it.
And yes to the Halloween party.

JellyBeansHaveNoAgeLimit · 13/10/2015 19:29

There must be a reason, I would definitely ask. Mum and daughter both sound very two faced though so I think your probably better off not being friendly with them in future

Lunastarfish · 13/10/2015 19:45

Im in the have your own party, invite all the other girls except this one & cease playdates camp.

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